Chapter Three- The Impenetrable Bond Between a Man and His Bird

The diner was one of those diners that you would find in a truck stop. Rectangular in shape, it looked like a rundown strip mall, only it was one building and it wasn't near as nice. The outside walls were made metal and wood, the concrete foundation had some major cracks underneath loading bearing walls and the roof was ridden with holes, resulting in several leaks. The inside of the bar, fortunately, was better than the outside. With hardwood floors, neon signs and a decent bar counter that ran the length of the bar stopping in the middle to make way for tables and chairs, it was comfortable, in an almost religious sort of way, despite it not being displaying any religious symbols of any kind.

José was standing behind the counter cleaning glasses with a questionable white rag. As he did he found himself whistling the Three Caballeros theme song; almost immediately memories, both good and bad, flooded his mind.

"There was a time when I thought we were real amigos" José said to himself, "But now I see the truth. We weren't friends, we were just three people stuck in a bad situation waiting to happen. It's sad but it's true."

At that moment Jafar, stage magician at the Julius Caesar casino in Vegas, walked in the bar. On his shoulder was Iago the Parrot, José's cousin and Fourth Caballero when the need arose. Jafar sat down on one of the empty bar stools, Iago, at the same time, jumped on the counter and casually ruffled his feathers.

"I was wondering when you two would show up" José replied as he set the glass he was currently cleaning down, "How's Vegas treating you?"

Jafar laughed as if that was the stupidest question he ever heard in his life.

"How's Vegas?" Jafar asked, repeating José's question, "It's simply marvelous that's what it is. Those people will pay anything to see simple parlor tricks, let alone see a full time magic show."

José nodded in understanding and turned towards Iago, addressing him directly.

"And the ventriloquist business?"

Iago shook his head, for he absolutely hated ventriloquism.

"Its okay" Iago admitted, "but nothing beats playing the piano."

José nodded once again as he brought out two glasses and filled them with their usual, draft beer for Jafar, and whiskey for Iago. In many ways José wished that the Caballeros stayed together, not for his own sake or even Donald's or Panchito's but for those who worked alongside them. José would argue that the Caballeros were the only good that Iago had in his life, besides Jafar, who despite his pride and showoff nature, was a generally decent person.

"Do you think about getting the band back together?" Iago said hopefully

José shrugged, he had often about getting the Caballeros together, but it wasn't like he could pack up and leave. He had ties to Vegas and especially to the diner, for in addition to a place of business it also served as his home. Moving back to Brazil was a possibility, but the move would be difficult, for he no longer officially had a residence in Rio de Janeiro and Martinez, the Don of the Brazilian Mafia and José's landlord, was most likely still around, putting his beak in places where it shouldn't have been. On top of all of this was the addition of Iago, whom José had become closer, they were cousins who acted like brothers.

"You're chasing dreams Iago" Jafar replied as he took a drink of his beer, "The Caballeros are history, old news."

Iago raised his eyes curiously, for Jafar's tone was full of threatening undertones.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Iago asked looking José's way for support.

Jafar huffed, "It was the same damn thing every show Gottfried" Jafar exclaimed, "The Spanish thing was all well and good in the 1940's but now, times have changed. The people want action, they want excitement, not cultural enrichment! In other words, it's boring as hell!"

Iago shook his head and carelessly pulled out his feathers, he turned to José once again.

"I wouldn't say Hell is boring" he whispered, "Repetitive and always hot, but never boring."

"Why do you say that?" José asked curiously, having no idea what the parrot was referring to, for he was busy cleaning glasses during Jafar's rant.

"Let's just say that I've met some devils downside" Iago continued, "And I gotta say, some of 'em are pretty fine. Almost worth being damned for. Hell, if it wasn't for the whole Satan getting your soul and throwing you in fire for all eternity I'd totally go for a little piece of action."

José couldn't help but laugh, for it wasn't about music it was about sex as far as Iago was concerned. Those were the two extremes of Iago's life- piano playing and women, but José knew what most did not, for Iago did not covet these things, but rather what they represented, happiness and love.

A dark and foul presence filled the air. José reached for the revolver he kept under the counter with one wing, the other immediately found its way on a sawed-off shotgun. Jafar, without even turning around, knew who it was, both by José's reaction and the sudden draft that entered the room.

