A/N: Just to avoid confusion and/or misunderstanding, the end of this chapter switches to Bella's point of view. A majority of reviewers opted for it, and it's too short to put in a chapter of its own. Also, the reason Edward didn't use protection isn't because he is worried about pregnancy, but the venom in his system and it's affect on Bella. Like the Twilight books, Edward doesn't think of the possibility of a baby. I know it's farfetched, but in this story, Edward becomes 'adapted' to be around Bella and no longer pools venom in her presence - thus, he can kiss her and consummate with her and leave her unaffected. (I am a firm believer that if any of Edward's fluids have venom, then they all do - I am a biology major ;). )

The day was beautiful and I soon dragged myself from the beauty next to me to feel the sunlight and clear the conflicting thoughts in my head. I wanted to do something special for her, and I knew just the thing to loosen her up to talk to me about what exactly had her so worked up the night before. I wanted to unearth the old memories and get everything out in the open.

Heading to the kitchen, I pulled out her favorite mug and went about finding the ingredients to make her favorite drink, but surprisingly enough, her cabinets were practically bare.

Torn about my next action, I went back to the bedroom to check on her. She was deeply asleep and would not be waking anytime soon.

Quickly I dressed and headed to the supermarket.

The trip took longer than I anticipated. The choices were infinite and I had a hard time between picking something new and picking her favorite. Frustrated, I grabbed the ingredients, waited through the long lines and headed back.

Immediately, I went to the bedroom, longing to see her naked, sleeping form.

My eyes met only the white of her sheets.

I usually would have calmed myself, often haven jumping to conclusions. I tried to rationalize that she was having a 'human moment' or otherwise about her flat, but this felt different. I couldn't sense her in my presence and I knew right away that something was wrong.

I left the room to search her out. What I realized startled me.

The house was empty. All of her possessions were gone. How could I not have noticed this before?

My heart began to race. What was going on?

My realistic side kept trying to calm me, telling me it was just my imagination, or digging to remember if she was moving.

This wasn't my imagination – no dream, and Bella couldn't be moving. She still had two years until she finished her degree.

All of these thoughts fled my mind as my eyes settled on the refrigerator. After what had happened, hours before, I would have smiled – even a little – if it wasn't for what else was there.

A note. Fastened to the door by a magnet, it stuck out like a beacon was trained on it. At once, I knew it could only be bad news, and half of me was tempted to turn and ignore it, to grab the phone.

But I couldn't help myself. I needed a reason.

Edward –

I'm sorry for not saying goodbye in person, but I couldn't do it. I've never become as close to someone as I have with you. We've been through hell together, haven't we? Without regards of how our relationship began, I couldn't have made it through these past five years without you. You weren't just my rock, you were so much more, and you'll always be more than that sexy musician filling the radio waves – you're my brother, my friend, my first love.

I know you're still ashamed about that night, but it's embedded in a special place in my heart. I cherish it – from what glows in that drunken memory. Dancing with you, watching you lose control. God, what I would give to have you look at me that way again.

You'll always be on my mind, Edward. I hope you can at least spare a part of you to remember me.

Don't come looking for me, Edward. It's best this way. You have a busy schedule and should enjoy the little free time they give you – just don't let Hollywood steal your life away.

I've left you a collection of all the songs I can never listen to without thinking of you – the songs you've ruined – not that I mind. A piece of you is in every song, but these ones hold your soul, or at least mine.

I love you, Edward Cullen. I wish I had the courage to say it to your face, but I'm not strong enough to stomach your reaction. Don't feel guilty. None of it was your fault – consciously. I'll miss our late night talks, surfing lessons, clubbing with your family – give them my regards.

Forget about me. Move on. Settle down with a Hollywood beauty in a few years, while you're still young. I'll read about your wedding.

With all my love,

Bella

My eyes welled up with tears and, suddenly losing the feeling in my legs, I fell to my knees. She left me? I couldn't think…. Couldn't feel… couldn't move.

Deep inside, I was afraid that this would happen. I should have told her while I had the chance. I loved, but now was alone.

The truth was, I'd die without her.

It felt like just that was happening now. My chest ached from my lack of ability to breathe, my eyes burned from the tears I tried to hold back, my knees throbbed from where they solidly hit her tile floor. I knew I shouldn't have given her my heart. I knew better than to love someone without barriers. I thought this time was different. I thought she was different. I thought wrong.

And I had this pain now as a punishment, and when my breath finally came back to me, it was in heaving sobs, and the tears would have came loose if I had the ability to produce them, and the pain didn't get any better.

I couldn't listen to the CDs left on the kitchen table for weeks. It seemed that I always had them with me – just in case the moment came that I felt the need. She was constantly on my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to get into her mind. To expose myself to the hate that she must have felt for me for all those years. My dreams were filled with songs of hard rock with despicable words, of rape and songs of murder… I couldn't blame her in the least, but I held onto her confession of love, her laugh, and the look of her in ecstasy beneath me.

She was killing me. I had learned to suppress my feelings for her enough to not remember it everyday. I had learned to let go of her enough so we could be apart and I could laugh with her without hiding behind it. I knew when I kissed her in her flat I was signing the warrant of my death and crashing the hard build walls I had constructed, but it was worth it in the end. I could live a thousand more lives feeling like this and still cherish that memory of making love…

And banging her against the refrigerator.

I stared at my phone for hours a day, debating on whether to call her. She told me not to come looking for her, and I respected that. I only wanted to clarify some things with her…

Finally, I dialed the numbers and listened to the phone connect and begin ringing.

"Hi, you've reached Bella – "

"Bella, it's me. Please don't hang up!"

"I can't get to the phone, but leave one!"

