Thank you to everyone who has PM'd, fav'd, reviewed, read and so forth this story. I never intended it to be this long but, your support has certainly encouraged me.
Alice entered the staff kitchenette of the clinics building to make herself a much needed coffee, although it was only 12 o'clock, the small woman could feel the tendons in her muscles pulsating. She knew that her body was frustrated. It had been a few months since Bella and herself had been together now, but not together, together, like,intimately. Though, that didn't stop the very heated make out sessions that they had been having at each others houses. Although they hadn't broached the topic, they both seemed to be under the mutual agreement that things shouldn't escalate too much further between them. Alice seemed to be scared of pushing Bella. Her dominate personality had taken over so much in their friendship and relationship, so, Alice thought it best that Bella take the lead on this one. Ironically however, neither woman knew that they shared the same fears.
It was a good thing that Alice lived across the road from her girlfriend, for those really really cold showers; otherwise she'd be stewing in bed for the entire night. That was another thing; when she did leave, Bella was ok with it. Bella was finally able to sleep in bed without prompt now, the thought made Alice smile.
A voice interrupted her thoughts, "Err, hey Alice," Tanya greeted as she approached the smaller woman. Although the two women had worked in the same clinic building, since their break up, they hadn't really seen much of each other. Albeit, that may have been due to Tanya's efforts of avoidance.
Alice smiled pleasantly even though she knew, that she would always feel conflicted in her past relationship with the other woman. It was an amicable beginning, middle and end but, that still didn't stop the small bit of guilt that welled within her.
"Tanya, hi, How are you?" she answered.
Tanya procured a mug from the top cupboard and started the coffee process, "Shit," she answered honestly, averting Alice's eyes.
Alice saddened but felt slightly vindicated, "I'm sorry."
Tanya sighed, she hadn't meant to sound so, bitter but, she couldn't help it, after all, we tend to hurt the people that we most care about. She mirrored Alice's position next to her, leaning against the kitchen bench and stared at the wall, fighting the urge to tuck Alice's hair behind her ear.
"I know, me too. Look, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit bitter but, I know that your heart doesn't belong to me. I knew for a really long time but, I guess that I was just selfish," she answered.
Alice could scarcely believe what she was hearing, the other woman next to her was trying to shoulder the blame, when clearly she was the one at fault, "I don't think so, I mean, I kind of used you too you know? And I'm sorry that I did," she answered.
Tanya quirked an eyebrow, "You're sorry, but not sorry," she stated as an observation, in turn, the smaller of the two had the tact to look guilty.
Tanya shook her head, "It's ok, I get it," she assured.
Well, not really but, she decided to just agree to disagree in this, it sucked but, life moves on. A few months' worth of Jack Daniels certainly placed things into perspective for her. And, standing next to said woman right now, being in her presence, she couldn't find it within herself to be angry at her, it was too exhausting.
"Just, make sure that that woman treats you right, you deserve it," she added as a final comment.
Alice smiled and nodded her head in agreement, taking the subtle hint that things were ok between them.
"So, are there any new prospects on the horizon?" she asked Tanya.
"So long as they're not a workmate," was the automatic response. Well, almost everything was ok between them.
Alice grimaced and Tanya chastised herself¸ "Sorry."
The smaller woman shook her head, "It's understandable. Do you even have a type?" Alice asked curiously. She was just making conversation at the old water hole but, she was also trying to subtly gauge whether or not she could help out. Her inner cupid complex was always at the fringes even though; she probably knew that she shouldn't meddle.
Tanya took a purposeful sip from her mug, "A woman who breathes," she answered.
Alice laughed, "Hmm, that's always a good start, I imagine that a woman who doesn't breathe isn't much of a conversationalist," she stated.
Tanya looked perplexed by the retort, "I mean, any woman who's alive."
Alice chuckling, she had forgotten that her humour couldn't be appreciated by everyone, "Yeah, I got that," she addressed.
A few awkward seconds passed by, each woman taking sips from their near empty mugs, "Do you think that we'll ever be friends?" Tanya suddenly queried.
Alice smiled at the sentiment but answered in her own unique Alice way, "It's a nice thought to have and, I think I read somewhere in the lesbian hand book that women are supposed to be besties with their ex's."
Alice chuckled but was met with a blank stare, "I was joking, there is no lesbian handbook," she clarified.
"Oh," Tanya followed.
It was in this moment where Alice began to wonder how they had meshed for so long, now, that isn't to articulate that her relationship with Tanya was anything but pleasant, it was. The other woman however, just didn't understand her humour or understand her not in the way that Bella did. She questioned how she was able to be so blind for so long in the first place.
"You're thinking about her right now aren't you?" Tanya asked interrupting Alice's thoughts.
Alice unconsciously scratched the back of her neck in shame and Tanya bumped hips with her, "Don't be sorry, I can read it all over your face. I just, didn't realize how much you liked her until I saw it for myself."