"Maleficent" Iago exclaimed, speaking for the whole group, "What brings your ogre looking ass in here? What, Rasputin not good enough for you now so you come crawling back to Jafar is that it?"

Maleficent laughed, "You know you really should learn to control that bird of yours Jafar" she said, "His mouth is going to get him into trouble one of these days."

Jafar said nothing and simply returned to his drink. Iago looked at Jafar in partial disgust.

"You're just going to let her talk to me that way?" Iago said, a little bit hurt, "Say something back! Tell her like it is Jafar!"

Jafar said and did nothing. Maleficent's raven, Diablo-followed closely by his cousin, the crow Diaval-sat on the witch's shoulder, Diablo taking the right and Diaval roosting on the left. Iago only groaned at the presence of Diablo, who was his mortal enemy, completely ignoring Diaval, whom he had no quarrels with.

José, seeing that Jafar was going to be of no help, tossed the revolver to Iago, while he kept the shotgun. Both birds aimed their respective weapons towards Maleficent, who remained at the door.

"Get out of my diner you witch!" José threatened

Maleficent laughed, "As if bullets can stop me" she exclaimed, "I am beyond such means of death!"

José, taking Maleficent's point, aimed his shotgun at Diaval, for Iago instinctively had his sights on Diablo.

"Your birds look pretty vulnerable to me" José replied, "One wrong move and they both die."

Maleficent remained motionless, she slowly began whispering an incantation. Almost immediately Diaval went from crow to human. Despite this, José did nothing, he did not fire or set down his weapon.

"Now he's really vulnerable" José declared

"Yeah" Iago added, "But now that would be considered murder."

José shrugged, "As if it wasn't going to be murder before?"

With a snap of her fingers Maleficent wrenched the weapons from the parrots, dissolving them into thin air, leaving José slack-jawed. Iago was not easily surprised.

"That's nothing but parlor tricks" Iago said boastfully, "Jafar can do that and more!"

Iago turned towards Jafar and playfully punched his shoulder, trying to get the wizard's attention.

"Jafar" Iago continued, whispering in Jafar's ear, "Now would be a good time to I don't know…HELP US!"

Jafar said nothing and gently patted Iago's head as gingerly as possible.

"No way Jafar" Iago said in denial, "You're not giving up on me. I haven't given up on you."

Jafar gave Iago a glaring look, almost immediately Iago remembered the Return of Jafar.

"You're still not sore about that are yah?" Iago asked, concern showing in his voice. Maleficent and Diablo were out of his mind for the moment, the only thing that was important was Jafar.

José was beginning to sweat, for now the witch had entered the bar. The parrot began searching for something to defend himself with, the only thing that was readily available was his white rag.

"Stand back!" José declared, "I have a white towel and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Maleficent's eyes became bug-eyed, for she had never been threatened with a towel before. She turned towards Diablo for conformation, who had the same look on his face. After looking at each other and then back at José twice, they both began laughing uncontrollably.

"Are you serious?" Maleficent exclaimed, "Please tell me that you're joking! You're threatening me, an all power witch, with a towel?"

José nodded nervously as he slowly wound up, readied the towel for whipping.

"Yes I am" he answered, "I am threatening you, Maleficent, with a towel….Holy shit I'm going to die."

Iago meanwhile, was doubling and tripling his efforts to get Jafar back to the land of the living. He was now on the point of desperation.

"If you don't help us we are going to die" Iago began sternly, "Do you want that?"

Jafar said nothing as he downed the last of his beer. He turned towards Iago, his face was sad and defeated, the presence of Maleficent having drained all life and what meaning it had, out of him.

"Jafar" Iago pleaded, grasping Jafar's robe, his feathers falling by the dozens, "Please for God's sake! Help-"

Before Iago could continue Diablo had him by the nape of his neck, flying him back to Maleficent.

"Jafar!" Iago screamed, "A little HELP would be nice!"

José, who was shaking and whimpering, let his towel fly, hitting Maleficent in the shin. Maleficent, Diablo and Iago looked down at him, Maleficent and Diablo with faces that questioned José's sanity, Iago meanwhile, was slack-jawed and bug-eyed, in complete disbelief that José resorted to the stupidest thing that the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy had to offer.

