SBS Time!
crazycarl364: Why did you send the Ice Climbers away while still using characters that have been absent since Melee?
Game2002: I already said in the trivia of the first chapter that it's a reference to them being absent in SSB4. They'll come back to the mansion again.
The Shining: How do you decide which Smasher fights which villains? I already know you have your four favorites as the strongest Smashers, but how do you decide who gets the spotlight for the climactic battle in each story?
Game2002: First, Captain Falcon is really only the character I enjoy using whenever I play any form of SSB (and Ganondorf in Melee). They were not chosen to be the strongest because they are my favorites.
As for who fights who, the opponents' fighting styles and power level usually have to do with things. Potential for interesting interactions may also be a factor. This doesn't always apply, though, because I sometimes pit characters together in whatever way I feel like.
As for Luigi, I never cared about the Year of Luigi at all, so he's not going to get any special attention because of that.
Chapter 7
The Horrors of Gamfax
FLASHBACK
As the Smashers were on their way to America, Ness, who was on Samus's gunship with some of the other Smashers, said, "Gamfax is such a horrible site that people call it the hell of the Internet. Some even say it is literally hell…"
"Just exactly how bad is that place?" asked Marth.
"Well, the people there show no respect for each other and insult each other for differences in opinions and beliefs. They constantly spout threats of murder that supposedly happened a few times before," replied Ness. "Sometimes you even get insulted just by asking questions…"
"I thought that-a site wuz a place for asking for help?" asked Mario.
"True, but you get mocked for asking at the message boards most of the time, since there are already FAQs and guides," replied Young Link.
"There were also cases of people plotting schemes there and actually pulling it off," added Toon Link. "Long answer short: that site looks like it belongs in the deep web."
"Doesn't really sound that bad," commented Samus.
"Trust me: as long time members of that site, we can prove to you that it really does live up to the epithet 'Hell of the Internet…'" Ness told her. "Most of the users we encountered there are insane, so don't be surprised if you see them behaving in strange ways."
END OF FLASHBACK
"It's you guys!" Mega Man said in surprise when he saw the Smashers.
"Mega Man!" Mario said in surprise when he saw the robot in blue.
"And it's Little Mac!" said Bowser in surprise when he saw the boxer. "Wow! I can't believe I'm looking at the rising star of boxing himself in the flesh!"
"We can save introductions and autographs for later," Captain Falcon told them while looking at the True Fan members outside the department store. "We've got a department store to save at the moment!"
"These people's reason for becoming supposed heroes is a huge joke! Even if they see themselves as villains, their reason for becoming one is just as much of a joke!" said Ganondorf. "As someone who once stood at the wrong side of the law, I see to it that they learn something about what a real villain should be like!"
"We are villains to them if they really do think they are heroes," Marth told him.
When the True Fan members saw the Smashers approaching, they pointed their weapons at them and fired, but Mewtwo quickly created a barrier to protect everyone. Gunner then fired green energy beams rapidly from her arm cannon at the members to knock them onto their backs. The Smashsers used this opportunity to beat them up and then enter the department store.
Once they were in there, they were greeted with the sight of customers running around and screaming for help and True Fan members vandalizing the place and also chasing the former. "This place is a mess!" said Doc Louis.
"Such rage…" said Mewtwo after reading the minds of the members. "These people have been blinded by so much rage that many of them actually have no idea what they are doing anymore!"
"How are we going to stop them?" asked Pit.
"We have to find the Green King," said Captain Falcon. "If the leader goes down, the others will most likely surrender."
"Speaking of which, he's over there!" said Falco, pointing at the Green King, who was seen standing on the side of a fountain.
The Smashers ran up to the Green King while beating up any members that charged at them, and when they finally got close to him, Captain Falcon called out his name, even though he already saw them approaching.
"Ah, so the self-proclaimed heroes have finally arrived!" said the Green King. "I had a feeling that you would come!"
