Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling

Daphne smirked at Hermione, "are you really not bothered that Susan married your old flame?" Susan and Ernie MacMillan's wedding had been the previous day and the rest of the girls had gathered at Ginny and Neville's house to play with the baby and talk.

Hermione laughed from where she sat on the floor, "remember, I dumped him. I still think the idea of marrying when you're 18 is weird."

Ginny replied ,"Well, I'm glad I got married right after Hogwarts. I couldn't imagine living without Neville, and it was so romantic to start my life with him immediately after I finished school - and that year after you all graduated and it was just me and Luna, with no Neville was so lonely. I lived for the weekends when I could see him. Besides," she continued as she bounced the baby on her knee, "I wouldn't have little Frankie if we hadn't married right then."

"I didn't say it was a bad idea for everyone," Hermione replied a bit testily, they'd had this conversation before, "anyways, it turned out for the best, Susan and Ernie are much better together than we ever were."

Everyone nodded, Susan and Ernie were a very cute couple.

Daphne's family was very rich, and they'd been grooming her so she could eventually take over, and as a result she'd spent most of the three years since graduation out of the country. "I've been gone so long," she sighed, "my parents made me visit at least twenty countries to get know our suppliers. I wasn't even here when Frankie was born. How is everyone?"

Ginny grinned, "Hermione's working at a bookstore."

Everyone laughed as Hermione responded with a rueful smile, "it does sound like something I would do. Honestly, I work there because the Oxfam bookshops are raising money to bring food to people in countries with famines and — " Hermione took a deep breath, and her eyes lit up, "I'm a student, I don't have much money, but everyone should do something to help desperately poor people who don't have enough to eat. Honestly, it's a matter of basic human decency, and there is something wrong with you if you don't act when confronted with how awful their situation is. So," Hermione looked directly at Daphne, "what will you do?"

Luna and Ginny smirked at Daphne's open-mouthed expression. They'd heard Hermione rant about her current passion several times already. After a moment Daphne laughed, "just tell me who I'm supposed to write a check to and I will. Still, I know you've dreamed of working in a bookshop or library, is it what you hoped it would be?"

Hermione grinned, "it is fun. It's a used bookshop and I sort the recently donated books and some are really old and really wonderful; I once found a copy of The Lord of the Rings from the sixties, and I've seen so many different editions of Shakespeare." Hermione's dreamy smile was briefly replaced by a grimace, "dealing with customers can be annoying, not always, but some people are just unpleasant. And some things, like cleaning bathrooms, aren't much fun. Still, despite those little things, I love the job."

Daphne nodded as she took Frankie from Ginny; it was her turn to hold the baby. "I've occasionally dealt with annoying customers, it is frustrating. How is Harry doing?"

Ginny jumped in, "Harry has this adorable one bedroom in the back of Diagon Alley, it's small and cramped and very picturesque — and he let us decorate it, though he insisted on a weird mix of Slytherin and Gryffindor colors."

"I'm sure Luna likes it,"

Luna smiled widely, "it was my idea, I thought it would be appropriate since he likes Gryffindor so much."

Daphne scowled; Harry might not like Slytherin, but she did, "I know Harry is working for that warding firm, and making lots of money, is he enjoying it?"

Ginny replied, "Neville and I talked with him about it when he worked on the wards at Grandmum's house, he - well he's very passionate about, uh 'multi-layered alarm based defensive schemes.'"

Everyone laughed as Ginny wrinkled her nose and added "Nevvy was more interested in the details than I was."

"Any chance he's finally found someone?"

Ginny replied to Daphne, "you know Harry, everyone but Hermione is kept at arms length. I think it's all of those secrets, he'd never tell a girl, and he can't possibly consider marrying someone who doesn't already know. I keep trying to get Neville or the twins to talk to him during their boy's nights, but they all think it would be a bad idea."

Daphne nodded, unsurprised, "Do we still meet on Sunday mornings?"

Luna stopped making silly faces at the baby to reply, "yes, and Hermione and Harry always go to the the Department of Mysteries lecture series my boss organizes; we usually have dinner afterwards. Also, Hermione and Harry have dinner every Monday evening. Oh, and we have Quidditch weekends sometimes – though Hermione usually gives those the skip."

