Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Alright, here we go. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favored, liked and messaged me, I really do appreciate it.
Bella wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. Just do it you wimp, She encouraged herself. She stared at the door and noticed that the timber was loosening in its grip, He's going to need to fix that in a few years. She thought and then berated herself for trying to prolong her next conversation with inane thoughts.
She brought her fist up to the door, knocked three times and then listened intently for the occupants reply.
She heard shuffling and then slow steps making their way towards the door, the door that she was currently hiding behind.
It opened to reveal a surprised Dr. Carlisle Cullen, however his shock was only momentary and he stepped aside, "Bella, please come in, I apologise for the mess but being a doctor you have to be aware of the latest research."
He shut the door and made his way to sit behind his large oak desk, Bella sat down at the chair in front of it. She couldn't help but notice the vast artwork by children plastered on the walls and she internally smiled, for without them, the room would just be another generic study room.
"I understand, nice office by the way."
"Thank you," Carlisle replied.
An awkward silence ensured and Bella didn't know where to begin, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to disturb a man before his mother in law's funeral. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to come at all.
"Is there something that I may help you with?" Carlisle prompted when he noticed the internal battle within Bella. He said it curiously, not minding that she had sought him out, after all, this was a long overdue talk.
Bella snapped out of her thoughts and saw the compassion in the man's eyes which caused her to panic, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I guess that I just wanted to say that, I'm sorry that I'm punched you the last time we met," she all but blurted out.
Carlisle quirked his brow at the abruptness but sobered quickly, "It's ok Bella, I understand and I am so very sorry for…"
Before he could finish, Bella responded, "I know, at least, I think I understand the whole, human need to apologise for something that isn't their fault thing," Bella smiled tentatively, "I don't blame you, I don't think that I ever did, it's just, I needed someone to blame, I know that you did the best that you could."
It was hard for Bella to accept this, she felt guilty for placing unwarranted blame onto the doctor.
Carlisle furrowed his brow, he knew why she had been so rash, but that hadn't quelled the guilt that he felt, not until now. "Thank you, I never blamed you for what occurred that night and where I cannot possibly understand what you went through or what you are going through now, please be assured that you may talk to me or anyone, if you should so desire."
Carlisle replied, he understood her plight and he couldn't help but smile, he could definitely see why his daughter had clutched on to her neighbour. Carlisle looked at the brunette in odd fascination, from what he could see, she was a silent contemplator, one that was fierce in her vocations and he couldn't help but feel relieved at his youngest daughter's choice in friends.
So that's where Alice gets her strange vernacular from, Bella thought to herself. She had noticed that sometimes Alice would speak in a very formal pattern; it had never occurred to her that she had learnt it from someone. Alice was just Alice to Bella; just a woman who had brazenly entered her life without warning and without warrant and now, months later, here Bella was, inside the woman's father's office, learning about her, about her life, what she experienced as a child growing up. It made Alice so much more real.
"So, you and my daughter," he interrupted.
"Yes..."
He quirked an eyebrow and Bella blushed.
"No, not like that, I mean, we're friends, she's dating someone else."
Carlisle let a chuckle escape his lips, his daughter was correct, Bella was quite endearing he thought, "Bella, it's ok; I know how friendly my daughter is."
Bella nodded her head slowly and then looked out the window, "I…trust her and it's been a very long time since I've done that," she admitted, not knowing if she wanted the doctor to hear her.
"Trusted someone?"
"And just, been friends with someone," it amazed Bella how quickly Alice had entered her life, one moment she wasn't there and the next, she was a constant.
"Are you going to tell her?" The Doctor asked, Bella understood what he was referring to and knew what she had to.
"I should."
Carlisle nodded his head, "Perhaps you should. Alice, as you've probably gathered is a very bold person but, you should never underestimate her capacity to care or love."
Bella almost rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I'm quite aware how adamant and demanding she is when it comes to love."
The Doctor just smiled patiently, "No, she doesn't demand love, she just hopes for it. And although she is more risqué than others in trying to obtain it, I can imagine that it may be quite confrontational to some." Bella unattractively snorted and nodded her head in full agreement; Alice was quite ostentatious in her urges.
Carlisle raised an eyebrow at the sudden display, "Has she ever told you how she was adopted into the family?" he asked her suddenly.
