Dance, Whitey, Dance!

While the Half-caffs were but beginning their adventure in the BlackForest, away down South a Grey Wizeacre was making his way rapidly toward Isencoaster, the home of Sacchrineman the White...

Gandgulp hurried up the steep stairs of Isencoaster, holding his grey skirts high to avoid tripping. He knocked on the door with his knobbly cocoawood staff and listened as it echoed though the great stone structure. After a few moments the door cracked open, and the wizard was regarded by a syrupy eye.

"Yeth?" the doorman lisped.

"Saccharineman, if you please."

"Amazing," mumbled the man, squinting at the wizard. "Your name is Saccharineman, too? There is a Saccharineman who lives here. Are you related?"

"No, I wish to see Saccharineman. My name is Gandgulp."

Upon hearing the grey wizard name himself, the doorman shrank down and slithered away. Gandgulp pushed the door open and followed the slime-trail into the center chamber of the tower.

There he found Saccharineman sitting in front of his make-up mirrors with all the lights blazing, carefully applying pancake to cut down the shine. He glanced up as Gandgulp entered. "No interviews," he said brusquely.

"Saccharineman the White, I have come to your for aid in this hour of need," Gandgulp intoned solemnly

"Come for my aide? What would you want to do with him? He can't even brew a decent cup of tea."

"Not for your 'assistant'! I have come for your help! Great movements are occurring in the world, and you must raise your head and look beyond your next script! The CoffeeRing has been found."

Saccharineman dropped his powderpuff. "The CoffeeRing of Sour'on? Impossible! It has been washed out all these long years past."

"I assure you it has not! We must pool our strength and work together to rid the world of this vile stain, before it spreads to all the linen in Middle girth, and then not all the salt or Perrier in the world will be sufficient to rinse it out!"

Saccharineman affected disbelief, but his eyes glowed with lust. "It is said that he who possesses the CoffeeRing commands great power. The residue of the might of Sour'on at the height of his strength is concentrated in that smudge. Much could one do, who commands such an item."

Gandgulp gaped at the white wizard. "We cannot contemplate using this thing! It's deadly power is corrupting to any who possess great might or wisdom! And one touch of this thing will embitter all the coffee in the land and taint even the brightest robes."

Saccharineman stood up, and he shed his dressing gown. Gandgulp gasped and beheld the White Wizard, now no longer white, but sequined in many colours.

"I am no longer Saccharineman the White, but Sweet'ums, the interpretive dancer! Let me demonstrate, and then you will know, Gandgulp the meddling Grey Wizard, who is mightiest. Maestro!"

And a great well of music began and Saccharineman, to Gandgulp's distress, began to leap and pirouette around the room, his slippers squeaking on the shiny black stone floor. The grey wizard was mesmerized by the unholy sight of a man-like figure of very, very advanced years in a spandex bodysuit.

"And now," said Saccharineman, "You will remain here until you tell me where the CoffeeRing may be found. You can be my audience."

"Don't you have a nice cold, dark dungeon or some bitter pinnacle of a tower you can confine me to?" asked Gandgulp, too shocked and horrified to look away.

Sacchraineman waved a hand, and a group of horcs, wearing blinders and with wads of marshmallow jammed into their ears, took Gandgulp away and isolated him on the very top of Isencoaster tower, where an icy rain began to fall.

Gandgulp sighed with relief, now unable to hear the sugary music. He wrapped his arms around himself and peered over the edge, observing the plunge of many hundred feet to the stony grounds below.

"NescaFrodo's going to kill me for being late," Gandgulp lamented, gazing toward the North. "I hope that Ranger got my E-memo." suddenly, a speck in the darkling sky caught the Wizard's eye, and he noted with joy that there was a mighty creature winging toward his prison.

"This is a joy beyond any hope!" Gandgulp cried, as the mighty giant Bagel of Manwëhous circled below. With a "Whooo-HOOO!" the old Wizard dove off of the tower and landed neatly in the round center of the magnificent rescuing bread-beast.

"Take me to where I may find a fitting steed, oh Phyllohir, Lord of the Flaky Skies, to bear me back to Eriador!"

"I shall take ye to Breadoras, where ye will find a steed of unsurpassed speed. Hey, no snacking!"

"Sorry," mumbled the wizard, wiping crumbs from his beard. "It's just that you are so fresh and tasty..."

"Ye will find some welcome in the Hall of King Karóden, though it may not be a warm welcome, nor a comfortable one. I will bear ye there, if ye refrain from nibbling on me!"

And so the mighty winged Bagel bore Gandgulp the Grey to the land of Yuban, where still another plot-twist awaits unraveling.