Originally, I was going to have one more chapter before this one but, it wouldn't have made sense so, I just decided to go for it. You may want to read the last few lines of the last chapter as I have added a few lines so that this one flows
Again, thank you for reading, the favs, follows and reviews.
Bella's P.O.V
Alice was standing in my doorway drenched to the bone, I had found it strange that she had knocked instead of barged in, but, when I saw her, I instantly recognised that look in her eyes.
She was determined.
"I broke up with Tanya," she informed me.
I take a step backwards which prompts her to take one step forward and close the door, not once breaking eye contact with me. I cross my arms over my chest.
Lord, give me strength.
"Shouldn't you be at home crying into a tub of ice cream?" I reply, I don't mean to sound as harsh as my tone indicates, but I'm on the defensive and she knows this.
She softens her gaze on me, as if I'm a cornered animal and I know what this means as well.
She was about to reason with me, to calm me.
"Bella, you know why I'm here," she says gently.
Her eyes have always conveyed messages I know that.
I don't want to know, I don't need to know right now, but I do.
At this point in time, I hate that I know what her eyes mean.
I know why she broke up with Tanya, ever since my birthday two days ago, she'd been ignoring me. I know that my neighbour has feelings for me. My non-naivety is astonishing but, not unexpected. Nothing has ever been clear cut with us; our conversations have always confessed so much, yet, so little at all.
But, here's the thing, we get each other, completely and that's why it's worked out, there has only ever been one other person like that. That's why; I hope she understands what I have to do next.
I'm sorry Alice.
"Alice, we shouldn't be, I mean, we're neighbours," is my petulant response and then she frowns.
"Is that all I am to you?" she whispers, she looks up at me with droplets around her eyes and I know that it's not from the rain.
She was hurt.
"No," it's not true at all, it's just…
"Then why are you against this, against us?" she demands. Her eyes become slits.
She was angry.
I sigh, I want to lie to her and justify my rejection as an inability to understand my own behaviour.
But, I can't, she deserves the truth.
"Because I still love her," I confess.
Sometimes, in our failure to fulfil the things that we want to do, we find ourselves doing the very things that we hate.
This moment is one of them. I want, no, I know that I have feelings for her, but I'm holding back, I know I am.
Why?
She looks at me but I refuse to look at her back, I can't accept what will be in her eyes now, not after my admission.
I feel her take a step closer to me, I can smell her perfume, her unique scent and I wait for her to slap me. For leading her on, for obviously having feelings for her too but being too weak to reciprocate, for breaking her heart, any or all of the above is appropriate.
I feel a small hand on my own and I flinch, but I need to stand my ground.
"Bella, I don't intend on replacing Ashley, I never did and I would never want to," she says, still in that gentle tone, "but this, right now, what you and I have here, don't replace me with her. And don't make her an excuse. You know that she wouldn't want that for you," she takes a step closer; I can see her shoes now.
Deep down, I know she's right, I know that Ashley wouldn't have wanted me to be alone, but it's so damn hard.
She puts her hand under my chin and lifts up my head so that our lips are in line with each other.
I look in her eyes.
She cares for me, needlessly, affectionately, carelessly, ardently.
"You don't know anything about her," I whisper, my attempts at further rejecting her are becoming more and more futile as the juxtaposed feelings take over.
Alice smirks at me; she knows that I'm crumbling.
"Perhaps not, but, you know I'm right," she articulates and then, she kisses me.
And simultaneously, all these things occur.
Audio becomes nothing but droplets of rain and breathes been taking away.
Sight becomes blinded as I automatically shut my eyes; Alice's face my last vision.
I can smell Alice's soft sent ferment with my own.
Touch suddenly becomes dance to where I can and cannot.
And finally, taste.
My palate has become enhanced with the flavour of her tongue.
And I don't think it will ever be the same again.
Seconds, minutes, days, a lifetime.
I don't know how long we were like that.
It was better than the very first time in the club, all those months ago.
She reluctantly lets go and my traitorous body make a move towards her.
