This one didn't fully come together until the song Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys played while I was brainstorming. Great song, and just the inspiration I needed.
That damn song was playing again and Jade couldn't bring herself to turn it off. It pulled her from her heavily induced sleep riddled with dreams of a certain someone she was tired of thinking about. She had the dreams almost every night that week and they just wouldn't stop. Now the stupid song was another reminder of just how deep she had fallen. She yanked out her earbuds and pushed away the music device. With a grumble she rolled out of bed in search of food followed by her father's expensive scotch. It was the weekend and she had slept in.
Her parents weren't coming back until Monday so she had all the rest of that day and the next to waste away while she tried to get Tori Vega out of her head. She poured herself some and then tipped it back quickly, grimacing at the taste. She hated it but it was strong and the only source of alcohol in the house. She drank another and then plopped on the couch, enjoying the warmth it brought. After another she was numb and buzzed. Not drunk but getting there. It wasn't enough to stop yet because she could still remember the way Tori felt against her. The softness of her skin, the firm resolve in her kiss. She groaned and began pouring more.
"A little to remember the good stuff but a lot to forget the bad," she slurred to herself. She tossed it back and slumped into the couch. She didn't want to think of the possibility that even booze wouldn't erase that night from her mind, but she would try, so she kept drinking. With most of the bottle gone all rational thought left her. Tori was now more present in her mind than ever. The only difference now was that the drunk side of her wanted her in a way the sober side of her could never accept. She should call her, talk to her. Just to hear her voice. That wouldn't be nearly enough though. She had to see her. Right now. She stood and wobbled her way back to her room to get dressed and then left her house.
Once outside she walked a little more steadily with a lot of concentration applied. She headed down the street and then across down another block to get to Tori's house. Nothing in her thoughts could excuse it as a bad idea or a good one so she just kept going. She only stopped when she was standing in front of the Vega residence. She wasn't worried about the rest of the family being home. They never were. Even drunk she knew how messed up it was to leave Tori alone all the time. Her parents were neglectful of their children. She knew the signs. Her own parents were the same way. But this wasn't about them, it was about how bad she wanted Tori again. So, she pushed her way inside to see Tori laying on the couch watching TV.
"I'm here. What's your next two wishes," she stated, shutting the door and further strutting into the house. Tori sat up with surprise written all over her face. She had thought the anger Jade had over that last night together was enough to ruin any chance of friendship they had so she wasn't expecting her to just burst right into her house again like she always had before.
"Jade, what are you doing here?" she inquired, pushing off the couch to stand.
"You know why I'm here," she answered, advancing on Tori who stumbled to step back and keep space between them. Suddenly, her head tilted with recognition.
"Have you been drinking?" she questioned.
"Maybe," Jade allowed with a sloppy shrug. Just standing Tori could see her swaying a little.
"Jade, you have to stop doing this. It's an endless cycle," she told her, tone as firm as she could manage. As much as she wanted Jade she couldn't stop accepting her when she was so willing to reciprocate, because deep down, she knew Jade wanted to but couldn't unless that wall she always had up was dismantled with alcohol. But Tori wanted her sober. She wanted her to accept her feelings so that they could finally stop hurting. Or maybe Jade really didn't have any feelings for her. Maybe it was all just a game. Either way, she really wanted to know the truth behind it all.
"I know. I'm pathetic," Jade spat, angry at herself, her head bowed in guilt. Tori almost forgot just how honest she became when she was under the influence.
"No, you're only human," she corrected.
"Hey, there's no need for name calling," Jade replied, moving to fall on the couch. Tori stayed where she was. Silence fell with the only exception being the TV in the background.
"I hate that I can't hate you more than I already do," Jade growled, frustration clear. Her hands gripped tightly at the couch but she kept her head bowed so that she wouldn't see the pain she caused on Tori's face.
"How can you say that after everything you did to me?" Tori demanded, her voice rising with indignation. Jade didn't miss the way it wavered. She stood abruptly to stare down Tori.
"So you hate me too then?" she stated.
"Jade…you keep coming over here. We end up tangled in my sheets and then the next morning you're gone. I can't keep letting you do this over and over again in hope that the next time will be different. I want to hate you for what you do to me, but I can't. I honestly just want it all to stop," she replied, her voice broken now. She wished Jade would look at her but she kept her eyes averted. She knew looking at Tori would break her.
"Fine. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accuse me of things I clearly did," she intoned, turning away to leave. She paused when Tori grabbed her arm.
"Jade, wait," she called to her. Jade could hear her voice clogging with emotion. She let Tori guide her back down to the couch and then she joined her. She took Jade's hand in hers and carefully placed the other on her pale cheek. The contact successfully brought Jade's hazy gaze to meet her own teary eyes.
"I just want to know if you feel the same as I do. Please Jade, just tell me. Because even if you don't remember this, or if you do, by tomorrow at least I'll know whether it's worth it to let you in again," Tori whispered, her voice dying as tears replaced it. Jade leaned in to rest her forehead on Tori's, her breath strong with alcohol. It was like that alone could cloud Tori's judgment but really it was the proximity of the girl before her.
