Thursday August 6th, 1981

It had been three weeks since Lily had gone to Severus in Spinner's End, and though she longed to slip away and see him in secret, the opportunity simply hadn't presented itself. Harry had a summer cold that kept coming back no matter how much cold and flu potion they gave him and James hadn't been to see Sirius in days. He had been feeling depressed and shut in, hanging around the house, drinking Butterbeers and taking naps.

Lily was in the kitchen washing the last of the dishes from lunch when she thought she heard Sirius' voice. Heading into the front room, she found Sirius standing with James, Harry clutched in Sirius' arms. James was wiping Harry's runny nose with a tissue and Sirius was grinning. James wadded the tissue up and threw it in the little bin by the coffee table.

"Hey, Lily," Sirius said. "I was just trying to convince James to come with me back to my place to listen to the game on the wireless. Moony already said he'd come, as well. I think he should go, don't you?"

"You should go, James, you've been wanting to get out." Lily said encouragingly. Immediately her mind jumped at the thought of some time away from them.

"I know," James said, thoughtfully.

"Maybe I'll bring Harry, too," He said and smiled warmly at his son. "I know you want to get out, don't you, little man?" Harry smiled and blew a snot bubble out of his left nostril. James and Sirius laughed, while James reached for another tissue.

"We can give Mommy some time to herself," James said, taking Harry from Sirius' arms. James carried Harry about with him while he got Harry's bag ready- snacks, tissues, a blanket, diaper cloths. As Lily watched James with Harry, her heart ached with guilt and painful love at the sight of them. James was, after all, a good man, deserving of her love and her loyalty, despite her seeming inability to give it to him.

"Hey," Sirius said, taking a seat on the couch beside where she was standing. "You alright, Lily?"

"I'm fine," she said, looking at him. "It's just been hard."

Sirius nodded understandingly.

James sat Harry down on the couch for a minute to run upstairs to grab Harry a toy, and Lily went to sit beside Harry. She held her son in her arms and smiled at his sweet face. He looked like James most of the time, but looked like her when he was mad or tired, and his green eyes that stared at her were mirrors of her own. When James came back down stairs he bent to kiss Lily where she was sitting and lifted Harry into his arms.

"You know, it's nearly six, why don't you two just stay with Sirius tonight and come back tomorrow morning? Then we can all go to the meeting together," She suggested. Sirius grinned widely, approving of this suggestion, and James smiled. "I'd almost think you were anxious to get me out of the house," he teased, and kissed her again. Lily closed her eyes as their lips met.

"I'll see you tomorrow, we'll be back around ten," James promised, lifting Harry's bag and shifting the strap over his shoulder. "I love you," James told her.

"I love you, too," she said. "Goodbye, Harry! Mummy loves you!" Lily called, and Harry smiled at her and waved goodbye as James carried him out the door.

When the front door was shut and she was sure that they had gone, she went to the coat stand by the door and grabbed her purse. In the smallest pocket of her bag there was a hole in the green silk lining. From this tear in the lining she pulled out a small royal blue book, about the size of her hand. Taking this, she went to the kitchen and selected a biro pen from its place by the cookbooks. She put the water in the kettle on the stove and sat at her kitchen table. Opening the cover of the book and flipping to the second page, she noted three words written there on the paper in a familiar cramped cursive, that hadn't been there the last time she checked.

Are you alone?

Yes, she wrote. I'll come in a bit

Her words seemed to vanish into the parchment, oily biro ink drawn into the make of the paper and then fading to nothing, absorbed.

She waited for a response, listening to the quiet of the cottage. She checked the book once, then twice, before getting up to make herself a cup of tea.

When she got back to the table with her tea, three new words had appeared on the paper:

See you soon

Lily took a few gulps of her tea and left the rest of it half-drunk on the table. She put the little book carefully back in her purse, put her wand in the pocket of her dress, and slipped on her shoes. She closed the windows and locked up the house, going out the back door in the kitchen, through the garden, and eventually to the field behind the cottage. An occasional cricket chirp punctuated the sound of the tall grass rustling softly in the breeze.