Bella shook her head, "She once told me that she was adopted after her parents died."
"Yes, that is correct, but did she inform you why we decided to adopt her?" Again, Bella shook her head.
Carlisle leaned back into his chair and smiled fondly as he retold the story of his youngest daughter, "Esme volunteers at the local orphanage here in Forks whenever she can and it was on a particular day that she saw Alice or rather, Alice saw her. They made the usual child adult conversation and then Esme left for the day. She was on her way home when she heard shuffling in the backseat. Fearing of what it may be, she pulled onto the side of the road and when she looked back, there was little Alice crouched on the floor. When Esme asked 'Why did you come with me?' Alice simply replied, 'Because you're going to love me and I'm going to love you.'
He finished the story and without waiting for the other woman's response, he continued, "Now, one may think that Alice was being demanding and perhaps even arrogant in her prediction, however, I digress, Alice put her complete faith into someone she had met just once, she didn't ask to be adopted, she didn't ask to be taken back, all she gave was her blind faith."
Bella had her brow furrowed the entire time thinking about what she had just been told but from the look on her face Carlisle knew that she understood, "That is the type of person my daughter is, has and always will be. She places her heart to where it doesn't belong so that it does."
Something within Bella clicked, causing her to look at the doctor with a new found awe, "It's not that she wants to be loved, it's that she needs to love."
Carlisle smiled at her assessment, "Exactly."
~The Next Day.
The funeral had been a sombre affair and Bella was amazed at the life Gammy Cynthia had lead in her 94 years. She heard the eulogy's of each Cullen and couldn't help but feel warmed by their words. There were tears, there were laughs and it was beautiful. Alice hadn't let go of Bella the entire time, not that she minded, because she knew that the smaller woman just needed to be grounded at that moment in time. She needed an anchor in her time of grief and Bella understood that.
It wasn't until after the burial did Bella let go of Alice because there was something that she needed to do. The brunette spoke some quiet words to Leah who just nodded and then followed the Cullen cohort back to their house for the wake.
Bella walked deeper into the cemetery, a thousand thoughts racing through her head. She didn't look where she was going, she didn't need to, because she used to take the same route every single day until she had moved from Forks. She reached her destination, and sighed, she had encountered de ja vu several times today and it was beginning to take a toll.
"Hey," she greeted the lone tombstone, holding back the tears that she knew were going to fall anyway.
Later that night~
Bella opened and then closed the door to the Cullen residence at 11pm, silently thanking Leah for leaving it unlocked. She rubbed her face and made her way towards the foldout couch that had been set up for her. She didn't want to use the guest room because that would mean sleeping in a bed and she certainly couldn't bring herself to sleep in Alice's childhood room, with Alice.
She had just entered the blocked off room, taking her coat off and then turned on the light when, she almost had a heart attack at Alice Cullen sitting on the couch. Her legs were crossed with her arms folded and she did not look pleased at all.
"Hey Alice," Bella greeted, worn and spent, but recognising that she was in the shit.
Alice stared at the woman in front of her and recognised the tiredness that she knew was reflected in her own eyes.
She softened her features and decided to not give Bella such a hard time, "What happened today Bella?" she asked gently.
Bella sighed and took a seat next to Alice, slightly relieved that it wasn't going to be World War Three.
"I'm sorry about today, it's just, there was something I needed to do by myself, I'm sorry that I didn't let you know and that I was going to stay out, but, I didn't want to disturb you."
Alice nodded her head but didn't fully understanding, she took Bella's hand in her own and realized that she wasn't angry, she couldn't really be. Firstly, she was emotionally exhausted by the days that had conspired and secondly, she knew that although the relationship with her neighbour was like a pendulum, she had hope that Bella would one day be open to her. Alice frowned for a moment and in the back of her mind, she questioned that if it had been anyone else other than Bella, would she have been so understanding? She decided not to think about it for the moment.
"Bella, these past couple of days have been tough and I thank you so much for being here. But, I've recently realized that I don't really know anything about you. I didn't know that you lived here before, I don't know what's happened to you and I don't know how everyone else seems to know about your past or about you except me. I'm not demanding that you tell me everything right at this second but, I hope that, within time you will. Like you, I don't care who you were before you moved to San Francisco, because I love the person that moved across the street from me," Alice articulated, her words weren't in spite or anger, it was just a gentle prod to remind her neighbour that it's ok to be open and the smaller woman had believed that it was best to just lay everything out on the table.
