Sorry if I haven't updated for a loooong time, but reading my documents again and finally pulling through the minor writer's block made me finish this chapter. And let me tell you people, this chapter takes the cake and the pie and the cupcake and the muffin. Let's not forget the donut. Anyway... (smiles)

This, right here, is GOLD.

That's all I got to say. And here's Tatsumaru Lee with a few words.

Tatsumaru Lee--

Okay, thanks for reading this fanfic for my friend, everybody.

Lately, I been having trouble getting onto my account. So, if you really want to speak to me, let my friend here know, and he'll give me the email that you have intended for me. As in, if you want to say yadda yadda yadda to me, just let him know and he'll let me know and I'll answer through his later updates.

And one last thing. Love is developed. It does not begin automatically. So any yaoi fans who want to read the smutty stuff, go away and don't expect it any time soon. We do not do that kind of things. But anyone else, please enjoy this love story as the plot develops.

I. E meaning love. (Kaji- I do not get what he said)

Disclaimer- We, as in Tatsumaru Lee and I, do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters. So please, forgive us if the characters act too OOC. This chapter was too funny. XD

Chapter Three- Shopping

"Everybody went crazy when I went shopping alone at Harrods the other day. I was like; what the hell? Nothing has changed in my life and nothing is going to and I think that's a choice you make." –Angelina Jolie

"That damn little prick…" I cursed more profanity under my breath while I trudged ever so grudgingly behind Selphie and Kairi.

By the time I finally gave up, we already ended up in the mall. And it doesn't surprise me I haven't made a break for it, yet. If I did ditch them at one point, Kairi and Selphie would find me (eventually) and the scary part is, whatever the punishment will be would be even worse than what they were gonna force me to do before.

Yeah, hard to admit in this complicated situation, but I'm playing the wise cards right now. And it's not much considering I don't have much to save me.

Anyway, I've been following the yapping girls for awhile now. Where are they leading me to anyway?

The two close friends who kept chatting endlessly to each other suddenly stopped, and they both turned around to check if I was still behind them. When they confirmed it, I shot them a stern, questioning look before they grinned immaturely.

"Wait…" A thought finally crossed my mind. If I was dragged here by these broads to modify me into a full-fledged female, wouldn't they need money to buy all this stuff? "Are you guys paying for everything?"

"Pft, what makes you think we will? What are we, rich?" Selphie retorted in a mock sophisticated manner and I snorted at her stupidity. If only she was a princess… the role would suit her perfectly. And in the matter of money… I chuckled evilly while I shook Sora's wallet in my hand. While the wimp is beaten up, always make a grab for his wallet.

Kairi grimaced at my action.

"Riku, for once, behave like a nice lady."

I snorted again. "You scold me as if I was a female since birth."

"Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku…" Selphie shook her head, repeating my name in a 'tsk, tsk' manner. She grinned before repeating my name again. "Riku, Riku, Riku. Haven't you ever noticed you looked like a girl anyway? The only problem with yourself was that you were born as a dude. What a curse you had to live with."

"What are you talking about? Being a dude is awesome! You get to play dirty, wear all the baggy clothes you want, and eat all the cream and banana poptarts you can eat with the excuse 'I'm a growing man.'" Kairi and Selphie frowned in disappointment from my reaction. I can bet you they pity me for being so brainwashed and lost.

"Kairi, it might be too late to save him," Selphie said, shaking her head in defeat.

"Don't give up, Selph. He's still sixteen. We have two years in high school left to change him whether he likes it or not." Kairi gave her a grin of self-righteousness. Does she really believe she is doing good in the world?

"You really think we can change… that?" Selphie timidly pointed at my direction when I began frightening them with one of my famous 'Riku glares.' "He's practically a fierce and stubborn tiger!"

"In time, he will be tamed."

Okay, now I'm getting scared. I've never seen this side of Kairi before. So determined, and confident, and serious. Makes me want to flee in the face of a lioness that is hungry for food.

"Why don't we start at Victoria's Secret?" Selphie suggested. I immediately deadpanned.

"Yaayyy!" Kairi squealed in delight. Somehow, for some reason, I feel dread for the impending doom that is upon me. I ask God for one last request: kill me now.

"Oh no…" Before I had a say in anything, the girls dragged me off again.

Seconds later, I find myself in the middle of Victoria's gigantic store, staring at a pair of cute black panties. Wait, did I just think cute? Did I just say panties?! I look to my left and right, being overwhelmed by the evil color pink of the store. Without realizing it, I dropped onto my knees and screamed out:

"NOOOOOOO!!"

I panted heavily, seeing as every customer in this store, which were all females and a gay dude, all stared at me.

"Riku. This is not hell. Live with it."

I have an unnerving feeling that this wasn't hell, but something much worse. Hell is practically a haven of my misery.

"Why are we being so religious lately?" I inquired to Kairi in the middle of my agony.