She puts a hand out to stop me and looks at me with her crystal blue eyes.
There's nothing else but love.
I only know this because it's the same look that Ashley used to give me.
A lump instantly forms in my throat; I make myself sick for making that comparison.
"When you see us," she motions between herself and I, "come and find me Bella. I'm not giving up on you, but there are some answers that you need to figure out for yourself," she says.
She looks at me again and I know her words are true.
Hope.
She leaves and I fall to the floor and start to sob.
I sob because I don't feel as if I've cheated on my wife at all.
I cover my hand with my face and blurrily see my ring finger that's now empty.
It's with Ashley now, in her coffin, buried beneath the earth at Forks.
I trace where it should be and close my eyes.
I remember the very last time that I saw her alive.
~Flashback~
"Seriously honey, out of all the things you get me to read to you, you make me read this?" I asked my wife incredulously, we had just finished reading the last page of the last book of the last series I had written.
She's in the hospital bed, resting, tired, tubed up and waiting, but despite all that, she's looking at me in amusement.
She still looks as beautiful as the day I met her.
"I just love that everyone gets a happy ending," she replies happily.
I sit backwards in my chair, not caring that my legs need to be moved, I'd withstand anything for her.
"You're too optimistic," I snort.
She laughs that beautiful sound, "I have to be, being married to you," she retorts.
I narrow my eyes at her, "You're lucky you're confined right now."
And then she really laughs and I join her in a moment of normalcy until, she starts coughing violently.
I get up from my chair and to her side, "Do you need anything, water? Food? Terrible jelly?" I panic.
Her shoulders stop shaking and then relax, I could never understand how she was able to go through so much and yet, still be that relaxed, strong woman I fell in love with. She was the strongest one out of the two of us.
Why did this have to happen to her?
She gives me a sideways glance, "You know I'm not allowed to eat before surgery," she reminds me gently.
I scratch the back of my neck, she's right, I should have remembered, "Sorry."
She senses my change in mood but decides not to comment on it. Instead, I know that she's going to go through a really roundabout way of comforting me.
I should be the one comforting her.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" she asks me.
I decide to play along, disregarding the hollow feeling in my chest, "How could I not? You were the bitch in my class that spoke as if you were the poster girl for Hallmark," I retort and then she starts chuckling because she knows it's true.
She peers at me with adoration, "You changed me," she states suddenly.
The corner of my mouth turns upward, " I can say the same for you honey, you see something in me that no-one else sees. You see me, in all my fucked up, embarrassingly klutzy, stupid, gl…Ow! Why did you hit me for?" I ask her, rubbing my own arm. For a handicapped person, she still has a fierce slap.
"Because that's my wife you're verbally bashing and I don't like it one bit," she says matter of factly. She always hated it when I doubted and talked badly about myself.
She's looking at me seriously and I know that I should listen now. "Ok, how did I change you?" I decide to ask her.
She takes my hand and cradles it in her own, my heart thumps, it still does that even after years of being together.
She smiles at me gently, so that I understand, "Because of you, I know what I love is. People have been trying to give it a definition for centuries and centuries and here I am, in the 21st century, not only knowing what it is, but experiencing it right now. And it's because of you Bella," she kisses my hand once all the while I can feel my organ palpitating outside of itself.
"You make it sound as if this is the last time I'm going to see you," I say to her, my voice hoarse, I don't even want to think about it.
If only I knew.
She doesn't comment instead, she gives me that smile that tells me everything is going to be alright and then places my hand on her heart.
It's beating just as hard and fast as my own.
"Do you feel the love?" she asks me, reciting that song that she always listens to.
I smile and nod my head.
"I feel the love," I reply.
She beams at me, as if surprised I'd understand. You're my wife, of course I do.
"Then come on, come on, let's start it up. Let it pour out of your soul," she sings back to me.
And then we both smile at each other, goofily and cheesy, just the way we are.
"Don't let the love that pours out of your soul end with me, ever," she says warningly.
I drum the fingers that are still on her chest as if considering it and then I look at her.
"I won't," I promise.