"We finally found you again!" Captain Falcon angrily said to him. "Stop this madness at once! What you are doing is in no way heroism! Taking innocent lives and destroying places for the reason that you think businesses aren't giving customers everything they want is not a valid reason for what you're doing!"
"We True Fans are carrying out acts of justice against all those who wronged us!" the Green King told him. "It is time for customers to let corrupted businesses know the consequences of not listening to them completely! If words cannot convince them, action will have to do!"
"There is literally no justice in what you all are doing!" Link shouted while pointing at the scene of chaos.
"Only a fraud who thinks he's a hero all this time would say that!" the Green King said to him. "What I see is justice being carried out! We are carrying out acts of vengeance against all those who wronged us! To be able to do things that satisfy you is justice! Our actions are completely justified, because we are all victims of evil!"
"Not getting what you want or just because you didn't receive a good enough service is injustice?! You people are twisted beyond words!" Falco angrily shouted at him. "You make real criminals look like sensible people!"
"What you are doing eez not-a justice!" Mario told the Green King. "Using violence in such-a way will not-a get-a you anything! You will only make-a people afraid-a of and reject-a you!"
"Violence and fear are necessary for order and justice! We know all that there is to do about being a hero than you will ever know!" replied the Green King. "You people think you are heroes? You are heroes who have fallen from grace! A true hero will know that we are doing the right thing! We are doing what is right for everyone!"
"Which is not what you people are doing right now!" Captain Falcon angrily said to him while pointing at him. "A hero does not think of only himself! He thinks for everyone else and will do things that will truly satisfy everyone!"
"I am doing things that will satisfy everyone!" the Green King shouted back. "By doing this, corporations will all start doing exactly what customers want! Customers are always right, but are corporations giving them what they want? No! Therefore, we are righting the wrong! We are making it so that corporations do what they have to do!"
"Customers are only right if they are reasonable!" Fox told him. "Customers who only think of themselves and complain in the worst ways possible will only give themselves bad reputations! What you people are doing is nothing short of crime!"
"No matter what I say, you continue to insist that I am not a hero? I repeat: we are better heroes than you frauds will ever be!" said the Green King angrily. "We truly care about the wellbeing of everyone! We want everyone to be happy and get whatever they want! We are doing the very thing that will lead to that! How can what we are doing be wrong if we are trying to make people happy?!"
"The things you are doing now are wrong, that's what's wrong!" Link shouted at him. "You people are doing this out of selfishness and even childishness! You cry like little kids when you don't get what you want and think if you throw tantrums loud enough, people will give you what you want! You are making yourselves look like scums!"
"YOU PEOPLE ARE THE SCUMS! YOU THINK YOU'RE SAVING THE WORLD WHEN IN FACT YOU ARE DEFENDING EVIL!" the Green King shouted at the top of his voice while pointing at them. "WE PEOPLE TRULY CARE ABOUT THE WELLBEING OF EVERYONE, BUT NOT YOU! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT THE WELLBEING OF EVILDOERS! YOU ARE HEROES WHO HAVE FALLEN FROM GRACE! THE GATES OF HELL WILL GLADLY RECEIVE HOPELESS PIECES OF TRASH LIKE YOU, WHILE THE GATES OF HEAVEN ARE WIDE OPEN FOR THE SAVIORS OF THE WORLD THAT ARE US! WE ARE THE HOPE AND LIGHT OF THE WORLD! SCOUNDRELS LIKE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO EXIST!"
"OH YEAH?! IF BEING A HERO MEANS TO CAUSE ALL THIS SENSELESS DESTRUCTION AND BEHAVING LIKE CHILDREN, THEN I'D RATHER BE A SCOUNDREL WHO IS FIT FOR GOING TO HELL!" Link shouted back at the top of his voice.
"WELL SAID! TO HELL YOU SHALL GO, THEN!" shouted the Green King. Immediately, a large mob ran towards the Smashers from both sides, all of them yelling loudly and filled with the intention to destroy them.
Luckily for the Smashers, the mob was a complete pushover—not one of them had skills in fighting, so the former was able to repel them with little effort.
