Sorry for the wait!
Q_Q
My grammar is a mess I know. I'm sorry about that.
And I would like to thankKissTheSunGoodnight for her help.. ^_^
...
"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
After that last picture, things started to be a bit antsy. Well, for me I guess.
Why?
First of all, it feels like lady luck is avoiding me right now. It's already the fifth picture since the last time I travelled. And all of them, the pictures I mean, were not connected to me.
Just some random stuff with Orihime and his trips to his hometown.
Of course they were all happy memories for him.
Because I'm not there.
Now that I noticed, I guess it is really much better if I'm not with him.
I can't help but clench my fist and turn around.
Is there really no hope for me?
Is this the end?
I walked towards a table nearby, and sighed.
Looks like the Universe itself is the one that's trying to separate us.
What am I against the Universe?
This is sick.
I sighed once more before turning around, my eyes automatically searched for my sun.
The only person, the only reason why I managed to live until now.
Because with my fuck-it-all attitude, I'm quite sure that without him, I'm already rotten, and buried six-feet-under by now.
It hurts so much. Regret is indeed the hardest thing to deal with.
It will make you stay up all night, thinking about what should've been. What could've been, and what would've been.
It's agonizing. It will eat you up from the inside, clawing its way out slowly until you don't know what's the meaning of the word hurt itself.
Regret is a monster.
I stiffened after my eyes landed on Ichigo.
He's looking at me.
Not that his-eyes-just-passed-by-and-saw-me kind of look.
It was more like he was staring at me.
Like he was waiting for me to look at him.
I gulped.
I don't really know what to do.
I feel like a fucking high school student who just saw his crush looking at him.
I think I just blushed.
Then he smiled.
Holy shit, I think my heart just melted.
I opened my mouth to say something.
Anything.
But it seems like my throat chose this time to fail me.
I saw him turn his head towards the projector's direction.
And my eyes followed.
At last.
The picture being shown right now is what I've been waiting for.
This picture was taken outside of our school, at the gate, just before we parted our ways.
But, there's a problem.
Ichigo's not frowning this time.
He's smiling, like he's so happy.
What the heck am I supposed to correct with this one?!
"Ah ah, just because he was smiling doesn't mean he's happy Grimmjow-san."
The whole place suddenly dimmed, and everyone stopped moving once more.
I turned to look at the man whom I know was just standing behind me.
"What do you mean?"
I saw him smiled.
"Do you remember when that photo was taken Grimmjow?"
I frowned and looked at the picture again.
"Yeah, 'course I do. That was taken during our graduation."
"Aaand, you think you didn't do anything wrong just because he was smiling?"
My frown deepened.
He's right.
I think…
"You promised to give it to me Grimm! We promised to give it to each other! So why the heck did you gave it to that woman?!"
I gasped.
My hand automatically reached for my heart and grasped my shirt.
Right.
My second button.
I didn't gave it to him.
I turned to look at Kisuke, and he was grinning again. That I-knew-it kind of grin.
"So, are you ready to go back Grimmjow?"
I swallowed as I let go of my shirt and nodded.
Yes, I already know what to do.
He snapped his fingers, then that familiar tightening around my stomach started happening again, together with the choir singing hallelujah inside my head.
I closed my eyes and allowed the sensation take over.
...
XXXXOOOOXXXX
…
"Common Grimmjow! Just give it to her!"
Nnoitra's annoying voice was the first thing that I heard after I opened my eyes.
That's when I noticed that I was being surrounded by so many student. A girl with a blond hair is standing in front of me. She was looking at me as if she was waiting for me to do something.
"For Pete's sake! Just give it to her and get over it!"
I saw my hand extended in front of me opened, dropping something in to her waiting hand.
I gasped.
MY BUTTON!
She looked so happy, grinning as she stares on it.
Everybody suddenly cheered.
Everybody aside from Ulquiorra.
Then everyone just left like that.
I grit my teeth.
Then I faced Nnoitra.
"YOU ASSHOLE! You fuckin' son of a bitch!"
I suddenly turned and kicked his hips, causing him to fall down since he was not expecting it.
He may be taller than me, but he's just all bones.
No muscles to back up his structure.
Technically just a walking stick.
He growled as he tried to stand up.
"What the fuck?! You mother fucker'!"
"Alright, stop. This will not go anywhere."
Ulquiorra walked in just before I landed another kick to Nnoitra's face.
He looked at me with that knowing look.
"It's not Nnoitra's fault Grimm-san, you know that."
I frowned.
What the fuck with that Grimm-san?
