The Palantir; Stealing Airtime

MochaMerry knew that there was something bothering his young cousin Drippin, but he couldn't say what, exactly. Ever since they had arrived at Breadoras... indeed, ever since leaving Isencoaster, Drippin had been behaving in a most odd manner. He was constantly humming show tunes, and occasionally he would mutter an advertisement slogan in his restless sleep. MochaMerry was worried about him... if anything happened to the little git, older cousin NescaFrodo would be very disappointed in him.

So MochaMerry kept an eye on Drippin, never letting him out of sight for an instant. It was then that he noticed that Drippin seemed fixated on whatever Grandélf was doing, and constantly watched the wizard and the little round object he kept wrapped in a scarf. The three of them walked around like a big grey mother goose and her two curly-toed goslings.

On night after everyone was bedded down, MochaMerry got up quietly to help himself to a cup of coffee. Where the strong Yuban house-blend made everyone else wakeful and jittery, it relaxed MochaMerry. It wasn't as good as StarBrandybuck coffee, but it would do in a pinch. As he crept softly back to his bunk, he noticed that Drippin's bedroll was empty, and the young half-caff was missing.

MochaMerry searched everywhere, and finally found the naughty Tookas hunched over the crystal sphere that he had picked up at Isencoaster. Apparently, he had stolen it right out from under Grandélf's sleeping nose! What a burglar that lad would have made, thought MochaMerry.

"What are you doing, Drippin? Grandélf said not to look at that thing!"

Drippin's eyes were wide and round, and he didn't look at his cousin when he answered, "Just a moment... we're almost to a commercial break." Then the young half-caff suddenly let out a squeal and collapsed on the ground in convulsions.

MochaMerry cried out for help. "Grandélf! Come quick... Drippin is sick or something!"

The wizard woke and came swiftly to Drippin's side. He saw the crystal sphere, the PalanTV, and he threw a blanket over the flickering orb. "Fool of a Tookas! I told you not to look at that! Why don't those things have parental blocks?"

Drippin lay semi-conscious, muttering incoherently. Grandélf took his small hand gently in his big one and caressed his forehead. "Drippin Tookas, come back to the light!"

"Noooooo!" cried Drippin, covering his eyes and shaking.

"Look at me! What did you see in the PalanTV?" said Grandélf sternly.

Drippin was crying, but he coughed and struggled to get himself under control. "Reruns!" he sobbed.

"Alas! It is as I feared. This is a wicked and dangerous magical device. It shows the past, the present, and numerous subliminal advertisements aimed at taking over and subjugating young, weak minds."

"Wha-?" said MochaMerry.

"Syndicated Middle girth broadcasting. Sour'on is behind this, I am sure! He's been bouncing his broadcasts off of Isencoaster's antenna for Ages! What a horrible thing to have happened! Drippin, my lad, what else did you see? Tell me!"

"I... I was channel-surfing... just trying to find a cooking network or a food program, when some cranky old man in black robes with big shining white teeth came on and turned my programme to the GondoriaNews At Nine!"

"Really?" asked Boromocha, eavesdropping. "What was the leading story?"

Drippin gulped and said, "I dunno, something about an invasion of Corsairs in black ships coming up the River... and apparently some lady named Ioreth Stewart has been imprisoned for illegal use of information on insider trading."

"Oh no!" cried Legolatté, distraught, "Not Ms Stewart! How am I going to finish knitting my tea-cozies now?"

"Never mind that," said Grandélf crossly. "What else did you see, Drippin?"

Drippin began to tremble. "I saw... I saw... oh, the horror! A great big red eye, rimmed with fire and slit like a cat's, and he... he... no, I can't say!" the Half-caff covered his face and bawled.

Gently, Grandélf pried his fingers away and looked into his eyes, "What happened? Did he say anything to you?"

"He said he was changing the channel to... oooh, American Idol! That's when I screamed... I hate that programme!"

"I would have screamed, too," said MochaMerry, putting a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "Have you heard that Asian guy sing? Brrrr!"

"Did you tell him anything about... you- know- who and the you- know- what?" asked Grandélf, holding his breath.

"No, of course not! All I said was, "Aaahhhhhhrrrrggghhhh!"

"Whew! We have had a close call, friends. But perhaps this mishap was fated and has turned in our favour. If I had looked into the PalanTV, I might have become addicted to soap-operas, or somehow revealed our position to the Enemy Eye. Good work, Drippin!"

"Thanks Grandélf! Does this mean I am not going to get into trouble for stealing from you?"

"Of course not. I am going to tan your tail for that! But I must go at once to Minas Teabag and see what is afoot. You must come with me, Drippin, so I can punish you later."

Grandélf set Drippin on Snackfast's back, preparing to ride away. MochaMerry stepped up and held out a small pouch to his friend. "Here, something for the road."

Drippin accepted the pouch. "The last of the Longbottom Beans?"

"I know you've run out," said MochaMerry, his hands trembling a little. "You drink too much coffee, Drippin."

"I drink too much? Heh, look who's got coffee hands!" The two half-caffs exchanged a handclasp, and then they were gone, Grandélf and Drippin, riding into the East.

"That was very touching," said Aromagorn, blotting his eyes on his sleeve. "You gave him the last of the bean... wait! You gave him the last of the beans? Why?"

"Relax, Styroamer! I gave him some of the last of the beans... and he won't be getting very much coffee out of them without this," and MochaMerry held up Grandélf's coffeegrinder.

"Who do you think taught that young Tookas to pick pockets?"