Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

I just realised that a lot of people don't know who Doug is. Well, Doug is from the D. Gray -Man novel volume 2. He's a finder, and Lavi's close friend. Doug is to Lavi what Narein is to Allen. Lavi was forced to destroy Doug who had turned into an Akuma, just like how Allen had to kill Narein who became an Akuma. Doug's the reportedly first person to make Lavi cry for a comrade, so I believe their friendship is very strong. Doug also noticed that Lavi was not entirely the happy-go-lucky bunny he initially pretended to be, so you can say he's pretty observant.

And a hint to those who are dying to know the mysterious woman: You all know who she is! But she is not the illusion woman Kanda saw! I try to refrain from using ambiguous characters like her.

Chapter Sixteen: To Each Their Own

Everyone tried to discreetly look away, but it was hard when they were causing the scene in public. Timcanpy reached for Lero, only to have his hand slapped away once more. Lero was sulking, of that, there was no doubt. However, the carrot top lacked his usual childishness in this event. In fact, it seemed that Lero was deadly serious in his anger this time. The blonde sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. He thought once they got out of the place, he would be able to spend more time with Lero, but since the incident Lero had been rejecting all his advances and even took to seeking refuge with the Noah reincarnations.

"Lero...Why are you doing this?" A hint of irritation slipped into Timcanpy's voice, but Lero could care less.

"You ask yourself why, lero! Lero has no time to waste on people who can't think for themselves!" The teenager snapped back with more force. Droplets formed at the edge of his eyes, startling a lot of onlookers, Timcanpy included. Lero clenched his fists in his shirt, trying to stop his angry tears from falling. "Even though Lero waited...Lero waited for Timmu to come...Lero hates Timmu!"

Barking out those words, the boy fled away quickly. Timcanpy was puzzled by Lero's words. What was Lero waiting for? Timcanpy unfortunately, did not have the luck of other couples to have his love be with him. Road had been displeased when she discovered that Lenalee was Awakened all along. The girl pouted, sulked and threw tantrums, all which Lenalee graciously accepted, knowing that it was her fault that Road felt this way. Road's rage was unstoppable, and no one in their right minds even dared to try.

"Lenalee, you lied to me!" Of course, her anger lessened over the course of the few days but it was still quite the storm. Lenalee was there, with a smile, just letting Road let out all her feelings. "I know, Road. I cannot deny that...But even if I had to lie to you, I wanted to take you out of that place. And now you are free..." Lenalee answered slowly, pressing a kiss to Road's forehead. To her pleasant surprise, Road's cheeks turned red.

"That's unfair...I wanted to do it first!"

Lenalee let out a startled cry when Road yanked her down by the collar and kissed her, this time on her lips. Komui was in shock, trying to separate them both if not for Reever and the rest of the Science team holding him down. "Let me go!!! My Lenalee!!!" Komui sobbed, scratching at the floor in obvious despair when Lenalee deepened the kiss and completely forgot about everyone else around her and Road.

"Sometimes I wonder why his complex isn't cured in this new life...Well Supervisor, this must be repayment for always suspecting the guys as the ones to take away Lenalee," Reever poked fun at the catatonic man.

From another corner of the room, Lavi watched the scene with a grin. "Even though I'm not straight any more, that kiss looks hot." From behind him, a pair of hands curled around his waist. Tyki rested his head atop Lavi's, his eyes travelling to the pair of girls who were now making out. He admitted that it made quite a scene. "I have to agree with you there, bunny boy. It makes me think of how you look when we kiss like that."

"Tyki...! Don't you know you look hungry whenever we do that?"

"Who would not, when you look so erotic after a kiss?"

Others did not even try to look at this ridiculously love-love couple. Their pink aura of love was so overpowering people swore they could see it floating about. Tyki nuzzled into Lavi's neck, causing Lavi to whine and nudge Tyki's head away. Tyki merely chuckled and captured Lavi's lips in a chaste kiss. Their openness of their relationship was so strong, the crowd did not bother asking questions.

