Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.
Chapter Ten: The Night I Died
'Tyki!!!'
The scream that ripped out of my throat was soundless to me. All I knew was that the man I loved was about to die. And in the next moment, I was the one dying. The battlefield was raucously noisy, but I felt the sweep of icy realization over everyone. Someone held my body up, fingers trembling as they stroked my cheeks.
'L-Lavi...Why? I thought we said we would fight where we were in this war!'
The soothing voice...So soothing...From the man I had grown to love. His eyes wide with disbelief, not wanting to acknowledge my actions. I was selfish, that I knew very well.
'...I love you, Tyki...I just can't...stop myself...'
Blood dribbled generously out from the corner of my lips. Pain escaped my senses, I was glad that in my final moments I've lost enough consciousness to not feel the gaping wound in my chest. The general gave me a disgusted look, but he took off after some other enemy. He did not comprehend why I saved an enemy, but he knew the damage had been done. He'd killed an ally.
'You...fool! What am I going to do, Lavi? Without you, I...!'
'Stop...Tyki...We go on...Just as we planned. Regardless of the outcome...remember? You promised...Whatever happens...You'd go on...'
Seeing my lover trying not to cry was endearing. I wondered if dying makes someone so...at ease. I for all my intelligence could not fathom why I was not so abhorred with the fact that I was dying now. 'I love you, Tyki...That's something that will never be gone...'
'...I know, Lavi...I love you too.'
The last sensation was gentle lips touching my bloodstained ones.
Lavi sat up, gasping for air. Incoherence polluted his mind, a stream of forgotten memories scrambled with his current memories. Frantic at the disorganization of his mind, he desperately tried to reassemble everything, but logic escaped him. No longer under the spell of sleep, Lavi paced around agitatedly. He fidgeted, the madness of overloading memories taking him in a suffocating grasp. His thoughts had a sole core, Tyki.
Of course, why not? He had to see Tyki.
Now single-mindedly focused on the task, Lavi left the dorm. The sun was not even out in the wee hours of the morning. His body on autopilot, the redhead drove off into the direction of the institute. He had to see Tyki. That was the only answer his befuddled mind gave him. The institute as it was, was not open this early. Thus the impatient Lavi was left pacing outside relentlessly. He was on the verge of breaking in. But somehow, rationality still managed to reign his actions despite the chaos playing out in his mind.
Like a theatre, his memories rolled forth, a badly edited film, scenes disconnected and random events linked together. The security personnel was surprised to see a very disgruntled intern barge in the moment he unlocked the front door. Tyki was shocked to be awoken by relentless banging on his door. Yawning as he roused himself, he opened the door to find Lavi staring up at him with a strange determination.
"Lavi...? What are you doing here so early? Your interning shouldn't be starting until..."
Tyki was caught off with a swift and VERY painful uppercut.
"You...half-assed bastard! Cheap gentleman!! Homeless aristocrat! Dumb Noah!"
Every sort of imaginable cuss words escaped Lavi as he slammed the door behind himself and started pummelling Tyki with his fists. All too bewildered, Tyki raised his arms to shield himself. "W-What is wrong with you?! Wait...Did you just call me Noah?"
"Yes I did! Damn you, Tyki!!"
And the next minute, Lavi had pounced onto the clueless ex-Noah, bawling his eyes out. "How could you, you idiot?! Leave me floundering for clues when you drop hints like rain in the desert! Pretending that you know everything when you DO know everything and you refuse to tell me everything! Why didn't you just come clean with me?!"
"...You're being incredibly poetic."
"Shut up! Me being poetic is the last thing I want to hear from you! Meanie, bully, tease!"
Slowly, unsure arms came around Lavi's waist. "Do...Do you remember...?"
"You could've made it faster if you told me," Lavi grumbled. Tyki was about to speak but Lavi cut him off with a needy kiss. Forgetting everything else, Tyki tightened his arms and wantonly indulged. He had been waiting too long to reacquaint himself with Lavi's lips. They stayed like that for a while on the floor, until Lavi pulled away for some air.
