(Chuck runs into room panicking.)
Chuck: Guys, zombies are running into this building!
Everyone: Zombies!
NC: You're joking, right?
Chuck: Look!
(The gang looked through the window and zombies with tentacles coming out of their mouths running towards Nostalgia Critic's office.)
Chuck: oh my god, their Las Plagas zombies!
Tyson: Their what?
Chuck: Zombies that are reanimated by parasites with mouth tentacles.
NC: Does anyone have a weapon?
(The directors shook their head no.)
NC: I have one this gun with only 9 bullets.
Chuck: I have a few weapons in my Buymore car.
NC: Quick, get those!
(Chuck returned with the rifles and guns just as the zombies burst into the building. Nostalgia Critic hides behind his desk as he fires his gun. Tyson and the others hid behind knocked over tables. Chuck calls the agents to get back for help.)
Kasey: What the hell did you do Chuck? All the directors in Paul W. S. Anderson's hit list are in Nostalgia's building!
Chuck: Kasey, we have zombies attacking us and we need your help!
Tyson: I don't want to die!
Sarah: Paul W. S. Anderson directed the Resident Evil movies so he is the only person who has access to the zombies.
Kasey: If the zombies are from that guy, we got to go back to that place.
Sarah: Nostalgia Critic, can you guys hold them off for a while?
NC: They're everywhere!
Kasey: Nostalgia Critic, you have to finish reviewing the movie or this country is going to hell. Got it?!
NC: Yes sir!
(Nostalgia Critic continues to fire at the zombies while continuing the review.)
The volcano spews ash, lava, and flying rocks into the city. Houses were being set on fire, temples tumbled, and explosive rocks were smashing everything. People were panicking and running for their lives. Jon Snow and Mr. Echo to the harbor, but Jon wanted to get Babydoll before Jack does.
Mr. Echo: Milo, this is madness! We have to go to the harbor and find a boat! That mountain is going to kill us all!
Jon Snow: She risked her life for me Attitcus. Risked everything for me! Without her, we would have been killed us in that arena.
Without her begging Jack Bower to spare him and her family and feeling so helpless, you guys would have been killed in that arena. All thanks to that stupid, helpless, begging bitch!
So our hero Jon Snow runs bravely up the streets to get to the villa. That house is so far that it would take an hour to reach Babydoll. She was locked in a room guarded by soldiers. The soldiers died and her friend/servant couldn't open the door. Jon Snow arrives and breaks the door open like a boss.
Babydoll: You came back for me.
Well duh, I'm supposed to come back and save you. I am the main hero in this movie aren't I?
The cliff collapses and half of the villa begins to fall into the sea. The time slows as Babydoll's friend/servant runs to get to them. With slow motion and dramatic music, she fells to her death. Well, that was pointless.
Jack Bower's soldiers try to get to the harbor and decided to block the street and kill people. Really? Mr. Echo tried to get to the harbor. But the volcano made a tsunami and the harbor was destroyed, leaving part of the city flooded. Mr. Echo runs back to into the streets as he saves a mother and child from that giant wave. Making this scene even more pointless.
Tyson: According to historical records, tsunamis did occur, but there were mild ones. They were not that big that they would flood the city.
Tyson: You get extra bullets for your shotgun if you tell more about the eruption.
Tyson: The eruption in 79 AD was a Plinian type, named after both Pliny the Elder and Younger. The nature of this eruption is that it releases tons of ash and rock into the sky and blankets everything in the surrounding area. There were no volcanic bombs. There were massive quantities of lighter air-filled water floating rocks known as pumice. Most people who were trapped in the city died of soffucation as they inhaled ash and toxic gases released from the volcano.
NC: I love this guy!
(Nostalgia Critic tosses more bullets to Tyson and Tyson continues to shoot more zombies.)
Babydoll and Jon Snow run for cover as rocks fall from the sky. They got under a roof and wait for the rocks to stop falling. It would have been better if it was raining cats and dogs. (Cats and dogs falling from the sky.)
Babydoll: Is this the end of the world? Why would the gods let this happen?
Jon Snow is like, "I don't know and I'm looking right at you because you are so pretty." They were reunited with Mr. Echo. He warned them that there was no way to escape. They have to travel south from the volcano. So they had to get back into the arena to get a horse in order to escape from the city. They decided to go back to where they were fighting before the volcano erupted earlier. Basically, they are going back to point A.