Bella looked at Alice, it felt so strange to have someone willing to try and it jarred her. She knew that Alice had meant that she loved her as a friend, but that deep connection, that intimacy that came with it terrified her. To know that someone cared so affluently about her petrified her but, Bella could see the honesty and fragility in Alice's eyes and knew that the smaller woman was just as scared.
Bella smiled and then just decided to bite the bullet, "My favourite colour is purple and my favourite movie is Love Acutally, however, if you repeat any of those things, I will deny it vehemently and call you a filthy liar. When I was a kid, my childhood dream was becoming a Postwoman, because I love the concept of secret hand written letters being delivered for the eyes of one person. I don't trust easily, as you've probably gathered, but when I do, I do it with my entire heart. My favourite food is lasagne, the best book there is, is anything by Neil Gaiman, I was one year away from completing a visual arts degree, but thought against it because I'm really really crap at drawing. I am the author of that god-awful Twilight series, I only wrote it as a joke however, my wife sent it in under a moniker and then a publisher picked it up, talk about dumb luck right? And, although I can't remember much of my childhood, the one thing I can remember is when I went fishing with my father, they were the best nights of my life." After her little speech, Bella blew out a sigh.
Alice on the other hand just stared at Bella in odd fascination, as her neighbour had revealed such personal information which she was currently trying to dissect in her mind. She gazed at Bella's uncertain face that looked as if it were waiting to be appraised but in return Alice just smiled.
"You're favourite colour is purple?" Alice asked in all seriousness.
Bella smacked her head with the palm of her hand, "Out of all the things you picked up on."
Alice giggled and then hugged Bella, something had now changed between them, she couldn't stipulate what it was, but she could feel it and it felt good.
"We still need to talk about what you just told me, you cannot just say that you're the author of one of my favourite books and not have me question you," Alice commented.
Bella rolled her eyes playfully, "I knew that story was going to come and bite me in the ass, well, more so than it already has."
After Alice let go, she sat back against the couch and held Bella's hand.
Bella looked at their conjoined hands for a few moments and took in the scene; she looked at Alice and saw how at peace the other woman seemed to be.
Then, without warning or proper thought, Bella gave a deep sigh, swallowed the lump in her throat and then said something that neither of them was expecting, "I'm ready to show you."
Alice's eyebrows rose at what her neighbour had said, but before she could comment, Bella intervened, scared that she might lose her courage, "There are a lot of things that I don't like confronting, but I feel that if you're there, then it should be ok. So, I want, no, I need to you to meet my wife," she finished.
After her momentary shock the smaller woman snapped out of it, "I have to admit Bella, out of all the scenarios tonight, I wasn't expecting that. Are you sure?"
The brunette couldn't trust her words at that moment so just nodded her head; Alice saw the battle within Bella and, where she was dying of curiosity, she decided against provoking her neighbour into taking back her intentions, "We're not going to stalk her are we?" she asked instead.
Bella shook out of her thoughts and fear to give a half-hearted smile, "No, you demonstrated how inept you are at being a peeping tom," she joked, causing the smaller woman to just roll her eyes.
"It's nothing like that, she should know that we're coming," Bella said.
"Again with the mystery."
Bella leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes; it was good to have a friend, "It should all be clear tomorrow."
Alice mirrored Bella's movements for a few seconds until something dawned on her, "What do I wear?" she asked with childish glee.
Bella rolled her eyes "Whatever you feel comfortable in," she answered. Bella made a commitment and she was going to go through with it, she had to and she knew that she could, especially with Alice around. It didn't require a justification and even if you had asked her why the sudden change of heart, she really wouldn't be able to tell you.
Alice regarded her neighbour thoughtfully and decided to be honest, seeing as it was the motif for the night, "Bella, I became speech pathologist because I used to have a stutter," she began.
Bella opened her eyes and looked at her neighbour, "Yeah, Rose told me."