Soon, the brawl spread throughout several parts of the first floor of the department store.
Ness, Young Link, and Toon Link came across a fat man with shoulder-length hair wearing a white shirt and a pair of blue Bermuda shorts who shouted, "My butt is literally the only accurate source of information in this universe! Do you believe me?!" he angrily shouted.
The trio stared at him in silence, unsure about how to respond to his ridiculous statement, but then the latter said, "What…?"
"Every time I pass gas, the truth is revealed, but nobody ever believes what I said!" he angrily said while crying at the same time. "That one time it happened, it turns out that two plus two is in fact five thousand, but everybody just laughs at me! They rather believe other sources than to believe in the absolute true source that is my butt! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS?!"
"Two plus two is four…" Young Link told him. "What makes you think your butt…"
"THERE YOU GO AGAIN! PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE MY BUTT AGAIN!" the guy interrupted in anger in a high-pitched voice. "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE BELIEVE ANYTHING I PULL OUT FROM MY BUTT?!"
As the guy continued to rant nonstop, the three looked at each other with odd expressions. They weren't sure whether to pity him or laugh at him.
Suddenly, there was the sound of gas being passed, and the man said, "I just found out that farts are solid!"
"Dude! Farts are gas, not solid!" Toon Link told him.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME AGAIN! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!" the guy screamed while pulling his hair. "I WILL FORCE THE TRUTH INTO YOU! YOU MUST ACCEPT THE TRUTH!" He then turned around and bent over, and without a warning, a huge blast of brown gas came out from his rear end, blowing the kids away.
"WHAT IN THE WORLD?!" Ness gasped with his nose pinched to avoid smelling the stench.
"THE TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH! HAVE THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! HAVE THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! YOU MUST ACCEPT THE TRUTH! GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the guy screamed at the top of his voice.
Dark Pit suddenly grabbed him by the hair, followed by stabbing him through the chest with one of his blades. Gas quickly stopped coming out from the man, and then he fell forward onto the floor. Pit walked up to his clone with a look a shock, while the three kids were trying to regain their consciousness from being exposed to a large amount of foul-smelling gas. "You… You killed him!" Pit said in disbelief while looking at the man.
"So what? Nobody will care about this mentally f***ed up m**** who thinks his farts are answers to everything!" replied his clone.
"Think about his parents and friends! You are greatly saddening them by doing this!" Pit angrily told him.
"Then I'll just send them to the same place!" replied Dark Pit, causing Pit to become even angrier.
Ness, Young Link, and Toon Link walked up to them and looked at the body. "Going overboard much…?" asked Young Link.
"These people may be on opposing sides, but that doesn't give us the right to kill them!" Ness angrily said to Dark Pit. "They're more of misguided and blinded by rage, so that gives us even less reason to end their lives!"
"It's just like the Green King said: fear and violence are necessary for order and peace! If they think those will really make corporations listen to them more, then we'll use it against them to make them listen to us and realize their mistakes!" replied Dark Pit.
"That still doesn't give you the right to kill!" Ness angrily said to him.
"Tell it to him," said Dark Pit while pointing at Bowser, who set fire to a few True Fan members. They ran around in flames while screaming their heads off before jumping into the fountain to put out the fire.
"At least they managed to save themselves in time…" said Young Link.
"I'll do whatever it takes to get things right, and you'll probably even be thanking me once all this is over!" said Dark Pit as he turned to walk away.
"Pigs will have to begin flying before I thank you for anything!" Toon Link angrily said to the clone as the latter began walking away.
"Hogwash, remember? You'll be thanking me now!" replied Dark Pit, causing a question mark to appear over Toon Link's head.
"He is referring to the flying pigs Mister Diddy said to have been used by the Kremlings before," Pit reminded him.
"Right… But Diddy never told him about it, right?" asked Ness.
"He is my clone, so he has all my memories," Pit reminded him.
"Right…" said Toon Link in frustration.