I was at a loss of words after the beep. "Bella… I'm sorry for calling, but I needed to hear your voice." I swallowed and sat down on my bed. "I'm leaving for recording tomorrow and needed to talk things over before I go.

"Look, Bella, I'd hate to leave this on your answering machine…"

"Why did you call?"

A voice on the other end startled me. "Bella?"

"Edward… I told you to forget about me."

"But you also told me not to forget about you… which I will always."

"Forget about me?"

I sighed, rubbing my free hand across my face. "Bella, why did you leave like that? What did I say?"

"Nothing, it's nothing that you did. There's nothing you could have done differently."

"It's the job, isn't it? I know I'm away a lot, but – "

"It's not the hours, Edward. I'm not good for your image."

"My image?"

"You have so much out there for you. I'm sorry about… you know. I didn't mean to say anything. The last thing I wanted was to make you guilty – "

"Guilty? No – "

"And if you felt pressured to say something because of my confession, I'm sorry and I didn't take anything you said to heart."

"Bella – "

"No, it's alright. You don't need to say anything. I understand, and I understand that the only reason that you did what you did was to satisfy your… your lust that hasn't been fulfilled lately because of the hectic schedule of your job."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

"But I wanted to thank you for spending all that time with me. You never had to spend all that time with me…."

"I wanted to – "

"…and that parting memory, even though it will haunt me for life..."

"Bella, hear me out, please!"

"I've heard as much as I wanted to hear and I don't want to burden you any more. I've taken enough of your time."

"Then can I burden yours?"

"Look, I really should be going…"

"I love you, Bella!"

It was quiet on the other end of the line and for a moment I was afraid she had hung up.

"What?"

"I love you, and you being gone is killing me."

"I – "

"You said you've said enough to me, so just let me get my fill. That wasn't just a fuck, not even an excellent fuck. God, that meant so much more to me. You mean so much more to me. And what I really wanted to say is that it wasn't about my dick like I claimed it to be – it's about you and me. It wasn't only that, the truth is – "

"I have to go. Don't call me any more."

The line went dead.

I swallowed the emotion overcoming me and choked the words out quietly into the empty line. "I won't survive without you."

Bella's POV

It's your life.
You say you need a change.
Don't all the dreams we've seen come true mean anything.
You say it's different now.
And you keep staring at the door.
How can you walk away?
Don't I matter anymore?

If being free's worth what you leave behind.
And if it's too late for love to change your mind then its goodbye time.
If we had known our love would come to this.
We could have saved our hearts the hurt of wasted years.

Well it's been fun.
What else can I say?
If the feeling's gone words won't stop you anyway.
If being free's worth what you leave behind.
And if it's too late love for change your mind then its goodbye time.
Goodbye, baby.

I hated Emmett at that moment. More than I thought I would. As soon as he handed me the unmarked envelope, I knew who it was from and what I should expect inside, but I hated him now because of my own ignorance. I never would have expected Edward to return the favor that I had paid him. The songs on my stereo blared through my flat and even though I wanted to, I couldn't move myself to turn it off. Song after song played and I sat buried in my blankets on the small love seat, left with nothing but the emotions of our rocky relationship. If he felt the same way I did listening to these songs, then I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

I couldn't bring myself to believe it, though. I knew who he was. I knew the choices he had out there before him, the type of women he had at the tip of his fingers. Guys like him didn't crush on girls like me, let alone fall in love with them. Big shot, world renowned musicians weren't seen with college girls except maybe to get a fuck, which is exactly what I read our last night together to be.

That's why I had to hang up the phone before I had a chance to hear his confession.

It was so hard to leave… but he made it so easy by leaving me first. But at the same time not as hard as it would have been if I had felt from him what I was feeling through the wordless emotion radiating through the room now. After what he said in the kitchen I had no doubts of where he stood on the relationship.

He couldn't live with me there, obviously for his reputation. He couldn't live without me there because of the strain on the relationship both of us would feel – my emotions and his lack; or the fact he'd actually have to go out and find a willing girl to satisfy his lust, not that he'd find a problem with that.

Listening to the songs made my heart ache more than it had driving away and forcing myself to not look back. It surprised me that he hadn't noticed my bags sitting by the door or the lack of furniture in the house. I hated it even more that he happened to show up at that particular moment – the single moment where I was losing the fight over my emotions regarding him… the single moment that I had reached a vulnerable point and grabbed the vodka to dull the pain.

I hated myself more than I could hate anyone though. I had a perfect friendship with him and should have kept it like that. I shouldn't have confessed anything to him – shouldn't have let my overactive emotions get in the way. I wouldn't be in the pain I was in now… I couldn't listen to any music without crying or enjoy watching Entertainment Tonight without having to force away the memories of meeting the stars with Edward.

If he loved me so much, why didn't he say something? If he loved me, why did he keep the relationship so casual?

Maybe, the rational side of me chimed in, he was afraid of doing exactly what you did – ruining a good thing.

It occurred to me right then, reflecting back to our first meeting at the coffeehouse. I was the one that kept steering him back toward friendship, away from anything serious or potentially harmful to my heart. Every time he brought up intimacy, I changed the subject. I forced him into friendship. He took me home when he had his choice of women at the club the night we met. He confessed that I drove him wild and he thought I was sexy as hell, while I told him he wasn't my type.

Everything pointed in the right direction; all the evidence was there… He loved me and I pushed him away.

No! I couldn't believe it. If he loved me he would have confessed his feelings when I confessed mine to him. He doesn't know what love is. He's only thinking with his dick.

The thought made me stop as the song on the player came to an end and the final note diminished in the room.

If he didn't know what love was, who was saying I knew?

A/N: The song does not belong to me - it's Blake Shelton's Goodbye Time, however, we're pretending that Edward wrote and composed it ;) I will put on my profile a list of songs I imagine Edward including on his CD.

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