Babydoll runs to her dead parents as Jon Snow and Mr. Echo searches for horses. She goes alone with a blank expression on her face when she sees them. Then Jack Bower sneaks up behind her. How does he know she would come back to the arena? What the hell is he, psychic?
So Jack's Romans are patrolling the basement of the arena as everyone fled from the volcano. Jack Bower takes Babydoll away. Jon Snow and Mr. Echo fight his last soldiers in the arena. Why would they still be here?! Shouldn't they just get out of the city instead of fighting in the arena? You got a motherfucking volcano in the background that is going to kill you all! Think these things through!
Mr. Echo tells Jon Snow to rescue Babydoll while he stays to fight Jack's Bodyguard, who the last person was standing. So Mr. Echo fights that guy as if they know each other for a long time. This makes no sense! Why has a long fight if you don't give us a reason why Mr. Echo had to fight Jack Bower's assistant? Do I have to mention over and over that there is a VOLCANO BEHIND YOU?!
The camera keeps switching from Mr. Echo fighting Jack's assistant to Jon Snow rescuing Babydoll from Jack Bower. Mr. Echo gets wounded and snapped the sword. Now I would give one credit for this line,
Mr. Echo: Let's see if a Roman can die equal to a gladiator. A gladiator does not beg!
He finally kills Jack's assistant and fell to his knees as he was about to die.
(Sarah and Kasey rushed back into Nostalgia Critic's place. The zombies ran after the two and the agents swiftly shot each one in the head. The directors were then able to fight off the rest of them. Chuck on the other hand was getting strangled by one, but Sarah saves him as she kicked the zombie's head off. Everyone cheered as they all killed the zombies, but that celebration ended shortly as a tall man in a black jacket in sunglasses appeared out of nowhere. The agents, Chuck, and Nostalgia Critic recognized him.)
Kasey: (Aimed his gun at him.) Paul W. S. Anderson!
Anderson: Oh my, I should have guess that the Nostalgia Critic would be involved with this CIA mission.
NC: Screw you! We know that you were trying to kill those directors with your fucking zombies. It is all just because you can't get an Oscar because of your super bad movie known as Pompeii.
Anderson: Don't mock me, Nostalgia Critic. The other way to win the Oscars is to kill you.
(Kasey and Sarah got between Nostalgia Critic and Paul W. S. Anderson and aimed their guns are him.)
Sarah: Surrender now, Anderson!
Kasey: Or we will make you!
Anderson: Piece of cake!
(Nostalgia Critic continues to hide behind the desk along with the others. Sarah and Kasey fights against this bad director, who fights like Albert Wesker and Agent Smith. As he watched them fight, he continued with the review.)
NC: I need to get back to this review before it is too late!
So during the chase, Babydoll breaks free and crashes the chariot into a building. Jon Snow finally confronts Jack and the two fight. Jon wounds him and a fireball smashes right next to them. The debris cleared up and Babydoll sees that Jack Bower survived but what about Jon Snow. Few second later, Jon Snow pops out of nowhere and falcon punches him.
FALCON PUNCH!
Babydoll chains Jack Bower up.
Jack Bower: You bitch!
Oh my god, his accent is gone! This is even more entertaining!
He was about to kill Jack Bower when the volcano sends a raging cloud of extremely hot ash down to Pompeii. He changed his mind as he leaves Jack Bower to die.
Jon Snow: My gods are coming for you!
Oh come on! Just fucking kill that son of a bitch! Stab him in the heart, slit his throat, or stab his face! It is not that hard!
The hot ash cloud blows right into Pompeii and Jack Bower gets incinerated. You know, for kids!
Then it races towards Mr. Echo. Apparently, he is still alive after being stabbed by Jack's assistant. Yet he was able to stand up and yell at the raging cloud.
Mr. Echo: For those of us about to die, we salute you. I die a free man!
(Kasey and Sarah kept attacking Paul W. S. Anderson. He keeps disappearing and reappearing. Sarah and Kasey kick and punch, but he dodged their every move. Kasey gets thrown against the wall and Sarah is knocked out cold. Kasey tosses tic tac to Nostalgia Critic.)
NC: What is this?
Kasey: Eat it!
(Nostalgia Critic eats it.)
