Please note that this is a professional parody. Please do not attempt to do this at home!
One For The Road
After the Companions of the Cup had eaten and drank some coffee while sitting upon the grass, Celebraun spoke to them again of their journey.
"As you go down the river, you will find water in great amounts, always lying between the banks on either side. Try to keep your boats in the water. They go much faster that way."
The Companions glanced around and then nodded solemnly when they saw Godivariel point toward one of her temples with a finger, making a circular motion. Celebraun did not note her, but continued his speech.
"There beyond the fair lawns of Perk Galen ye will find the Waterslide of Rauros. Brave not the white waters! On the further side are the bleak hills of the Emyn Muumuu. The wind blows from the East there, for they look out over the Dregs Marshes and the Noman-lands to Girth Górger and the Entrance to the Black Café of Mordonut.
"Boromocha and any that go with him seeking Minas Teabag, will do well to leave the river above the Waterslide and descend the Stairs north of Perk Galen. Do not risk becoming entangled in the Forest of Crémehorn. It is a strange land, and is now little known. But Boromocha and Aromagorn doubtless do not need this warning, since they are such know-it-all hotshots."
Now Godivariel rose from the grass, and taking a cup from one of her maidens she filled it with coffee and sugar and cream and gave it to Celebraun.
"Now it is time to drink the coffee of farewell," she said. "Drink, and let not your heart be sad, nor forget thou to take thy meds. Night must follow noon, and already our evening draweth nigh." She brought the cup to each of the Companions then, and bade them drink and farewell. Then she commanded them to sit down on the grass again.
"Wish they'd make up their Elvish minds," grumbled Gemli. Legolatté frowned at him and elbowed him in the ribs.
"We have drunk the Cup of Parting," Godivariel intoned, "and the shadows fall between us. But before you go, I have brought in my ship gifts which the Lord and Lady of Lóriandadánish now offer you in memory of our fair land." Then she called each of them to her in turn.
"Here is the gift from Celebraun and Godivariel to the leader of your company," and she handed Aromagorn a Haldiroast's At-Home-on-the-Range hygiene and grooming kit. "Whenst thou becometh king at last, thy beard will finally grow in. Rule well and look royal."
She turned then to Boromocha, and to him she gave a belt of good scotch whiskey; to MochaMerry and Drippin she gave small silver bells, on strings to wear around their necks, should they get lost.. To Legolatté she gave a bow such as the Godivarim wear in their hair, which matched his outfit as if it had been made for him alone. With it went a pair of combs.
"For your little waiter and lover of spices," she said to Sanka, "I have only a small gift." She put into his hand a little shaker of seasoning. It was in a beautifully carved bottle with a single G rune in silver. "The G stands for Godivariel," she said, "but also it may stand for Garlic in your tongue. It will not keep you on your road, nor defend you against any peril, except maybe vampires; but if you keep and see your kitchen again, then perhaps it may reward you. Use it sparingly; it is the good stuff."
Sanka went red to his ears and muttered something inaudible, as he clutched the box and bowed as well as he could.
"And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the Elves?" said Godivariel, turning to Gemli. She smiled at him and winked.
Gemli cleared his throat as Celebraun frowned at him. "None, Lady," he answered. "It is enough for me to have seen the Lady of Lóriandadánish, and to have tasted her cooking." Godivariel smiled upon him and tucked a piece of paper with her email address on it into his pocket.
The Elves stirred and murmured with astonishment, and Celebraun glanced heavenward and muttered something inaudible.
"And you, Coffee Ring-bearer," Godivariel said, turning to NescaFrodo, "I come to you last who are not last in my thoughts. For you, I have prepared this." She held up a fine coffee cup, wrought of mithril and crystal and cunningly inscripted:
Say Not That The Cup Is Half Empty...
Say Rather That The Cup Is Twice As Big As It Needs To Be.
May it serve you well, and keep your coffee hot when all other containers are cold. Remember Godivariel and her fondue basin!"
NescaFrodo took the cup, and for a moment as it shone between them, he saw her again standing like a queen, great and beautiful, but this time not smeared with chocolate. He bowed, finding no words to say.
They rose at last and took to the boats, settling into the teacup-shaped cockles with their paddles like long-handled spoons. The Elves pushed them out in to the stream, crying farewell. The Lady Godivariel stood on the very tip of the Tongue, and she raised her hands in farewell, her rings shining brightly in the sunlight. The Companions heard her voice raised in the following hymn:
Ah! Like dice fall the cubes into the Drink
Sugar in squares, like little boxes of heaven
The Creme is passed with swift hands around the table
Beneath the drafty flet, during the
Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul
Who now shall brew the coffee for me?
For Vardecaf, Queen of Coffee, has up-lifted her hands
And the paths are flooded with Kalúha
And out of an Earl Grey country, cocoa lies foaming on the waves between us
And steam issues from the teapot for ever.
Now lost, lost is the recipe for Snickerdoodles!
Farewell! Maybe thou shalt find crepés.
Maybe even thou shalt find them. Farewell!