Doug was glad that Lavi got his happy ending, but he blushed when he recalled what Lavi said he would do once his Yumebito was out of the institute. Seeing that obvious display of affection, he seriously did not doubt that Lavi would do what he said he would. Right now, he was watching over Jasdevi as they argued over the piece of cake he brought. He had yet to tell the twins that he was going to take them in.

Somewhere inside himself, he was hesitant. Doug was afraid that the twins would prefer to stay with someone else than him. Sure, life would be a bit more difficult to handle once he had two more people to care for, but Doug was secretly determined to do so to fulfil his own wish of protecting Jasdevi. Devit caught Doug's restless stare and poked him in the forehead, startling the man.

"Why the heck do you look so constipated? Everyone's got their happily ever after already!"

Doug smiled a bit at the older twin. "I'd rather see it as the beginning of their story. The road to a good life lived is still long, but when we all have each other the whole way, then it would be fine." Devit flushed and in a fit of embarrassment smacked Doug's back, causing the man to yelp at the unexpected move. "W-What was that for?!"

"That was for being unnecessarily cool, you...you old man!" Devit exclaimed and went to rejoin Jasdero, who had been laughing at the scene before him. Only a few of them were not staying in the general area, and it was a well known fact why they were missing.

The steady beep of the heart monitor comforted him somewhat, but he preferred that his lover be awake. Kanda had barely moved from his spot where he sat beside Allen's bed for the past three days. The young adult had been so scared that he lost Allen again, but it was a great fortune that Allen was not in critical condition. When Allen bid him good night, Kanda thought it was a repeat of the past, and if that had happened, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Even now, Allen looked so pale and fragile, almost as white as the hospital's bed sheets. Slowly, he ran a hand through the silvery-white locks, appreciating its softness like he never did before. Before...He would not have understood the loss. But now, more than ever, he knew how much he valued the life of the young one before him. The doctors had said Allen would wake up soon, and Kanda wanted to be there when it happened.

Slowly, he stood up. It was time for lunch, and no matter how much he did not want to leave Allen's side, he was sensible enough to know that he should not neglect his own well-being. If he did, Allen would surely scold him. Alma was there when he closed the door to Allen's ward. His friend peered at Allen through the glass panel of the door. "Still no change, huh? Don't worry, Yu, I'm sure he'll be up in no time!" Alma encouraged, amazed at how much Allen affected Kanda.

Kanda nodded quietly. "I'm going to get something to eat now. Are you coming along?"

"Before that, Yu..." Alma's voice trailed off as his best friend suddenly hugged him. Startled, Kanda barely balanced himself in time. "Alma?"

He could feel his friend's tears through his shirt, and Alma's voice choked by sobs. "I didn't have the time before...Since everyone was so busy and anxious...But Yu...I've always wanted to say sorry. For everything that I have ever done...To you...And everyone else...I know you understood me then...But I cannot forgive myself, for hurting you...For killing you...I've failed you as a friend. I'm so sorry, Yu...I'm so sorry..."

Kanda's arm slowly wound around Alma's shoulder, patting it softly, an exasperated yet relieved smile on his lips. "You idiot...I never blamed you for any of it. You were my first friend, Alma. You still are my friend. If anything, I'm sorry...For having to kill you then. So are you done crying now? You're making my shirt wet." Alma hastily let go of Kanda, laughing as he knew Kanda was making fun of him now. A simple sorry was not enough to atone for his sins, but it was a start. Alma silently swore to himself that he would be Kanda's best friend for all his life, and help Kanda whenever he needed it.

"Let's go, Yu!"

The duo left, not realising another person had been holding back his own tears. When Allen woke up, the first thing he thought was that he was better off not waking up. Their voices could not be heard, but when he saw Kanda patting Alma's shoulder gently, and smiling...His heart hurt so badly.

* Allen's POV *

This pain was not jealousy. That much, I knew. This pain was disappointment. Kanda had his happiness now, and I was happy that he could smile, that he had the capacity for such sincerity in his expressions. What made me so hurt...Was that I, as his lover, did not receive the same sincerity. I knew I was being foolish. In our past lives, Kanda had been hurt, to the point where he lost that capability to express his emotions.