"Really!" Iago exclaimed, "That's your defense?"

José nodded, "Yeah" he defended, "It's a good movie."

Iago shook his head pitifully, "Keyword here José" Iago continued sarcastically, "Movie! As in, cannot happen in real life!"

José scoffed for to insult Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, either the book or film adaptation of the book, was a definite way to get on the You Are Dead to Me List.

Maleficent slapped José as hard as she could, it was enough to knock him down to the ground.

"Be silent" Maleficent ordered, "Or I will be forced to kill you!"

José spat out blood and laughed, "You can't kill me" he corrected, "It's against Disney Law. Besides you're a Villain, I'm a Hero, and Heroes always win."

Maleficent raised her eyebrows challengingly.

"Is that so?" she exclaimed playfully, "Well then…I'll have to change that."

Iago turned towards Jafar one more time, his eyes begging and pleading for his help. As long as José remained trapped in the corner, he was completely useless.

"Look Jafar" Iago stated calmly, "I know that it's hard. I've had my heart broken too, more times than I'd care to count, but you can't let her get to yah. You got to be strong now."

Maleficent grabbed Iago by his throat, temporarily cutting him off, he immediately recovered.

"Buy me dinner first before you choke the life out of me" Iago said, struggling through Maleficent's grip as he slowly became horny. Iago ignored it to the best of his ability as his breathing became short and sporadic.

José stood back on his feet, almost immediately Diablo stepped in and began pecking at his face.

"Leave me alone you bastard" José screamed, "Iago! Help me out here!"

Iago glanced towards José helplessly, for there wasn't anything that he could do. Their only hope lied in Jafar, who throughout all of this sat in his chair attempting not to look at anything, especially Maleficent.

"Jafar" Iago said, beginning again, "If this is the end I want you to know...I would've done anything for yah. You want me to circumnavigate the globe, find the woman you're looking for? You got it. You want a drinking buddy to waste the night away with, I'm your bird."

Jafar turned around, his sorrowful and unchanging eyes locked on Iago, Maleficent becoming temporarily invisible. Iago continued without interruption.

"Because I am your bird Jafar. And I'm proud to be your bird-"

Iago was tearing up, the prospect of dying had now become real.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love yah. I know it's not the kind of love you've been looking for, and I'm sorry about that, but shouldn't the love we have, just us, between a man and his bird be enough now?"

Jafar remained motionless. Iago only nodded solemnly, accepting his fate as he wallowed in his own sorrow. Maleficent brought her staff against Iago's heart, all it would take was a turn of the wrist to end the bird's life.

Maleficent let out a whistle, commanding Diablo to return to her side. The raven did so, allowing José to stand and make his way back behind the safety of the counter. Maleficent then turned her attention to Jafar.

"Tell this pitiful excuse for a bird to stop crying" Maleficent commanded.

Jafar shook his head in response. Slowly the Grand Vizier stood up, his right hand in his robe, touching his staff. Iago, at seeing this, reduced his crying to mere sobs as hope entered his small yet massive heart.

"I will never take orders from you Maleficent" Jafar replied, "Not now nor ever."

"He speaks" Maleficent said with surprise, "And here I thought you had become mute."

Maleficent slowly moved her wrist, the killing blow would only count if made a full rotation. Jafar, maintaining his composure, grasping his staff, moving it to the edge of his robe, as he waited to pick his moment.

"Let's settle this like adults hmm?" Jafar suggested, "A wizard's duel perhaps? There's no need to hide behind my bird, or are you really that afraid of me?"

Maleficent rotated her wrist to half rotation, she pressed her staff even harder against Iago's chest. The parrot however, did not show fear like he did before, his belief in his master unending.

"There you go Jafar!" Iago exclaimed, "Show this bitch who's the boss around here!"

Jafar smiled and shook his head, "Iago" he replied, "It is in everyone's best interests, yours in particular, if you shut that flapping beak of yours."

Iago raised his eyebrows curiously, for he had forgotten his situation completely, one look at his chest reminded him, after which he gave a huge nod and zipped up his beak.

