Lord of the Coffee Java of the Ainur

by Lothithil

A Parody of Professor T's magnificent books, written by someone who drinks entirely too much coffee. No potty humour or smut, just lots of cream and sugar and not a little amount of silliness.

17. Chapter 17 Java of the Ainur: Dwarves

Lord of the Coffee: Java of the Ainur
The Making Of The Dwarves

Greatly did Aulatté the Masterbrewer desire the coming of the Children, to have learners to who he could teach his lore and crafts of grinding and brewing beans, and he was unwilling to await the fulfillment of the designs of Brewlúvatar.

And Aulatté made the Dwarves even as they still are, and because the power of Maxwellcôr was yet over the earth, he wished them therefore to be strong and unyielding, to drink the dark black coffee and not sweeten or lighten it with cream.

And Brewlúvatar knew what was done, and he said to Aulatté, "Why hast thou done this? Thou hast from me as a gift thy own bean only, and therefore the creatures of thy hand and mind can live only by that bean, moving only when thou thinkest to move them, and if thy thought be elsewhere, standing idle around the coffeemaker, making jokes. Is that thy desire?"

Then Aulatté answered, "I do not desire such; in my impatience I have fallen into folly. Yet the brewing of coffee is in my heart from my own making by thee: and the child of little understanding that makes a cup of the beans of his father may do so without thought of mockery. But what shall I do now, so that you will not be angry with me for ever? As a child to his father, I offer to thee this thing, the work if the beans which you have brewed. Do with it what you will. But would you not rather drink the work of my presumption?"

"Yuck! Without cream or sugar?"