"Noooooooooooooooooo tooooooooooooooooooooooo chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange!" a man with a large amount of hair and beard dressed like a caveman shouted in a dramatic tone.
"Hey! I remember that guy! He was a member of P.U.R.I.S.T.!" said Captain Falcon while pointing at him.
Raising his thick, wooden club over his head, Noc, the caveman, jumped down from the top of a statue of a horse he was standing on and ran towards Captain Falcon to hit him with it, but the racer punched him in the face to make him fall back and pass out from hitting the back of his head against the base of the statue.
"Nothing changed at all, just like the last time we encountered you!" said Captain Falcon while rubbing his fist.
"Your creators abandoned you! We will avenge you, so join us!" a person with short, red, messy hair dressed in a blue shirt and a pair of shorts of the same color shouted at Mega Man.
Mega Man was confused about what he was saying, however. "Pardon…?"
"We will return you to your former glory! Your evil creators will pay with their lives for cancelling your games! Come! Join us! We will make you famo…" Before the guy could finish speaking, he was kicked away in the face by Samus, who wasn't in her power suit and was wearing jet boots.
"Ignore what these people are saying," Samus told the robot. "According to one of us, most of these people used to be members of a site called Gamfax, and almost all of them are insane."
"I really wanted to know what he was talking about, but perhaps he is spouting random nonsense after all…" said Mega Man.
Pointing his gun at a man with dark brown, curly hair dressed in a white shirt and a pair of light brown knee-length pants, Fox said to him, "Surrender at once! Do not make me go rough on you!"
"You think you can make me consider surrendering, when in fact you do not think in the way I do?" the person angrily asked him. "You only think you can make me think about considering to surrender because you think I think in a way I literally think in the way you think I am, when in fact I literally think in the way you think I think I am when I think of what I am thinking, which is not what you are thinking! What I think and what you think can be said to not be the same thing that our minds think, for my way of thinking has surpassed what people would consider thinking in the norm!"
Questions marks appeared all over Fox's head when he heard him saying such nonsense. "Um… I beg your pardon…?"
Ness came up to him and said, "If what he said is any indication, he must be the Thinker from Gamfax. He likes to ramble about the way he thinks and such for no reason, and it really makes no sense whatsoever."
"You have no idea what I am thinking, for what you think is only what I think if you think in a way that is one hundred years away from what I think, so what I think is said to be the things that one will only think of more than a century from now, for the things I think cannot even be compared to the things you can ever hope to think of! Such is the difference between what I think and what you think! The things we think can never be compared to each other in the way apples and oranges cannot be compared to each other!" said the person Ness called the Thinker.
He spread out his arms and raised them slightly into the air while continuing his rambling. "I think of things that are far too big for minds that most people have, for the things I think of are not what you can say things that can be easily thought of! I am thinking in a way you cannot even began to comprehend, for those are things that only I am capable of thinking of, the things that only I have ever thought of! The way I think have always been on a level that is far beyond what the mind can comprehend! I am thinking of something you will never be able to think of, no matter how hard you think! I think…"
Before he could finish speaking, Snake smacked him in the back of the neck hard with the side of his hand to knock him out. "Do you seriously have all day to listen to that babbler ramble nonsense?" he asked the two.
"He didn't look like he was a threat…" replied Fox.
Falco and Swordfighter were surrounded by a group of True Fan members, but the former two were having an easy time repelling them. "Why am I fighting madmen like these?!" Falco angrily commented while kicking away a member.
The reason he said that was because the members closing in on them were moving and behaving in strange and creepy manners. On one side, some were closing in on them while picking their noses, walking with their legs wide open, and constantly chanting, "CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT! CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT! CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT!"
And on one side, some were shaking their bodies violently and drooling while saying, "CHROB CHROB CHROB CHROB CHROB!"
"I fully agree with your statement," said Swordfighter as he swung his sword to unleash a miniature tornado that blew away some members. "As a gentleman, I feel as if I am disrespected in having to fight these people of questionable mentality. I will gladly prefer battles against people of class, grace, and good mannerism."
