O, for a donut so light and sweet!
And a cup of coffee, what a treat!
Elbereth, to thee I pray
Make this Monday go away!

Lord of the Coffee; Fellowship of the Cup:
Bilbean Writes The Songs

As NescaFrodo stood staring after the strange visitor, another shadow came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. NescaFrodo jumped in the air in surprise, then threw himself in a hug around his Uncle Bilbean's neck.

"Hullo, NescaFrodo my lad!" said Bilbean. "So you have got here at last! I hoped you would manage to bring me some good Shire coffeebeans... Rivendell Perk is a lovely place, but they serve tea, mostly. A body yearns for something with a bit more kick. Did you have any with you?"

NescaFrodo wasn't sure. "If we have any beans left, Sanka will know. Have you been here all this time? What have you been doing?"

"Why, sitting and thinking up songs, of course! I love a good tune, and Elves are the best for a good night of karaoke, but they are a little dry on lyrics. I was just working on a song, but I am stuck on a line. I need my friend the Dúnadude to help me with it. Have you seen him, Lord Elground?"

The tall Elf had been hanging around, enjoying the sight of the half-caff's reunion. "I shall see that he is found and brought to you at once. Before we end our merrymaking, we shall hear and judge your new song. I am getting tired of repeats of 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow'."

NescaFrodo drew his uncle to sit on a bench. "What happened when you left the Shire, Bilbean?"

"I got here without much adventure, my lad," the old half-caff said. "I had intended to go on to Baketown and see the dwarves again, my old friends Balinseed and Gloinchop, and the others. But once I got here, they opened a KrispyKreme, and I haven't been inclined to go anywhere for a while... I just love those raspberry jelly donuts!"

NescaFrodo smiled, "Yes, they are very good. Have you tried their tea-rings?"

A strange look overcame Bilbean's face when NescaFrodo said the word 'ring'. His hands began to shake and his eyes bulged. He began to tremble and sweat broke out on his brow. NescaFrodo took a step back, horrified, clutching the coffee-ring that hung around his neck beneath his tunic.

Gandgulp appeared swiftly, stepping between NescaFrodo and Bilbean. He took a slice of triple chocolate torte out of his pocket and stuffed it in the older half-caff's mouth. Bilbean munched on it happily, returning to slowly to normal.

Gandgulp took NescaFrodo slightly aside and whispered, "I forgot to tell you, don't mention the R-I-N-G to your uncle. He's still a little... reactive... to it's dastardly evil powers. Best not to mention it at all, or use that word in his presence." The Wizard winked at NescaFrodo and slipped away.

"What was I talking about?" Bilbean asked, wiping crumbs from his chin. The torte seemed to have restored him to how he had been before NescaFrodo had mentioned a ring.

NescaFrodo said cautiously, "You were telling me about your song..."

Bilbean frowned. "I thought we were talking about donuts. Didn't you say something about tea-rings?"

NescaFrodo stared at him in wonder. "Gandgulp said not to mention it to you!"

"Mention what?" the old half-caff asked, perplexed.

"The word 'ring'!" Immediately, Bilbean began to shake and mutter again. Elground appeared instantly, stuffed a caramel cupcake in his mouth, then turned to NescaFrodo in exasperation.

"Didn't Gangulp tell you not to say that word again?"

"B--but, he said it first!" NescaFrodo gulped.

"Well, don't!" The Elf shook a long finger at the Coffee-Ring Bearer and frowned, his eyebrows arching right off of his forehead. "Just... don't!"

Bilbean was back to normal again, or as close to it as he could be. NescaFrodo resolved to say nothing more at all, but merely listened to his Uncle carry on about Rivendell Perk and all the pastries and different types of tea they offered.

Soon they noticed that there was a tall man watching them, standing in the shadows. Bilbean saw him first and said, "There you are, Dúnadude! I was looking for you!"

"Styroamer!" cried NescaFrodo, "you seem to have a lot of names!"

"You have no idea," muttered Bilbean quietly. "I need help with a song I am writing. Lord Elground wants to hear it before the night is over, and I am stuck on a couplet."

"Let's hear it, then, but if I help you, I want equal billing," the man said, and he and Bilbean went off into a corner to work on the song together.

NescaFrodo was left to himself for a while, for Sanka, who had come and set quietly beside his knee, had fallen asleep on the floor-- that or he had been finally overcome by a sugar-coma. NescaFrodo was alone and felt rather forlorn, although all about him the folk of Rivendell Perk were gathered, swinging blindly at piñatas and playing hopscotch. But those nearest him were silent, intent upon the music of the sound of a percolator bubbling nearby, and the scent of fresh-ground coffee that Sanka must have given over to be prepared made NescaFrodo's mouth water.

He dozed off waiting for the brew to be made, wandering in a dream of coffee and cream that turned into pouring liquid, ringing sweetly in a china cup, and then into a voice. It seemed to be the voice of Bilbean chanting verses. Faint at first and then clearer ran the words:

Eärflandel was a baker-man
that specialized in making flan.
He made a vat of cheese fondue
that tasted a lot like Elmer's glue.
He was widely known for his chocy cake
upon which the hardest teeth would break.
Of his sweetbread all the Elves would talk;
It tasted like a glazed breezeblock!

To Valinor Eäflandel did float
using a bread-loaf for a boat.
Through many Adventures he wandered lost
but he never forgot to his molars floss.
And so in time he came to bow,
before the Valar, a Caffemarill on his brow;
For his wife did insist that his pride be masked
And for directions he finally asked!