Things said and unsaid

Summery: -

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY

A/N: I hope you don't get confused in this but anything in italics is a sort of flashback about what happened that night – alright? I'll try to make it clear as possible too.

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It was early – early, at least, for everyone who had been present at the club the previous night. Everyone in the lab was moving slowly step by step to their destination not really caring about what was happening around them. They all had work to do, they knew that, but with little sleep some of them just couldn't take it.

It was strange, though, to see someone arrive on the floor looking so happy and cheerful at that unearthly hour but then again, when that particular person's always pulling all nighters it felt natural to them.

Everyone on the floor was meant to be there, working, carrying trace from one lab to another but one person, was just taking up space, one person just stood in the way, one person had no real purpose on the CSI floor but was there anyways.

'Wow, you're up early,' Jess said walking into Stella's office.

'Didn't sleep last night,' Stella lifted her cup of coffee as proof before continuing, 'you're in early too.'

'Yeah, well Don had paperwork to do so I thought I'd come in as well,' Jess shrugged it off as if it was nothing and moved over to Hawkes' desk and sat herself in his chair. It was going to be a slow day and since the sun had only just past the horizon fully, she thought, as long as he wasn't going to be there, she'd make use of his chair.

'So, you and Don,' Stella teased Jess about last night. Though Jess and Don had done nothing public that evening she wondered what Stella, and anyone else, might know, 'Oh, only the basics – that you guys were together for the whole night sipping wine in the back booth.'

Sipping wine in the back booth was an old phrase Jess remembered from her high school days when her and her friends would spend their afternoons in the diner and comment on which couples were in the back booth alone together. She'd used it once in the lab and since then it had made permanent residence in Stella's vocabulary – not something she would have imagined.

'We didn't do anything;' she reassured Stella but got an I-know-better look instead, 'What you don't believe me?'

'Who doesn't believe what?' Lindsay came walking through Stella's office door carrying a set of case files. Taking her place at one of the two empty desks next to Stella she began engaging herself in the conversation.

'Stella doesn't believe nothing happened between me and Don last night at the party.'

Lindsay shot a dumbfound look at Jess and said, 'I don't believe you!'

'What!' Jess cried falling back into Hawkes' chair looking up at the ceiling.

'Come on. Spill it,' Stella leaned back comfortably, waiting on the start of the Jessica's explanation. She knew romance when she saw it and she was looking at it right now. She often wondered if she had some sort of mystical power that gave her this gut feeling about something before someone told her. Like right now she just knew something had happened between Don and Jess and she was determined to find out what.

'Guy, honestly,' Jess tried her hardest, pleading, begging, hoping that they would believe her. She was a detective for crying out loud why couldn't she convince someone she was lying. 'I swear…'

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It was late, maybe 2, 3 in the morning. They had just arrived back at Don's apartment both stinking slightly of booze. They were sober though, just a little tipsy as they stumbled down the hall in each others arms. The night was quiet so they thought they ought to be as well, just so they 'wouldn't wake the neighbours', he said. He fiddled through his pocket for a key but ended up pulled everything, but what he was looking for, out of his pocket; cell, wallet, candy wrapper. Jess joked about it, point out that he could never go out without something that resembled food. He laughed, silently along with hers as they sat together outside the apartment. Occupying most of the hall floor they just sat, laughing, talking, being normal.

Jess wondered how many of his neighbours knew he was a police officer and if they walked out of their apartment there and then what would they say. This caused one of thoughs moments you probably only see on television or in film – where suddenly the whole atmosphere around the two changes dramatically and there becomes some form of sexual tension between them. They both felt it; they didn't need someone to point it out that there was an urge attracting the two together. Something pulling them as their eyes locked and wouldn't divert. Some form of urge that forced him to reach out, grab the top of her dress and pull her in for their second kiss.

A more passionate kiss this time, a more real kiss. Not an 'I'm sorry for before' or 'I hope this is alright' kiss but a proper 'I want you right now' kiss. Their release was only followed by a sudden search for the house keys which they found amongst the clutter that was pulled from Don's pocket. Forcing it into the door, the moment Don closed it they were back where they started. In each others hands, lips searching for their destination.

Maybe it was fate that actually led them to the bedroom because neither of them knew where they were going. By chance did they miss hitting into the sofa all together and only gravity could judge how they would fall, perfectly square in the middle of his bed, him on top of her.

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'So?' Danny perching himself on Don's desk. He'd come down to see to another detective that was running his case but stopped by to check on his new favourite love bird.

'What do you want Messer?' he answered bluntly not even looking up from his work.

'Who says I want anything?' Danny gave a little shrug and starred off into space somewhere giving an obviously give away that he was waiting for something.

'You wouldn't come over here if you didn't,' Don finally stopped writing and looked up at Danny who gave him a wide eyed I-know-nothing look. He'd been friends with Danny for too long – he knew how he worked. It was after nights like the previous one that questions arose about couples but Don just never expected him to be the one being questioned.