"I don't know if you feel the same as I do…but we could be together if you really want to," she continued, closing her eyes to wait out Jade's reply. She chuckled and removed Tori's hand from her face so that she could cradle Tori's face in her own hands. Her touch was gentle and her eyes were unguarded.
"You should know by now how I feel if I keep crawling back to you," Jade responded, self-depreciating humor in every word she uttered.
"So can we? Just answer-" Tori pressed, hopeful, only for her words to get cut off by Jade's lips on hers. They were forceful and unyielding at first but softened into a caress the longer they graced hers.
"Am I too late to say yes?" Jade murmured, her lips brushing Tori's as she spoke.
"Never," Tori answered with a small shake of her head. She knew that there was a good chance Jade would deny ever saying those words when she was sober again, or maybe not even remember them, but hope and an aching need for her won out. Tori grabbed Jade by the front of her shirt and kissed her with everything she had, gaining a groan from her. She slipped off Jade's shirt and then pulled off her own. She pressed her back into the couch to climb on top of her but Jade stopped her, a hand pushing her back.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
"We should take this to your room," Jade suggested, a little out of breath. Tori quickly got up and pulled Jade up with her. She led the way to her room only for Jade to clumsily force her against the wall and connect their lips again. Tori switched their positions and molded her body to Jade's, her hands taking in her curves. Jade moaned into Tori's mouth and a leg lifted to hook on her hip. Tori grabbed the other and lifted Jade into her arms. Her strong legs hugged her close and she moaned at the feeling of Jade's hips pressed to hers. Her fingers dug into Jade's back while her mouth found her neck. Jade growled when Tori bit into that sweet spot at the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Her legs tightened and she yearned to grind into Tori, but in her current position she couldn't.
"Tori, the bed," she gasped urgently, vulnerability apparent. Tori nodded and carried Jade into her room. She kicked the door closed behind her and dropped Jade on her bed. She then yanked at Jade's pants and tossed them aside with her shoes. Jade impatiently undressed herself while Tori did the same. Once she was bare she joined Jade in bed, their bodies meeting and fitting perfectly. The sounds of their shared passion filled the room as it had before, but this time, Jade noticeably gave Tori the permission to dominate her, taking her hard while she put up no resistance. Usually it was the other way around. Tori wasn't used to her begging and pleading but she was greatly turned on by it and was in no rush to stop. In short, she enjoyed it immensely.
The third time she brought Jade over the edge she cried out Tori's name. She had never done that before, no matter how many times Tori called out Jade's name during release both now and before. When they were too exhausted to keep going Jade curled into Tori, her arms hugging her close. Jade never cuddled afterwards but this time she did. Tori couldn't help but gain more hope that she would get to call Jade her own and finally be able to give herself in return. They slept soundly, and in the morning, Tori woke up to Jade still curled up in the same spot. She smiled sleepily and kissed Jade's nose. Blue-green hues revealed themselves when her eyes fluttered open. Tori waited with bated breath, anxious. Jade's eyes were focused, vividly lucid, and trained on Tori even though she had drank the day before and was just waking up.
"Have you been staring at me all this time?" Jade's scratchy voice questioned. Tori smiled and shook her head the best she could.
"Oh good. I wouldn't want a creeper for a girlfriend," Jade remarked, laying on her back to stretch out casually while Tori laid there with wide eyes in disbelief.
"Wait, what?" she spluttered, pushing up to prop herself on her elbow. Jade rolled back on her side and reached over to idly curl a lock of Tori's attractively tousled hair around her finger.
"You heard me. I'm not repeating it," Jade mumbled, her eyes still on Tori.
"No, I mean, I guess I just-well, I wasn't expecting it," she finally spat out.
"Isn't that what you want?" Jade inquired, her hand now sliding into her hair. Tori closed her eyes and basked in her touch.
"Yeah, it is, but what do you want?" Tori replied, her eyes opening to travel over Jade's features. She didn't wear a trace of uncertainty when she answered.
"I want you to be mine, and…I want to be yours," she stated, leaning in to punctuate the simple reply with a tender kiss that brought tears of happiness to Tori's eyes. She let Jade pull her closer and deepen the kiss. One thing led to another and the Jade she knew surfaced to confidently guide her over the edge of pleasure. The sole fact that Jade was willingly making love to her sober was liberating. When she came down Jade gathered her into her arms and kissed her once more. The thrill of finally having Jade as her own turned into the overwhelming need to take her out, and she knew just the place to go.
"I want to take you on a date," Tori said, excited. Jade smiled softly and ran a hand through her raven hair.
"What do you have in mind?" she asked, falling on her back and spreading out comfortably. She took up much of the bed so Tori shifted closer so that she wasn't forced off the side. Jade encouraged her to lay on her chest and she did so, draping her arm over her bare stomach.
"I have two concert tickets," she responded, a smirk appearing.
"You know the fastest way to my heart, don't you?" Jade commented.
