Chapter Three
I'd never been in one of the trucks that I sometimes saw the Peacekeepers sometimes drive in, much less stood in front of a moving one as it slammed into my chest but I could imagine the feeling must be similar to how I felt now as my shaking legs walked toward the stage.
It was as if I had some sort of plague, the way the kids around me stepped away. Afraid I would contaminate them, too.
I was only faintly aware of the shouting in the distance.
My name, I realized.
Somehow, I managed to ascend the steps to the stage and stand next to Odessa.
Levi stared at me, a spark of recognition behind his eyes.
Kiva winked at me.
I felt nauseous and had to fight off the urge to puke.
I could see Cassia fighting against my father's grip as she tried to break free.
She was shouting my name and I had to look away to keep from crying.
I bit my lip, hard, hoping the pain of it would distract me from the overwhelming urge to start sobbing.
My teeth ripped through the skin and a thin trickle of blood spilled over my lip.
Don't cry, I repeated to myself. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.
The hanging tree was off to the side of the stage, out of view of the cameras, so I watched it from the corner of my eye, the sight of the limp bodies hardening my gaze.
The people in the square were silent as they watched me.
Odessa stared at me for a moment and I couldn't read the expression on her before she turned away and called for the standard wave of applause but it was faint and half-hearted.
The solemn sea of faces stared at me. Some in relief, some in pity.
They must know that my name being called was improbable.
But not impossible.
I could see the shuffling near the outer perimeter of the square, where the families wait, as people holding betting slips look dismayed.
Those people aren't upset that I will be facing my imminent death, of course, merely only by the fact that they probably had betted on one of the kids who lived on the outskirts of the district, in the poorer parts, being reaped and therefore, lost money.
As the feeble applause dwindled, Odessa clapped her hand together.
"Now," Odessa said warily. "It's time to select our male tribute."
But I couldn't focus on her as she crossed to the other side of the stage, reaching her name into the glass bowl containing the boys name.
I couldn't hear anything but the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears as I tried not to breakdown.
I hid my hands behind my back so nobody could see how tightly I was clenching my fists.
I thought of Kota's name written neatly on those paper slips and tried to focus on anything else.
Odessa cleared her throat and I could hear her saying a boy's name.
"Cole Aplin."
I was too caught up in relief for Kota that I hadn't realized why everyone had turned to stare at Levi with wide eyes until the boy's name registered in my mind.
He was Levi Aplin's younger brother.
The boy - twelve years old, I remembered - looked just like him, only with softer features, and as he climbed up the steps, I could see him glance nervously toward his brother, who was gripping the side of his chair with clenched fists.
Odessa stared at the boy in front of her, at Levi and then at the slip in her hand and looked almost pained.
Even Kiva looked down.
No. No, the Capitol couldn't do that.
Except they could and they had.
Odessa turned to Cole. "Could it be that you're District 10's very own victor Levi Aplin's brother?" She asked, although she clearly already knew the answer and didn't look particularly thrilled about it.
Cole didn't respond, instead he turned to face his brother who was only staring ahead rigidly.
When he faced Odessa again, he only offered a slight nod.
"Well," She said finally in a dry, almost rehearsed voice. "What an exciting turn of events! Now, the matter of volunteering. If there are any in the audience, please step forward."
It was protocol, really. District 10 hadn't had a volunteer in ages and that probably wasn't going to change soon.
As nobody stepped forward, Odessa opened her mouth to speak again but there was movement in the crowd and my eyes flashed over to Kota warily stepping forward.
He locked eyes with mine and as I realized what he was going to do, I shook my head sharply.
Don't you dare, my expression said. I swear I'll kill you myself if you do that.
He froze then, knowing I'd never forgive him but still looked as if he was going to step forward.
My eyes found Mieka's in the crowd. She was crying, silent tears slipping down her face and I conveyed a silent plea to her.
Please. Don't let him.
She must have understood what I meant because she stepped out of line and crossed over to where Kota was, laying a hand on his shoulder and saying something softly to him.