"Well...Would you have believed me if I told you?"
Lavi became flustered under Tyki's glance and pouted. "I hate it when you're right."
"So...How did you come about your awakening?" Tyki questioned, nuzzling into the crook of Lavi's neck.
"Well...It was after you told me about Allen's ten-year confinement here. It made me really suspicious, and I was contemplating on what can really be trusted from the people in here. Then I thought...What if there were innocent people being held as just because...Of Walker's Syndrome? It got me to thinking what Walker's Syndrome really is...Then a dream, no...a memory came back to me. The night I died...It unlocked my past. Everything just came rushing back to me. Even now, I'm a bit confused."
"It's normal. It took most of us some time to separate the past and the present life. That was why most of us were unstable in the first place. When we saw each other, people connected to our past lives, gradually our minds stabilized and we were able to rearrange our memories properly," Tyki replied nonchalantly.
"But that means...This isn't psychological! You guys shouldn't be here," Lavi almost started ranting, but Tyki silenced him with another kiss.
"This conversation will not leave this room, you hear me? Lavi...NEVER let anyone find out that you're like us now...If they do, they will proclaim that you have been infected and then lock you up as well. I don't know how the hell they do it, but have you noticed we have never been allowed visitors? They have complete control over our lives...No one ever comes looking for us. No one out there knows what is going on. No one knows...When one of us goes missing permanently. We too, don't know. But we suspect...That those who disappear have been quite literally...disposed of."
"Terminated..." The ominous word floated back up in Lavi's conscience when he read the classified patient profiles Johnny provided. "Then...What do I do? You have to get out of here, all of you!"
Tyki shook his head sadly. "I don't know. But promise me you won't be reckless, Lavi. Escape is also not an option. God knows how many times Allen attempted that."
"W-What happened? Were the rumours...true?"
"...They sedated him at first, but at one point it got so bad, they put him in a straitjacket and chained his legs to the bed. That was about...seven to eight years ago. He became calmer when Road joined...And later me. Allen learned that escape was not a route available to him."
Lavi's eyes were wide. Allen was treated completely like a prisoner! It was worse than the rumours he himself told Kanda before! Straitjackets were reserved for people who were truly mentally ill... "...I have to help you guys. I don't know where to start, but if I can build up a case that can be presented to court, I might have a chance. They literally ripped you from wherever you were and dumped you in here. I'm sure they used illegal methods..."
"Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger!" Tyki scolded but he stopped short seeing Lavi's watery emerald eyes.
"But I have to try! You suffered here...for six years...I have to at least try to help! I can't stand it, just letting this go on!" Lavi insisted.
Tyki sighed. He gave up trying to convince Lavi otherwise. Gently, he held Lavi close to him. And the couple stayed like that for a long while.
---------
'You were always the fool, Madarao. Always...playing the hero.'
Bitterness seeped into my voice, like the thick flavour of tea too steeped with its brewing leaves. He merely smiled at me. 'I'm not the one with a hero complex.' Frustrated, I turned away from him.
'Don't sulk. Sacrifices need to be made.'
'It does not mean it has to be you! Why, Madarao? Were you so eager to kill, to destroy?'
He shook his head, reaching out to me. I flinched and stepped away. 'Stop it...We are of the Church, that is not right.' '…I only wanted to protect. I sold my soul to the Devil for his power, and the Cross that I swore to serve has forsaken me. Are you mad?' I glared brazenly into his eyes. How dare he...to have the NERVE to ask if I was mad.
I was beyond enraged, but those feelings could never be expressed aloud.
'What you do...Is none of my concern. My only concern now is of Walker.'
Madarao frowned at the thought, and viciously, I thought that he deserved that bit of pain. Let him feel even a fraction of my pain. Granted, he could hide his feelings much better than I did, but I could tell when he was jealous. I had nothing between myself and Walker, but if Madarao's daydreams conjured them, then let the man himself entertain it.