'Do you have wager?'

Danny shrugged but avoided eye contact with Don, 'Maybe…' he waited for Don's reaction but he just got a cold, hard blue stare instead. 'Alright, 50 bucks,' he said sheepishly cowering behind himself.

Don only shook his head in disappointment, if that was the case, he wasn't going to share anything and let Danny lose the 50 bucks that rightfully wasn't his. Maybe it was little unfair for him to be doing this though. Come to think of it, it was very unfair. There'd been a bet going around about Danny and Lindsay and Don found it perfectly okay to collect 50 off the rest of the team when he got their hook-up date right.

'Come on, Don,' he waited for his answer before using the sympathy approach, 'I'm a friend.'

'The rest of them's my friend as well but you don't see me giving them any answers,' he merely raised an eyebrow to that.

'Don? Flack? Come on? Please?' it was funny, actually seeing Danny bringing his hands up begging. How could he really want that 50 bucks so bad?

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They continued; hands searching each other, lips connected, finding away to get closer than they already were. There was a cooling breeze that blew in from the open window and tingled their skin. Goosebumps rose from the electricity that sparked a connection within them causing them to become inseparable from each other.

His hands travelled up, along her leg, to the hem of her dress where it waited for its next command, while his other hand in time, found there was no zip, no buckle, no latch to undo her dress. Her hands, in the mean time, were trailing his back, slowly moving forward towards his shirt buttons, egging to undo them. Their eyes were shut and mentally had no idea what was happening, instead they let their minds go to rest while their hands, bodies, lips created mental pictures for them.

His moved his hand higher now, lifting the bottom of her skirt exposing more flesh to the cool breeze. This tickled her, made her gasp, made her enjoy it but as his hand rose higher, a washing flood of deepened and hated memories came back to haunt her. Inter turmoil caused her to forget her surroundings, panic, struggle to get out of there.

'No, stop,' she whispered softly into his ear quickly trying to release herself from his grasp. He hesitated, unwilling to let go of her but released her when she pulled herself from under him and tried to soot away.

'What's wrong?' she'd turned her whole body away from him, she huddled up into her self trying to fix the strap of her dress, trying to forget what just happened. He sat behind her, whispering into her ear, but she wasn't listening. He placed his hands on her shoulders but she jumped from the touch of his hands on her bare skin.

'Jessica?'

'Don't call me that!' she snapped back at him turning away, moving into the darkened corners of his room.

'Jess, what's wrong?' he was up now, moving slowly, cautiously towards her. He wanted to condole her, find out what he'd done wrong. 'Jess,' she wouldn't reply to him, 'Jess I'm sorry. What's wrong? Jess, answer me?'

There was a moment of silence, a moment of wondering what to do next. Don stood between Jess and the rest of the room. Jess stood huddled against the hall, hiding her face, her posture, hiding herself.

She finally turned around, letting the light from the moon shine through the window and illuminate her features; tears were outlined in black from her dripping mascara. 'You want to know,' she paused, 'why I jumped when you touched me? Because he took that take that same path – that was where he went first. I can still remember the feeling of his hand, trailing up along, touching me everywhere. I can still remember they way he called my name. They way he said, Jessica. Sometimes I even dream of it. Remembering everything he did to me. He created my own little personal hell.'

'Who? Jess, what happened?'

'You want to know? You want to know why I have always hated the Captain. Why I despise him and everything about him?'

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The three women sat together, laughing together, forgetting their work, their jobs, their friends and families and, even, haunting dreams.

'Um, Stella?' their chatter was broken by Adam, carefully standing by the door way holding a case file in front of him, protectively, almost in a way that would shied himself from the women in front of him.

'Yes?' Stella answered face lit but the day light had found its way through the blind windows.

'You know that piece of paper we thought might have been from a photo?'

Stella nodded affirmatively, 'Yeah the one from the back alley way… What about it?'

'Well, after analysis Detective Angell's apartment I took Danny's advice and looked through all the photos and found that the corner, we found, is an exact match to this photo,' he held up the electronic board to show Stella and a photo of Angell flashed on the screen. It wasn't an old photo, maybe a year or so but it wasn't as old compared to the many photographs she had of her as a child in her apartment. The photo was taken at a charity dinner she and few other carefully selected detectives were asked to visit. Flack was there and she remembered this mainly due to his encounter with his ex - Devon.

'Where did you get that photo?' Jess stood up and walked to Adam.

'You're apartment. Why?' he back off when Jess grabbed the electronic board off him and carefully examined the photo.

'Why does a piece of evidence from the Jessica Miller case come back to me?'

'Because your cases are link?' Adam didn't have the answers or at least he thought that everything was clear and everyone knew everything, in which, everyone actually didn't.

'Since when has the Miller case and mine been connected?'