"I don't know why Riku, but it looks to me like God doesn't want to bother with you right now."

I sighed, seeing as I have no power to get me out of this mess. While Kairi turned to Selphie who was awing at a pair of thongs, for I swear I can't picture her wearing those or why she would want to wear those in the first place, I turned to my left. At this second, my jaw dropped.

Beyond the exit of this store, I see a white glimmering light. The light made me feel warm inside and I had a desire to walk toward it. Then, my head flashed on a few words over and over: head to the light.

"What do you think of these…?"

"No, too small, and frilly."

I ignored the girls behind me while I rose to my feet, walking steadily toward the source of the light. As I step closer, the vague exterior of a store appears before me and I see words flashing in bright colors, outlining the sign 'Dirty Hairy Weapons Emporium.'

My mouth began to drool, and my eyes bulged at the wondrous and holy sight. Shelves among shelves of rifles, shotguns, pistols, mines, knives, katanas, helmets, and armor were tiered neatly in rows. I barely even noticed the blaring speaker phone that announced 'schu mines still in aisle seven. Schu mines still in aisle seven. Also, please check out our half-priced rocket launchers in aisle three. Buy two keyblades and get one free.'

When I stepped into the store, a target range for testing out the weapons situated at my right. And there were mostly men, even seven year olds who were aiming with the AK-47, AR-74 at practice dummies, and a young kid was actually slicing a hello kitty doll in shreds with a curved blade.

I think I have ventured upon something even more divine than heaven. This place is stocked and crawling with beautiful, majestically powerful weapon arsenals.

Oh wow. I simply was amazed. This store was a dream for all true men out there.

Suddenly, the nightmarish people came back and tromped into my heaven. And I ask myself a few couple questions. Just one: why? Why? Why does this happen to me?

"Riikkuuu!!" Selphie whined. I grunted. How did they find me? I thought girls like them could never set foot in a dangerous place like this. Especially with Hello Kitties being chopped up. Kairi would tear up just by the sound of the dolly flesh being ripped apart.

"Why did you run off like that, Riku? We're supposed to be upgrading you." I shivered in disgust by the way Kairi had said that. It's as if she treated my earlier form to be something low and repulsive. If that's how she wanted it, I would rather give it to her at full force, Riku style. Just to make sure if anything turned to worse, I leaned against a shelf and grabbed a round item.

And I responded with a curse. "Leave me the hell alone and back off. I'm armed!!" I pulled out the item in front of me… and I stared at it. When I thought I had grabbed a grenade to throw at them, it was in fact a Hello Kitty doll. Okay, that was my blunder.

"AWWWW!! How cute!!!" Selphie cooed and I growled at my misfortune. And then, an idea sprung up. Kairi then took the chance to step up in the vain attempt to calm me down.

"C'mon, Riku. Stop resisting. One way or another, you have to accept the fact that you are a girl. A full-fledged, blossoming female." As hell I would.

"If you don't withdraw at will, then I will have to resort with plan B. Prepare to say goodbye to Hello Kitty." I hastily snatched a bebe gun off the rack, and aimed it directly at its head. "Back away or the kitty gets it."

"I challenge you to a round of Mortal Kombat!" Kairi declared, pointing her finger at my direction. The fire of raw determination was kindled in her spirit.

"Kairi." I said with a straight face. Sorry, my viewers, but I have to resort in profanity. "What the fuck?"

"Kairi? What are you talking about?" Selphie inquired, staring at her friend in utter complexity. Kairi drew back her finger and started fiddling with it in embarrassment.

"Um… It's something I always wanted to say." It was stupid of me to let my guard down. The moment Selphie noticed, she took advantage of it and tackled me down, pinning me to the ground.

"Kairi! Bring the rope!" I watched in mortification when Kairi snatched a long piece of rope from the wall. This was the only moment when I have to say, I hate this store. It surprised me how fast and tight they bind me in these ropes, because I swear I can't move any of my limbs.

Then, they carried me over to the cashier and set me on the counter. For some reason, I feel like an item now, since I am being bought in a bound package. And next, it was humiliation. They had my bottom slide over the scanner multiple times and unfortunately after those multiple times the cashier goes over to the phone and the speakers blare again:

"Price Chic- I mean, price check in cashier seven. I repeat. Price check in cashier seven."

As soon as I heard him say 'price chic,' I wanted to kick his ass. Thirty minutes after grueling and embarrassing checking over my butt, we left the store. And as we're leaving, Kairi says:

"C'mon, Riku. It wasn't that bad."

"Kairi. They LOOKED at my ass for thirty minutes, and I could've sworn one of those cashiers had his hand on my ass. It was that bad."

"But that cashier who had is hand on your butt was pretty cute. I would be flattered." Selphie replied dreamily. I just seriously had to stare at Selphie for what she said.

"Selphie, if you want those pervs to manhandle you and to check your butt out for a price, be my guest."