'If your men lay a finger on my charge again, I will not hesitate to file a report against your lot to the Inspector.'
'You are so cruel, Link.'
I stopped short from walking away.
'...I had the best teacher, Madarao.'
Link nearly dropped his pile of notes off the desk instead of placing them on the desk as he had intended. "Are you alright, Link? You look a bit out of sorts today," Rob called out.
"I am fine, thank you." He made to sit and continue his paperwork. Strange...Why had a memory of his past suddenly came up? Link tried not to dwell on it. He has had not a good relationship in the past with his Yumebito, but for the memories to come back and haunt him quite literally...Link never expected it to happen.
Currently twenty-five, Link first had recollections of his past when he was twenty-one. He nearly went mad with the confusion, but he had most fortunately escaped capture due to the fact that he had seen Komui Lee. By seeing the former Supervisor of Black Order, by approaching him and getting to know him, Link's messed-up memories were smoothed out. By regaining his sanity, he evaded capture.
Even now, he has not met his Yumebito. Komui, now the Supervisor of Black Order University; yes it was strange how such ironic co-incidences happen, had been reunited with his Yumebito Cross Marian, who was apparently one of the University sponsors. Link was normally not privy to rumours, but some were so notorious it did not escape even his ears.
Rumours that Komui and Cross tied the knot overseas. Wryly he wondered if Komui and Cross ever did remember their past lives, or it was purely Fate at work with these two. At least they had a happy ending. Link recalled that their past lives were not quite a fairytale. Link shook his head, clearing it of unnecessary thoughts. He had paperwork to do. And after these paperwork, Link was going to be starting on a new assignment for the mental facility.
-----
"Eh, is it true?!" Allen squealed in joy, glomping Lavi in the process. "Whoa, Allen! Watch out, you can be quite heavy," Lavi joked.
"This is so great, Tyki! We need to celebrate!" Road cheered!
Tyki grinned, feeling like the happiest man in the world. After some alone time, he had carried Lavi off to tell the good news before Kanda and Lenalee arrived for their intern tasks. The many patients, or victims of evil doctors as Lavi so liked to call them now, were also happy on their behalf. The general gist of joy was interrupted however, when there came an announcement calling for a general assembly.
"Stay here, Lavi. We're gonna go see what's the announcement about," Tyki ordered and went off to the main hall with the rest. When they were gathered, one of the doctors looked at them most contemptuously and announced, "Today, we have a new friend who will be joining you all. Please be civil. He will be placed in room 319. Show him to his room."
And at the end, a young man stood forth. Allen let out an audible gasp. The young stranger smiled wryly at him. "How our worlds are narrowed for an inevitable meeting...Walker."
"You're...Madarao...!"
"Well well...Looks like another reason to celebrate. A new in-mate. Buddy, you'll be fine with us around," Tyki tried to assure but Madarao frowned. "Not with the likes of Walker."
"What do ya mean?!" Devit snarled.
"Yeah! Allen is so nice, hi hi!" Jasdero added in support of his twin's words.
"Nice? Then it is unbecoming of nice people to steal another man's soulmate," Madarao scoffed, the man never once taking his eyes off Allen, who was very confused. He, steal another man's soulmate? Could he mean Kanda? No, Allen was pretty sure neither knew the other.
"Madarao...I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean."
He did not believe Allen's apologetic expression. "I meant Link."
"Link? What do you mean?"
"Don't play the fool with me, Walker. You seduced him into your bed, did you not?"
Madarao's glare darkened, and Allen's own silver eyes took on the glint of a sharp knife's.
"Me, with Link? I think you are having this confrontation, let's say, one lifetime too late? We didn't even have anything between us. Link was a friend. He may be a Crow member assigned to watch me, but he was a friend I could count on. And I do not seduce anyone! I already had a partner of my own then, I most certainly would not have seduced Link as you had so insinuated! And also, why do you care? Link certainly never spoke about anything concerning you."