"I think the way you talk is just as weird!" commented Falco.
"SAKURAI BIAS SAKURAI BIAS SAKURAI BIAS SAKURAI BIAS BIAS BIAS BIAS BIAS BIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!" screamed the man with a head full of short, spiky hair wearing a black shirt and a pair of blue jeans, his voice becoming higher and higher pitched all the time and his face turning redder and redder. Mii Brawler thought he had heard enough, so he punched him square in the face.
The man fell back onto the floor, and a few seconds later, he started to "vibrate," building up speed gradually, all the while chanting really fast, "Jigglejigglejigglejigglejigglejigglejigglejiggle!"
Brawler looked at him with wide eyes in confusion, wondering what on earth was happening to him. Young Link came up next to him, and after looking at that person for a few seconds, he said, "I know him! He's Master Jiggler!"
"Who?" asked Brawler.
"I first met him on Gamfax," explained Young Link. "He likes to type in all caps every time he is angry about something. He also has a Youtube account where he constantly posts videos of himself lying on the floor and jiggling like crazy like this. He claims that this is how he expresses his rage in real life."
The duo stared at Master Jiggler as the latter continued to "jiggle" nonstop at a really fast speed, and then they decided to walk away after seeing that he wasn't doing anything to harm them or anyone else.
After punching away some True Fan members, Ganondorf turned his head and saw a relatively large man with a bowl-shaped haircut that had spiky edges wearing a black shirt and a pair of blue jeans pointing a rocket launcher at Bowser, so he yelled for the turtle to watch out. Bowser turned to his attacker in time to see a rocket being fired at him, so he responded by withdrawing into his shell, which protected him from the projectile. However, the explosion sent him flying out of the department store.
Bowser came out from his shell afterwards and saw that person running out of the building to fire another rocket at him. Not wanting the rocket to fly on ahead and cause destruction, Bowser gave the rocket a right hook to send it flying to the side, where it exploded after hitting the pavement.
There was no more ammo, so the man hurled the rocket launcher at Bowser, who easily knocked it away, before running at him to attack with his fists. Bowser easily blocked each of the hits, and then he caught him by the hand and flung him backwards. The man got back up while growling and then ran at Bowser again to attack him, but he wasn't making any progress in trying to harm the turtle.
"Is this all you've got? I wouldn't be running up to someone to punch them if I am only as strong as you!" Bowser told him while blocking his punches. The man ignored him and threw punches harder than before. The turtle eventually grew annoyed, so he delivered an uppercut to his chin that sent him flying towards the street, where a bus happened to rush by and hit him.
The bus came to a stop as the man flew forward several feet and fell onto the pavement. Bowser was surprised to see the man standing back up in a good condition and running towards him while letting out a cry of anger.
When the man was close, Bowser punched him across the face, but the man barely flinched and fought back while growling loudly. Bowser eventually grabbed him by the neck and flung him to the side. When he got back up, he was caught by Ganondorf from behind, and the latter proceeded to knee him in the back really hard, so hard that it would break someone's spine.
The person, however, spun around as if he wasn't hurt at all and smacked the back of his hand against Ganondorf's face and then kicked him in the abdomen. The Gerudo barely flinched from the attacks, however, and responded by kicking him in the abdomen as well, pushing him towards Bowser, who thrust his claws at his back.
Such sharp claws would've impaled a person, but surprisingly, Bowser's claws failed to go through the person's body and merely pushed him forward. The two looked at the man in disbelief as he moved back from them a bit while glaring at them. "Why does it look like nothing is working against him?!" asked Bowser.
"Who and what are you?" Ganondorf asked the man.
"I am I am Life!" replied the man in an angry tone. He then proceeded to attack them both again.
The two Smashers put lots of force into attacking him, yet the man calling himself I am Life received absolutely no injuries. Even moves like neck breaking failed to kill him. He continued to fight as if he was not getting hurt at all.