"It would be ridiculous if I didn't," Tori pointed out.
"True. Well then, when is it?" Jade inquired. Tori drew out patterns on Jade's toned torso when she answered.
"It's your lucky day," she whispered.
"You mean they're for today?" Jade said, looking down at Tori.
"Yep. I've, uh, kinda been saving them in hopes that you would go with me," she confirmed, her voice weakening a little towards the end. She couldn't keep back the habit of expecting to be let down. But Jade didn't decline.
"I'd love to go with you," she accepted. Tori grinned and pulled her into a firm kiss.
"Then I'll see you back here around six and then we can head out," she said, jumping out of bed without a care that she was still naked. Jade appreciated her body as she got up too. She threw on her clothes while Tori pulled out a new set and then put on her robe, planning to get in the shower. She walked Jade to the door and they shared one last kiss before Jade left. She took a long relaxing shower and then made sure all her work for school was done just in case they ended up staying out late and she had no time to do it when she got home. She was more than ready when Jade returned to pick her up. Tori let her in with a smile which Jade returned. She laughed at the black shirt sporting red font. It was so Jade.
"Like it?" Jade asked her after shutting the door and kissing Tori on the cheek.
"It's very much you," she observed.
"I know," she replied with an easy going shrug. They left after that and headed deeper into the city. Just showing up at the venue was a hassle as the crowd was already rowdy. Jade kept a firm hold on Tori the whole time. She even stood up to a guy who kept rudely hitting on her while Jade was busy buying souvenir shirts for them. She turned back around just as he made a move towards her girl.
"Hey buddy, back the hell off," she growled, shoving him away.
"Watch it you trashy Goth or I'll totally total you," he snapped back.
"Totally?" she mocked.
"Totally!" he repeated, not aware that she was making fun of him. Jade had enough of the loser. She pulled Tori into her arms and kissed her in a way that was not at all suitable in public. It scrambled Tori's thought process so that all she could do was respond. When Jade pulled away she smirked smugly at the shocked guy and jabbed her thumb at her shirt.
"Read my shirt," she yelled at him. His eyes glanced at the red words that told him to fuck off using as many swear words as possible. He scoffed and waved her off but left with his tail between his legs none the less. Tori burst out laughing.
"Jade, you're horrible," she commented.
"Hey, you might not like that directed at you but you have to admit you like seeing others on the receiving end," Jade joked.
"Only if they deserve it," she admitted.
"That's enough for me," Jade said, kissing Tori's cheek and then handing her the newly bought shirt.
"There's really no need to cuss him out though," Tori added, pulling her shirt on over her own.
"He deserved it. You said if they deserve it then it's fine. Besides, I have an extensive vocabulary. Fuck just happens to be my favorite word," Jade explained with a shrug. Tori stifled a giggle while Jade reluctantly put the new shirt over her own. She liked her shirt but at least she got to point it out before covering it. On the way to their seats Jade had to stop a beefy guy from practically falling on Tori. She moved her out of the way in time and growled at the guy.
"Hey! Watch where you're going!" she yelled over the noise of people.
"You watch where you're walking," he retorted, none too brightly.
"I was! You're the one who almost ran over my girl," Jade snarled in return. She could feel Tori pulling at her arm in an effort to stop the potential fight from brewing but Jade ignored her. She fiercely protected what or who she cared about and now Tori was one of them. She wasn't about to step down.
"Fuck off small fry," the meathead dismissed, shoving her by the shoulder. She teetered and Tori rushed to catch her. She found her balance by accepting the help and then charged at the guy. She gathered enough momentum to send him stumbling back when she shoved him. He fell over right on top of a security guard making his rounds. Tori hastily pulled Jade down an aisle of seats just in time. Jade watched with a smirk as the guy motioned to her in his wild attempts to explain himself. She couldn't hear what was being said but the grumpy look on the security guard's face said it all. The guy was escorted out and Jade laughed her amusement, taking her seat when she saw that Tori was already sitting.
"Are you done?" Tori inquired, faking disapproval.
"Yeah, just enjoying the fun of making those inconsiderate fucks aware that I'm not a push over and that if they bother you-" Jade ranted, only for Tori to placate her with a kiss.
"Relax," she ordered, patting Jade on the cheek before turning away. Jade chuckled and took Tori's hand in her own. The crowd was beginning to settle in as the show started up.
"Thank you, Jade," Tori screamed over the cheering crowd, leaning closer so that Jade could hear her better.
"For what?" she screamed in return.
"For this. For giving us a chance," she answered, raising their intertwined fingers. Jade smiled, a sincere one that made Tori grin.
"Thank you for not giving up on me," Jade told her. They shared a smile and then turned to the stage to cheer with the crowd. In that moment, surrounded by excitement and energy, they both held a steady warmth within them. The back and forth uncertainty was finally over between them. They now knew the answer to the question 'Do I want to know if she even felt the same way that I do?' The answer was 'Yes'. Both were determined to make it work, because they didn't want to waste another day apart.