In response Alice just smiled, "Did she also tell you that I stopped because when I was in hospital after my parents died, a little girl with brunette hair read The Little Matchstick Girl to me? She visited because her dad was always away doing important things for the town and she had time readily to spend and her name was Isabella." Alice smiled at the memory and Bella was stunned.
Bella had the faintest recollection of reading to kids within Forks hospital with her father when she was younger. She used to do that sometimes in the hospital when her father needed to take her with him and, she just somehow always managed to find herself in the children's wards, she was young, curious, bored, liked to read and there were kids her age there.
No fucking way, Bella thought to herself.
Alice's smile grew when she saw the look of disbelief on her neighbour's face, "She had the most eloquent speech that I desired and a passion for reading that I couldn't share at the time, not until I went to therapy," she further explained.
"Why did you tell me that?" Bella whispered.
"I just wanted to share my story with you Bella," Alice glanced at her neighbour's hair and smiled, flashes of an oversized hospital bed, a yellow book and two small children together flashed behind her eyes. Alice had wanted to keep that memory to herself for the rest of her life, like a treasure that no one else could touch, but looking at the woman who meant so much to Alice, she decided against it. Some things, like memories were just too beautiful to be kept in the dark and studied from afar. That day had only occurred few times and, even if Bella had forgotten, it was an event in which had helped shaped the beginning of Alice's life.
~The Next Day.
Bella had asked the previous night if she could borrow Esme's car to drive them to meet her ex-wife. She started the car with shaking hands and drew deep breathes; Alice noticed her friends trepidation and entwined their hands together.
"It's going to be ok Bella," She said gently, Bella nodded her head and actually believed her neighbours words.
Their destination wasn't very far and it was filled with companionable silence, there was no music pumping through the speakers, they were just comfortable to sit with each other.
When they reached the familiar driveway Alice furrowed her eyebrows.
"Bella, this is the cemetery."
Bella turned off the engine, sighed and then looked at Alice.
"Yeah, I know."
They walked to the tombstone side by side and each step closer was like a loud staccato to Bella's body, whilst to Alice, everything seemed to fall into place at that moment.
They reached a lone grey stone and let go of each other's hands, Bella looked at her companion and Alice gave an encouraging smile. The taller woman regarded the tombstone and berated herself for not bringing flowers, "Hey honey," Bella started, her voice raw.
Alice stood a respectful distance from her neighbour and regarded the grey tombstone.
Ashley Arnold-Swan
21/02/1985 – 01/06/2013.
She Lived.
Alice thought the epitaph to be a little strange, but then, perhaps its simplicity was the point. Bella's wife had lived and perhaps that life was so grand that mere words couldn't contain it. Alice didn't know anything about the woman who belonged to the tombstone, admittedly, Alice had thought that Bella's wife was still alive and they had divorced. Bella had always used the word separation or ex or wife to describe her estranged partner and she never corrected Alice when she had used the same terms. Her neighbour had never actually stipulated that her wife was deceased, so Alice had just assumed. Oh how wrong she was.
Alice broke from her musings when she heard Bella talking, "I want you to meet someone honey, this is Alice, the woman that I told you about yesterday."
Bella turned around and motioned for the smaller woman to come closer, "Alice, this is Ashley, my wife," she introduced.
Alice stepped up gracefully and gave her best first impression smile, "Hi Ashley, it's nice to meet you, you know, you did really good with Bella, she's a wonderful woman." Said woman tried not to blush at the words but continued listening; things were going well thus far.
"Bella hasn't told me much about you, so, if you could give her a little bit of encouragement please? I would be much appreciative," Alice finished, stepped backward and then unconsciously held Bella's hand.
They two women stood there side by side, just thinking about life and death for a few moments.
I promise to take care of her, Alice pledged in her mind hand she meant it too.
"I miss her so much," Bella whispered and Alice squeezed her hand tighter. This had been the first time that Bella had visited her wife without crying, she had come a long way she knew that and hoped that wherever her wife was, that she was proud of her.
They were walking back to the car when Alice asked Bella something that had been on her mind since she saw her father and her neighbour greet each other at the airport.
"You know Carlisle don't you?" Alice asked.