The next few hours were a blank to me, as I suddenly found myself in the food court known as Burger King sitting in a chair (still wrapped up, might I add) with ten bags under my chair. Four of them labeled Mervyns, two of them labeled women's Foot Locker, two Macey's and another two God knows what else. I sighed in exhaustion, because my neck feels sore.

I was both happy and mad at the same time. I was mad at the fact that I had to go through all those stores dressed up by various girly stuff and let me tell you, those clothes stick too tight to the skin. It's as if the makers were men, who wanted women in the first place to shape their bodies with these pathetic excuses for clothing. But I was happy at the fact that Sora was paying for the expenses, whether he's aware of it or not. You just gotta love stealing your best friend's wallet. Man, karma feels so sweet, too.

Selphie and Kairi just came back from wherever they went and they started asking me those girly little questions I don't even pay attention to.

"Hi Kairi, hi Selphie." I whipped my head in the direction of Sora's voice and my neck popped. That may not sound good, but I hope it takes care of the sore pain my neck. Anyway, I shouldn't be surprised that he works at Burger King considering anything important that Sora can do is bound to fail. He turned toward my direction and grinned mischievously.

"Hey, Riku. How does it feel to shop in the mall?" He laid down the trays full of the food we ordered as I tried to suppress my irritation in a calm manner.

"Eh, it feels okay. It feels even better that you are paying for all this stuff. You're a nice gentleman." I couldn't help but laugh when Sora was frantically searching through his pants for his missing, but now empty wallet.

"Riku, how did you get my wallet?" He inquired with wide eyes.

"Gee, remember that beautiful memory when I was beating the crap out of you earlier today? Well, it was a given that I took your wallet. Call it reimbursement. Reimbursement for letting me get dragged away by these two harpies."

Before Sora had a chance to retort, another speakerphone blared within the food court, announcing:

"Sora, your employment has officially been terminated as of today. And your weekly check shall also be terminated, so please do not expect it and come crying to us to have your job back. Oh, and one more thing. Sora, please turn in your uniform and no, you can not keep the hat."

I couldn't help but stare at the funky and lame hat that was pushed against his spiky hair, which seems to like defying gravity. Why would he want to keep the hat at all? And I watched as my best friend trudged away in grief in losing his job and uniform. I felt sorry for Sora since even I thought he was capable of keeping his job at Burger King. Damn, I lost ten bucks on the bet now. I should learn to avoid Tidus at gambling.

Minutes later, my best friend comes back, minus the uniform and dorky hat, and sits right beside me. Wallowing at what looks like his misery, he munches on a French fry. Which reminds me, I'm hungry, too. Even though that fish sandwich those girls got me is a pathetic excuse for lady meat, I am just too Goddamn hungry.

Sora, who noticed my predicament caught within ropes, suddenly turned toward the girls who were actually chatting a lot more than what they were eating. That was a poor way of wasting food and I no longer wondered how girls could be so skinny. Like I said, they talk more than they eat.

"Whoa, Selph! Look at that humungous piece of dirt on your face. My mistake, it's actually a huge zit." Selphie shrieked in terror, and because she was so frantic, Kairi couldn't tell if the girl had a zit or not. Sora cleared his voice for what actually took the cake. "This just in. Mt. Zitmore has officially been declared the tallest mountain on the world. Let's just hope the white peak does not explode on us and disgust the world. Now back to you, Riku."

Speechless at what Sora had declared in a reporter-like voice, which I have to admit was pretty authentic, I knew what was coming next, unfortunately. A swift roundhouse kick struck Sora on the top of the head; launching him to fly toward me and having us topple unceremoniously across the floor. I see a brief glimpse of Selphie running away crying with Kairi close behind.

"Riku?"

"Yes?"

"I got kicked in the head again."

"Yeah, I saw that. Very observant of you," I remarked sarcastically. I'm not the least bit happy about our position.

"Riku, how many times am I gonna be kicked in the head again?"

"As many times as it takes for you to learn not to insult people."

Suddenly, I felt a loss of weight disappear on me when Sora stood up and stared at the direction Kairi and Selphie left. "Finally, they're gone." Before I could comprehend what he said, the ropes that fastened my wrists are suddenly loosened along with the ropes that held my limbs.

"Hurry up, Riku! We should get going before they come back. And grab the bags, too. They're yours after all." The next thing I knew, we found ourselves running through and through this immense structure before we came upon the parking lot.

And as we're exiting the front doors, I just had to ask:

"First, you screwed me over, Sora and now you're helping me?" It was something that confused me this whole time, and it puzzled me that Sora turned around to give me his quirky smile. "Why?"

"Silly, that's what best friends are for."

My face was white-hot, and before I could deduce anything else, Sora fixed me an inquisitive look.

"Riku, are you blushing?"

"…"

Ah, the end of the chapter. I like it. And it was Tatsu's idea.

Just review and comment,

and Tatsu Lee bids adieu with the words, 'Have a nice day.'