Pining for the Ford
In the story previous, our brave NescaFrodo had imbibed a cup of java foully tainted with saccharine, and now his rescuer Glorfindelano races to deliver him to safety.
Remember, if we at Glory's Delivery and Balrog-slaying service don't deliver your half-caff in 30 minutes or less, the next one is free!
(no deliveries East of Hithaglir or South of the Gap of Yuban)
Arabica ran on, bells tinkling and jeweled headstall flashing in the sunlight. Glorfindelano held the thinning NescaFrodo before him as they rode, and frequently the half-caff would murmur things like, "It feels good to sweat," or "Count those calories away."
Behind them, the Nutralights rode tirelessly, gnashing their caffeine-stained teeth and rattling their rusty swords, determined to obtain the One CoffeeRing and return it to their master, so he would get off their case, already! They could smell the CoffeeRing, so close they were at last come, and they howled and begged in falsetto voices, "Come back! To Mordonut we shall take you! We will do lunch!"
Glorfindelano ignored these entreaties, and NescaFrodo was too far gone with saccharine-poisoning to listen. He was already losing weight, his fine Shire linen changing to spandex and cotton-rayon tanktop on matching pastel colours. His face was no longer round and jolly, but sunken and pale, with hollow cheeks and hair gone dry and brittle. "Boogie your bulges away," NescaFrodo said weakly.
They splashed across the Ford of Brewin', and the Nutralights were foiled by the sugary water that flowed before them, for their artificially sweetened incorpulent (80 pts) forms could not bear the touch of its pure current of confection.
Just in time, Glorfindelano reached the valley of Imladrip, and took NescaFrodo to the Last Homely CoffeeHouse of Elground, the Edainish. Here was the splendid cafe of the Elves, Rivendell Perk. Glorfindelano hurried the failing NescaFrodo inside, where Elground quickly cured him of his crash diet.
Styroamer and the three other half-caffs arrived some time later, all covered with bruises and scratches from their last debate about the Ranger's interpretation of the rules of Highway Scrabble. (Apparently, Styroamer had tried to convince them that Elvish words were worth triple points, but they weren't having any of that!) They ran to see NescaFrodo, who was sitting up in his bed, eating a blueberry tart. They rejoiced that he was no longer reduced and decaffeinated.
But their joy could not last forever. Soon Gandgulp himself, together with Elground and Styroamer, now called Aromagorn, summoned all the half-caffs into the council chamber for another debate. Sanka trailed along behind NescaFrodo, alternately feeding him chocolate-covered coffeebeans and sighing with relief that his Master was safe for the moment.