'Since… Wednesday when it happened?' Adam was lost, thoroughly lost. Jess was question him on answers he didn't have. As a lab tech he did have much field experience. He was invited out on a few cases but on Angell's case he wasn't – what went on he only knew from reading the case report.

'Stella?' Jess turned to her colleagues sitting in her chair. Stella was looking at the floor, diverting her eyes from Jess's gaze.

'He didn't tell you?' Stella was afraid of asking it. In her mind it sounded like a dumb question, it was obvious Jess was lost. Jess had no idea what was happening. Jess was obviously excluded from the loop. 'Danny came up with a theory at the crime scene that the murdered and you're B and E was connected. It was only based upon the fact that you and victim looked a like but now evidence has been analysed it seems that… you were the intended target.'

'Also,' Lindsay added, 'I've been assigned a cold case which again has significant resemblance to your B and E and the murder.'

Jess looked blankly at Stella and Lindsay – still trying to process everything that she said. Since when had she been the main victim of Wednesday's case? Since when had it been animate that her life might be in danger? Why hadn't the main detective on the case told her any of this? Why had Flack not mentioned anything?

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'It was around 6 months ago. There was this case that was really getting to me so one day I decided to let lose- I headed to a bra, alone, obviously, I didn't really want anyone around and I guess I mistakenly walked into a cop bar without noticing. I had a few drinks, was left alone for most of the evening but then suddenly I was approached by this guy. I had no clue who he was and was probably too drunk to care so I followed him out. He took me somewhere and… that's when it all began,' Jess had slid down the wall and pulled her legs up to her chest, hiding herself.

'I remember everything about the night, the way he smelt – his strong cologne, the way he tasted of sodden beer, even the way he touched me. He started low, moved up; his hands enjoyed exploring down there. I don't believe I liked it, I actually enjoyed it. I probably would have, as well, if it was anyone else but when I woke up I found out it was him, I couldn't stop hating myself. I remembered everything when I was drunk, everything except the way he looked. And when I woke up in the morning I found out it was him I didn't know what to do. I tried leaving, I tried explaining everything was a mistake but he didn't believe it. He kept saying how I was just using him and how ungrateful I was for what he'd done. I wasn't ungrateful; I just couldn't believe it was him. And we came into work the next day he insisted on me following him back home that night to 'do it all over again'. I told him it was an accident he said I used him. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I just avoided him, tried my best to be as far from him as I could and after a month he started to act disrespectful towards me he shunned my work, told me I wasn't doing it properly. He began degrading me for no reason.'

Jess stopped, she spoke softly and quickly and just tried to get everything out of her. This was the first time she'd told anyone about what happened that night. She wasn't proud of her self either and that was probably why she kept it quite.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Don came over, carefully, slowly inching his way towards her keeping his hands to him self.

She only scoffed at his commented, answering sarcastically, 'It's not something you lightly insert into a conversation.'

'I could have helped,' Don sat next to her, facing her watching how her vacant eyes stared into oblivion.

'He said he'd threaten my work. He said no one would believe me. He said I insisted on it and even though I was drunk it wouldn't be classed as rape so nothing could be done about it. I did something foolish Don and I'm never letting myself live it down.'

'It's not you're fault,' Don came closer, draping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her in. 'I'm not blaming you for making the wrong choice.'

'You might not be… but I am.'

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'What the hell were you thinking Don?' Jess had dragged Don from his desk and pulled him across the precinct and into the locker rooms where she pushed him against the lockers with all her strength. She was angry; she needed to vent it out somewhere.

'What are you talking about?' straightening himself he pulled on his jacket.

'You didn't tell me the Miller Case and my B&E are connected! And now this cold case?'

'I didn't think you needed to know.'

Jess just looked at Don, she couldn't comprehend what he was thinking but then she couldn't comprehend what she was thinking either. How could he think she didn't need to know?

'Don, my life could have been at stake that day. I could have died. Maybe if you had of told me I would have looked at the two cases as one and made a connection that might have helped catch the guy but no, now he's still out there Don. I am still a possible victim!'

'I didn't want you to worry.'

Jess scoffed at him not believing his words. He'd helped her the previous night, that was true but now it felt like nothing if he thought he could let something like this slip. Jess turned away, she couldn't face him. Her emotions were running high with angry, frustration and hurt. She didn't know what to make out of all of it.

'Jess, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you… I just didn't know when or how,' he reached out a hand to her but she shrugged it off.

'You have no idea how many times I've heard that.'

'I was scared okay.'

It was that moment everything turned around.

'I was scared that this might happened, that you'd freak out.'

She wanted to believe him. She wanted him back but she didn't know how to accept.

'I was just scared something might happen and you'd get hurt. I wanted to watch you, protect you and when you said someone was following you I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid it was him. I could lose you. Jess, I could let you slip away.'

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A/N: Sorry that was a bit of lengthy chapter… Tell me what you think okay – Review you guys cuz I know there are lots of you out there reading but not saying anything… I'm watching you!