Bella nodded her head and grimaced slightly, "Funny story actually…"
…
Flashback~
"I'm sorry, but we did everything that we could, there was just too much to take out and…"
"No! No, you go back in there and you bring her back to me, you bring her back to me right now," Bella exclaimed to the blonde doctor. This wasn't happening, this man wasn't in front of her informing her that her wife had just, that she's now…she couldn't even dare think of the word.
Dr. Cullen looked at her with sympathy, "Mrs. Swan, I'm sorry, there's nothing more that we could do, there was just…"
Bella didn't even think twice when she hit the doctor; she wanted this man to shut up about her wife. Her wife was not going anywhere, they still had a life to live out together, they made promises, they made vows and this man was taking all of those moments away from them. Bella felt her future, her hopes and her dreams get stripped from her and it hurt. God damn did it hurt.
She felt her body being embraced by strong arms, but instead of the usual security they brought, they constricted her, she just wanted to run.
"Bella! Bella, what's going on? Why did you punch Dr. Cullen?" She heard her father's voice, it used to be so strong, so comforting.
She fell into the arms of her father like when she used to as a child, "He's taking her away from me dad, tell him that they can't have her, tell them that she's not ready yet, I can't, she can't be gone yet. It's not fair, we were supposed to have more time. I promised to protect her, I said that I would, I failed dad, I didn't…" she couldn't finish her sentence, she could feel the lump in her throat and the tears threatening to spill, but she couldn't break, not yet. Maybe there was more time, if she could just get the doctor back into the room to do something. Why the fuck is he just standing here? She asked to herself.
"Mrs. Swan, Bella, we did everything we could, but there was too much to take out and the blood loss," Carlisle said regretfully, his eye was throbbing but he couldn't just leave the grieving woman without explanation, his compassion won out and he wanted to be there for her, even if it meant shouldering the blame.
Bella's eyes hardened at the embodiment of Death before her, "No, you're the best goddamn doctor on this side of the U.S, that's why we're back here, you do your fucking job right now and you do it right," she demanded.
"Bella…" Her father tried to intervene.
"No. No they can't fucking have her, she's not allowed to leave, you have to bring her back to me. Please," Bella begged.
The two men looked at the woman tearing apart in front of them, the last thought that Bella had before she passed out and was reborn in the reality named Haze was, This isn't happening.
...
Present Day~
Alice sat in the car in shock, "I remember that, Esme told me that Carlisle was jarred for days, he wouldn't tell any of us how he got that black eye," she recounted. It had been the first and only time she had ever seen her father so shaken from a patient and, from what she had heard from her mother, he had holed himself in his room for days muttering to himself about a being better doctor.
Bella nodded her head, still guilty from the encounter, "Yeah, I apologized to him last night."
She started the car ignition, "Come on, there's someone else that I want you to meet," she said and then drove towards a new destination and, with every mile; she felt her heart become lighter.
They walked towards the small cottage sized house hand in hand and stopped when the front door opened, revealing a very perplexed older male in police uniform.
"Bells?" the man asked, unsure if what he was witnessing was an illusion.
"Hey dad," Bella greeted, before she could say more, the older man rushed up to his daughter and gave her a tight hug.
Bella wrapped her arms around her father and squeezed tightly, loving the warmth and the smell of crisp rainforest on him, it had been too long since she had seen him and talked to him.
Charlie hugged his daughter, he had missed her and he was so worried about her after the death of Ashley. They had talked on the phone, but not often enough and it took him everything from within himself to not move right with his daughter to protect her.
"You're home."
"Just for a few days," Bella commented.
He stood arm's length away from his daughter and really looked at her. She looked better than when she had left, she had a bit more colour to her and, she looked less weighed down. Charlie peered to the side and noticed a smaller woman with his daughter, he felt his father senses pique and he fought the urge to usher Bella behind him.
"I missed you," Bella said honestly, breaking Charlie's intense gazing.
"Yeah me too," he replied and then rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.
"Who's your friend?" He eventually asked.
Alice stepped forward and took out her hand, "Alice Cullen sir."
Charlie took her hand, "Alice Cullen? Carlisle's daughter? I heard about your grandmother and I'm sorry, she was a wonderful woman," he replied, having met gammy Cyn a few times out and about in Forks. Charlie noticed that the small woman had a strong handshake, even though he knew that she was nervous.
"Thank you sir," Alice beamed upon hearing the nice words about her Gammy.
