The Lightening of the Coffee
Isilcreme was first wrought and made ready, and first rose into the realm of the coffee. Then for a while the coffee was lightened, and many things stirred and woke that were groggy and needed that 'little pick-me-up'. The servants of Maxwellcôr were filled with amazement, but the Elves of the Outer Lands looked up in delight; and even as the cream lightened the coffee in the west, Finratherbegolfin let blow his silver trumpets and began his march into Middle-girth; the shadows of his host went long and black before them, looking for a donut shoppe.
Once the Cup of Heaven had been stirred seven times with Vardecaf's Silver Spoon, and Isilcreme was in the furthest east, then Ariensugar arose in glory, and the first sweetening of the coffee was like a great blessing upon the earth, the frothed milk was blended into the drink well, and now there was the sound of many coffeemugs being raised and sipped.
Then indeed was Maxwellcôr dismayed, and he descended into the uttermost depths of Angbrand, and withdrew his servants; for he was a daysleeper, and the sound of the steaming milk made him wakeful and grouchy.
Now Vardecaf purposed that the two holy condiments should always journey through the coffee together, and be forever immersed, but not as one; they should be kept in separate containers and passed generously round the table. But Isilcreme was wayward and uncertain in his shelf-life, and was drawn to Ariensugar, desiring to be close to her sweetness, so that he was curdled.
Because of the waywardness of Isilcreme, and because of the prayers of the Valar (who were gaining weight and becoming listless) Vardecaf changed her council, and allowed a time when both condiments could be blended or laid aside according to the taste of the drinker, wherein the world could still enjoy blackperk and half-caf.
Maxwellcôr hated the new additives, and was for a while confounded by this unlooked-for beverage alternative. Then he assailed Isilcreme, sending spirits of blackest cocoa against him, and there was strife in the coffee beneath the stars; but Isilcreme was victorious, and as a result of the brew-haha, chocolate cream was discovered, and all the Drinkers of Light rejoiced.
And Brewlúvatar said to Maxwellcôr, "Thou shalt see that no cream may be used that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the coffee in my despite (except the waitress at Denny's who refills my cup before I am finished and destroys my cream/sugar ratio). Anyone else who attempteth this shall prove but mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined."
Maxwellcôr pouted. "You just want credit for EVERYTHING!"