Whatever she'd said, it worked because he backed down and Mieka gently hugged him and he buried his face in her hair.
Odessa watched the exchange with a guarded expression and waited a few more moments but when no volunteers came, she cleared her throat.
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you District 10's tributes for the 73rd Hunger Games!"
Her proclamation was met with the customary, polite, yet strained, applause.
Nobody was smiling but I could see the relief in the children's faces. They were safe, for now at least, and could cling onto that knowledge for another year.
I found that I couldn't focus on a single line that the mayor said as stepped up to read the Treaty of Treason aloud.
I could only think of my family and what this meant for them.
"Go on," Odessa Bray urged in my ear. "Shake his hand."
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and held out my hand, crossing the distance between us.
Cole's blue eyes found mine as he reached out to clasp my hand.
He was staring at me wide-eyed and when we shook hands, I couldn't tell who was trembling more.
But I steadied myself as the anthem of Panem blared throughout the square and we turned to face the crowd.
I willed myself not to break down in front of these people so I gritted my teeth and straightened my back.
The anthem ended and Peacekeepers escorted us abruptly inside.
Cole and I didn't speak but before the silence could become too unbearable, I was skirted away, down a hallway and into a large, lavish room.
I didn't really take much note of it, other than the rich, mahogany paneling on the walls and the marble statues on their pedestals.
I felt dizzy and sunk into the nearest chair, burying my face in my hands as a million possible scenarios ran through my head, all of them ending in some unpleasant and violent death.
I didn't start crying until the doors opened and my father was there.
I burst toward him and flung my arms around his neck.
His arms tightened around my back and when we pulled away, I realized he was crying too.
"Rowan," He said, placing his arms on my shoulders to keep me steady as a choked sound escaped my throat. "Rowan, it'll be okay. You'll get out of this. Listen to me -,"
My father must have pushed past the guards to get to me because then the doors opened again as Cassia, Ollie and my mother were ushered in by Peacekeepers.
Cassia squeezed her way between Ollie and my mother and threw her arms around me.
She was sobbing, clinging to the fabric of my dress.
I clasped her face in my hands.
"Cass," I said softly, wiping a tear away from her cheek. "Cass, it's alright."
She shook her head stubbornly. "I don't want you to die."
I bit my lip. "I won't," I assured her but the words turned to ashes in my mouth.
"You promised me, Ro," She said.
"I know," I said with a pained expression. "But I'll make you a new one right now, okay? If you can help and make sure mom gets better, then I'll try my hardest to come back."
She sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve and nodded but before she could say anything else, I'd turned to Ollie and pulled him into an embrace.
He let a few tears escape, brushing them away before they slid down his cheeks. "You told me you weren't going to be picked."
I smoothed out his fair hair that had become slightly ruffled.
"I know," I said. "But maybe it won't be as bad as you think."
I was trying to be strong, for their sake, but despite any hope any of us had, I knew the chances of me coming back were slim.
"You have to," He said, reaching out to grab my hand. "Please, Ro."
"Take care of yourself," I said softly. "Tell me you will."
"I will," He said. "But you have to take care of yourself, too."
"Deal," I said, managing a small, sad smile. "And when I come back, the first thing we'll do is ride to White Peak."
And then I was hugging my mother, wrapping my arms around her tightly.
She couldn't speak, only cling onto me hopelessly.
I knew how hard it must be for them. They'd already lost one daughter and now they were going to lose another.
My father reached out to place a comforting arm on my mother's back and she collapsed in sobs.
"I'm proud of you, Rowan," My father said. "No matter what happens. You have to know that."
No matter what happens.
The words felt like a sharp knife cutting into my chest.
I nodded, letting out a choked sound.
"Here," He said, holding something out to me. A panflute. "You should have it."
My father had made it for me when I was younger. He'd crafted the pipes out of thin, wood and banded them together with a leather cord we'd woven together. In the wood of the panflute, he'd carved the andscape of District 10. The familiar mountains, flowers and even the small birds.