"...Of course he did not. He loves the Church more than I love him. Despite all that I have done...For him...He spurned me. Hinting that he had you..." Madarao glanced at Allen as he said so. Allen gasped, indignant at Link's blatant manipulation. He had thought Link to be completely honest!
"Me? ME? If he ever did, he was obviously lying."
"This poor guy needs someone to hear out his story, I say. To be spurned even after doing all you can for someone? Even Buddha would cringe," Tyki mused and patted Madarao's shoulder sympathetically. "Let's introduce the chum to Lavi, and we'll be puttin' up a bonfire for you tah pour out your sob story."
Allen rolled his eyes. "Stop it with your terrible imitation of the Western ranchers."
Tyki grinned and shrugged.
---------
"Oi, baka usagi! What the hell were you doing, disappearing like that? We had to catch a ride with Komui," Kanda snarled. Lavi laughed apologetically. "Uhm, sorry! I'm really sorry!"
"Ah, you are the new patient? We brought the new overseer for you," Lenalee smiled and shook hands with Madarao. "I'll go call him first."
Kanda was not happy, not at all, seeing Allen seated so closely to the new patient. He seemed to be chatting animatedly with him, almost to the point of flirting. Of course, all this was only Kanda's imagination. Tyki knew for one thing that Allen was sharing Link-related titbits with Madarao, so that the man may feel not too blind when Link is concerned. Chaos began in the form of the disgruntled intern quite shamelessly flaunting his authority over Allen by yanking the boy over to his side, much to Allen's surprise.
"Yu?"
"Be quiet, moyashi. You've been talking too much." Kanda muttered, his hand around Allen's waist visibly tightening. Allen knew it was never a good thing when Kanda started displaying possessive traits. "Can you let go a bit? You're being too close..."
Since the day Allen got molested, he had learned to be wary of Kanda. He did love his Yumebito, but Kanda showed no indications of remembering him yet was displaying such desires. It was an unknown path Allen was not sure he wanted to walk down. "What are you saying, moyashi? You're the one who's always demanding my attention," and as if taunting him, Kanda's hand rested on his thigh. The man was obviously harassing him! A nastier surprise arrived with Lenalee.
"...Here is your new charge. Let's all get along now..."
Lenalee never did finish her sentence, as Link took a step back in shock. Madarao had taken a step forward in delight, a true smile gracing his face. Allen stared in open fascination. He had never seen Madarao smile like that, and it was rather beautiful on the handsome man. Kanda did not like the diverted attention. "Howard Link...I've been waiting."
"...Madarao...What are you doing here?" Link's eyes were wide. He hoped he was hallucinating, but everyone else around them whispering clearly proved that he was not. "Do you both know each other?" Lenalee asked in surprise.
"'Tis none of your concern, Lenalee Lee," Madarao simply answered and snatched both of Link's wrists. He was not about to let Link escape him anytime soon. "Hide from me you may have accomplished in the past, but not this time. This time, Link...I get what I want."
"Eeks, Yu! Get off me!" Allen's shrill cry was heard as Kanda was holding his hands to his back rendering him immobile.
"OI! No sexual harassment in my room!" Tyki yelled out, effectively stopping both men from assaulting their younger counterparts. "We still have that little bit of celebration!" Lavi intervened, trying to distract them.
"What celebration?"
"Uhh, Madarao's entry to the place! Jeryy's cooking up something good! There's also soba! So let's all play nice and go!" The redhead hastily ushered everyone out to their recreation area, which had been now set up with food and the like. For some inexplicable reason, Allen attempted to discreetly stay out of sight, namely hiding behind Kanda. It was revealed why though, when the boy was ushered forward onto the small stage they reserved for minor performances to entertain themselves.
"Allen, sing us a song!"
"Yeah, you sing like an angel!"
"Allen, let us hear your voice!"