Ulquiorra just sighed.
"You're the one who just took off your button after that girl asked for it. So don't blame him."
I gritted my teeth and unwillingly turned to face another direction, stuffing my hands inside my pockets to avoid hitting someone. Because even though I can't accept it, he's still saying the truth.
But still, I feel so angry. Angry to myself because I'm such an asshole when I was younger.
Fuck..!
"Fuckin' asshole.! Ulqui! Lem'me Punch this dick head jus' once huh?! Jus' once!"
I didn't paid attention to whatever happened after that.
I think Ulqui kicked Nnoitra's ass since he won't listen to him.
Like I care.
I frowned and sat on a nearby bench, thinking how the fuck will I ever get my button back.
I need to give it to Ichigo.
"Oi, you came back again. So the figurine stunt is not enough huh."
I frowned not even looking at Ulqui's direction as he sat down beside me.
"Where's Nnoi?"
He shrugged, leaning back.
"Mr. Satoshi called him."
I sighed.
"Why is it that you always know when you're talking to me and not to my old asshole self?"
I heard him chuckled, I pouted.
It was followed by silence.
"You got this… very distant look in your eyes. Like, you're on a race against time, and that you need to finish something before time runs out."
"Tch… When did you started to be a poet? Was that the result of you fallin' in love with gigantic tits?"
Another chuckle.
"You should know how it works by now. That Love thing is the very reason why you're here."
Heh. Asshole. But he's right.
I smirked.
He's right.
If there's anyone here that's head over heels with someone who's willing to go back in time just to win him back, then that would be just me.
I sighed, leaning back to rest my back on the backrest of that bench as well.
"Oh, speaking of love…"
I heard him said.
I turned my head to the place that Ulqui's eyes are pointing.
I don't know how but everything suddenly went slow mo.
The leaves falling, the wind that's blowing, the noises, all went super slow mo.
I feel like the guy from those stupid chick flicks.
Then I saw him.
Ichigo slowly walked out from our school building, Rukia and Orihime flankin' both of his sides.
He was laughing.
Damn…
I immediately looked away after I noticed that I've been staring at him.
Then I heard Ulqui laughed again.
I frowned.
"Shut up Ulquiorra."
Then I felt him tapped my shoulder.
"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
he whispered, then he stood up laughing and walked towards Orihime, hugging her tight as they met half way.
Lucky Bastard.
I saw Ichigo smiled as he watched the love birds, while Rukia frowned.
Heh.
That bitch is so bitter.
I was about to stand up and meet Ichigo when I remembered something…
"Grimm, what happened to your shirt?"
"Huh? Why?"
"Where's your second button?"
"Oh, I gave it to that blondie, why?"
Fuck.
Oh shit… Oh shit, OH SHIT.
I immediately grasped my open shirt and turned around.
Oh shit, he can't see it. He just can't!
"Oi, Grimm,"
I think the hair all over my body just stood up.
I slowly turned my head and face his direction, avoiding myself to completely face him.
"H-Huh?"
He's frowning.
"What are you doin' there? Let's go, I'm hungry."
Sweat started to flow down my brows.
I, I need to go somewhere… ANYWHERE!
"Uh, I… I need to do something… See yah later."
Then I ran away from them.
I can still hear Ulqui's laugh as I sped away from them.
But I don't care anymore.
I need to get away from them.
…
XXXOOOXXX
…
"You're in deep serious shit Grimmjow."
I'm in deep serious shit.
"You're going to die soon."
Yeah, I'm going to die soon.
"Oi! Grimmjow!"
Huh?
I sighed as Nnoitra's words echoed in my head.
He's the only one that I got since Ulqui chose to be with big tits.
Heh.
So much for wanting to help me get through this. Fucking Emo.
Sighs.
We're now here at the roof top of our school.
Watching the sun set, feeling the wind blew against my face with a scowl.
It's now almost time to go home.
Another sigh.
Our last day in this freaking school, and the last thing that Ichigo's going to remember is me being an asshole.
Fuck.
I heard Nnoitra sighed.
"Seriously man, why are you so fuckin' depressed about Ichigo? That's kinda creepy."
"Yeah, you love pussies. I know that already."
I can almost feel him roll his eyes.
Nnoitra is "straight as a lamppost" as he would say.
But he was never bothered even though I'm being "gay" and emotional in front of him. It's just that for him, I grew up together with Ichigo, that's why Ichigo has a very great impact on me.
But seriously, I think he got an idea about it, but he just doesn't want to bother about it.