But now...I think I am too afraid to know if he would grant me that privilege of his laughter and his smile. Was our relationship...Only a ghost to the past? Ah, my tears fall again when I think of it. I tried to fight off my insecurities by justifying it logically...But love was never logical in the beginning.

That smile which I've always admired and wished to see. Yet, not once has it been for me. I see now, even though my mind tried to block this irrational thought...No matter what I did, there was no way I could have built a connection between ourselves. Not like that boy. Your first sun, in the complete darkness. Just like how I treasured Mana, who had been so kind to me...You treasure him too, don't you? The fragile chains that bind us...Rusts and crumbles the moment I touch them, turning into copper coloured dust...Copper like dried blood.

I wonder...If that 'I love you' you said to me was a lie?

I don't want this feeling any more...It always ends up like this...It always hurts. Had love been such a painful thing? To have loved and lost was better than to have never loved at all. A lie. If that saying was true, then why am I wishing now that it was better if I had not met you at all? The sheets which cover my face was soaked through with my tears, but I gave no heed to the discomfort.

I want to forget everything. These memories, I don't want them. Erase it...This pain that has been invading my heart. Even if my memories are erased along with it. Yes...Just like that woman in his memories said...Like a lotus, struggling through the mud to reach the gentle sun...But, unlike the lotus, I cannot struggle any longer, and I sink once more...Back into the bed of mud.

Where is this? So cold and dark. I hate it...But I do not have any where else to go. Is there anyone out there? Hidden in the darkness?

'Oi, Allen. What are you doing there?'

Such a young, yet familiar voice.

There, before me, he came. This child, with short, straight hair. Dark and beautiful eyes that seemed to pierce my thoughts. Why was he here?

'...Kanda...?'

The child cocked his head, as if confused. He frowned.

'Who the hell is that, baka? It's Yu, damn it. My name isn't that easy to forget.'

'...Yu?' Such a familiar name...I wonder why?

He snorted. 'Or has your brain rotted since you sat here for so long in the dark?'

And then...He held his hand out to me.

'Come on, Allen. It's time to go.'

Ah...Such a warm smile he has.

'...Un, let's go.'

I took that small hand into mine.

"Stupid Timcanpy...Does he even understand how Lero feels, the idiot?" The boy was fuming even as he made his way to Allen's ward. At least, it was quiet there, and no one would disturb him. Surprisingly, the ward was void of Kanda's presence. Well, at least that meant Lero would not be glared at while he hid himself there. It was at that moment, the bed sheets rustled. Lero sucked his breath in, watching the bed.

The sheets rustled some more...And finally, a tussled white head came out. Lero gasped. "Allen, you're awake?! Wait, Lero will go call the doctor!" Silver eyes glared balefully at its surrounding. It further narrowed upon the sight of his right arm in a cast. "What the hell is this?" His right arm was just fine; what the hell was it doing all wrapped up? Irritated by his inflexibility, he did what seemed perfectly normal to him; he smashed the cast on the side table, causing the white plaster to chip and crack.

Satisfied, he began peeling away chunks of the cast until his arm was free. Ripping away the unnecessary bandages, he flexed his arm. At that moment, a bunch of people rushed into the ward. Lenalee gasped, looking at the bits of plaster scattered over the floor and table. "Allen-kun, what happened to your cast?!" To everyone's shock, Allen glared at her. His words shocked them even more.

"Shut up. It was useless shit. So, who the fuck are you?"

"E-Eh...? Allen-kun, don't you recognise me?"

"Che. Would I ask if I knew? Where the hell is this place?" Allen snapped.

Komui slowly stepped forward. "You are in a hospital after...an accident. Can you introduce yourself?"

Allen dusted his right arm, eyes still narrowed in distrust. "It's Allen."

"Hm...You have nothing else to say?" Everyone allowed Komui to continue his questions, bewildered by this aggressive Allen. Allen made a 'tch' noise and crossed his arms defensively. "I'm an abandoned kid, so I have no family name. My life as far as I can recall, has nothing of value. So deal with it!"

Kanda was baffled. Who was this boy? What happened to Allen?

"I see. Well, we would like to leave you to the doctor to run an examination first," Komui placidly retreated and ushered everyone out. Once they left the ward, they burst into a myriad of questions and demands. Komui silenced them all with a wave of his hand, knowing why they felt that way.

