Santana knew something was wrong the second she saw Kurt.
Even through the fog of sleep she could see it.
He had made plans that night with Blaine and some Warbler acquaintance of theirs to sneak into Scandals but that was as far as she knew. But now, parked in front of her house he looked rattled as he sat behind the wheel of his vehicle. His eyes were red and swollen from tears. He looked fragile. More fragile than she had ever seen. Even more than junior prom which was saying something considering how shaken that event had left him initially.
She had a gut feeling though that whatever had brought him her to her wasn't a silly or small thing so her first instinct wasn't to ask him where Blaine was or question him about what had happened, it was to get him out of his car and in a familiar space, to get him somewhere where he could breathe and relax.
Within a few minutes she was leading a sniffling Kurt towards the rear of her house and into the pool house. The pool house was in essence essentially a guest house, one where she, Kurt and Brittany had spent more than a handful of their summer days lounging about within. There were a couple of couches, a TV and even a small kitchen nook. It was quiet and private. She flicked on the lights and motioned for him to take a seat while she went rummaging around in the tight kitchen. She came back to him with two bottles of water.
''Why'd you bring me this?'' he asked, accepting the bottle but making no move to open it.
Santana cracked hers open and took a sip as she settled on the other side of the sofa, turning herself onto her side to face him fully. ''I don't know if you've noticed this but uh I've been known to cry a lot and from my experience it can dehydrate the hell out of you.''
''Who says I've been crying?''
Even his voice betrayed him. You could hear the heartache in it.
''So you came to my house at, what, 2 a.m. and dragged me out of bed for nothing?'' she asked. She wasn't annoyed so much as drained from her previous activities with Brittany. ''If something happened you can tell me. It's me. I would think by now I've earned that, right?''
He let his shoulders sink. ''It's not about me not trusting you, it's about me not knowing how to say it.''
''Say what?''
Kurt stood up and started to anxiously pace around the small house, going in circles and almost holding himself, wrapping one of his arms across his chest. He looked like he had been broken somehow and was desperately trying to keep himself together before completely shattering. And then like a flood the words came. All of it.
He told her of how he had met the smarmy Sebastian, how he had invited both he and Blaine out for the night and how Kurt wanted to show his boyfriend that he too could be adventurous and had accepted on their behalf. But once they got there, he said, Blaine let loose and began to enjoy himself. He danced the night away with Sebastian while Kurt watched at the bar. Santana was mildly surprised that Blaine even had that in him, but any and all feelings of amusement quickly evaporated when Kurt told her the next part of his evening. Because there was nothing funny or romantic or charming about the next part of the evening.
She felt something roar inside of her chest when Kurt told her about what happened between he and Blaine in the backseat. With his words Kurt painted her a picture and it wasn't remotely pretty.
''I just hate how it made me feel. How he made me feel. I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe if I wasn't such a complete and total square I could've-''
''Whoa, whoa, whoa,'' Santana started as she got up from the couch and went to him, placing her arms on each of his shoulders, grounding him. ''You don't have anything to feel sorry for. You don't. If what happened in that backseat happened then you didn't do anything wrong, he did.''
Kurt relaxed with her touch, almost melting into it as if searching for some kind of comfort.
''Where does your dad think you are right now?'' she asked.
Kurt composed himself and wiped the tears away to put on a brave face. ''He didn't know about tonight, at least not the Scandals part of it. I might've let him come under the impression that Blaine and I were going out on one of our usual date nights. After what happened though I sent him a text telling him I was going to spend the night at your place. I just, I don't know...I just didn't want to go home and have to face him right now. I think if I faced him there's no way he wouldn't not know...you know?''
Santana nodded at that. Having spent countless hours at the Hummel home she knew first hand how close Burt and Kurt were. Burt might not have shared very many interests with his son but he was definitely an involved parent. She had a pretty decent relationship with her own folks - when they were around anyhow which was rarely - but if Burt were parent there was no way in hell she would be able to get away with half the stuff she did. Burt was an attentive dad. One look at his son and he would absolutely know something was wrong.
Santana could understand Kurt not being ready to face him.
''We have like three empty guest rooms in the main house,'' she said in offering.
''What? No. You and Brittany were trying to have a night together and me staying would ruin whatever romantic atmosphere for the two of you. Staying here with you is just what I told my dad but I'll figure something out and-''
''Shut up, you're staying. And don't fight me on this, I ain't got the energy.'' She spoke almost casually, trying to make light and put him at ease. ''And if you don't want to stay in the main house then stay here in the pool house,'' she stressed and threw a hand out, motioning to the space. ''No one will bother you.''
''I don't need pity.''
''That's good because I don't do pity. Look if you're gonna be a lil bitch about it you can make me and Brittany breakfast in the morning. Chocolate chip pancakes. I'll be back with some blankets and a pillow for you, alright?''
''Alright,'' he said sounding and looking a little more relieved and almost thankful that she was being so firm about it.
''You want anything from the main kitchen while I'm there?''
''I'm okay.''
