Light In The Dark
by Kate04
Chapter Seven – I'm (Still) Going Slightly Mad
Time: Present – shortly after the events of Chapter One, same day
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"Wow! So you two have been… What? Fuck buddies? I'm impressed, darling. Never thought you'd be the type."
Gavin grinned at her, enjoying her embarrassment, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he took in her flushed countenance. Her glare had absolutely no effect on him anymore. Those times were long gone and even back then, before they became friends, it had only been mildly scary.
Sharon finally gave up, rolling her eyes at him as she leaned back in her seat, her third glass of wine in hand. It had long since gone dark outside and the quiet little restaurant had filled with the dinner crowd a while ago.
"We're no such thing. You and your dirty mind. We've… It's only been…"
Sharon sighed, frustrated with her own inability to put into words what was one of the most important relationships in her life. It was complex, so complicated that thinking about it often resulted in a headache and yet it was an endless source of warmth and laughter, stability and, yes, love. Only very recently had she allowed herself to consider that rather surprising development.
There had always been lust between them, physical attraction and the knowledge that together they were spectacularly explosive. That explosiveness had influenced many of their professional encounters, usually resulting in angry shouting matches.
Somewhere along the way, they had stumbled into a grudging respect for each other. It didn't show very often, easily pushed aside when tempers flared, but Sharon wasn't too proud to admit that the intensity of most of their fights was probably due to the nature of their relationship – whatever that was.
"It was twice and that was a long time ago. It's not like we had a regular thing going on."
Her pout spoke of disappointment and it made Gavin laugh again. He did wonder, though. What had kept her from dragging that handsome devil into her bed years ago? Not one to shy away from a tough interview, he asked her just that, receiving another of her evil stares before she finally relented.
"Well, for one, it took me a long time to acknowledge that I even wanted him there and I had no idea where he stood on the matter. After that night at his place after he had been injured, it took us a few weeks to actually talk about what happened. Work had been crazy for both of us and I suppose we both were a little reluctant to broach the subject."
Sharon took another sip of her Chardonnay before she continued.
"We weren't ready to jump into anything. Apart from those few encounters and the occasional less than pleasant run-in at work, we didn't know a terrible lot about one another. We decided to change that. You know, meet for lunch or dinner occasionally, catch a movie or a play – that sort of thing. We wanted to take it slowly, try to see if we'd work out as friends."
Gavin gave her a long look, doubt written across his features.
"From what you told me, I doubt that actually worked out. Sounds like you two have a history of jumping into it."
Anyone else would've gotten the full force of her Darth Raydor glare, but she knew that he was just teasing her. Why was he having such a good time at her expense, anyway? Sharon resolved to make sure she got some dirt on him before their next meeting. Payback was a bitch and Gavin Baker would very soon experience that first hand. For now, she was resigned to humouring him.
"It did, actually. At least until Delk had me audit his squad."
Sharon's lips pursed at the unpleasant memories of reawakened resentment and distrust. It was a bad time for all of them, but the fact that their wonderful friendship was one of the first casualties of her new assignment hurt worst. After those long and stressful days of having her every action, her every word questioned by everyone around her, she had longed for nothing more than one of their quiet dinners and a good dose of Andy's quirky humour.
"We barely tolerated each other for a long time. He felt betrayed by my investigation and the fact that I didn't talk about what it was I was looking for. I was hurt by the way he acted, dismissing our friendship like that. When we finally started to come out of it, I transferred to Major Crimes and became his boss. That gave us an entirely new level of complications to deal with."
Gavin noticed the shadow of sadness that had fallen onto her features and he really didn't like it. He would just have to steer her thoughts towards more pleasant memories.
"From your frantic search for a sexy outfit I gather that things changed for the better again."
The soft smile playing around Sharon's lips already said enough, but he knew that she would elaborate. After a glass of wine it usually took very little prodding to get her to open up.
"It did. It was a slow process, but we got back to that friendship eventually and we let it grow. Our positions make things a little bit more complicated now. We were reluctant to make any changes at all, even keeping our friendship low-key. His daughter's wedding finally gave us some forward momentum. You know how I get at weddings."
Gavin snorted. Yes, he had seen her at a couple of weddings, all dreamy-eyed and mushy. It was cute in a somewhat pathetic way. He could imagine how that might have moved things along a bit.
"Somehow his family got the idea that we were dating. It was rather amusing, actually, and I ended up attending a few more of their gatherings with him. It was never more than friendship, though. We didn't even kiss again after that night years ago."
Her blush was adorable and he had to hide his grin behind his wine glass.
"So what changed?"
Another little prod to keep her going and he leaned back again to listen.
"I got divorced."
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"Hey, what's up with your gloomy mood today?"
Andy stood next to her at the break room counter, watching her prepare a cup of tea. When she noticed him, she pulled down another cup and picked one of those calming herbal blends for him. He smiled at that. She knew what he liked.
He studied her profile, taking in the slight frown, the tightness around her mouth, and the clouded eyes, their green a little darker than usual. Something was on her mind, had been for most of the day and it worried him that she couldn't seem to shake it off.
"I got the papers back today. It's official. The divorce is final."