"First of all, I think Allen has amnesia. Most people are unaware, but electro-convulsive therapy has side-effects which commonly includes amnesia. Typically, they forget things before the therapy, or during therapy and in some lesser cases, post therapy. In Allen's case though...I think his memories have regressed to the point before he met Mana Walker. Now, I'm not saying he lost his entire memory," Komui's explanation made a lot of sense to them, but the man was not done talking.

"He seems to retain memories of this current world, nor is he questioning his age now. He would have been about six years old before he met Mana Walker, but Allen seemed perfectly capable of understanding that he is now fifteen years old without questioning it. So...What I think he has forgotten are the events that happened in his life and the individuals he has met. That's why he acted like that...Unfortunately, none of us, not even Cross, knows how Allen used to be before he met Mana Walker. So we have to assume this is the real Allen, before his life was changed by his foster father," Komui concluded.

"Will his memories return?" Kanda cut in. He looked, for a lack of words, tense.

Komui nodded with a smile. "Fortunately, yes. Usually the memories will come back on their own, or with the help of therapy. The rate the memories return depend on the person, but it ranges between three weeks to seven months. For now, we'll have to be very careful around Allen because it seems that he is like a PMS-ing Kanda!"

"What the hell does that mean?!" Kanda snapped.

Lavi shook his head with a grin. "It means you both are completely made for each other. To think that little Allen used to act like Yu...It's shocking."

Road frowned. "...But...I don't think it's that simple."

"Road?" Lenalee queried, taking her hand into her own. Road looked at the group before her. "...Did you see his eyes? Nothing was reflected within them. Can we go in again, Lenalee? I want to make sure." Lenalee looked to Komui, who nodded his consent.

"Alright...But since we can't have too many visitors at once, we'll have to visit him in small numbers. Kanda, would you like to join us?"

"Of course," Kanda answered tartly. He would not leave Allen right now in his vulnerable situation. Once they established their visiting groups, Lenalee, Road and Kanda entered the ward once more. Allen was now seated on his bed, staring outside the open window with a bored look. He did not bother to acknowledge his visitors.

"Hello, Allen. I'm not sure if the doctor has informed you, but right now you have amnesia. Memory loss, that is. So we would like to introduce ourselves to you again, to help you remember faster. I am Lenalee Lee, this is Road Kamelot, and this is Kanda Yu," Lenalee started out slowly, not wanting to rush things for Allen. After a long while, Allen finally turned to look at them.

Kanda realised with a bitter taste in his mouth that Road had been correct. His usually clear silver eyes were now a smoky, stormy gray, without a hint of light in them. There was that feeling again, that Allen was looking at him, but not truly looking. Only this time, that feeling was worse. Before, Allen had seen something in him. Now, Allen did not seem to see anything at all. Allen tilted his head a bit backwards, giving them a feeling that he was looking down on them.

"...So? If you say I have memory loss, then what are you people to me?"

Kanda wanted very much to shout that he was his lover, but Lenalee beat him to it and answered, "We are your friends, Allen-kun." Allen's brows creased in confusion for a while. Then, the boy laughed derisively. Road actually shivered at how devoid of emotions Allen's laughter sounded. This was not her kin; she did not know this Allen at all. Abruptly, Allen stopped laughing, and his eyes were fixated on them once more.

"Friends? Don't fucking kid me. I don't have them and I don't need them."

Lenalee and Road looked at each other, both not sure about how to deal with the current Allen. Deciding to change the topic, Lenalee mentioned, "W-Well, once you are discharged from the hospital, niisan decided that you can attend school." Allen snorted, turning his attention back to the window.

"I don't have money to attend school."

"Niisan is paying for it," Lenalee answered once more, becoming even more curious about Allen's past. Allen growled, glaring at Lenalee. "What's that, sympathy? You can take that money back and use it on yourself! I don't need people's pity!"