I traced our carved names in the corner with my finger. So small, they were almost illegible. Rowan and Gabriel, which I'd crossed out and written 'Dad.'
It was roughly the size of my hand, with a thin leather strap that I slipped over my neck.
He used to play all the time and whenever we rode out to see the sun set in the valley, behind the mountains as we sat in the fields of flowers, I'd beg him to play and then he taught me too as well.
Ever since my mother got sick, he rarely played anymore but I still did, sometimes. Cassia and Ollie loved to hear it and I played at the races a lot, around the bonfire.
"Thank you," I told him softly and trying not to cry again. I hadn't even thought about a district token but he had and I was grateful for it. It reminded me of home.
The Peacekeepers were at the door then, telling them that their time was up. That they had to go.
The only words I could find were "I love you" and "I'll miss you" over and over as I hugged them and then they were gone and the door slammed shut behind them, leaving me alone.
I barely had time to take a deep breath before the door opened again.
Mieka rushed toward me and wrapped her arms around me before I could even say a word.
She was sobbing and that made me cry all over again.
"Ro, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," She said, trembling and shaking her head. "It should have been me. You don't deserve this -,"
"No, Mieka," I said. "Don't say that."
"Rowan, please!" She cried. "You're brave and smart and - and you have so much more to live for! Ro - no, listen to me - you're the best of us. And I was scared. I was too scared to go up there and take your place and I hate myself for it and -,"
"Mieka," I said in a broken, desperate voice. "Mieka, stop -,"
"No!" She cried. "Rowan, you don't understand! You're my best friend and I've known since I was four that you were going to do something with your life! You were going to change something, be someone! It's who you are and the world can't stand to lose that."
She tried to say something else but choked up and cried again and we held each other again.
"You can win, Ro," She whispered. "I know you can."
"Mieka -," I started to say in a dejected tone but she cut me off.
"Don't talk like that, Rowan. Do not talk like you've already lost," She said and when the Peacekeepers came back to take her away, she clung to me once more. "I love you, Ro."
"I love you, too," I said in a small, broken voice and then she was gone.
The wait was longer this time before the doors opened again and Kota came through them this time and I ran forward and threw my arms around him, hugging him fiercely.
"You can get out of this," He was saying. "I know you can. You're smart, Rowan. Smart enough to win. And you're quick. The knives, Ro. You can use knives."
"Well, it's not bottles that I'll be throwing them at."
"Just pretend it is. You have good aim. If you can get your hands on a knife or two, then -,"
"What good are knives against swords and arrows?"
"You'll find a way," He assured me and his eyes were rimmed with tears. "I know you will. Just be careful, okay? Promise me you'll be careful."
"I will," I said. "Promise."
He pulled me to his chest again, wrapping his arms tightly around him.
We stayed like that for a while, holding each other because it may very well be the last time we'd get to.
"I should have just volunteered for that kid, Ro," He finally said. "I should have -,"
"No," I said, suddenly angry. "What would you have accomplished? Two more dead kids for mom and dad to deal with? What were you thinking?"
"I don't know, Ro!" He cried out. "That maybe I could make sure you won!"
My voice wavered and threatened to to break down at the desperation I'm his voice but forced myself to swallow and try to stay strong.
"You have to make sure mom keeps getting the medicine," I said finally, when I'd somewhat composed myself. "Keep going to the races. You'll have to ride. Or maybe Cass can. Just don't let anything happen to mom or anyone."
"I'll take care of it," He promised.
"Take care of yourself, too," I said. "Don't forget that."
"I won't."
Then when the Peacekeepers came to get Kota, he pulled me into his arms once more, squeezing my tightly.
"I don't want to say goodbye," I admitted in a small, shaky voice.
"So don't," He said, shaking his head. He ruffled my hair one last time with red-rimmed eyes and a rough voice. "Catch you later, kid."
And then the door shut behind him and I was truly alone.
It couldn't have been more than a few minutes, although it felt like hours, before two Peacekeepers appeared at the door to take me to the train station.
The ride was short and I didn't see Cole again until I stepped out onto the train platform. He arrived a few minutes after me and whereas I was sure I must have looked somewhat distraught, he looked calm.
