Mountain Troll Coffee
in homage to 'The Troll Song' from JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings (with apologies)

Troll sat alone, drinking Mountain Grown
And he munched and crumbled a dry old scone
For time unknown he'd dined alone
For of his coffeebeans was he greedy
Seedy! Beady!
Beans hid in his lair he would not share
And so he was alone and needy.

Then up came Tom, with a portable Braun,
Said he to Troll, "Pray, What's going on?
Can you spare a bean for a quick tureen
And we'll have a cup or two between us?"
Wean us! Seen us!
"A cup of Chai would open my eye
Let's share out a cup between us."

So answered Troll, "Think you can cajole
The golden beans from my hide-e-hole?'
Begone, thou lout! You'll do without!
I'll not share my joe with thee now!"
Hee now! See now!
"Not for gold or jewels or miner's tools
Will I share my beans to thee now!"

Said Tom, "I don't see why the likes of thee
Shouldn't make more free with his coffee.
I am, after all, not especially tall
And I won't eat all of your toffee."
Joffee! Boffee!
"You'll sooner be free of my company
If you give me a cup of coffee."

So, reluctantly, from behind a tree,
Troll produced coffee beans three.
In a blink they were brewed, and the general mood
Upon the mountain was most cheerful.
Not fear-full! Or tear-full!
A jolly cup the two did sup
And the singing was most cheerful!

"This brew," Tom dared, as his cup he reared,
"is the strongest joe I have ever shared!
If I should happen to spill some on this hill
I am sure that hair would grow there!"
Hoe there! Mow there!
"It'd would grow a mushache upon a lass,
So stout is this coffee here!"

"My good Man," said Troll as he drained his bowl
And offered his new friend a cinnamon roll,
"How correct you are! Tho' black as tar
My coffee is delicious!"
Nutrious! Judicious!
"Magically, it's properties
Are a secret equally delicious!"

"You would do well if you were to tell
This secret now, for it would sell
Hot as lava, your 'Troll-brewed Java'
I can envision the gold we'd earn so!"
Learn so! Burn so!
"Just whisper here inside my ear
And to the bank we'll both go!"

But our stout Troll was no trusting soul
And no words of Tom's could extoll
From that stubborn beast the very least
Of info on Troll Coffee.
Waffie! Quaffie!
"A secret spoken is a secret broken.
I'll say no more to thee!"

So from now til The End, we'll find two friends
Sitting on a mountain drinking Blends
Sharing their mood and whatever food
That Tom has thought to bring up.
Fling up! Sing up!
You can come, too, if you like the brew
Just remember to bring your own cup!