José, who had been thinking of ways to get out of the situation, suddenly had an idea. Crawling his way back to the corner, José retrieved his towel and slowly stood. Diablo turned around curiously, before he could raise alert however, José jumped on top of Maleficent, blinding her with the towel causing the witch to fail her arms about in all directions. Subsequently, this set Iago free as well as set off the killing blow, which was taken by an innocent ceiling.

Jafar sprung at the opportunity, revealing his staff he violently slammed it on the ground, producing a deadly fire wall in Maleficent's direction. Iago, in a daring moving, flew overhead to try and pick up José, who was still struggling on Maleficent's back, only to be intercepted by Diablo, the raven pecking and pestering at the parrot relentlessly.

"Jafar" Iago exclaimed, thinking aloud, "Turn me into something, anything! Something big, something fierce."

Diaval, who had been sitting at one of the tables since his transformation, only laughed at this.

"It won't work you know" he replied, "He'll make you look stupid."

Iago stopped in midair at the sound of Diaval.

"What the hell have you been doing?" Iago berated, "You didn't once think that maybe you could've done something to help us out?"

Diaval laughed, "I have been doing something" he answered, "Drinking."

Iago shook his head and flipped the finger Diaval's way, only for Diaval to return the gesture.

It was then that Jafar turned into a giant snake, breaking a hole through the ceiling and effectively destroying most of the building.

"Let's see who's all powerful?" Jafar said daringly, "Come at me witch, if you have the stomach for it!"

Maleficent threw José and his towel off, landing him by the door of the diner. Iago flew over to help him up.

"Come on José" Iago exclaimed as he tried to get him to come to senses, having been disoriented by the blow, "We gotta get out of here!"

Just as Iago was about to lead José out of the building, Diablo, right on cue, blocked the pathway.

"Hello Iago" Diablo said viciously, "Been a long time. Ready to get your ass kicked again?"

Iago, in a fit of rage, threw José towards what he thought was the door but was really the wall. It was enough force to send the parrot through the building and into the parking lot, landing unconscious face down in a garbage can.

"Alright Diablo" Iago said as he rolled his neck dramatically, "We'll do things your way."

Maleficent turned into a dragon, destroying what remained of the diner.

"This is the power I weld Jafar!" Maleficent said, answering Jafar's challenge, "How can you possibly match it?"

Jafar chuckled to himself, for turning himself into a snake wasn't the only thing he could do. Jafar turned towards Iago, for he would need the parrot in order for his next few moves to work.

"Iago" Jafar commanded, "The Lamp"

Iago tackled Diablo to the ground and began beating him to a senseless pulp.

"Iago!" Jafar repeated, a bit louder than before, causing the bird look up at Jafar's towering form.

"You call for me?" Iago asked, checking his ears for clarity.

Jafar nodded, he glanced towards Maleficent, who was so confident in her superiority that she actually took the time to heat herself up in order to obtain maximum fire power.

"The Lamp" Jafar commanded, "You still have it with you?"

Iago smiled, for he knew exactly what Jafar was asking, he pulled out the black Lamp from underneath an unseen pocket. Diablo, at seeing the lamp, charged for a counterattack, bringing Iago all the way across the room, slamming him against what remained of the diner wall.

"You're weak Iago" Diablo declared as he pinned him against the wall, "What kind of bird are you if you can't protect your master?"

Iago laughed pitifully, "Jafar doesn't need protection Diablo he's an all-powerful wizard. What he needs is appreciation, compassion, someone who understands. Maybe if Maleficent had that in you, she'd treat yah better."

"Your words mean nothing to me" Diablo sneered, "They have no bite, no claws, and no beak with which to peck. They are empty and powerless."

Jafar hissed at this and grabbed Diablo with his tail, just as Maleficent let out her first bout of green fire, which Jafar managed to block with a quick turn of his back.

"Iago" Jafar exclaimed, "The Lamp!"

Without a moment's hesitation, Iago flew fast and low across the diner, grabbing the discarded Genie Lamp and raised it as high as he could. Maleficent only laughed at the sight of it, for she failed to see its significance and assumed that Jafar was sacrificing Iago as an offering.

"Perhaps I misjudged you Jafar" Maleficent exclaimed, "It seems you don't have a heart after all."

"I do have a heart" Jafar answered boldly, revealing the captured Diablo, who was struggling through Jafar's grip, " And it grows every day. The question you need to be asking is, do you have a heart?"

