Serious spew-guard warning for those operating delicate ecklectrical devices!
The Lament For Boromocha
For a while, the three companions remained silent, gazing upon the mounded heap of coffee grounds beneath which they had buried their friend Boromocha. Then Aromagorn spoke. "They will look for him in the cafés of the White City," he said, "but he will not return to pay his tab." Then slowly he began to sing:
Through Yuban over cup and caraffé where the coffee flows
The Westinghaus comes waffing, it is pleasing to the nose.
What's new from Yuban, O smelliferous wind, in the bread-house of the King?
Have you seen Boromocha the Stoked as he went searching for Sour'on's bling?
"I saw him drinking seven mugs of coffee freely poured.
I saw him chasing Héomer because he stole his sword.
Gone to the Cafés of Rivendell, in search of the half-caff;
If you see him, say Mayówyn would like his autograph."
O Boromocha! From the high walls I saw your horn gleaming in the sun
But you should learn a different tune than 'Gondorians Just Wanna Have Fun'.
Then Legolatté sang:
Into the mouths of the Elves the coffee flows, taken in small sips
Beware of Elground's brownies, one second on the lips, an Age on the hips!
What news from the Edainish, O sugary wind, whisper sweetly of his lore;
Has Boromocha finally found what he is looking for?
"Ask not of me where he doth dawdle, drinking extra-strong brewed Cain's.
On the white cloths are woven mats to hide the coffee stains
Left behind when the Fellowship went to roast the Coffee Ring.
Oh... you might remind Aromagorn to act more like a King."
O Boromocha! Upon the mountains, beans grow taller than an Elf
Remember that you cannot drink all the coffee by yourself!
Then Aromagorn sang again:
From the Chocolate streams of Godivariel, flowing past the Waterslide
We hustled with NescaFrodo on a teacup ride
What darkroast brew did Boromocha drink to make him lose his head?
Can I get a cup of that to go, and a slice of banana bread?
"Of Sour'on's brew did Boromocha sup, though he knew not what he did.
He freaked out NescaFrodo and the little half-caff hid.
Now he and Sanka have gone ahead, so that the Quest won't fail
While you are left with Boromocha, dead as a doornail!"
O Boromocha! What were you thinking, you should have stayed at home
Where the cream is white and the coffeebeans are always mountain-grown!
Then Gemli burst into song:
Brew, brew, brew your beans
Drink your coffee straight!
Only Elves and girlscouts
Use flavoured Coffeemate!
Aromagorn rolls his eyes toward the reader and says in a whisper, "Now you know why we really didn't let him sing!" kingly wink