She finished what was left in her coffee, turned around to place the mug in the sink and then drew a deep breath in and out.
"You guys are good together," Tanya finally stated, finally accepting it.
Alice noticed the lack of coffee in her own mug and then began to rinse it out with hot water, she hadn't always done so but, Bella was a bit of a clean freak so now, it was just common practice.
"Thank you," Alice replied to Tanya who was staring at her in odd fascination. She had known the smaller woman to be about as tidy as a two year old in a sand box with paint.
"You're welcome," she murmured.
Alice smiled, unaware of her change in behaviour, "I hope that you find someone Tanya, I'm not the only one that deserves to be treated right," the authenticity of her statement made Tanya thankful. Before she could reply, Alice's phone rang in her pocket, she placed the mug and dishcloth that she had been using to dry, on the sink and fished it out her pocket.
She smiled when she saw that it was Bella but, wasn't rude enough to answer in front of her ex-girlfriend or co-worker, distant that they may be. She pressed the reject button, knowing that her girlfriend would understand.
"Sorry," she said to Tanya.
Tanya just scoffed playfully, "Stop apologising and call your girlfriend, I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased that you're talking to your ex-girlfriend," she ended with an uncharacteristic wink.
Alice was taken aback by the statement but decided not to show it, because when she really thought about it, the topic hadn't been entertained. The small woman just, forgot that Bella may have had other attractions as well, obviously barring her ex-wife but, before and after then. Actually, Alice didn't know Bella's sexual history at all, of course it didn't really matter but strangely, it had just never crossed her mind before.
"You know, it's never come up," she finally settled with answering.
"Huh," Tanya commented.
The smaller woman smiled, "I found love across the road, maybe you will too."
Tanya mock rolled her eyes, "My neighbour is a balding 57 year old man, maybe she's hiding underneath a rock."
Alice disruptively and playfully threw the dishcloth at Tanya who just caught it.
"Stranger things have happened," Alice remarked.
Tanya bit her tongue to stop her from retorting, 'Yeh, like us dating.' She congratulated herself on a job well done.
Alice grinned and bid her ex-girlfriend a good day, glad that a small bridge was being constructed to connect the rift between them. She walked outside the kitchen door and dialled a number that she had memorized backwards; Bella picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hey, are you ok?" Alice said into her receiver.
"Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to disturb you at work but, I had an inkling that you were taking a coffee break at the moment," Bella replied and Alice could hear the smile in her voice.
"You'd be correct in that assumption, did somebody miss me too much?" she asked cheekily.
"Pshhh no, I just called to say hello," Bella answered.
Alice almost rolled her eyes, knowing that the other woman had been listening to a particular song on repeat for the past few days.
"Have you been listening to Martin Solvieg again?"
"Ye—no," was the terrible lie.
Alice chuckled, her girlfriend was a little bit lame and awkward sometimes but, that was the charm about her.
"Did you use the same line on Jake to no avail?" She theorized.
She heard a sigh and then smiled, even through the phone, Bella was like an open book, "He hasn't heard the song, the boy is musically inept, he thought that Chris Isaak and Johnny Cash were the same person."
Alice decided to play along with her girlfriends outrage, "Did you smack him and re-educate him?" she asked with a wry smile.
Bella had and, smiled at the memory, "See? You get me," she commented.
Alice grinned at the flow between them, "Bella, I could stick around and get along with you," she articulated, citing lyrics to the song that Bella was currently enamoured by.
"Wait, does that mean that you're not really into me?" Bella finished with a smile.
Alice laughed at how equally uncool either of them were, "How could you suggest such a thing? I am like, totally into you, Hell-o-oh," she stated.
"Really?" Bella asked in mock surprise.
"Really , really," Alice confirmed without a doubt in her mind that she made the right choice with Bella.
Tanya frowned at the dishcloth that was still in her hands, she had heard snippets of the private conversation, as Alice hadn't moved too far from the kitchen, nor was her office too far from it.
From all the current dramatics, her life seemed to be some kind of bad romantic comedy whereby she played the secondary character. You know the one, the leading protagonist is caught in between the push and pull tango of two people but has to ultimately decide which one they should choose. Often, the one that they ditch is instantly disliked by the audience but, here's the thing, they never really tell you what happens after The End. Terrible sequels notwithstanding.
Tanya sighed, she wasn't a bad person, she knew that, she just, wasn't the leading lady in Alice's life but, she hoped that she would be to someone, someday. She looked out the window and felt lighter at the prospect.
Interestingly, little did Tanya know that love was to be found quite literally around the corner, when she would eventually bump into a woman, by the name of Irina in two weeks' time, on a Tuesday.
Thank you for reading. If you're wondering what song I'm referring to it's Martin Solvieg ft. Dragonette-Hello.