Sorry for the long wait.

Please PM me if you would find some grammar errors.

Thank you so much for reading. ~Rei

"I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

So, how should I start?

Ummm, maybe I should start with, I know everything?

Yeah, somehow, I know what's happening. Everything.

I know that he's been coming back, that he's been trying to correct everything.

Seriously, at first, I was like, "What the hell? Why are you ruining my life now that everything is good?"

You can't blame me. Byakuya is a good man. He's everything that everyone could ever hope for. And that's why I chose him.

I thought, he's the one for me. But of course, there's always something that is missing.

And it's killing me inside.

Sighs

It's a whole different experience for me.

Unlike him, who can control his whole body, and is very free to change everything, for me, it's more like watching a movie. I just watch whatever is happening in this huge screen in front of me while floating in an endless void.

And it's so frustrating, and embarrassing at the same time.

Most of the time, I was shouting at myself: "What the fuck? Come on Ichigo! Give him a hard time you faggot!" or "Seriously?! I'm not like that! This is fucking wrong!" or "I don't cry like that! Damn it, this is so fucking not true!"

Then I will try my best to remember, and then I'll see the difference between the Grimmjow then, and the Grimmjow that's acting so stupid now to make me happy, then I'll stop and smile, because he is really trying his best.

It's like a whole new Grimmjow.

And it's making me feel all giddy and restless inside.

Every time his mission would end, everything would black out, and then I would open my eyes and see that everything is back to normal.

And I would see him staring at me, and I can see the disappointment in his eyes. I would then smile, then he would look away, like my smile is the most hurtful thing for him.

After the first three pictures, I already know that he is serious with whatever that he is doing. And I really want to stand from where I am sitting, and run towards him and ask him why he is doing this. Why the hell is he even trying to do this?

And then I would hug him tight and say that it's okay. That he doesn't have to go back anymore. And that I would still choose him anytime.

But of course I can't.

I can't just leave Byakuya like that. After all that he did for me, I can't just go and forget about him, and be happy with Grimmjow.

And it hurts.

It hurts that I can't do anything.

I know that I still love Grimmjow, hell, I've been loving him since I was young.

But he doesn't love me back then, so I told myself, Maybe I should move on?

And Byakuya was there. And he showed me everything that Grimmjow is not.

So I accepted him.

But what I didn't know is that Grimmjow feels the same way that I do. That he was just so stupid, and an asshole to tell me about it.

And I didn't know that he would try to correct everything.

Shit

That last picture was different.

At first I thought, this is it. There is no way Grimmjow would be able to go back. Because most of my college pictures were taken without him.

That's why I was very surprised to find myself floating in that void once more.

And I had this feeling that this is going to be the last.

And so I closed my eyes.

"Please… Please just this time. Let me control my body. Just this once… I wanna go back and be with Grimmjow…"

Then I heard him.

"Is that your wish?"

I sighed and nodded.

"Yes, I wanna be with him…"

There is a pause, then a weird swirling feeling started from my gut, getting stronger and stronger.

"Your wish, is my command."

Everything spun, and a weird song started playing inside my head. I closed my eyes and then when I opened them, I was outside, walking with my friends.

Everything happened so fast. And in the end, I was able to be with Grimmjow.

He confessed to me. And I thought that this is the best day of my life.

I thought that maybe, we could both stay here forever? Like all that we need to avoid is a camera, so maybe it's possible?

I really don't wanna go back.

I wanna live here forever with Grimmjow.

But of course it's impossible.

This dream, like any other dream, has to end.

And so I was so devastated to see myself inside that void again.

Devastated is even an understatement.

The truth is, I don't know how to describe how I feel.

It was like a huge hole was forced right in the middle of my chest. Like a black hole, eating every light of hope. Hope that somehow, this story is going to have a happy ending.

There's too much pain, that I'd have to grab my chest to somehow keep it together and prevent it from shattering.

I was thinking Why?

Why the fuck does this have to happen to us? To me? Why can't it be just me and Grimmjow?

Then I remembered that I wished for this thing to happen. For me to experience it firsthand. Even though I know, I already know that the ending wasn't going to be good.

Damn, I wished for something without even thinking what will happen afterwards.

Then I thought about Grimmjow.

How did he managed to go back and see me still sitting beside Byakuya even though he tried his best to correct everything that he did back then?

I remembered Grimmjow and thought that this is nothing. That this pain is nothing compare to what Grimmjow felt every time he would go back and see that nothing changed.

And there, right in that moment, I forgave him. Every heartache that he gave me, every time he would chose to go out with someone else other than me. Every advice that he asked from me for someone else, I forgave them all.

Then, for the first time, the whole place was engulfed by a blinding light. And I can't help but cover my eyes.

"I can see that you really love him."

The same voice stated as I struggled to keep my eyes open. Then I smiled and tried to look straight towards that light.

"Yes, more than you'll ever know."

Then, just like that, light disappeared, and the whole place was engulfed by darkness once more.

I frowned.

"Then bear with me for a moment."

The voice said.

"This pain, is needed for you to be with him."

I was about to ask what does he mean when my head was suddenly filled with images that I don't know of.

My eyes grew wide as my hands flew towards my head, holding it together as the pain flooded my who existence.

And it's so freaking painful.

Like your head was being cracked open, then poured with vinegar, and salt and then healed, only to be cracked open again.

The images that were being engraved inside my head were the only consolation that I'm receiving from this pain.

They were all about me, being with Grimmjow.

And amidst this pain, I found myself smiling.

Damn, this is it.

I think I really am a masochist.

…

XXXOOOXXX

…

When I opened my eyes, the next thing that I noticed is that I'm in this auditorium. Standing right in the middle of the stage, and all the lights were lit. Like a performance is about to start.

I frowned.

At first I can't even remember this place. I can't even remember how I got here.

I tried to look around, and that's when I figured it out.

This is our university's auditorium.

But what am I doing here?

I'm supposed to be in the hotel, it's my wedding day. What the hell am I doing here?

…

I scowled. Wait, what? My wedding?

I started to panic.

What's happening?

One moment, I remember something, then suddenly it will be like something that I just saw on TV, then disappear completely. Like it never really happened.

I huffed, as my memories started to change.

What is happening here? Where is Grimmjow?

I frowned as I dug my brain for some information about what's happening.

He's supposed to meet me here. He said he's going to say something to me.

That fucking asshole is late again.

But it somehow calmed my mind, knowing that I'm going to meet Grimmjow in a few minutes.

So I stood there again, trying to rearrange my thoughts.

I scowled as I walk towards the edge of the stage and sat down, dangling my legs on the edge.

I sighed.

How long has it been since I last went here?

I sighed.

This is the place where he announced to the whole world that I'm his object of desire. And the proof is still safely hanging on my room. The proof that Grimmjow loves me.

I heard some footsteps from outside the auditorium.

I slowly raised my head, looking at every column of seats as they ascend, and then, my eyes went towards the main door, right in the middle, as it opens slowly.

My scowl was slowly replaced by a smile as I watch him descend the stairs towards my direction, obviously catching his breath.

I pouted, faking my annoyance.

"You're late."

I said.

"Yeah, I love you too Ichi."

I heard him answered with his signature grin.

つづく

Comments, please?

~Rei