After all, nothing's going to happen so there's no reason to worry. Right?
She nods her head and pulls me towards to her, needing me to be closer to her and I agree, I hate distance between us.
My face is aligned with hers and it is so familiar, sensual and intimate.
"There is nothing on this earth that you could ever do to diminish what I will always feel for you. I love you Mrs Swan," she whispers to me and then she kisses me.
I can feel my heart imploding.
In a few hours, I would realize that when the hospital gurney wheeled my wife away, it not only contained Ashley Arnold-Swan, but it contained my future with her as well.
End Flashback~
It's been so long since I've thought about that memory Ashley, I miss you.
I looked at the emptiness on my ring finger again.
And then, suddenly it comes to me like a freight train, almost knocking me back into oblivion.
It doesn't hurt.
None of this hurts.
My heart didn't break at the memory; it doesn't tear itself apart when I look at my naked finger.
It doesn't hurt to think about her anymore.
She was my wife.
My wife.
In my own pain, I forgot about her, about who she was, about my promise to her.
How the fuck could I do that?
I blink away the tears.
I love Ashley and I miss her, I always would but…
I look at the door where Alice had exited from.
I look up.
I wish you would just give me a sign that it's ok to go to be with Alice. That, it's ok to not feel guilty, that, it's ok to move on with you and Alice apart of my heart.
Not sharing, not replacing, not fighting, but just there.
I wait patiently for something, anything from the higher order that would give me an indication. But all that I'm met with is the loud rain hitting the roof over my head.
I sigh, Really? Not even a thunder or lightning bolt?
I look back at the closed door and then, I do something I have only ever done with Ashley and now, with Alice.
I decide to try.
Because, Fuck. This.
I have never been one to let fate decide my future and I'm not going to start now. I am doing this because I want to, I need to and because I know I can.
Bella ran out the door, not caring or bothering to put anything else on to shield her from the weather.
She moved so quickly in fact, that she didn't even notice that the picture of her wife standing next to the door had surreptitiously fallen down.
A photo that Alice had put up, days ago.
Three knocks were heard in the house across the road and Alice, who had been standing in the kitchen drying herself went to answer it.
She wasn't totally disappointed at how things had gone, she knew that Bella would need time to digest and confront a few things. But she couldn't lie another day; she needed to lay everything on the table. The small woman was terrified, but she had faith, even if things didn't go the way she wanted, she had tried and that was what made the difference.
She would make sure to keep her distance in the meantime and say I love you to Bella, when the other wasn't listening.
She opened the door, not really curious as to who was on the other side.
So, to say that she was surprised when she saw Bella would be an understatement.
"B-Bella…w-what…" she stuttered, not prepared whatsoever for what was about to occur next.
"I'm a fucking idiot," her neighbour admitted and then, the brunette shut the door and kissed Alice.
Bella kissed Alice.
And Alice reciprocated.
Fully.
When they kissed again, Bella felt nothing and no-one else but Alice and vice versa.
It went on again for seconds, days, months and Alice moaned, momentarily forgetting everything.
She moaned causing her companion to smile, then lift her up and then turn her around.
Alice heard the door being slammed and it wasn't until she felt the wood against her back, did she realise that it was her own body that caused the noise.
She felt warmth along the inside of her legs and became aware that there was a body in between them. Bella's body.
The smaller woman moaned again and tightened her hold.
Bella placed a confident hand on her neighbours waist, she was being bold, but she didn't care.
When a coherent thought was finally able to be processed, Bella stopped kissing her neighbour.
They both gasped for air.
"Go out on a date with me, like, a romantic date with me…" Bella asked still out of breath. She furrowed her brow for a second, "err, please," she added, she was a little out of practice.
Alice was silent, still trying to catch her breath and Bella waited patiently for a reply, that is, until she felt a presence in the midst.
The brunette rested her forehead against the door and turned her lips towards Alice's ear.
"There's people watching us isn't there?" she whispered in dread.
Alice, in response just giggled and nodded her head, still a little delirious from the kiss.