Kanda, while being annoyed at how people coddled favours out of his charge, could not help but think how adorable Allen was blushing from shyness and stage fright. He was fiddling with the microphone in his hand, but he couldn't deny them. "U-Uhm...Then I'll go...just one song...Diamond Crevasse by Galactic Fairy."
When I told God 'I was in love'
I didn't expect such a parting would come
If we are never able to touch one another any more
At least I wanted you to embrace me one last time
It's long long goodbye
Tyki glanced at Allen, a little bit sorrowful. Why did he choose this song? It reflected on Allen's feelings, but it also served to make his painful relationship even more stinging. His past life and love, it was not something one could call a good memory.
Farewell, farewell, countless times
Limitlessly I've told myself
Waving my hand is gentleness, right?
Now I wish for strength
Meeting you, my star shone and I was born
As long as I love, therefore I am
What's the use of waiting for a hopeless miracle?
Blurred by tears, the twinkling of the planet is gone
Road shook her head. Allen's life practically lost sparkle when he had lost his precious love. True, Allen had died before Kanda, but Allen's heart had died much earlier. She had only heard of the story from Allen, but she wasn't quite sure she wanted to witness it with her own eyes. Allen's raw pain was still fresh each time he recalled the incident.
I will never forget your warmth
Your kindness, and your hands that wrapped around everything
It's long long goodbye
Farewell, farewell beloved
Because you were here I could walk all the way
I wasn't alone now, was I?
Now I wish for an answer
Catch a comet that seems to be burning and light a fire
I want to love, I want to be loved
What will the world be with one cold body?
The falsity that I put up is dissolving; long for...
Lavi didn't know what made Allen sing such a song. He knew that about two weeks before their last battle, Allen and Kanda had been awfully distant from each other. Maybe Allen would be kind enough to tell him about it later, if he asked nicely.
I wonder why, my tears are flowing and I cannot stop it
Meeting you, my star shone and I was born
As long as I love, therefore I am
What's the use of waiting for a hopeless miracle?
Blurred by tears, the twinkling of the planet is gone
If we are reborn, and meet again
In that moment please find me
Don't let go of me any more, catch hold of me
That I'm not alone, I wish you would whisper so, planet...
Kanda never thought that Allen's voice was also rather feminine. He only assumed that Allen hadn't had a proper growth spurt, but now he entertained a faint suspicion that Allen might have a slightly more than normal level of female hormones. Otherwise, the boy wouldn't sound like a girl when he sang!
Allen hurriedly put down the mike and ran off the stage, blushing seven shades of red. "Moyashi, you sound like a girl," Kanda commented with a smirk; he never wasted an opportunity to make fun of his charge. "S-So what?!" Allen snapped, well aware of that rather embarrassing fact. It was the main reason why he didn't enjoy singing as much; he sounded too feminine especially when he pulled off a falsetto part.
"It fits your chibi size, moyashi."
"Chibi?! I'm just a few inches shorter than you, ponytail!"
"Let's not argue now," Lavi pacified them hurriedly. Before Kanda could rid themselves of Lavi, another commotion had occupied their midst. Link appeared to be verbally struggling against Madarao, who wore a satisfied smile. Link was grimacing even though he was at least five feet away from the man. Allen thought in amazement that Link looked like a terrified animal ready to flee at any given moment.
But as he thought so, he realized with a startling clarity that Link's reaction clearly showed that he remembered Madarao. As Madarao's Yumebito, Link's memories had already been awakened. Allen wondered how Link managed to evade capture, and somehow in his heart, he felt jealous. Link should be happy he had Madarao again, and that he was free. He didn't want to remain in here forever either, but it was too hard to escape. His bitter experiences in the past taught him that.
"Jealous of them?"
The boy jumped at the sudden question. Kanda stared at him and smirked. "You want someone to accompany you?" He didn't understand why Allen suddenly froze at his words.
'Allen! I lo-...'
'Don't...Don't say it now...It'll only be empty words.'