Jafar squeezed Diablo tighter, it was getting difficult for him to breathe. Iago flew up towards the snake, meeting his gaze, he looked over at Diablo. Iago saw fear in the raven's eyes, the fear of death. For the first time in his life, the parrot felt pity for the creature, he faced Jafar once more.

"Let him go Jafar" Iago said calmly with the sake of his head, "You don't hide behind birds, not with the power you have….It's beneath yah, don't stoop down to her level."

In those few moments Jafar realized two very important things, one- Iago's greatest weapon was the gift of words, and two- that the bird was more powerful than he was at the moment. Jafar glanced at the Lamp in Iago's talons, saying nothing as the smoke came out from it, slowly transforming him into his Genie incarnation.

"That's a neat trick" Maleficent said unimpressed, "What are you going to do Jafar? You going to sing now?"

Jafar glared at Maleficent, for that had gone a step too far for his liking.

"Be silent!" Jafar hissed, for he still had the voice of the snake, "You are nothing but a worm Maleficent. A slinking, scrawny worm."

Maleficent pouted pitifully, disappointed that Jafar had turned into a battle of wit instead of magic. With Diablo still safely in Jafar's grasp and Maleficent running out of ideas, for she had little to say that would compare to an all-powerful Genie, there was only one choice to make. Maleficent slowly reverted back to her true form. Jafar did so as well, but being an all-powerful Genie, it would take him several minutes, that being on of the downsides that was bestowed upon him when Aladdin ensnared him to the Lamp.

"I'd hardly call that a fair fight" Maleficent scorned, "I mean turning into an all-powerful Genie is cheating when you think about it."

Jafar laughed, it was the kind of laugh that came from his stomach, almost as if he were Santa Clause.

"And using my bird against me wasn't considered cheating? Turning into a fire breathing dragon wasn't cheating? If anyone is the cheater here it is you, not I!"

Maleficent whistled for Diablo, whom Jafar immediately released.

"This isn't over Jafar" Maleficent exclaimed warningly, "We will meet again, and next time your bird won't be there to save you!"

Maleficent then disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, just as Jafar returned to his normal state. Iago pocketed the Lamp and flew up to Jafar's shoulder, saying nothing, for there was nothing for him to say. Jafar had pulled through, if Iago was ever proud before he definitely was now, for the Grand Vizier had beaten Maleficent in the ultimate game of wit, the true gift of any respectable wizard.

A loud and obnoxious burp came from Diaval, who was lazily sitting in a chair not doing anything of particular interest other than drinking. Maleficent reappeared, putting Jafar and Iago back on the defensive again. Maleficent rolled her eyes annoyingly and snapped her fingers, turning Diaval back into a crow.

"Come Diaval" Maleficent ordered, shooting one final look at Jafar and Iago, "We've got work to do."

Diaval roosted on Maleficent's empty shoulder and cawed, after which he, along with Maleficent and Diablo, disappeared into the night.

José climbed out of the garbage can, a banana peel and a half-eaten piece of cheese pizza was stuck to his feathers. Cleaning himself up and shouldering his towel, José looked around, temporary confusion having set in, understandable given the circumstance. When he saw his diner, or what used to be his diner, José became slack-jacked once again.

"What the hell happened to my diner?" José said expatriated

"Maleficent happened" Jafar explained, "Trust me Mr. Carioca, it was for the best."

"For the best!" José exclaimed, "That was my livelihood Jafar! I just paid it off this year, it was all I had."

Jafar patted José's head as gently as he could, the same gesture that he gave Iago.

"No" Jafar declared, "The Caballeros were all that you had."

José raised his eyebrows curiously, he had an idea on what Jafar was suggesting but didn't want to believe it, the fact that the idea came from Jafar was enough for José to question everything that he knew reality to be.

"What are you saying?" José asked for clarification

"Let's go" Iago said, answering for Jafar, who only nodded in agreement, "We can start right here in Vegas. A few of the guys we used to run with set up shop here, it's the perfect place."

"What about Donald and Panchito?" José continued, "Shouldn't we be going after them?"

Jafar and Iago laughed, for that was the easy way and if it was one thing they hated more than anything, it was doing things easy.