Bella groaned and then gently placed her small neighbour on the floor. She inclined her head towards the living room and was met with the faces of Leah and Rose who had their heads so craned at the view, that she slightly wondered how their necks didn't snap.
She wanted to say something, but was too busy dying from embarrassment.
"That was hot," Leah commented after a few seconds.
Rose could only nod her head once in agreement.
Bella gave a wave in acknowledgement and then turned her head towards Alice, not realizing that they were holding hands.
"Shall we reconvene to my place?" she asked.
Alice nodded her head and the two women walked out the door¸ not saying another word to their audience.
Leah turned Rose, "Babe, have you noticed how dramatic they are?" she asked innocently.
Rose smiled softly and then tucked her girlfriends hair behind her hair reverently, "That's just them Leah," she replied.
When the door had closed, both women decided to make a break for it because it was still raining.
Alice had almost reached the pedestrian path closest to her neighbour's house when she felt her body get tugged.
She almost body slammed into Bella, who just held her tightly in place.
"Bella, we're going to catch our…." But before the smaller woman could finish, she was kissed again by Bella.
She could really, really get used to being kissed by Bella.
When they stopped, Alice had but one word, but it was articulated with such awe.
"Wow."
Bella just smiled at her, barely noticing the water cascading down her face.
"I just, thought that you'd like to be kissed in the rain," the brunette justified.
She took Alice's hand into her own and then they ran across to her house together.
As soon as her door slammed shut, Bella turned around and they began kissing again, although their minds had just established that romantic connection, their bodies reacted instantly. Months of slowly building frustration between the two had finally erupted and neither could stop it. They didn't really want to either.
Bella pinned Alice against the door again, holding her in place by the hips, feeling the smaller woman's warmth through her water drenched clothes.
Alice's hands were holding onto Bella's neck, keeping her firmly in place, revelling in the languid strokes of her neighbours tongue against her neck.
But, when she felt the brunette cup her buttocks, it snapped some semblance of reality back into Alice's mind.
"Bella…" she started.
Another kiss and another moan.
"We need to talk…" a bite to the neck.
"Yeah," was the non-committed response.
"This isn't talking," Alice replied breathlessly and then, with every ounce of strength she had, she gently pushed Bella backwards and out of the sexual haze that they had inexplicably fell in.
"Wha?" Bella said foggily coming out of the trance.
When she saw the pointed but amused look of her neighbour, her eyes widened.
"Shit, Alice, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, I mean, you were there, we've kissed so many times tonight and you look good wet and I just….I'm moving too fast right?" Bella rushed out, feeling incredibly embarrassed at her behaviour.
Alice gave her neighbour a soft smile and then took Bella's hand, "Hey, it's ok, I get that you're frustrated, trust me, I am too and I didn't even realise it til the other night," she reassured. Bella's cheeks were enflamed at what could have occurred if not for the smaller woman's intervention.
"Maybe we should get changed and talk, I don't think that either of us are ready for the next step just yet," Alice finished with a wink.
Bella could only nod her head dumbly; she was astonished at the finesse her neighbour was taking everything in because, currently, she was freaking the fuck out.
"Come on," Alice said gently and then, she took them into Bella's room.
They got changed in silence and awkwardness, neither knowing what to say.
Taking the lead, Alice sat down on the edge of her neighbour's bed and then lay backwards, staring at the ceiling.
Bella hesitated for a moment but, when she saw how relaxed the other woman was, she set aside her own anxiety and sat down next to her. The brunette checked her neighbour out and mentally thought that the smaller woman looked good in her clothes. Perhaps she was being biased or perhaps it was it was because it was Alice, she could make anything look beautiful.
"Sooooo…" she began, hoping that Alice would continue.
Alice broke from whatever thoughts she was having and then looked at her neighbour, "I have to admit Bella, I wasn't expecting to see you again tonight."
The small woman began to play with her neighbours fingertips, slowly tracing them with her own and then, she stopped, no, she needed to have this conversation with Bella without touching her.
Alice sat up and crossed her legs, "What changed?" she asked gently.