"Are you jus' goin' ta' stand there?! You should be lookin' fer' that bitch right?!"
I groaned.
"I did. Earlier. That bitch's collecting buttons from every fucking hot guys in here. It's now impossible to find my button."
I rested my chin on the railing with a sigh.
I'm screwed.
I heard Nnoitra tsked.
"Why is that button important anyway? That's jus' a friggin' button!"
I frowned. Yeah, what do you expect from this bone-head?
"Yeah, but apparently, that button's supposed to be holding all of the owner's emotions since it's the nearest button to the heart."
The railing rattled as Nnoitra stood up from sitting down on the floor.
Damn, he's really tall. He just stood there, his back facing the sun, and both of his elbows resting on the railing. He cracked his neck, then stared towards the sky with a frown.
"Then, yer' button ain't got any emotions since yer' always wearin' yer uniform open. And 'sides, yer' not wearin' them too often. Cu'z yer' wearin' yer' jersey much more often than yer' uniform."
Oh.
The fucking mantis did make sense.
Seriously, I was not expecting to hear those things from him.
Maybe that's the very reason why my eyes are kinda bulging out right now.
Heh, that made me appreciate this dumbass more.
I stood up and faced Nnoitra with a smile.
"Fuck Nnoi, that's so cool. Thank you very much!"
He just looked at me with that What the hell man look.
Probably I never thanked him before. Ever.
I felt bad. I mean, he's not that bad right?
I tapped his right shoulder for a bit, then I turned and ran towards the exit. Full speed.
I think I heard Nnoitra shout something to me but I don't really care anymore.
I need to make this day memorable. For me, and for Ichigo.
…
XXXOOOXXX
…
I sat there in the middle of our school gym. A single spot light is the only thing that I turned on to minimize attracting other people.
I need to do this with just him.
As I wait, I can't help but look around.
This place, has been my second home for three years.
I remembered when I stowed away from home, because I had a fight with my dad, and Ichigo's not home because he went to his home town for Thanks Giving, this is where I stayed for two whole days.
Then Ichigo fetched me right after he learned what I did.
This is where we would also do our projects, even though our captain won't allow us.
No one can say no to Ichigo. That's one of his charms.
Sighs.
I remembered when I slipped while playing a game against some seniors, my blood rained on this court literally. Heh. Ichigo was so furious.
So angry that he even kicked our senior's face (the one that tripped me) just to get even.
The, everyday, after our class, we would always go here and practice until 9 in the evening.
I just realized that Nnoitra is right. I spent most of my time here, wearing my jersey, than wearing my uniform.
I can't even remember the lessons that we've learned during our classes.
But here, I remember every shout, every pain, every laughter, every game, every memory.
I heard the door of the gym opened, so I stood up and faced the door.
"Grimm, what's this about? It's already late, we need to go home."
I was greeted by his frowning face. I smiled.
"Come, I, I want to say something."
His frown deepened, but he walked towards me nonetheless.
"Alright, what's this about Grimmjow?"
"Ichi, I'm sorry…"
"Huh?"
"I lost my second button Ichi, I'm sorry."
There's no change on his face. But who am I to say that it's nothing for him?
Ichigo is good when it comes to masking his emotions.
So, damn, good.
I wouldn't even know what he was thinking unless he would act differently after.
Then he looked down.
"It's alright, we can't do anything about it anymore."
Heh. He's disappointed.
I cleared my throat. Then I covered his face with a red shirt.
He immediately grabbed it and pulled it away from his face.
"What the-!"
He angrily looked at the shirt. And he was greeted by my surname.
And for a few seconds, he just stood there, looking at my surname like he just received Micheal Jordan's autographed jersey.
I grinned.
"The second button was supposed to contain all of my emotions right? Because it's the closest button to the heart. But you know me. I never wore my uniforms properly. So technically, my second button was nowhere near my heart."
I raised his chin so that our eyes would meet. And then I saw his eyes.
He was surprised, puzzled, bewildered.
Not something that you would always see on his face every day.
I cupped his face carefully, looking at every angle of his face. His eyes, nose, eyebrows, cheeks, and lips.
Memorising every nook, and every corner.
Then I smiled.
"But you know, this, this jersey, I always wear it. During practices, during official games, during weekends, I wear it. So I thought, this jersey holds most of my emotions compared to that button, right? That's why I'm giving this to you instead."
He started to frown. He sniffed, then he nodded. That's when I noticed the tears that are now starting to pool on his eyes.
I chuckled and wiped them away just before they fell down, using my fingers.
"Geez, you're such a cry baby."
