The Lay of Lethargy
So it came that Bran, son of Bar-éclair came to Deliath, and there he saw the daughter of Thinwafer, Luthien Toasterstrudel, dancing in a glade. And he fell in love with her instantly, before even he tasted her coffee that was supernaturally good, a skill learned from her mother, Meliano.
Together the star-crossed lovers came before Thinwafer and announced their troth. The king was less than impressed. Say rather that he was underwhelmed with the appearance of this man from the wilds, without title or lands. One could truthfully say also that he hated Bran for being mortal and daring to lay claim upon his daughter, the fairest and most beautiful child that ever drank coffee upon the earth.
So Thinwafer concocted a plan to get rid of Bran. "You may marry my daughter," the King said, "If you first perform an hopeless, er... I mean daring and brave task!"
Bran produced from his backpack The Holy Grail, The Golden Fleece, The Seal of the Emperor of China, The Shroud of Turin (no relation) and The Crown Jewels of England. Thinwafer refused these treasures; this was not what he wanted.
"You must fetch me one of the three Silver Coffeebeans of Fëanaroma, a Cafillmaril, from the crown of Nocreme, that was Maxwellcôr the Black Foe of the Latté. Then I will consider calling you step-son."
So Bran set off on his quest at once, blowing kisses to Luthien. After he had left, Luthien came to her father, sitting upon his lap as she had done as a child, and she punched him in the nose.
"Dad! You never like any of my boyfriends!" she pouted.