Santana started for the door and was about half way through it when he called her name, making her turn and pause in place within the doorway.
''I know like Willam you like to think that 'emotions are for ugly people' '' he began tenderly. ''But just so you know...I love you.''
Santana felt her facial features twitch at his words. She was a little stunned and taken back. She had never heard that from anyone other than her parents and Brittany. She wasn't sure how to respond to it. She had never expected to hear that from anyone, she also never expected to feel all weirdly choked up over it.
Her lips moved but she couldn't find the words. She figured it best to just spit something stupid out before she burst into tears just standing there like doof.
Quick on her feet she remembered another familiar Willam quote and so she shrugged all nonchalant like even though she knew her face was giving her away. '' 'I'm just trying to get a window seat on the way to hell' Hummel,''she said, downplaying her kindness.
Kurt let out a tiny laugh but left it at that as she made her exit.
Once she was on the other side of the door Santana felt her cheek move, tugging up wanting to form a smile.
Kurt loved her.
She had a friend who loved her.
But that realization and the feeling of warmth that came with it was soon overshadowed by some other emotion. A darker emotion.
She had a friend who loved her and that same friend had just been hurt. This of course meant only one thing. She was about to beat some Warbler ass.
X
The next day Santana woke up to the smell of breakfast.
Brittany had nudged her and presented her with a tray of food. It was a pretty sweet spread complete with coffee just the way she liked it. When questioned though Brittany didn't have a clue about where it came from or who made it. Apparently she had smelled it earlier and went downstairs to see who the chef was but once she managed to put clothes on and stumble down there the kitchen was empty and there was no one to be found. The food had been made and laid out very precisely though. She had loaded it up and brought most of it up to Santana. Brittany dug into her stack of chocolate chip pancakes and watched Santana who shot off a text to Kurt who was quick to reply and inform her he had woken up extra early, made them a little something in the kitchen and went home. He thanked her for being a shoulder the night before but said he wanted to take some time for himself, to figure out where things stood with Blaine and what it meant for them.
Santana texted him back telling him to take it easy and to take his time. 'Figure out your feelings before talking to Blaine' she had typed, 'he took off on you because he didn't get his way. Let him stew. If he bothers to call or text don't even answer, leave that ass on read.'
And even though Kurt didn't respond to that specific message she felt confident that he would take her advice. From the way Kurt was rattled the night before she didn't think this was an issue the couple could smooth over. How could they? Blaine had gotten drunk and went over the line. Way the hell over the line.
She wasn't exactly his number one Blaine fan. Of all the things she thought of him, Santana would have never in all her life have imagined him to be so grossly disrespectful. Basic? Yes. Boring? Yes. But physically careless of Kurt? She hadn't expected that. But now she knew. Now she had something, now she had a reason to dislike him, now she had just cause. Now she had Kurt's word.
For the next couple of days she found it a bit of a challenge. She managed to avoid slamming Blaine's head face first into a locker so she was showing some real restraint. She thought about it every time she saw him in the school hallway or glee, but she knew she couldn't just lash out like she normally did. This was different. She wanted to be more careful, more clever in how she handled the matter.
She'd done her fair share of scheming and plotting but this, what happened between Kurt and Blaine in that backseat wasn't fun and games, at least not to her, and because of that her response, her method had to be more serious and thoughtful. Now that she knew what Blaine was made of, now she had ammo and she was going to use it wisely. And so she waited and watched, looking for just the right opportunity to have a very special, very one on one conversation with Blainey Days.
It came the day before West Side Story's opening night. The cast and crew were rehearsing well into the night one final time. A few hours in when the cast broke for break Blaine had excused himself from the others. Santana followed.
It was there in one of Mckinley's darkened hallways that she found him. He was standing at his locker pulling what looked like a notebook out of it. ''Santana,'' he said brightly when he realized he wasn't alone. ''What are you up to?'' His voice wavered slightly and part of Santana hoped it was in fear.
''Just stretching my legs,'' she said. ''You?''
''Grabbing some notes before we dive back into it.'' Blaine swallowed thickly and his eyes shifted around the dark space as if he were contemplating a getaway or possibly looking for a witness. ''We should head back.''
Santana made a show of looking at her watch. ''Nah we still have some time. In fact I was thinking you and I could have a nice little chat.''
''About the musical?''
''I think you know.''
It was then Blaine got real, dropping all subtleness and rushing to speak. ''I'm sure you heard Kurt and I had a bit of a squabble-''
''A squabble?'' she asked and sucked her teeth hard. ''I think what happened was more than a squabble.''
''We had a disagreement,'' he amended his words. ''But we talked it through and we're okay now. I think it's very sweet that your instinct is to be on his side and want to protect him but rest assured, everything's fine between us.''
''Is it now?''
Santana could tell he was trying very hard to maintain his usually pleasant demeanor. She could see the tiny cracks in it beginning to show. ''Yeah it is. It was just a little tiff-''
''You know, you keep using these words. Squabble, tiff, like you're trying to excuse it away.''
''Excuse what away?''