Daphne handed the baby onto Luna, who'd been playfully grabbing for him for the past minute, "I'm with Hermione, I never could understand why you all like that sport. The rules don't even make sense. So, Hermione, now that its been three years, are you still glad you turned down the job with the DoM to go to a muggle university?"

"It's been wonderful – my classes are so informative, everyone is focused on studying, and the conversations can be so interesting. The campus is beautiful, all giant green spaces and centuries-old buildings. And," Hermione continued with a dreamy expression, "there are more than 100 libraries, with more than 10 million books. The libraries have one hundred twenty miles of bookshelves. One hundred twenty miles. I've visited every library that is open to undergraduates."

Hermione stopped, and looked around at her friends, "honestly, while I'm so glad I went to Hogwarts, since otherwise we wouldn't be friends, I feel I belong in a way I never did before. I might get a PhD instead of stopping after four years."

Luna chimed in from where she sat tickling Frankie, "you know you have to write a book to get one of those." Everyone laughed as Luna continued, "still I want Hermione to work at the DoM with me."

Hermione smiled, "I would love working at the DoM with you, but I also really love the idea of staying in school." Hermione trailed off and then looked at Daphne, "Your turn: tell us about your fun adventures around the world."

On Thursday nights, Hermione's co-workers gathered at a local pub after the bookshop closed, "the trolley problem," Niall enthusiastically explained as he took a large swallow from his mug, "is this famous hypothetical question, 'what if five people are tied down on a railway track and a train is coming; the only way to save them is to push the really fat guy next to you off the bridge so he will derail the train - no you can't jump yourself, you are too thin to stop it. Do you push the fat guy?"

Emily, Hermione's closest friend at the bookshop, wrinkled her nose in disgust, "No, that would be awful - besides why are they tied to a railway track anyways, and how do we know he'd actually derail the train?"

Niall waved his hands, "you're missing the point- you don't question the details, you need to treat the hypothetical seriously." After seeing Emily's derisive expression Niall shook his head, "forget it, what about you Hermione?"

"What?"

"Would you kill someone to save five other people?"

"No - you don't get to make choices about who gets to live or die. Besides, its obviously wrong to kill people!"

Niall sat back holding his hands in the air "woah - don't hurt me - you feel strongly about this?"

Hermione nodded and settled back into her chair.

"Never okay to kill someone?" Niall asked, "I mean what about Hitler, if you could go back in time and stop the Nazis from killing the Jews you should. Everyone knows that - right Hermione?"

Hermione frowned, the question reminded her of Harry, she started to twist her napkin absently as she thought through the connection.

Niall continued when she didn't respond, "I know if I could magically go back to 1933 and kill the Nazi leaders before they were elected I'd do so."

Hermione replied sharply, "they hadn't done anything yet- its wrong to kill people for something they might do."

Niall tilted his head, "have you read Mein Kampf they had already said they planned to kill all of the Jews and eliminate democracy. They were bad guys. I mean are really you so attached to your deontological concept of right and wrong that you'd let a hundred million people die to avoid doing anything 'wrong'?" Niall set off 'wrong' with air quotes.

Hermione tore her napkin apart; her stomach dropped and she swallowed hard. Had she missed something obvious? Niall was right, if you could stop the holocaust by killing Hitler you should - were Harry's actions the same?

When Hermione didn't respond to Niall, Emily asked a little too brightly, "did any of you see the guy who tried to eat his sandwich in the back of the shop today?"

Hermione's heart pounded as she wandered the emptying streets, with the light from the street lamps glinting off the asphalt. Had she been wrong about Harry for the past five years? She needed to prove she hadn't been stupid, that she'd been right to hate Harry. It had always been clear: killing people was wrong, something evil people did. So Harry was evil. But - it was like killing Hitler. Maybe Harry didn't think it was wrong to kill blood purists because 'everyone knows you should kill Hitler.'

Again and again she tried to re-connect the dots so Harry appeared evil. But it didn't work: The blood purists were like Nazis. Killing the Nazis would have been justified. Therefore killing the blood purists was justified. Hermione felt elated and horrified. Was Harry a good guy?

Maybe - maybe she could like, love and trust him again. Maybe she didn't have to hate Harry.