With a pop, she was gone from there, re-appearing in Spinner's End. Lily put a hand out to steady herself against the brick wall of the yard- sometimes apparating made her a little dizzy. The bright sunlight, closeness of the houses and the heat of the bricks were intense. She climbed the few steps that led to the door and knocked. Waiting, she studied the weeds growing up through the bricks and noted a flourishing thistle. It was knee high and seemed to be thriving. When Severus didn't answer, she knocked again.

It took a long time for him to answer, and when he did, a wave of heat blasted out the door. Severus let her in and motioned for her to follow.

"It is hot in here," she said, wiping a bit of sweat from beneath her eyes.

"It's cooler in the back of the house," he told her, and led her through the kitchen, and down the hall to the last door. Inside his old bedroom there was a pleasant chill- probably a cooling charm. The bed was unmade and the window was open to the shade along the far side of the house. On the bedside table his wand was sitting on a stack of two books, one small and black, the other slightly larger and faded to a dusty blue. There was a quill and inkwell, a glass of water and a little vial of murky potion.

"I missed you," she told him, kicking off her shoes and sitting back on the bed. She tucked her legs beneath her and smiled at him as he sat down and conjured a second glass of water. She took it from him and had a deep drink, before setting it on the window ledge.

"I missed you, as well," he told her. "How long do you have?" Severus asked, sitting back against the headboard and stretching his long legs out before him.

"Overnight," Lily said with a smile, "I just have to be back early."

She drew him close and put her arms around his thin shoulders, her hands eventually finding the buttons on the collar of his shirt. These she undid nimbly, and leaned forward to kiss the hollow of his throat. Severus moved to put his arms around her, tangling his fingers in her long red hair. He closed his eyes a moment, relishing the feeling of her little kisses on his neck. Moving a hand through her hair, he lifted her chin and kissed her, thinking to himself that the feel of her arms around him had been worth every torment.

"You're the only one for me," He whispered into her mouth.

Later, their clothes strewn about the bedroom, spread out together between the crumpled sheets with the tension temporarily eased, they talked in earnest about the Order, You-Know-Who, and what Severus knew of the Dark Lord's plans. The fear and paranoia that seemed to seep into every other aspect of their lives was held at bay when they were together, first by their passion and then by the intensity of their conversation.

Severus had Voldemort's trust, and was aware of his plans and intentions, which, in knowing them, were invaluable to Lily in her need to protect her family, and the Order, and herself. Severus willingly divulged what he knew in the hopes of safeguarding her in particular from any threat of attack, though he made her promise vehemently that she would only relay his information to Dumbledore and no one else.

As far as it went, hardly anyone in the Order knew Lily had a source of inside information, and she was loathe to reveal who it was to even the few who did know, so after a time the other members eventually stopped pressing her for information about who it might be. Not even Dumbledore himself knew that her information was coming from Severus, though Lily sometimes thought that he might suspect who her source actually was.

And though Severus refused, Lily encouraged him to go to Dumbledore every time she saw him.

"You know you're not loyal to You-Know-Who, I know you're not loyal to You-Know-Who.. Sev, there's no reason for you not to join the Order. You'd be invaluable. They can offer you protection."

Severus looked at her. "As long as I'm not in the Order, I can offer you protection."

"Just go and see him." Lily urged.

"I plan on it," Severus told her. "When the time is right."

What he didn't tell Lily was that he had already been to see Dumbledore, a year ago that very month, to inform him of Voldemort's interpretation of the prophecy and to trade his personal allegiance for a guarantee that Lily would remain safe. Lily knew Dumbledore was the one who had originally learned of Voldemort's plans to hunt her little family down, and did not find it strange when Dumbledore had been the first to suggest that they go into hiding, but she had no idea that it was Severus himself who had told Dumbledore of Voldemort's thoughts on the matter in the first place.

"I just worry about you," Lily told him, helplessly.

Severus looked at her, touched but troubled by her words. He wanted to say that he was capable of taking care of himself, and her, for that matter; he would do everything in his power to ensure they got through it together, and that he would make a way for them by scheming or intrigue, by thievery or murder, but he was quiet instead, and simply kissed her.