NC: Minty!
(Then Nostalgia Critic flashes in his mind and suddenly knows Kung Fu.)
NC: Hey asshole, over here!
(Paul W. S. Anderson and Nostalgia Critic have a Mortal Kombat battle, which only lasted for a couple of seconds. (Mortal Kombat theme music) Nostalgia Critic knocks him down to the ground. Paul Anderson wounded and pinned to the floor.)
NC: I am ending this once and for all!
(Nostalgia Critic threw Paul W. S. Anderson into a chair. He ties him and forces him to look at him as Nostalgia Critic returned to his desk. He performs his finishing combat move by finishing his review.)
NC: Paul W. S. Anderson, pay fucking attention!
Jon Snow and Babydoll rushed out of the city just in time. But wait, their horse throws them off as it was too week to run. Jon Snow wants Babydoll to go without him knowing their horse can't carry both of them. Stupidly, she kicks the horse away wanting to spend the last moment with him.
Babydoll: I don't want to spend our last moments running.
What the fuck! Are you that fucking retarded?! He wants to you to escape from the raging ash cloud! Instead you want to die?! You barely know him!
Before we finish this movie off, let's look at those great memories they share together. Jon Snow kills one of her horses when they first met. She rode with him out of the party to get away from Jack Bower. Babydoll dumbly spared Jon Snow risking herself and her family. Wow, those are such romantic memories! (Sarcasm)
Jon Snow: Don't look. Just me.
Remind you of anything?
Jack Dawson: Don't let go.
Yup, I thought so! This is just copying the "don't let go" scene Titanic, but added a volcano to make it original. WHICH DOES NOT WORK!
So for the last second they had together was them staring into each other's eyes and shared a passionate kiss. Finally, the ash cloud shallows them up. The last shot we see is their bodies encased in solid ash still kissing as their love became eternal.
(NC hacks his finger into his mouth)
NC: Are you fucking kidding me? You call this film epic? Bullshit!
Anderson: But it is!
Tyson: It is not scientifically accurate. The victims of Pompeii were not mummified by the ash or lava. They were actually made of plaster in modern times, from material injected into cavities remaining from bodies left in the ash deposits.
NC: what he said.
Anderson: Oh come on, you got to give me credit.
NC: This is stupid! You did not put any chemistry into Babydoll and Jon Snow! You put more special effects and action than acting and storytelling! Kiefer Sutherland as a Roman, were you on drugs?! This action was dumb! Jon Snow was still Jon Snow! I don't know what you were trying to do, but you could only make Michael Bay jealous over this movie!
Kasey: That the finishing move I was looking for.
(Kasey and Sarah handcuff Paul W. S. Anderson. Tyson gets to go back home with the agents. As Paul W.S. Anderson gets arrested, General Beckham meets the Nostalgia Critic in person and shook his hand.)
General: Thank you for accomplishing the mission and saving our country.
NC: Don't just thank me; thank Neil Tyson and Chuck along with the directors. Tyson offered his intake on the movie and explaining what actually happened back then.
General: Well thank you, Professor Tyson.
Tyson: This was great helping out my friend!
NC: But I didn't finish review the movie yet.
Sarah: You told the whole movie and explained how terrible it was scene by scene.
NC: I need to tell my overall of this movie!
This was a total rip-off of Titanic with Dante's Peak and Gladiator. From what we know of Paul Anderson, the characters he creates are very pointless. The acting is terrible. We don't feel a connection with these characters. Most of them have no impact in the film. Too much CGI was put on. It is scientifically inaccurate based on the tsunami, flying fireballs, and lava. The volcano was just put there to keep the audience entertained even though most girls drooled over Jon Snow's abs. There are too many plots in one movie. Most of the actors were chosen for the wrong roles. We all know that the destruction of Pompeii was incredible. Documentaries and books have done well presenting this story.
So overall, Pompeii is absolute shit!
With that being said, I am the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to!
(Nostalgia Critic throws the Pompeii DVD far away where he would never find it again. He watched with awe as it disappears into the horizon. The next morning, Nostalgia Critic heard a knock on the door. He answered it and it was Chester A. Bum holding the Pompeii DVD.)
Chester A. Bum: Oh my god, this is the greatest movie I have ever seen in my life!
Nostalgia Critic: Oh no, here we go again!
The End