Charlie nodded, then looked at his daughter and was surprised to see the softness in her face at watching them. He looked at the small Cullen again and, from his keen sense of observation just knew that Bella's change had something to do with Alice, in doing so, instantly earned a great appreciation from him.
"You know, I met you once when you were younger, you grew up to be quite a beautiful woman. Careful, my daughter may snatch you away into the night," he said with a mischievous smirk.
"Daaaaaddd!" Bella whined causing Alice to giggle.
Charlie just put up his hands in a placating manner, "I'm just warning the poor girl, she probably doesn't even know that your favorite story is Alice in Wonderland," at this, there was steam pouring out of Bella's ears.
Alice appreciated the Chief of Forks trying to make a positive introduction with her and decided to play along with his silliness, "Really Bella? Is that why we're friends? Because you only like me for my name and my obnoxiously good looks?" she added with faux hurt.
The target of their taunts just blushed, "See what you started dad?" Bella huffed indignantly.
Charlie chuckled and decided that he liked Alice, it felt good to laugh with (or at) his daughter again. "Ok ok! Let's put the kettle on and you can fill me in as to how far the rabbit hole you are with your house." Bella rolled her eyes at her father's words¸ he could be so embarrassing sometimes, but then, that was how he showed his affections and why she loved him.
"Home, dad, the place in San Fran, is now my home," the brunette corrected.
Charlie stopped walking towards the house and regarded his daughter, "This will always be your home Bella," he looked at Alice, who gave him a raised eyebrow, "but I suppose that there are always concessions," he winked.
Bella was confused at her father's words but for some reason, Alice she blushed.
The two women walked hand in hand into the house and didn't let go until they returned back to the car to return to the Cullen residence.
Alice looked out the window, just watching the nature pass by her, Charlie lived half an hour away from her childhood home, but she still found it odd that she had never actually run into Bella. She liked the Chief; he was welcoming, warm and had the same flare for awkwardness that his daughter possessed, it humbled her to know where her neighbour had learned her traits from.
She looked at her neighbour who was staring out into the road ahead, "Bella?" she asked, causing the other woman to answer with a hum.
"Last week, when we were talking about love and how people change in relationships after a while, you were talking about Charlie and your mom weren't you?" Alice asked.
Bella nodded her head, "Yeah, they divorced when I was six, but I still visited Charlie every so often, not a lot, but enough to understand that people change and why it happens sometimes. Why do you ask?"
Alice shook her head as things started to make sense about the woman, Bella had skirted around the topic of her wife for a while. And if Alice were being completely honest, it completely confused her, one moment Alice felt like she understood everything and then, she got thrown a curve ball.
Bella sighed, but understood where her neighbour was coming from, she had, after all been purposely mysterious, "Alice, I know I was elusive about Ashley's death and about a whole lot of things, but there were reasons for it. Firstly, the very fucking strange coincidence that I just happened to move across the road from Ashley's doctor's daughter's house. I felt guilty about the way I treated your dad and I still do, I suppose a part of me was scared of how you'd treat me if you found out who I was. And secondly, I just hadn't accepted it, I didn't want to speak of it and I just didn't want to tell you or anyone about it. It wasn't real to you because it wasn't real to me and I wanted it that way. So, I thought that it would be best to just try to start a new life as a nobody in San Francisco."
Alice peered at her neighbour, "What changed?"
Bella purposely glanced at the smaller woman and then took a moment before answering, "It's different now, I'm different now, every day is a constant reminder that she isn't here, but, you've helped. Maybe it's your presence, your perseverance and never-ending care is refreshingly scary or maybe it's just your very nature, either way, you've helped me become a better person. So, yeah, thank you and, I'm sorry for causing you whiplash."
To say that Alice was touched by her neighbour's words were an understatement, the smaller woman felt her heart welling and found that it warmed her entire body. "Bella…" she tried to begin to say something, but just couldn't figure out what should be said at that moment in time.
Bella however decided to cut her off with a smile, "She would have liked you; I think that the two of you would have gotten along really well."
Alice grinned, "You'll have to tell me about her sometime."
They pulled up in front of the Cullen residence and Bella took one last look at Alice with a tenderness that almost knocked the breath from the smaller woman.
"Yeah,."
Thank-you for reading.