As the tea preparation was done and she waited for the water to boil, her fingers fidgeted before seeking and finding pockets to hide in. It was one of her biggest tells.
"It's what you wanted, isn't it?"
He knew from personal experience that it was never that easy. That sense of failure at holding those papers had been entirely unexpected for him, even thought, logically, he had known what it would mean long before. It just wasn't the same, thinking about something and then actually being in that situation. Andy was pretty sure that this was what was on Sharon's mind now. He hoped she would feel comfortable enough to talk it through with him so she could finally put it behind her.
"Yes, it is. I'm not having second thoughts. This was the right thing to do. It was long overdue, in fact and I'm glad it's over."
She paused long enough to pour the boiling water into their cups and cradled hers between her hands.
"It's just… I just haven't wrapped my mind around this new feeling. It's been over 30 years and now to suddenly not be part of an us – no matter how screwed up it was – it will take some getting used to, I suppose."
She shrugged, giving him a look that begged for him to understand. He did and his slight smile and the gentle nudge of his shoulder against hers told her so.
"You'll get there eventually. Just give it some time. These things don't happen overnight."
For a long while they sipped their tea in silence, standing side by side, arms lightly touching. She enjoyed these moments with Andy when there was no need for words between them. Leaning her head against his shoulder, Sharon allowed herself a rare moment of indulgence while at work. It was very late and they were the last members of the team still in the office. She took a deep breath, reveling in the familiar scent of his aftershave and letting it comfort her.
Sharon felt him shift slightly as he put one arm around her shoulder and drew her even closer, brushing a tender kiss into her hair. Sighing happily, Sharon closed her eyes and let her mind drift away from her troubling thoughts. His presence usually had that effect on her.
When Andy finally broke the silence, his voice was low and held an uncharacteristic note of uncertainty.
"So… You're not a married woman anymore."
Sharon thought about that statement, realizing that this was a big part of why being divorced was such a big deal. Her marriage had been many things, most of them bad – at least in the last 20 years, but it had always provided a safety net. It was a reason to keep her heart to herself. Jack had stopped being a danger to it long ago and no one else would lay claim to it while she was still married. Now she was free, for the first time in over 30 years, and it scared her.
As she felt Andy's heart beat steadily beneath her cheek, Sharon realised that, despite being married, her heart hadn't been all that safe. This man had somehow managed to sneak through her defenses and claim it as his. And she had let him, had willingly surrendered it to him. So maybe she wasn't really free after all. And maybe that was a good thing.
Covering the hand that rested on her arm with one of hers, she held onto him, their fingers entwined.
"No, I'm not."
Andy tightened his hold around her briefly, his head resting on top of hers, thinking about his next question for a minute.
"I know it's still a bit early, so I don't expect an answer right now or anything. I just want to put it out there for you to think about, okay?"
Sharon hummed, waiting for him to continue.
"I was wondering if you would mind if I asked you out on a date. You know, a real one, now that you aren't a married woman anymore. Don't answer now. Just think about it."
The small jolt of arousal that shot up her spine was unexpected. Sharon had been convinced that, when the day came, she'd be paralyzed with fear. Instead she felt happy and at peace. It was sweet of him not to pressure her into anything, but Sharon realised that she didn't need more time.
"No, I wouldn't mind if you were to ask me out, Andy."
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A week later, he had done just that. With some rather tough cases coming in one right on top of the other, it had been almost a month until they could find a convenient date, which was two days from now. Hence the need for a new dress.
"Okay, so the big day is on Sunday and the way you're obsessing over your looks I'm guessing we're skipping the first two dates? What's with that overly critical attitude of yours, by the way? That's so unlike you, honey."
He was seriously concerned about that. All amusement had vanished from his voice and he studied her with an earnest look.
"Gavin, it's not so unusual, really. I'm not 30 anymore and it's getting hard to deny."
She let her gaze drop to her chest for a second before she fixed it onto her glass once again.
"Certain things aren't as firm as they used to be. It worries me that he might have this picture of me in his head, of what I looked like all those years ago and I wonder if he'll be disappointed by what he'll see. Not to mention that it has been quite a while. It makes me a little nervous."
As hard as it was to admit, it was the truth. Sharon Raydor was scared out of her mind at the thought of letting Andy get that close to her. Yet, at the same time she wanted nothing more.
Gavin was back to laughing at her.
"Honey, you're not just a little nervous. You're so tense I'm surprised you haven't sprained something yet. You need to relax. And stop worrying about what you look like. You've got an amazing body."
Sharon shot him a skeptical look, one eyebrow raised.
"Don't give me that look. Just because it's not my cup of tea doesn't mean I don't know what it should look like. I've seen you in your underwear, sweetheart. Believe me when I tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. You've got a rather spectacular ass and I know women half your age, who would kill for legs like yours. Stop being ridiculous."
She rolled her eyes at him, but decided to believe him. At least for the moment, until the next time she caught sight of her reflection in a mirror. Besides, Andy must be aware of the fact that time would've left its traces on her, just as it had on him. She fondly thought of the silver strands in his once black hair and the slight rounding of his stomach. Gavin was right, they probably would be okay. A lot more than okay, she hoped, excitement making her body tingle as she thought about Andy.