Three's Company, Four's A Sit-Com!
"Don't be a fool, NescaFrodo," said Gandgulp, as he watched the half-caff stuffing things into his backpack. "I said you should go soon, not instantly. And I don't think you'll be needing all that equipment."
NescaFrodo reluctantly puts the scuba-suit and harpoon he had intended to take along back inside the wardrobe cupboard. "Okay, Gandgulp... but if I get attacked by a massive subterranean aquatic monstrosity, it is on your head!"
NescaFrodo looks into his pack, musing, "I probably won't need these, either." He removes the wooden crosses, stakes, holy water, silver bullets, tazer-gun, Rambo-style knife, pepper-spray, and his churchkey bottle opener. As he sets each item aside, Sanka promptly takes them up and stuffs them into his own backpack.
"That leaves room for more coffeebeans!" NescaFrodo announced with real cheer. "Sanka, where do I keep them?"
"'s already packed, Mr. NescaFrodo! Here, you can carry the grinder... it's not heavy." He hands his master a small device made of shiny metal, with a well-worn wooden handle. "I've already packed the sugar bowl and the biscuit tin, but cream is going to be the tricky part, sir. It won't keep long in our backpacks!"
NescaFrodo sighed. "I know, Sanka. We're going to have to take some koffemayte with us, it seems. Thank goodness that it is so abundant, here in the Shire!"
Gandgulp sat watching them with amusement. "Well, if you're determined to set out at once, so be it! I shall away to Isencoaster and speak with Sacchrineman the White about what would be the best thing to do with the... 'you-know-what'..." Gandgulp glanced at Sanka, tapped the side of his long nose with his finger and winked at NescaFrodo.
Sanka rolled his eyes. "Mr. Gandgulp, sir, I know about the Coffee Ring. Who do you think has been doing Mr. NescaFrodo's laundry for the past 17 years? He never remembers to take it out of his pocket, and I can't tell you the number of times I have had to scrub coffee-stains out of the entire wash! Why do you think all his clothes are brown?"
NescaFrodo offers his friend a blushing smile, "What would I do without you, Sanka?" Sam turns pink and ducks his head, speechless. "We do need to hurry, don't you see, Gandgulp. If word gets out that I am leaving the Shire, certain persons may hear of it and want to..."
"Come along! Why, we thought you'd never ask! Of course we'd love to come along on your Adventure!" MochaMerry and Drippin pop out of the wardrobe, where they had been hiding. They are already packed and dressed for the road.
"Where are we going?" pipes up Drippin, opening NescaFrodo's backpack and nibbling on his trail-mix.
NescaFrodo gave Gandgulp a rolling eye and said, " You couldn't, perhaps, turn them into spotted toads, could you?"