Bella made a move to mirror her neighbour's position, "Honestly?" She asked and when Alice nodded she sighed.
"I was thinking about the last time I saw Ashley alive and then I suppose I just had an epiphany," the brunette answered.
Alice tilted her head to the side, "It must have been some epiphany to make you come racing over," she didn't not believe that what her neighbour was saying, it was just hard to digest everything at the moment.
Bella smiled at her neighbour's words, "Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't trip and break my neck."
Alice gauged the brunette as best as she could, although the other woman had a tendency to induce whiplash, she need to be sure, "When I was here before, you seemed so adamant to not be with me, not yet anyway. Bella, I don't want you to be with me because you feel guilty for me, I want to be with you when you're ready."
"I am ready," was Bella's instant reply causing a few beats of silence.
The brunette cleared her throat, "I miss her, I love her, I always will, I'm not going to lie to you about that. But you and me, us, we make sense. You're the only sense of clarity I've had since she's died, I'm not saying that you're replacing her, but you're there," Alice was surprised at her neighbour's usage of the word D word to describe her wife.
Bella reached out to Alice's hand and placed it just above her heart, "I have found that you, my annoying little neighbour, is right here."
Alice furrowed her brow, still a little sceptical, so Bella continued, "You once said that, it is how we get out of darkness which determines who we are. Since living here in San Francisco, I have realized that sometimes we need to reach into ourselves in order to release that hate and loathing within us and sometimes, we need a little help. I have also discovered that people are like nature. Some people flit in our lives like leaves, passing us briefly, but we notice them anyway because they dance valiantly in the wind. Some people are like roses, enchanting to look at, but wickedly dangerous to touch. Some are like massive boulders, protecting us from the things that come at us always acting as permanent anchors," the entire time she had said this, Bella had thought about the people who had graced her life. The people she had met and made friends with and started to appreciate more throughout her time since knowing Alice.
Alice was silent, she was enthralled by her neighbour's words and couldn't help but notice how evident it was that Bella was a writer.
Bella faintly smiled at Alice and then cradle the other woman's hand between them in preparation for her next words. "And others are like ants dressed up as honeybee's trying to get to the hive," she said, echoing a statement that she had made the first time that they all went out into a club.
"Bees?" Alice repeated bit perplexed by the left field analogy, she understood where the reference came from, but failed to see the connection.
Bella nodded her head in confirmation, "Bees ensure the continuation of life, through their never-ending perseverance to protect their hive. Sometimes they blindly sting people in their love and passions and in doing so they pay the ultimate price, however, I don't think that they would have it any other way," she finished with the thought of Ashley in her heart.
"So, where does the ant fit in?" Alice whispered.
The brunette shook her head for mental clearness and then gave a half smile, "Because even the smallest of creatures, should be given a shot at being loved by the hive," she finished. If she were to use that analogy to any other person, it would mean nothing, but Bella knew that Alice would understand. And this was evident in the way the smaller woman's eyes softened in their gaze, in the smaller woman's action of reaching out towards her neighbour.
Bella took a deep breath, "I need to give us that shot because I love you in my own crazy way," she finally admitted.
Alice smiled at her neighbour's words, finally understanding, finally accepting; she placed her hand on Bella's shoulder and leaned in to kiss her again. But this time, it was slow and nurturing; it was everything that Alice wanted it to be. It was everything that Alice had dreamt of and it was how she would only ever want it to be.
It was perfect but, above all else, it was them.
Neighbour to neighbour, Alice to Bella, Bella to Alice.
There was no distance between them and, with a little hope, hard work, honesty and love, there never would be.
End.~
So, there we have it, the official end, I hope that I've done the entire story justice. If there is something that doesn't make sense or you'd like something clarified, shoot me an email. That being said, I will one day fix up the inconsistencies.
I may add more chapters sometime down the line but, I am considering Distance a done and dusted piece. I've had a few thoughts on random chapters though and, if you have an idea in relation to the story, let me know and we can have a think about it.
So, stay tuned.
Thank you for taking this journey with me.