But Harry couldn't be good; she wasn't stupid, she wouldn't have missed something obvious. Hermione leaned against a street lamp tried to remember what she'd said to herself years ago.

Murder was murder, it didn't matter who you killed. But - murder wasn't murder if it was Hitler. Many of the people Harry killed hadn't done anything yet. But they would. Harry said they would kill every muggleborn in Britain. That was genocide; the phrase floated through Hermione's mind, never again. There were things which had to be stopped no matter what.

Hermione started to walk along the sidewalk again. What about the prisoners in Azkaban? They'd already been captured and already punished by the law. They were helpless. But they'd done truly horrible things before Azkaban - what if someone released them? Hermione remembered Neville's parents and shivered. Maybe it was right to kill even them.

But, could killing a hundred people ever really be the right thing to do? Hermione felt torn, it still didn't seem right to kill someone who hadn't even decided to do what you killed them for. But, never again. Some things had to be stopped. Harry could have found a better way. For example, if someone stopped the Nazis from being elected that would be better than killing them. But, obviously, if someone just killed Hitler when they had the chance they wouldn't be a monster.

Harry wasn't a monster.

Hermione collapsed onto the wooden bench at a bus stop. Harry wasn't a monster.

She'd thought Harry was a monster. How could she have thought her best friend was a monster? How? After everything Harry did for her, how could she have told him he was a monster? She was an awful person.

Hermione shivered as she watched the traffic dwindle. How could she have been so stupid? Hermione's self-loathing was interrupted by a spike of happiness: Harry wasn't a monster. She didn't have to hate him.

Some childlike part of her mind that had never truly stopped trusting Harry to be perfect plaintively asked: Couldn't he have just told me?

Harry never tried to justify himself. Ever. For a dizzying moment Hermione imagined her life if Harry had convinced her he was right, if she hadn't partly hated him for years. He could have done it. Probably.

She'd been sixteen. She'd been old enough to handle the truth. He wouldn't have destroyed her childlike 'innocence' or some rot like that. Stupid naivete wasn't good anyways. Hermione felt a rush of tenderness and anger towards Harry. He'd wanted to protect her. He'd treated her like a child.

Eventually Hermione knew with the clarity that came from staying awake long enough to no longer felt sleepy that she needed to talk to Harry; it was 4am, but he'd told her she could call at any time….

"Hermione, are you okay, what's wrong, where are you?" Harry's voice was panicked when he picked up after the second ring - Hermione smiled, she should have known he'd worry.

"No, no, nothing's wrong. I'm fine, completely fine - I've been thinking - and I really wanted to talk to you."

"At 4am?"

"Yes - well, maybe not. I -"

There was a crack of apparition, and Harry stood next to her in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and an open green robe, with his black hair flattened on one side from where he'd slept on it.

"How'd you know where I was?"

Harry just looked at her.

"Oh yeah, the emergency portkey you gave me."

They were silent for a moment as Hermione examined Harry, and a broad smile started across her face - seeing him here, having jumped up a moment after she called him, caused a feeling of happiness to bubble up.

He looked so … pretty, with his bed head, bare chest, and the grumpy frown that grew as he watched her smile but didn't know what the joke was. After a moment Hermione threw her arms around Harry, giving him a tight hug, which he cautiously reciprocated - "Oh, I'm so glad to see you!" Hermione enthused while enjoying how warm he felt.

"Did, ah - something happen Mione?" Harry asked as he patted her back, sounding more than slightly worried.

Hermione stepped back and started with a broad smile "No - its just…" she trailed off; how could she explain it to Harry in a way that wouldn't sound wrong, or worry him? Perhaps she should have waited till morning to talk to him.

Harry smirked at her, "Hermione Granger speechless - I've never seen that before."

Hermione's smile came back as she smacked Harry on the arm. Harry looked at her with a fond smile, "Come on lets find somewhere to talk." Harry's wand was out in an instant and with a muttered phrase he was dressed in jeans and a sweater, then he grabbed her arm, and a second later she found herself in an alley with a 24 hour diner across the road.

While Harry pulled her in and ordered coffee and a slice of pie for both of them Hermione tried to think through what she wanted to say. She was still thinking when they were settled comfortably across from each other with the steam from their cups curling in front of them. "Still speechless?"