Allen practically hissed at the unwanted recollection of the memory, cutting it off before it deepened. The mere moments before he left the world. He didn't want to recall it. He abruptly stood up, eyes blazing in obvious rage, though at who or what no one knew. "I...Don't...Need...PITY!" Kanda was bewildered by the reaction his question drew. Without waiting for an answer, Allen bolted out of the room.
"Allen-kun!" Lenalee got up and raced after the boy in concern. Everyone else just watched, dumbfounded. Lavi approached the silent Japanese. "Dude...What the hell did you say to him?"
For once, even Kanda didn't have an answer.
It took Lenalee a while before she found Allen sitting at the bottom steps of the stairwell, face hidden in his hands. Though his face was unseen, Lenalee could hear his soft, muffled sobs. She quietly descended the stairs and sat beside him. Allen showed no signs of acknowledging her presence. Slowly, she placed her arms around the shivering body.
"Allen...Is something wrong?"
Allen finally looked up, with red puffy eyes, sniffling noisily although he tried to quell the sounds from himself. "Lenalee...You remember...That the Walker Syndrome makes people think...about a past life?" Lenalee nodded encouragingly. She was here as his friend, and right now, Allen needed to talk to someone.
"...You see...Yu really resembles someone I see in these visions..."
And he confessed the vision of his death and the reason for his reaction to the girl who listened with wide eyes. "...so I took my frustration out on Yu...I feel terrible...But I don't want to apologize either..." Allen mumbled, his crying now ceased. Lenalee gently patted his back. "I'm sure that Kanda won't take offence. Come on, let's go back. The others must be worried by now," Lenalee coaxed.
Allen nodded and stood up with the girl. "By the way...Thank you for confiding in me," Lenalee quipped with a smile. The snow-haired boy smiled back at her. She was a dependable friend, whether she remembered the past or not. Neither had noticed an eavesdropper behind another door, who bolted to find someone to talk to about what he had heard.
So it had come as a pleasant surprise when Timcanpy found Lero coming into his office by his own will. The carrot-top youngster even checked the coast and locked the door for safe measures. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting today?" The blonde eyed Lero shamelessly, only to have Lero slap him lightly, face flushing.
"Mou, Timmu! Lero is here for something about Allen. Lero overheard...About when Allen died, lero. Something about that Kanda rejecting him...and then pitying him? Lero didn't hear too clearly...So Lero wondered if Timmu has anything to say about it," Lero mused as he sat down on Timcanpy's lap.
Timcanpy's hand descended onto the downy soft strands of orange, petting Lero thoughtfully. "I see...I myself do not know too much, or rather...should not say too much on it. But I can tell you a bit about Kanda rejecting Allen. I think, really...It was the beginning of the end for them both that time."
Allen watched his lover apprehensively. It was close to the stipulated time of their Last Battle...It would be the last, but...who indeed, amongst them, would survive? Really, he shouldn't bother his lover with unnecessary worries, but...he should tell him this.
'You got something to say, Moyashi?' Kanda sent a half-smirk into the direction of his lover, who had been staring at him for a while.
The heavy feeling in Allen's chest did not leave. No, Kanda deserved to know. Allen should have told him a long time ago. 'Yu...I...' His voice was coarse, his throat dry with fear. Kanda now approached him, looking at him questioningly.
'Yu...I need to tell you this. I think...the Fourteenth has taken over a large part of me.'
Allen bit his lips until he drew blood, cowering before Kanda's gaze which suddenly narrowed. '...What the hell do you mean?'
He couldn't bear it. Silver eyes hid away beneath their lids, afraid to see. 'I'm having...lapses in memory. I can no longer...remember how we first met, our first mission...' Almost venomously he blamed the Fourteenth for erasing and replacing his memories...His precious memories with Kanda.
I had suspected for a while, seeing that I could sense my creator's soul stirring within. What I did not expect was for Kanda to punch Allen. Even as a golem, my jaw was slack with disbelief.