The train station was crowded with reporters and their cameras, all swarming around the pair of us for the best angle.
I realized that I was being aired live, so I tried to replicate Cole's placid expression.
I thought of the hanging tree and my jaw hardened as I felt the familiar sensation of anger. Not just at the Peacekeepers but at the Games and President Snow the whole Capitol.
We were ushered inside the sleek, silver train after pausing for the cameras and I nearly gaped at the interior of it.
The walls practically glittered and the cart we were led to was draped in silks and satins with glass furniture and plush sofas.
There were spare clothes in the compartment that served as my chambers but the fabrics were foreign and unfamiliar and I wanted to cling onto even a small, semblance of home so I washed myself off but slid back into my own dress.
I did find a light-brown cardigan made of the softest material I'd ever felt, so I pulled that on over my dress, hugging it around me.
District 10 wasn't very far from the Capitol so the train ride wouldn't be a long one but they'd still deigned it necessary to supply me with a compartment.
Before long, Odessa came to bring me to supper and I followed her out of my compare my and to the dining compartment.
The dining compartment was fancier than anything I'd seen before with its glass chandelier and marble table.
Two of the chairs were occupied by Cole and Levi Aplin.
Levi was saying something to Cole, who was nodding.
I slid into the seat across from them cautiously and they both looked up at the sound of my seat scraping against the floor.
I glanced away uncomfortably.
Doubtlessly, Levi was Cole's mentor, which meant that Kiva Everett was mine. I'd seen her on the train platform and I hadn't seen Riordan.
I didn't know how to feel about that. Kiva had always terrified me a bit.
As if on cue, the door to the compartment slid open and she sauntered in, dropping into a chair next to Levi.
She was followed by two Peacekeepers who retreated to the corners of the compartment.
"Evening, Levi," Kiva said brightly and then leaned across him to squeeze Cole's cheek.
"Levi junior," She said and laughed at her joke.
Levi appeared almost immune to her behavior, because he didn't seem fazed.
"Kiva," He said without looking up at her. "Don't you have something else to do?"
She shrugged, reaching across him to swipe a roll of bread from the platter in front of him.
"Rather than spend time with my favorite best bud?" She inquired as she picked up a knife and began to butter it. "Nope, not really."
When the food was set out on the table, Kiva appeared to notice me for the first time, narrowing her eye that seemed to sparkle a thousand shades of blue and green.
She pointed at me with her knife.
"Rona?" She asked.
"Rowan," I corrected.
She shrugged. "Same difference."
I didn't know how to respond, so I ate a spoonful of my pea soup but I could practically feel Kiva's eyes boring into me.
It looked as if Kiva had cut her hair herself. It was brown and layered, falling down unevenly a bit past her shoulders, with a few streaks braided.
Kiva was a descendent of one of the old tribes that traced back centuries. Most had been wiped out during the revolution but some people remained, scattered here and there throughout the district.
"Ignore her," Levi said to me. "She's crazy."
"It's true," Kiva boasted. "I have the doctor's diagnosis to prove it. I hung it up on my fridge. I'm awfully proud to be a certified lunatic."
But Levi only snorted. "You threatened to decapitate the doctor with your feet. Of course he'd say you were crazy."
She shrugged, as if she didn't understand it. "Whatever."
Odessa came in then. She'd changed out of her reaping outfit and into a long, loose, simple gown - reminiscent of a dressing gown - that flowed behind her as she walked and she'd pulled her hair up into a loose bun.
Kiva glanced at her and then lowered her eyes to the floor as Odessa poured herself a cup of tea, looking slightly uncomfortably.
Then supper was served in too many courses and I could never hope to eat all of them. But I'd never tasted anything like the food that was served with its new, rich flavors.
I was so I was too unnerved to really eat and I was afraid that whatever I ate would come right back up so I was careful to only pick at it.
When I looked up, I realized that Levi hadn't even touched his food.
Cole had managed to eat some but kept pausing to cast nervous glances at his older brother.