Hermione opened her mouth but the words didn't come, after a moment of watching Harry's smile broaden she finally said, "I've been an idiot."

Harry grinned as he picked up his cup, "So Hermione Granger, in one day both speechless and an idiot?"

Hermione frowned at him, "I was thinking about you - and, and I was wrong to think you were a - to think you were so awful."

Harry sobered and silently waited for her to elaborate. Hermione felt uncomfortable, as the silence continued she could hear everything in the restaurant: bustling behind the counter, murmured conversations between other patrons, the sound of porcelain against wood as someone set down their cup…. Eventually Hermione babbled "You see I was with the group from the bookshop - and Niall was talking about his philosophy class again - and he said 'what if you could go back in time and kill Hitler' - it is a cliche but you did something similar - and I realized I'd never thought about if you might have been right."

"And now I think you," Hermione took a deep breath, "you could have killed fewer people, but most of what you did was probably necessary - I was stupid to not realize you weren't evil - and when I think about how me and all of my muggleborn friends are still alive, and how without you we would all be dead - I want to scream at myself, I can't believe I never thought this through, I was so stupid when I just automatically assumed you were evil - I've been thinking all night, and I wanted to talk to you and - well maybe I shouldn't have woken you, but I'm glad you're here."

Harry continued to stare intently at her and flatly asked, "you don't think I'm evil, because what I did was like going back in time to kill Hitler?"

Hermione blushed, but shook her head up and down.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and snapped out, "I don't want you to approve of me. I don't want you to understand what could make someone think the only good enemy is a dead enemy. I didn't do it so that you would like me - I did it so you would be safe - and you shouldn't force yourself to change how you think about me- "

"Well," Hermione interrupted him and leaned forward with her hands placed on either side of her slice of pie, "I might not understand what you went through - because you never told me - but I do know you aren't evil, and I don't care if you want me to think you are, you aren't. I only thought you were because I was angry and hurt, and I was too irrational to think. I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

She looked away from Harry and started to cry. Harry touched Hermione on the arm with a soft expression, "I know what it was like to be helpless and watch lots of people die - nobody should expect you to do anything but hate the person who did it. Nobody. You weren't stupid, never think that about yourself."

Harry held Hermione's eyes until she nodded.

Hermione then said, "Listen - I was wrong when I thought you were evil. Just because I don't have your experiences doesn't mean I can't see that you saved the lives of innocent people."

Harry now frowned at his cup of coffee. Hermione could tell he was thinking so she didn't say anything; Hermione relaxed and the tense anger at herself dissolved. Harry was wrong of course; she had been a stupid angry teenager, but his demand that she never think she was stupid made her feel better. Somewhere deep down she still always believed Harry when he spoke in that tone. Hermione took a bite from the slice of apple pie; it was delicious and she was hungry after walking all night.

Eventually Harry looked up, "I'd never thought of it like that." He grinned, "it sounds silly, but it is similar to going back in time to kill Hitler."

Harry continued in a serious tone, "Maybe I didn't treat you right when I never talked to you about this, I -"

"You treated me like a child, someone who wasn't qualified to know the facts and make their own decisions."

"Perhaps," Harry nodded, "I did think of you as a child and the idea of trying to convince you that I was right felt very wrong. But, it never occurred to me that someone could accept what I did without my experiences; the person I was on May 1 of that year could not have understood or accepted the person I was on May 7. And - I suppose I could have used a pensieve to show you my memories, but it would have been you watching what happened to someone else, you wouldn't be able to feel the aching loneliness, and the knowledge it was your fault that everyone died..."

Hermione reached forward and squeezed Harry's shoulder, "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry." She stared into his sad eyes desperately trying to make his pain less by sharing it.

After a moment Harry nodded, and then he gave a half smirk, "You always surprise me, you know, the idea that I'd someday be told 'its okay, I understand, its just like if someone killed Hitler'" Harry shook his head and smiled, "it is a good analogy though. I hated them, I truly hated them, but I killed them because they were dangerous."