'I can't believe you, moyashi...You didn't think this was important enough to tell me? You disgust me.'
That was the last...those cold, cruel words Kanda left Allen...Until their parting upon the battlefield. I fluttered down to Allen's side, offering what little comfort I could to my master. Allen held me, eyes blank and unseeing. 'Strange...His punch didn't hurt at all...But his words...I feel like my heart is bleeding out...'
That soulless expression upon him told me what words did not.
Allen Walker's heart had died from a strike to his weakest point...His love.
Lero let out a gasp, eyes glittering with unshed tears. The young teen truly felt for Allen, what turmoil he must have experienced from such an inhumane kick to the curb by someone he had, by conventional logic, trusted the most. "...How could he have said that?" Lero buried his face into Timcanpy's neck, discomfited by the event he had heard.
"That I think is on the minds of everyone who knows about this...But what is more cruel was what happened during the battle...Though that...is not my story to tell. I can understand Allen's anger," Timcanpy cryptically murmured, nuzzling into Lero's soft hair.
"...It does explain what Lero saw in Allen when he battled the Earl, though...Fighting with reckless abandon...as if the world held no value to him anymore...As if life had no meaning any longer. He didn't care about getting hurt, and just kept pushing himself, lero. Lero thinks...by then Allen had given up on living...Is Lero right?"
Timcanpy nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his beloved half's forehead. Through that vicious battle, the world was saved...But at the cost of love.
-------
Allen had himself barricaded into the room, not letting anyone in. His uncharacteristic outburst may have surprised everyone, but it got to himself the most. He had not lost control like that for a long time. He was supposed to have put that event down long ago. Allen cursed softly under his breath, a habit he picked up from Tyki, and flopped down on his bed.
He wasn't supposed to be bothered by things that had haunted him in the past. The Fourteenth was not within him any longer. He should have no fear. Yet...His heart quaked as if it had been hit with a solid steel bat. Allen knew that some things of the past...They continued to haunt as long as they remained unresolved, no matter how much one wanted to be free of them.
And his greatest fear hung like a droplet on one end of a silk thread, threatening to drip any moment. Would Kanda ever truly grow to love him? Allen trembled just imagining the sort of words that would so easily destroy him in ways the madness and doctors and drugs could not hope to accomplish.
Suddenly weary, Allen allowed himself to wander into the throes of dreamless sleep.
Road, though no longer the Noah of Dream, had the uncanny ability to tell whenever one of her former kin went into sleep. She supposed it was a side-effect of having herself tied to one of the Noah's soul for such a long time. Right now, Allen was safe in the embrace of what used to be her domain.
Kanda for one, was looking torn between maintaining his façade of an asshole and being truly worried for his charge. Lenalee had kept silent since she returned, announcing that Allen didn't wish to be bothered any more for the day. No matter how much Lavi wheedled, Lenalee did not divulge anything she might have spoken with Allen.
"There, there Lavi...Don't try to argue anymore. If there's anything I've learned about women, it's the fact that you'll never win them in an argument," Tyki muttered, pulling Lavi close. To Lenalee's surprise, instead of kicking up a fuss, Lavi had sidled up to Tyki with a pout. "But Tyki!! I want to know! Do you?"
"Hm...Maybe a little?" Tyki baited.
"Tell me!" The redhead demanded haughtily. He had demanding rights since he was uke! Tyki got up, pulling Lavi to his feet. "Come along then, Lavi. I'll tell you where we won't be overheard."
Lenalee was about to talk to Kanda about their transport home, just to find the young man missing. Road had kept quiet as she saw him leave. She hoped she was right in allowing Kanda to go to Allen.
"Lenalee, would you mind telling me what happened with Allen? I'm a good secret keeper."
Kanda had quietly made his way to Allen's room, ignoring the banter from everyone else. He didn't know what he said that triggered those words from the usually gentle boy. He was concerned just like the rest, but he did not like putting his emotions on the surface. Instead, he slipped away from the little distraction Lavi made and headed to Allen's room. The door may be locked, but he had the key card to access the room.