"S-Shut up…"
His voice cracked, that made me chuckle.
After a few seconds, I sighed.
I need to tell him what's on my mind right now. So I inhaled big time, and looked at him once more.
"Thank you for being there for me Ichigo. Through ups and downs, through my stupid-ness, stubbornness, and asshole-ness, even though I'm such an idiot most of the times, you still stayed with me."
He grabbed my hands and freed his face. He's really crying now, so I hugged him.
"I hope that you'd continue on taking care of me in the future."
He nodded again as he tried to minimize his sobs, his hands reaching over and hugged me back.
"T-Thank you.. G-Grimm.."
I kissed his head.
No, thank YOU, Ichigo…
We stayed like that for a few minutes.
Until someone cleared his throat.
We then suddenly let go of each other to find out who it was.
Ulqui entered the gym from the door with a frown.
"Sorry to interrupt, but Nnoi-nnoi wanted to take a picture of the gym, so.."
"What the fuck you Emo?! I didn't said that!"
Nnoitra suddenly appeared from Ulqui's back.
I was about to tell them to shut the fuck up when I heard Ichigo giggled.
The tree of us suddenly stopped to look at him.
"Alright, let's take a great picture. Our last day here, as seniors of our basketball team."
Nnoitra grinned and immediately set up his camera on a nearby bench as Ulqui walked slowly towards our direction with a knowing smile.
I just rolled my eyes.
"Okay! Get ready!"
Nnoitra shouted as he started to walk towards us.
"Wait!"
Ichigo immediately fixed my jersey and wore it over his uniform. Then he grinned towards me.
"Okay, done, let's go!"
Nnoitra pushed the button and run towards us.
We stood there in the middle, closed to each other waiting for the flash.
"Thank you guys for the memories. Let's do this again next time."
Ichigo's voice echoed around the gym, and it gave me goosebumps.
Nnoitra laughed then hugged the three of us from behind.
"Sure!"
"'till next time."
Ulqui answered.
I just grinned and reached for Ichi's hand, holding it tightly.
Then the flash came off.
My gut was filled by that familiar swirling feeling, as the choir started singing inside my head.
Then I realized that, I'm no longer hoping for something different.
What's important is that I managed to make Ichigo happy.
Yeah.
Ichigo's happiness is much more important than mine.
…
Let me know what you guys think!
Thank you very much for reading!
...
After that last picture, things started to be a bit antsy. Well, for me I guess.
Why?
First of all, it feels like lady luck is avoiding me right now. It's already the fifth picture since the last time I travelled. And all of them, the pictures I mean, were not connected to me.
Just some random stuff with Orihime and his trips to his hometown.
Of course they were all happy memories for him.
Because I'm not there.
Now that I noticed, I guess it is really much better if I'm not with him.
I can't help but clench my fist and turn around.
Is there really no hope for me?
Is this the end?
I walked towards a table nearby, and sighed.
Looks like the Universe itself is the one that's trying to separate us.
What am I against the Universe?
This is sick.
I sighed once more before turning around, my eyes automatically searched for my sun.
The only person, the only reason why I managed to live until now.
Because with my fuck-it-all attitude, I'm quite sure that without him, I'm already rotten, and buried six-feet-under by now.
It hurts so much. Regret is indeed the hardest thing to deal with.
It will make you stay up all night, thinking about what should've been. What could've been, and what would've been.
It's agonizing. It will eat you up from the inside, clawing its way out slowly until you don't know what's the meaning of the word hurt itself.
Regret is a monster.
I stiffened after my eyes landed on Ichigo.
He's looking at me.
Not that his-eyes-just-passed-by-and-saw-me kind of look.
It was more like he was staring at me.
Like he was waiting for me to look at him.
I gulped.
I don't really know what to do.
I feel like a fucking high school student who just saw his crush looking at him.
I think I just blushed.
Then he smiled.
Holy shit, I think my heart just melted.
I opened my mouth to say something.
Anything.
But it seems like my throat chose this time to fail me.
I saw him turn his head towards the projector's direction.
And my eyes followed.
At last.
The picture being shown right now is what I've been waiting for.
This picture was taken outside of our school, at the gate, just before we parted our ways.
But, there's a problem.
Ichigo's not frowning this time.
He's smiling, like he's so happy.
What the heck am I supposed to correct with this one?!
"Ah ah, just because he was smiling doesn't mean he's happy Grimmjow-san."
The whole place suddenly dimmed, and everyone stopped moving once more.
I turned to look at the man whom I know was just standing behind me.
"What do you mean?"