The Queen of Cupcakes
And so the Fellowship arrived in the Cafe of Green Tea and were brought before Godivariel Queen of Chocolate, and her husband Celebraun. They were welcomed with fitting words, then Celebraun spoke.
"Eight there are here, but nine there were set out from Imladrip. So it says on your reservations. Where is Gandgulp? For I much desire to speak with him, as he owes me 10 golden mallorn leaves on the last Redsox vs. Whitesox game."
"Gandgulp the Grey did not pass the borders of this land," said the Lady Godivariel mystically, hiding a book in her long white skirts that bore the title 'Amaze and Confound You Friends With Ventriloquism'.
Aromagorn hung his head and spoke, "Alas! Gandgulp remained in Murkeeka and did not escape. He fell closed in combat with the dread Foulgrog!"
"Ai," cried Legolatté, going for the Oscar, "It is the creature that haunts the dreams of the Elves, of all the bean-rots it is the worst!"
"I saw Brewin's Bane!" said Gemli dramatically, not to be out-done by the Elf.
Lady Godivariel came forth, and she took them by their left hands and carefully scrutinized each of their palms. To MochaMerry she said, "Sharpen you sword," and to Drippin she said, "Keep your hands to yourself". She looked at Legolatté's palm and said, "Moisturizer". Boromocha was advised to not buy any long-term life insurance policies, Aromagorn to seek a better agent, and when she came to Gemli, she stopped and stared at him.
Instead of examining his palm, she ran her fingers through his thick beard and cooed, "Ooooo! A Dwarf!" She sat on his lap and took off his helmet, playing with his mass of reddish-gold hair. "I just love facial hair!" she said, batting her long lashes at him.
Gemli turned very red, but Celebraun was too busy to notice, examining the Fellowship's visas.
Haldiroast furrowed his sketchy eyebrows and leaned toward Legolatté to murmur quietly, "Now you see why we don't allow Dwarves in here!"
Sanka tugged on the Lady's long white dress. "'Scuse me, ma'am, what about Mr. NescaFrodo and me?"
"Come and see me later," she purred, happily braiding the Dwarf's long beard. "We'll have some tea."