It's been a few months since we lost Hope. Things have not gotten better. Klaus and Hayley are still grieving and Elijah is trying to bring everyone together as a family. I don't know exactly how I feel about everything. I'm so sad about the baby, but part of me feels like I have no right to grieve over something that was never mine. Sometimes I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Klaus has become so distant lately. I mean it's understandable considering Hope and the problem with the wolves. I have just kind of been walking around like a ghost. I guess I live her now because Klaus won't sleep unless I'm with him. I'm not sure if he needs me or if he just wants to cling to what was. I want to say that I still love him, but I feel like what we have is slipping.

Today I got out of the house. I invited Hayley to come with me, but she stays away from me because she is afraid that she won't be able to control her hunger. I missed having her around. She helped me with my transition into a semi normal life. I wish I could help her. As I was walking I started to feel like somebody was watching me. I felt very uncomfortable. I may not be a vampire anymore, but I knew when somebody was following me. I continued to walk but I went down an alley, which probably wasn't the best idea but I do have stake hidden on me. I grabbed the stake and held it behind my back. Then a mysterious man turned the corner. He didn't seem shocked that I was waiting for him. He smiled at me. Something about him seemed so familiar, but I knew I had never seen him before. Finally he said," Hello, my name is Kaleb."

I asked, "Why were you following me?"

"You're not going to give me your name I see."

"No I'm not going to tell my stalker my name."

He laughed." You interest me."

I scoffed," Sorry dude but you're not getting laid today."

"I would expect nothing else from you."

I was confused." Why do you act like you know me?"

He smiled and walked away. What was up with this guy? He was mysterious and charming, but there was something off about him. For some reason I was drawn to him, but it felt wrong. I walked into the bar to get a drink. Good thing about being human is that I can get drunk quicker. I had a few drinks, but I knew I couldn't get drunk as much as I wanted to because I don't think I'm allowed to feel pain about all that has happens. And someone has to keep it together or else everything will fall apart. I start to take a drink when someone says," Don't you think you should stop."

I knew who it was and I replied," I know how many I can drink before I get drunk, Elijah."

He sat beside me.

"Why are you drinking?"

"Because life sucks."

"Kind of the idea of vampirism."

I hated that I laughed at that.

"Am I justified to be sad?"

He looked confused." I don't quite understand?"

"Hope was not my child, but I feel like I lost her to. Do I have a right to be sad?"

"I think that the child meant something to you, and you are a part of this family. You lost someone, and yes, you can grieve."

Elijah left after that. The bartender poured me another drink. I was tempted to drink it, but I pushed it away. Sometimes I hated that Elijah could make me feel better. I guess I just needed some attention. I just feel like I need more attention from Klaus, but I can't be selfish right now. I love Klaus, but I don't know if I can do this anymore. Then my mind wondered to Kol. I was back in his bedroom. We had just made love. He was smiling at me. When he smiled it felt like the world stood still. He made my cold skin burn with passion. He said," You're beauty surpasses the stars." I had never felt more in love before. Then my brain snapped back to reality. I know now that Kol never really loved me, but I want to believe the lie sometimes. I hated that I still thought about him. I don't know if I will ever fully forget about what we shared rather or not it was real or fake.

I walked out of the bar, and I bumped into someone. I looked up and of course it was my stalker guy. I hated that he was so freaking gorgeous. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a few interesting thoughts about him. He smiled at me. He looked almost as cocky as Klaus. Maybe that was my type. Normally I would just walk away, but I did like finally having some attention. I mean I don't want to take away from them, so I've been the one stepping aside. But now having this male attention makes me feel a little better. I know this is a bad idea but I said," Kaleb right?"

He grinned," You remembered. Although I still don't know yours."

"It's Olivia."

"Well Olivia you're beauty surpasses the stars."

Then I felt like something was crushing my lungs. It couldn't be true, but in my world anything could be true? It was another body, but it was him. It was Kol.

"Kol."

"I'm touched you remember that night."

I scowled," I remember every night that I had to suffer with you!"

"Now now let's not be rude. You know you loved it."

I sighed," Was any of that real?"

"Every bit."

He moved closer to me in this foreign body.

"You're a terrible liar."

"Let me prove it."

I couldn't breathe.

"How?"

"Meet me…tonight."

He slipped a piece of paper into my hand and walked away. I could finally breathe again. The world around me was shattering. Kol was alive, but he was in someone else's body. How could this be? With questions still swirling around in my head I walked back home. I wanted to tell Klaus, but I didn't know how to tell him. Everything was so screwed up, but if we are really a couple then maybe I should tell him. Then it's settled I'll tell him that his brother is alive and kicking. Kol may see this as a betrayal but it would be more like payback. I wanted revenge on him so badly but another part of me just wanted him to love me. All those feelings came rushing back when I realized that it was him. Before I could push it under the surface, but with everything that's happened and seeing him in the flesh, even though it's not his own, makes me feel like I did back then.

When I got back to the house Klaus was just staring at a blank canvas. There was already so much going on his life. Maybe I should wait to tell him about Kol. I walked past him and went to my room. I was never really in there much, because Klaus needed me to sleep with him. But I needed my own place to think. I think I just needed to see Kol one more time before I told Klaus. I know Klaus would see this as a betrayal, but I needed him to answer a few questions for me. I just needed to do this for me.

Later that night I was getting ready to meet Kol. My hair was straight and I was wearing a purple V-neck and jeans. I hated that I tried on like a million outfits, but I was so nervous. I originally had a whole plan for how I was going to sneak out of the house, but when I got downstairs nobody was there. They were probably off drowning their sorrows in alcohol or blood. So I used this opportunity to get a clean get away. I walked to my unknown destination, which was probably not the best idea considering that I was now human and I'm pretty sure that he knows it. So I walked inside this deserted place. I was really worried, but there stood Kaleb/Kol looking at me in a way that was all Kol. I felt like I was going to melt. Then he said," I'm glad you decided to come. I'm guessing my siblings know nothing of this."

I replied," I didn't want Klaus to worry."

He laughed," So my brother has found a way to weasel himself in between your legs."

"At least he's getting the job done."

Lately we hadn't really had sex but Kol didn't need to know that.

"Well maybe we should practice."

"Just tell me what you want from me."

"I want you back."

I can't say I wasn't tempted. Then before I could reply his face changed. Something told me this was no longer Kol.

He said," Please help me!"

"Kaleb?"

"Yes, please help me."

And in that brief moment he was gone. Kol was back but he didn't seem to remember what happened. Then a plan formed in my mind.

"Kol, I want to be with you, but I want you not Kaleb."

"How could we do that?"

"I know where your body is and I know some witches. I'll find a way."

His face seemed to light up. I knew it wasn't because he wanted to be with me, but the prospect of getting his old body intrigued him. I kissed him on the cheek and left. I knew I couldn't keep up the lie for long, so I had to leave before he saw through me. On the way home I started planning. I would first find those witches that despised Kol and I would make a deal with them. Then I would retrieve Kol's body. They will do the swap and as payment they can kill Kol. I hated to think that I would be the one plotting his death, but no good would come of Kol, so he must die.