Kiva left in the middle of the meal and when it was apparent none of us were going to eat anymore, Odessa made a suggestion that we go watch the replay of the other reapings.
I didn't really want to have to examine the faces of those who I would be competing against, and probably get killed by, but they'd already begun to file out and I didn't know where else to go.
Levi, who had relaxed slightly during dinner, was once again staring at the television with a hard facial expression me.
I wished that I could read his thoughts.
Odessa flicked on the screen just as the District 1 escort called out a girl's name but even before the girl could ascend the steps, a girl named Maddox, who was probably Kota's age, was bounding forward to volunteer.
She strutted up the stage steps confidently, tossing her strawberry blond hair over her shoulder, and beaming at the crowd.
It was obvious she'd be one of the favorites.
A monstrous boy abruptly volunteered for the male tribute and the size of him sent a shiver down my spine. He could probably break my neck with his bare hands.
The District 2 tributes were even worse.
The girl, Letha, who volunteered for the female tribute strode forward with the prowess of a cat. Her dark green eyes, sharp in comparison to the pale shade of my own, were piercing as they swept across the crowd gathered in her district square and I could feel a knot forming in my stomach.
But the volunteer that replaced the District 1's boy tribute sent a shiver down my spine.
He was frightening, with a razor sharp smile and air of lazy confidence but what set me off was the way his dark blue eyes seemed to be staring into me.
The boy, Sebastian, didn't even flinch as he ascended the steps to stand next to Letha.
He was intimidating with the sharp lines of his cheekbones and his black hair.
The female tribute for District 3 was a thirteen year old and I felt a pang of pity as the girl tried not to cry.
The twelve year old from District 5 didn't try to hide his tears.
"Pity."
Kiva's voice from behind me made me jump in surprise.
She took note of my reaction and grinned, sliding over the edge of the couch to sit next to me.
Levi glanced at her and turned back to the screen as the District 7 tributes were being reaped, but I had stopped paying attention. I didn't want to watch anymore.
"Shouldn't you be killing the cook or something?" Levi asked with a sigh.
"And miss out on all the fun?"
Levi snorted, but didn't turn to say anything else.
Kiva turned to me. "What's your name again?"
"Rowan."
"Well, since I'm your mentor, I feel like I should introduce myself," She said, leaning back on the couch and propping her feet up on the table.
"Kiva Everett," She announced, sticking her hand out to me.
I hesitantly shook it.
"Great, now that that's out of the way, I'll offer my token advice to you and be done with it. Grab something sharp and swing at whatever comes after you."
She got up, patted my head awkwardly, and began to slip out of the room, but lingered by the doorway for a moment.
"And with that, I would like to announce my retirement as a mentor. Take it away, Levi," She said with a sweeping gesture of her arm and backed dramatically out of the room.
Cole tried not to laugh and Odessa frowned after her.
I realized that Cole hadn't said so much as a word to me and couldn't help but wonder if it was some sort of personal vendetta against me, because I was going to become his enemy.
Levi sighed and turned to me. "Look, I guess I'm your acting mentor or whatever. Kiva - she's difficult to get along with but sometimes she says things that aren't entirely unintelligent."
I shrugged. "Swinging sharp stuff at people seems like the general idea."
"If you're Kiva, at least. That's how she won. She went a bit insane and hacked a bunch of tributes to death with a machete." He paused before adding "don't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because those tributes are probably better with weapons than you are. Kiva just wasn't quite there mentally and went on a bloodthirsty rampage after her district partner was killed. No offense or anything, but you don't really strike me as the bloodthirsty type."
"How do you know?" I retorted, straightening my stature in attempt to appear intimidating, albeit failing miserably. He was right, of course, but for some reason I felt defensive around him. "I killed a sheep, once."
I could have sworn that, for a moment, the corners of his mouth twitched.
He raised his eyebrows. "Sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I'm paralyzed by my blinding fear of you."
I scowled, slumping back in resignation. I looked back up at the screen just as District 10 was announced.