"Who the hell has the time to pity a moyashi like you?!" Kanda suddenly yelled, looking livid. He couldn't stand it any longer. Allen had mentioned it a few times; that he did not want pity. Whether it was directed to Kanda or to Lenalee, the fact remained that it pissed Kanda off and set his temper ablaze. Why couldn't the boy see they weren't giving him pity?!

Allen's deadly gaze finally turned to Kanda, as if acknowledging his presence for the first time. His lips curled into a sinister smirk, as if to make fun of Kanda. "Of course, bastard. Nobody has the time or things to waste on something like me. I don't need people, I don't need anything. I don't have the time to be a goody-two-shoes. It's all I can do just to survive another day. As long as I grow strong enough to stand alone, that's enough. I don't need stupid things like friendship or love or pity. Now get the hell out!"

Deciding not to aggravate Allen any further, the trio left the ward. Lenalee sighed, wondering if the real Allen was so hostile. Road simply wanted to be with Allen, no matter how changed he was. Kanda was furious, smashing his fist into the closest wall. His action startled Lenalee, but she understood Kanda's frustrations. "Damn it...I thought it was going to be fine..." Kanda cursed under his breath. Trouble it seems, had not yet yielded its miserable hold.

Link was not alone, but he was afraid to acknowledge the other man in the kitchen with him. Madarao looked curiously about him. "...Do you bake when you are anxious, Link?" The blonde was startled at being addressed, but he masked the fact by tightening his grip on the bowl of batter. It could not be helped that he was anxious; being that he had not said a thing about what he felt about Madarao at all.

"...That day...I thought you chose the Inspector. Why did you turn back for us?"

Still, it was no longer avoidable, this confrontation.

"I was...I thought...You were right, Madarao. Crows do not have the wings to fly away from their masters. I was bound to the Inspector...But when I heard of his plans to detonate the building...I saw that it was not what I wanted. The Inspector was never...He would never have thought of doing that. He was not the man I admired. Therefore...I saw fit to assist in the escape of the patients instead," Link spoke slowly, as if to make sure that his voice would not fail him. How would Madarao have reacted if Link mentioned that it had been the man he first thought of when he learnt of the horrible truth of what Lvellie wanted to do?

Aquamarine eyes drifted, in a slow motion tracing the movements of the man before him. The frigid stance, clenched fingers and withdrawn eyes...How easy was it for him to sense Link's weaknesses, having observed the blonde for many years. He stood forth, prying the bowl out of Link's grasp. Wary, that there was no physical barrier left between him and Madarao, Link stepped back. Like a hunter, Madarao slowly advanced upon Link until he was cornered against the wall.

"Your concern for our well-being is appreciated, Link. Still, I am surprised that you would come for us first. Being with the Inspector, you must have known about the other prisoners. Why did you not go to the security room and free them?"

Link flinched as though he had been caught, and caught he was. He dared not answer, fearing he would let slip something that was irrational. Madarao slowly lifted Link's chin to make the latter face him. "Link...What is so important that you find it necessary to hide?"

It was too tiresome, having this struggle. Link decided with an almost exasperated vehemence that he would take his own advice and meet it head-on. "I thought of you when the Inspector told me of his plans to destroy everything. I don't know why, but you were simply in my mind. I recalled what you told me, I thought that I should rescue you immediately...Everything about you simply surfaced. But even now...I'm not sure if I can call this emotion...love. How can I face you when I put the Inspector aside and yet cannot decide whether what I feel for you is what you desired from me?!"

Madarao suddenly smiled. He stroked Link's cheek with a finger, murmuring, "Link, there was never a need for you to be so torn over it. I would be happy as long as you live happily where I can see it. There is no need for you to rush your thoughts. I do not blame you if you do not love me. I would be sorrowful if you stood by me from obligation instead of your own free will. Remember...I am here to bear your sadness, and to see you happy."

"What about your own happiness?!" Link exclaimed, driven up the wall by Madarao's frustrating sacrificial affections.

"My happiness is your happiness."

"You...You are impossible!"

Allen did not like the situation at all. He was practically mobbed by people he had never seen before and coddled like a child. He could not remember anything, and that irritated him to no ends. The snowy white haired boy did not tell anyone, but he was actually insecure inside because he knew nothing. The only alternative left for him was to doubt and lash out to those who tried to be close. After all, how true could the things that these people told him be? He was barely left alone, and now there was this boy named Lero sitting in his ward, nibbling on a rice cracker.

