So FINALLY...They are going to have THAT TALK!

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Have a great weekend!

Chapter 11

"I don't blame you, Derek. I really don't. I know Laura decided to leave and you had just lost you family... I get it now... I am not mad at you. But I was pretty scared back then. I had lost the people that came closest to being a family to me. I had lost... I had lost my best friends. When Cora died in that fire and you left me... I was alone! I had to go to school and you weren't there. None of you were. I was alone and suddenly I wasn't part of a pack anymore. I mean, I've never been really part of your pack, never followed your mother as you did but I had never had the urge to have my own pack. But when you left I had to accept that I was the last of my pack, my own family – an alpha. Deaton helped me to accept it, even though he was you emissary. He helped me to be an alpha -an alpha without a pack. A thirteen year old alpha without a pack or a family." She stopped. She could feel Derek holding his breath. "I had to accept that you left me..."

"I'm so ... I'm so sorry..." He whispered.

They both went silent for a moment.

"I visited Peter from time to time to check on you, you know?" She confessed.

"What do you mean 'to check on us'?" He wondered.

"Well, he was the last of the pack who survived except from you. I figured he would somehow become an alpha if you..."

"If we were dead." Derek ended her sentence.

"Yeah...but he just lay there. He wasn't able to communicate but I guess, I just hoped he would change then so I would know. But he never did. I assumed you had to be alive. So I decided to leave town to look for you on my own. When I turned 16, I told my grandparents I would attend a boarding school. I left Beacon Hills to find you. I... I wanted to know what had happened, why you left me. I... missed you so much. I needed you so much" She whispered.

"But you couldn't find us..." He said.

"I couldn't. I tried to comb through every state but, well. I was 16, right? I had to find a place to sleep and get something to eat once in a while. I wasn't like Laura and your mother. I cannot transform into a real wolf so it was hard. I had to work a few weeks in a row to be able to pay for a bed and some food and then I would run through the whole state to find you. I was more a wolf than human – sleeping in the woods, hunt down animals. I told myself that I had to give up eventually – was angry at myself for thinking like that and for not being able to find you. I had relied on my powers but they had failed me. I fought with myself but when I got a call from my grandfather ... I stopped." She told him. Thinking about those days hurt. She could feel the lump in her throat grow bigger.

"Why did he call you?" Derek asked, feeling something horrible would follow. He hadn't said a word during the last minute. He had to realize what she had been through – what burden she had had to bear. He felt sick – he felt guilty – he hated himself.

"He just told me to come home. As soon as possible. He wouldn't tell me why, so I told him I wouldn't be able to just come back to Beacon Hills because of school and then... then he had started to cry." She gulped.

"So you came back." Derek felt even sicker.

"Yeah, I did. I came back and my grandma... she had cancer. I could smell it inside of her body without seeing her... she was full of it. She had been sick for the last year but they hadn't told me. I think they had tried to contact me but I was on the run and... well... I don't know. Maybe they just wanted to wait if she could be saved. " Anna went on. "But she couldn't. She was dying and in incredible pain. So I decided to..."

"Please, Anna... please don't tell me that you..." Derek expected the worst. Had she tried to turn her? Had she even taken her life?

"I had to do something, Derek. I had to take her pain away... This was the least thing I could do for her. I loved her. She was my grandma..." She whispered.

"But you... you didn't...?"

"Kill her? No... but...I thought about it. It scared me to see her in so much pain, to see my grandma die and my grandpa cry for her. So one day I turned." She confessed. Love had been her anchor. And seeing a loved one suffer had done the trick. "I had told her that I could help her with her pain and while I was absorbing it...I could feel her pain. It was too much for me... I shifted. For the first time in my life I shifted right in front of my grandparents."

Now Derek started to feel his eyes fill with tears again. She had been strong for all these years and he knew how powerful her self-control had been. She must have felt terrible – it must have been the worst for her.

"They were shocked, scared and... disgusted." She stopped.

Derek remembered Frank's words: "She was sick." He cringed.

"That's why, Anna?" He whispered.

"Yes, Derek. That's why I never turn. To see this hatred in their eyes – the fear. It killed me. I left the next day. Never saw my grandma again. I swore I would kill my inner beast... when I realized I couldn't, I started paralyzing it. I only turned on a full moon for a few months until I found someone to help me. He was an emissary. He didn't want to help me at first but I...I eventually made him sell me a cage." She went on.

"Made of moonstone." Derek stated.

"Yes... So... I wouldn't even turn on a full moon." She added.

"That's aweful, Anna." Derek felt horrible. "You are a werewolf – a born one! That is who you are. You are killing a part of yourself. This isn't you – Anna. You are not human. You are a werewolf...Like your mother and her whole family and... like I am..." His voice broke.

"No Derek. I... I hate being a wolf. I hate being a lone alpha. I had nobody. The only way to start a new life was to be human. To feel human. I stopped healing, suppressed my instincts. I had a fresh start, Derek." She explained him.

"But you are not human. Deaton said your body is sick, Anna. You are slowly killing yourself. Shifting could kill you right now." He got angry. Why would she want that? He had felt pain before, he had lost loved ones but he had never wasted even a single thought about wanting to be human.

"I know that Derek. That's why I don't shift. I have a life! I have friends, I had a job; I've even been engaged. I was pretty happy until I came back, Derek." She hissed back.

"You have been engaged?" He was baffled. Anna had been engaged? "What happened?" He asked, surprised and somehow hurt. He wasn't sure why.

"Doesn't matter." She could have slapped herself right now. Why would she bring up her ex-fiancé? To tell him that being a werewolf would always be the reason her love life was cursed? To tell him Daniel wanted children – a wish she could not fulfil? She tried to breathe in but the lump in her throat was stopping her.

"Anna... you belong to us. You are a wolf – nothing will ever change that. I am here for you..." He told her. "My pack is strong, we can help you."

"Derek. There is nothing you can do about it. Turning would make me a monster. One, that not even you and your pack could stop. And turning while being as weak as I am right now? It would sure kill me." Anna started crying. "Even if I want to, Derek, I can't."

She hung up.

A deep growl filled the air. Derek was mad. He pursed his lips and his eyes turned red. He threw the phone against the wall where it crashed and fell down into pieces. He exhaled, concentrating. His eyes turned back.

Anna was killing him. She confused him – his feelings. She made him angry and at the same time he felt responsible for her. He felt sorry for her, he was worried about her. The things she just had told him were horrible. He couldn't imagine how she must have felt when the last people she had left had turned away from her.

He would be there for her, he would make her stop to use wolfsbane and he would make her turn eventually – his pack would help her. He had made up his mind. She would become a wolf again and she would start healing – inside and outside. If she didn't, Beacon Hills would be too dangerous for her. He knew Peter was still hiding his true feelings – he was evil and even without his full strength back, a weakened alpha werewolf would be no problem for him. He could kill her and would regain his alpha powers.

They had to keep her safe. He had to help her live without wolfsbane and he had to make her shift eventually. They had to find a way.

He sighed when he looked at the broken phone on the ground.

He would not only have to buy Stiles a new laptop but also a new phone. Stiles would be so pissed.

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