Odessa was there, reaching her hand into the sea of names and pulling one out. She read mine and I saw myself climb the steps.
To my surprise, I looked more put together then I'd thought. I looked too unable to process the situation to really be able to react to it.
But I didn't possess the air of fierceness that the Careers had. My feet were turned in toward one another and one skinny leg was bent toward the other and one of my hands was fiddling with the hem of my dress.
There was a crinkle in my dress and I wondered, for a moment, if my mother would patronize me for it until I remembered she couldn't because I wasn't back home and I probably never would be again.
My skinny, knobby knees had cuts on them from when I had raised Kota through the bull a few days ago, but it felt years away now.
Then Odessa called out Cole's name and Levi stiffened again. He drew back into himself, like I'd seem him do before, where he only stared ahead with a blank, if not somewhat strained, expression.
He got up and left without a word and Odessa slipped out not long afterwards.
I looked to Cole but he looked unbothered by it.
I realized that it was the first time Cole and I were alone together.
I didn't know him. I'd never met him, but I knew Levi had a younger brother. I faintly remembered Cole being interviewed for Levi's Games last year.
Cole looked unperturbed about the events transpiring around him and I could only wonder what was going inside his head.
I felt like I should say something - anything - but I couldn't think of a single thing.
There was the weather, of course, but I didn't what to say about it other than that it was hot. It was too conventional.
But I did it anyway.
"So," I said, awkwardly clearing my throat. "Some weather we're, uh, having."
Cole looked at me for a moment, as if trying to discern if I was serious and upon deciding I was, had to bite his lip to keep from laughing but a strange, guttural sound still escaped his throat.
I frowned at him and had given up and just began to turn away, when he broke out into a grin and held his hands up in surrender.
I waited for him to say something, anything at all, but he didn't.
That was fine with me. We were going to be pit up against one another anyway. Might as well start acting like it.
So we sat in an uncomfortable silence and I had been staring at the wall in front of me with such intensity that I nearly jumped when he nudged my arm.
He made a gesture to his throat and moved his lips but no words came out.
It took me a moment to understand but when I did, my eyes widened in surprise.
"Oh!" I said, before I could stop myself. "You're mute."
He nodded.
Great, so I'd been misinterpreting his silence as his intentions to regard me as an enemy.
I felt my face flush.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't know -,"
He shrugged, like he was used to it.
I was taken aback by the calm demeanor he was able to uphold despite what was going on.
His brother didn't share the same nonchalance.
Before I could say anything else, he was motioning to the window behind me.
When I spun around, I could see why.
We were in the Capitol.
My curiosity won out and I got up and crossed to the window.
It nearly took my breath away.
I'd only ever seen the Capitol on television yet it was nothing compared to the grandeur of seeing it in person.
Towering buildings that glistened in the daylight and stretched into the sky. Streets dotted with shiny cars and people in bright, bizarre clothing.
Cole looked stunned too and for a few moments, all we could do was stare.
Then the train began to pull up at to a platform and I could see people cheering in excitement, shouting and pointing at us.
I tore my gaze away from their eager eyes, ducking away from the window.
Cole only blinked at them before stepping away.
Then they were gone as we pulled into the station.
The train gently slowed to a stop and Odessa came in, mumbling about us needing to move along.
I shuffled out after her but I could still hear screaming, enthusiastic crowd of people who could barely curb their excitement at the prospect of getting to watch me die.
Author's Note
IM SORRY THAT THIS IS SO OBNOXIOUSLY LONG I AM TRYING OK
and on another note, I super appreciate the feedback & was wondering what sort of update schedule I should follow. I've generally been uploading every wednesday but I feel that maybe I should be posting twice a week or maybe more? There's the bit about more chapters but shorter content as opposed to fewer chapters with more content but that isn't a huge concern right now because i've got a number of chapters done already. Anyway, if you have an update schedule suggestion, or anything to say at all really, id love to hear it. ok bye thank you i love you
p.s. a reminder that i did not follow a naming scheme. sorry don't hate me
p.p.s. if you comment i will propose