The round, yellow being, his family, and the blue-haired woman were watching the Smashers fighting the True Fan members from a safe place, and the former pointed out who they were. When the woman saw Marth, she was surprised. "It's… It's really him!" she thought.
"Wait a minute… If the Smashers are here, does that mean Game and Watch is here as well?" asked the round being.
The round being then saw the Green King hiding behind a pillar with a gun in his hand and looking at Mario. When the latter pointed his gun at the plumber, he quickly ran towards him while shouting for Mario to watch out. He tossed himself at the Green King and pressed him against the pillar in hopes of restraining him, but the latter managed to break free by kneeing him in the mouth, making him fall back in pain.
The Green King then ran for the exit, and when Mario and Mega Man saw him, they gave chase. "You're not-a getting away!" Mario shouted at him.
The Green King managed to make it outside, where he saw Bowser and Ganondorf still fighting a persistent I am Life. He ignored them and ran for the street with Mario and Mega Man behind him. Suddenly, the aforementioned three noticed something that appeared to be falling from the sky.
It was a jet with red wings falling in their direction, so they quickly jumped out of the way to avoid getting hit by it. The jet crashed onto the ground and slid across it, but it did not explode.
"Grrrrr! That guy will pay!" said a voice that came from the sky. They looked up and saw an anthropomorphic chameleon descending using a parachute.
"Leon?" said Mario curiously when he saw him. He then noticed two jets flying around the air, fighting what appeared to be a person who had flames coming out from his feet.
The person and the jets made their way towards the department store as they fought, and eventually, the former landed. The two jets landed as well, and then Wolf and Panther came out from them.
"You all right, Leon?" Wolf asked the chameleon, who was close to making his landing.
"Wolf! What are you doing here?" Mario asked the anthropomorphic wolf.
Wolf turned to him and asked, "What are you doing here?"
"We rushed over to do something about what-a eez going on when we saw what-a happened on da news," Mario told him.
"Then in my case, we came to bring Pompus Rath back to prison after a warrant for his arrest was announced," replied Wolf while pointing at the person who landed.
Mario and Mega Man turned to see the Green King going up to the Fiery Hate. At the same time, Fox, Falco, Snake, and Samus came out of the department store, and the former two were surprised to see their "rival" on the scene.
"It is good of you to come!" the Green King said to the Fiery Hate. "These people are a thorn on our side and insist that we are the villains, despite the fact we are clearly doing good!"
"They're self-righteous people who would gladly see people suffer under the greed of corrupted businesses!" replied the Fiery Rath in an angry tone. "No matter how you argue with them, they will insist that we are in the wrong!"
"Indeed! They cannot be convinced! We must get rid of all those who oppose us!" said the Green King.
"What exactly is it that you're planning?" Fox asked them. "Is attacking a department store all that you have in mind?"
"Some people have been wronged by the shops in this store before, so I see fit that they come get their vengeance!" replied the Green King.
"And thrashing up the place is the answer? If anything, only targeting the shop that offended you is enough! Why lay waste to the entire building?" asked Falco.
"It is the members' decision to do that, and if what they do will satisfy them, justice is being carried out!" replied the Green King. "Justice is to be able to do anything that makes you happy!"
"That is selfishness!" Mega Man angrily said to him. "Justice is showing fairness to everyone and caring for their wellbeing! What you are doing is not justice!"
"Probably best that you give up trying to convince him!" Falco told the robot. "We already argued with him about this, and he won't listen!"
Just then, the Green King's smartphone rang, and he answered it. "Hello. The nuclear bomb is ready? Good!"
With the exception of the Fiery Hate, the others widened their eyes in shock when they heard what he said. "Nuclear bomb?!" gasped Snake.
TO BE CONTINUED
I own everyone in Gamfax.
Trivia:
1. Noc first appeared in Those Who Deserve Beatings. His name is short for "no change."
2. There is a flying pig enemy called Hogwash in the first Donkey Kong Land.