An endearing sight of a dozing Allen greeted the stoic kendo enthusiast. He looked more calm than he had during the outburst. Kanda closed the door behind him and approached the bedside. Allen didn't react when the bed sank under extra weight, unaware that Kanda was close to hovering over him.
Kanda was confused. He had only meant to tease the other boy, but what he got in return was unexpected. It was as if...he had seen a deeper part of Allen that the beauty with silver eyes had tried hard to hide. He felt like he had violated Allen's privacy although it had been the other to burst out. Seeing the white-haired boy spit out those words, and then run off in a panic...For some reason, it left a sour taste in his mouth. It made his heart twist uncomfortably. Kanda didn't know why, but his sad excuse of an organ calmed at the sight of the boy he was fond of. Carefully, his fingers descended to trace the shape of Allen's lips.
Those lips parted slightly, like a silent invitation.
Kanda cursed himself for the growing feelings that were bordering obsession for the boy before him. Allen made him feel like throwing every single rational thought out of the proverbial window, and that was what he did. Leaning down, he captured the glistening lips, marvelled as always at the softness. Devious, Kanda let his tongue slip in through the small parting, moving slowly as he familiarized himself with Allen's mouth.
'Damn...He's sweet...'
Allen let out a small moan, prompting Kanda to draw back. He didn't stop his fingers from stroking Allen's cheeks, waiting for Allen to wake up. The boy's eyes opened soon enough, confusion lighting those beautiful silver irises. His eyes widened as it truly took in the image before him. "Y-Yu...?" Caution were in those eyes, and Kanda found himself not liking it at all.
Allen always looked upon him with unbridled joy, no care or need to be wary of his overseer. Kanda decided that a good distraction was needed. Firmly grasping his chin, Kanda lowered himself again, this time softly nipping on Allen's lips before pressing down on them with his own. To his own surprise, Allen orchestrated no resistance that he seemed to be so fond of as of late. The young teenager's hands came up, gingerly placing themselves around Kanda's neck.
Encouraged by Allen's acceptance, Kanda shifted until he was straddling Allen, exchanging deep, desperate kisses that didn't seem to be enough for him. A small, foreign part of him revelled and demanded for more; more than what Allen would offer, he was sure. And Kanda was right, Allen gradually stopped; looking up breathlessly at the young man as he did.
He opened his mouth to speak, but finding no suitable words, settled to have his arms relocated around Kanda's waist instead. Kanda rested his own body beside Allen's, tentatively holding the white-haired boy closer. It was alright to spend the rest of the day this way. Allen craved his companionship right now, and Kanda would not deny him.
He was happy with simply companionship for the day.
I'm so ashamed for being so slow in updating...RL is being really tough on me right now, and I'm constantly living on sugar so that my brain doesn't shrivel from overusage. Remember the previous chapter where Allen and Tyki had a conversation about Mugen and Allen mentioned something about 'not telling Kanda about the progress'? Well, it's explained in here now, so please enjoy~ I'm very glad that everyone is still supporting this fic.
Though as of late, I've given up on reading other DGM fics...They just don't...appeal to me...Which makes me sad, because I would like to read another writer's Yullen fic that really gives my mind a kick. Unfortunately...It looks like they're near extinction. I'm not trying to say other Yullen fics are not good; I'm sure they're great. It's just...My brain is craving mental food that'll stimulate me...And permanent trauma from seeing Yullen fics that are not 120% Yullen just completely turned me off from browsing for DGM fics.I've not been on for DGM fics for what, almost half a year? I've only browsed for FF7 fics as of late...
Maybe I'm just being a bitch who has expectations too high to meet...*sigh* I think of all writers, the only one who writes Yullen that makes me giddy with fangirl joy is kiricoil. Still, to all Yullen writers out there, work hard! Thanks again to those who bother reading my nonsensical rants here!