Harry took a bite from his pie, "You think I could have stopped them while killing far fewer people. Maybe I could have, but I've learned - living enemies kill people you love - you see there was a prophecy that said I would defeat You-Know-Who. I didn't want to be a murderer so when I had a chance to kill him I -" Harry paused his eyes flicking to the side as a his mouth turned sad; he looked back and stared at Hermione's face for a minute with a unhappy, haunted look, "its not - a pleasant story - I…"

Hermione squeezed Harry's arm, trying to reassure him, it snapped Harry out of his reverie, he placed his hand on top of her's and started in a reflective voice, "You are so like her and yet very different. She'd have loved to know that... some version of her was going to Oxford, and able to explore those libraries, and - "

Harry paused, swallowed and continued, "We were in love, you know, its faded with time, but I missed her so much. We were teenagers - we were convinced things would somehow work out if we just figured out the hints Dumbledore left us in his will. You-Know-Who had left behind these bits of his soul that let him come back to life, and he'd risen again, and we destroyed them all, and right after Neville destroyed the last soul container," Harry trailed off and the haunted look returned - "I disarmed You-Know-Who, I had an advantage because I had a better claim to the deathstick, I can still see it so clearly, the early dawn light glinting off the the wand as it flew to my hand and the sensation of rightness as I held it for the first time; Voldemort sitting there dazed, he looked like he couldn't understand what had happened - I stunned him, didn't even think to kill him."

Harry took a deep breath. Hermione watched him intently, the picture floating through her mind. "I went in the other direction and helped Molly Weasley fight Bellatrix LeStrange - a lot of the death eaters had fled and it felt like we'd won, I heard a scream from behind me and I turned and - and -" Harry stared at Hermione intently, "Merlin- I watched that moment at least twenty times in a pensieve; I look at you and I see it happen to you - she was very thin, we'd not had enough to eat for months, and her hair was in a really thick ponytail, but otherwise - you have the same genes, the same face, the same expressions… well, You-Know-Who killed her, and then I was wounded and I barely escaped."

Harry trailed off, Hermione's throat tightened as she looked at the sadness in his eyes; she got up and gave Harry a tight hug. He held her tightly, and after a moment said in a choked voice - "I've never talked about this - Bill and Charlie had their own losses - and Sirius, well after Azkaban -"

Hermione sat back down, but she kept a tight grip on Harry's hand as he spoke again, "that wound nearly killed me, I was stuck in a bed alone with my thoughts for a week, and I relived my failure to kill him again and again. I decided then I'd never let anyone live who was a threat. Most of us were dead, but Charlie and Bill - the oldest of the Weasley brothers - had survived; Bill was with Fleur in France, so after I recovered enough to travel I went there and eventually came up with a plan -" Harry looked Hermione in the eyes - "it wasn't about doing the right thing; it wasn't about protecting anyone; it was about revenge. We wanted them dead. And with a lot of luck and some skill after three years we killed them all."

"When I found myself here, eleven again, I knew I would never let them live long enough to do it again." Harry pulled his hand from Hermione's, and sat up firmly, "If any of them were alive, they would be dangerous. I did what I had to do, and I'll never apologize for that."

"I didn't kill the teenagers, though I have watched all of them closely," Harry looked around and swallowed, he leaned in closer to Hermione and said in a quiet voice, "Adrian Pucey's death wasn't an accident. He'd started watching muggle women; I checked with legilimency and I'm pretty sure he would have soon started raping women. He did in the other world."

Hermione felt a kick, she wasn't surprised Harry had recently killed someone, but it was a shock. And Hermione still felt torn, Harry made people safer, and rapists needed to be stopped, but, even though it was Harry, someone spying on people to decide whether to kill them was very creepy. Still it was Harry, Hermione grabbed his hand again and committed to herself: she would always accept Harry. No matter what.

Thank you for reading, also, ninja888 pointed out in a review that Antonin Dolohov in addition to being the wizard who hurt Hermione in OotP, also was one of the wizards they fought in the cafe in London after fleeing the wedding and was the wizard who killed Remus.

I hope you are enjoying this enough to not mind if I make quick appeal on a very important subject that has little to do with the story. Every month I give money to Doctors Without Borders. You should too. Ten dollars a month, or twenty, or whatever you feel comfortable giving, will help build a world where babies don't constantly die and where childbirth almost never kills. Hermione will be happy if you do.