Silly me for Underestimating the gravity of my situation. People clearly don't understand the separation of emotions when living this SAMCRO life. Sure, I have the satisfaction of walking through the clubhouse while recieving bows form people like I am a queen, but I'm far from that.
Jax finally kept his promise of marriage to me, but I must admit, it wasn't they way I thought it would be. To put it bluntly, we were married in a whore house! I know Jax isn't good on real estate but come on! Didn't Gemma ever teach him that girls want a wedding to walk down the isle to in a grand place? Then I realize that simple things seem to fit Jax better than a grand wedding we girls dream about. And as I held his hand and looked into his eyes, the memories of our life together flooded back to me and I had to realize one thing: I was making a huge mistake.
Many people often question the reasons they marry. Could it be for love? For protection? For sanity? Not for me. I have gotten used to the illegal money and bloodbath protection, but sanity? Looking into eyes made me realize why I was marrying him:pity. Jax has a hold on me that I can't break. And that scares me. Sometimes I look at Gemma and wonder what type of example she was to Jax behind house doors. He once told me he slept around because he saw only my face, and I was dumb enough to believe that. As I ponder over my past with him, I can't help but wonder three things:
Am I ready to give up the outside world for this life of sin? Am I ready to give up all I know to be shackled to the ground by these chains forged from the hellfire that created SAMCRO? Am I ready to be the Queen and keep that wedding ring held high while it weighs so heavily on me my bones crack in pain?