"And what the hell are you doing here?"

Lero looked at him for a while, not quite sure what to make of the current Allen. However, whatever Allen turned out to be bothered Lero little. If that Kanda truly loved Allen, then he would love Allen regardless. Or so, was how Lero saw it. "Lero is eating, what else?" Allen snorted and commented sarcastically, "You're also invading my privacy, idiot. What are you doing in here?"

"...Just felt like it, lero. In case you felt lonely," Lero answered off-handedly, though the deeper purpose was to avoid Timcanpy.

"I'm not lonely!"

Allen was surprised when wide brandy-coloured eyes looked up at him and answered tartly, "Then Lero would be lonely. Right now, Lero doesn't want to see someone. But Lero also doesn't want to be alone. Lero knows Allen will not ask questions, that's why Lero is here." Not knowing the effect of his words on Allen, Lero reached out to the bowl for another rice cracker. Allen's mood mellowed considerably to a thoughtful one.

"So you're just using me since I don't have any memories of anything."

Lero shook his head simply as he nibbled on the new rice cracker. "Lero knows Allen will not ask because Lero knows Allen is kind. So Lero feels safe to be here."

Allen kept quiet after that. It...Felt good to have someone trust him despite his lack of memories. The others kept walking on tip-toe around him, as if afraid he could not handle anything on his own. Yet this boy, Lero, who did not completely know him, was still able to trust him in such a manner and stay close to him. In the long course of silence Lero thought Allen had fallen asleep when the teenager spoke once more.

"...Fine then. If you are so desperate for company, I'm generous enough to accompany you. However...I'll pretend you don't exist most of the time."

Shocked at the fact that Allen opened up, even if just a bit, made Lero nod dumbly to Allen's comment. What amazed Lero even more was the light flush which covered Allen's cheeks as he said so. The ex-golem now kind of understood why Kanda found Allen cute. The light atmosphere was interrupted when another person entered the room, announcing his presence with a loud,

"Good afternoon, Allen!"

Allen almost shrank from the brightness which radiated from the newcomer's atmosphere. This one was scary, the boy thought. His optimism was ridiculous. Alma simply grinned at the boy. "They've decided that you can be discharged, and since you're starting school by tomorrow, you'll be sharing dorm with me! Do you have anything you want to take? I'll grab it all for you! Since it'll be the first time for you to be at school after a long time, Lavi will be guiding you around campus!"

Any further rant was halted when Allen held up his hand, sighing loudly. "They still want to send me to school? Didn't I already say I don't need such pity?"

Alma vigorously shook his head. "But it's not pity, Allen! It's within every human's basic rights to have shelter, food and education! So we are doing our part in ensuring that you receive at least your basic rights! Also, you deserve it! It's not pity if you have earned it, right?" Allen felt almost intimidated by Alma's aura of positive energy. "You're a freak...How can you be so bright about everything? The nonsense you spout is unbelievable. Also...Why am I rooming with you? I'm going to die..."

The latter simply grinned at him, determined in a bull-headed way to just do things his way. The current Allen was so similar to Kanda when he was still a child. Only...whereas Kanda was initially born without understanding of human emotions, Allen had known them and also knew that he had been excluded from the privilege of experiencing them, leading to the teen to actively avoid contact with them.

"Well, that's because my room has an opening. Yu's bunking with Lavi, but if you want to I guess we can request so that you can bunk with Yu if you want to."

Suddenly, a heavy atmosphere pervaded the air. Lero gulped, knowing where that deadly aura was coming from. Allen's eyes were narrowed, his fists clenched into the sheets. "Why would I want to bunk with that bastard? Another thing...Don't mention his name in front of me, unless you want me to knock all your teeth out." Alma was surprised by the amount of hate in the gray eyes, as if a tempest was brewing within them.

"Er...Did Yu offend you in any way?"

Allen stared at the blinding white of the bed sheets.

"...It just irritates me each time I see him."

I'm having exams for the following fortnight, so updates will be pretty slow.