''The fact that you can't say what you did speaks volumes.''
Before Blaine could reply Santana moved in, grabbed both of his wrists and pushed him backwards until she had him as well as his hands pinned to the lockers. His notebook fell to his feet.
Blaine flinched, loosing his cool. ''What the hell! Get your-get off me!''
''It isn't fun is it, when someone puts their hands on you uninvited,'' she seethed. She let him go within the next second. As much as he probably deserved it she didn't really want to hurt Blaine, she did what she did to prove a point and once that was made she was quick to let go.
''What is your problem?'' Blaine's chest heaved as he tried to gather his nerves.
''My problem is you using words like squabble and tiff to try to downplay what went down, that's my problem.''
''With all due respect Santana I don't think you know what you think you know.''
''Yeah well with all due respect I don't need your fuckin' respect. And you say I don't know anything, but I know this. I know Kurt showed up crying at my front door that night after you left him at Scandals. I know what he told me and I know I believe him.''
''So what,'' he chuckled mirthlessly. ''You're going to 'rough me up' or something?''
''Nah. I mean if I wanted you hurt you'd be crying right now. Here's what's going to happen,'' she said, bending down to retrieve his notebook and handing it back to him with a smile. ''You're going to stay away from Kurt from now on. I don't know how the hell you managed to smooth all of that over, but it's done. Everyone's sorta counting on you as the male lead for West Side Story and lucky for you, we're too close to opening night for anyone else to step in. So I'll give you that. But after the show is done running, you're over. I don't want you anywhere near Kurt, I don't want you anywhere near Brittany, I don't want you anywhere near me.''
''What is it with you?'' Blaine said, flustered. ''Just admit it Santana, you've never liked me, you've never wanted me around. You were just waiting for a reason to come at me this entire time because you're petty and jealous of any relationship or friendship Kurt has outside of your own. Kurt and I have one little tiff and you come at me like I've committed some heinous offense because you think that gives you some high ground.''
''I don't think I have the high ground here, I know I do.''
''And why is that?''
Santana scrunched up her face at the obvious. ''I don't know maybe because unlike you I never tried to push my girlfriend to go further when she said no.''
''I'm not going to hurt Kurt. He's my everything. We had...a misunderstanding...but I showed up the next day and we talked it out and we're putting it behind us. You're talking to me as if I'm some kind of mastermind villain here when to be frank I've heard that role is usually reserved for you around these halls.''
Santana laughed back, unthreatened, unbothered. ''I bet where you come from that probably passes for witty doesn't it? Mm. But for the record I don't see you as some mastermind villain, I mean that's just silly Blaine. For one you don't have the presence of a truly great villain. You're certainly no Phi Phi O'Hara, and you're for sures not a Roxxxy Andrews, now those are some bombass villains. You on the other hand are not a villain, you're smaller than that.''
Blaine narrowed his eyes in confusion.
''What you are is entitled and pretentious and selfish and worst of all, you're full of yourself which I would totally support if you say, had any actual skill to back it up but the truth is, the truth no one tells you is this: you have no charisma, uniqueness, nerve or talent.''
''Are you done? Because I think I've had enough of this lovely conversation.''
''After West Side Story you're leaving glee.''
''Yeah I don't think so.''
''Well I do because I don't trust you with Kurt, or Brittany, or any of my friends anymore.''
''I'm not going anywhere.''
''And neither am I.''
A smug confident smile bloomed across his face. ''You know you and Kurt may have bonded over some stupid drag queen reality show but I'm the love of his life. He knows that. He loves me. And if you keep pushing this I highly doubt he's going to choose you over me.''
''To quote my favorite show may the best woman win.''
''I'm a man.''
''Girl whatever.''
X
Santana had been proud of herself and her actions.
She had done what was right she told herself. She had stood up for her friend. She had done the gentlewomanly thing she thought.
Kurt however thought differently and he was certain to let her know that the next time she dropped by the Hummel home to waste some time in Kurt's basement bedroom.
Santana was smiling down at her phone as she walked into his space. ''You will not believe what I just found on Youtube. Someone put together a twenty minute compilation of Drag Race queens going off when fans go too far. You have to see this one clip where Raven almost gets shit on, literally, someone shits on themselves while Raven is performing on stage.''
She could barely contain her laughter. It drained from her face though the minute she looked up from her device to see a very somber looking Kurt.
''I think we need to have a talk.''
''Did Rupaul die? Did Michelle Visage die? Please tell me no one died.''
''What? No, no,'' he waved his hand about and gently took her phone from her. He placed it down on his coffee table and gestured for her to sit on the white couch. ''Ru and Michelle are fine.''
''So...what's going on?''
Kurt took a seat on his coffee table to sit directly in front of her.
''Blaine told me you and he had a very heated confrontation.''
Santana nodded once. ''I wouldn't call it a confrontation, more like a conversation.''
''He said you got all crazy, pushed him against a set of lockers and told him to leave glee and me alone.''
Santana raised her shoulders. ''I did, but it wasn't crazy, I wasn't crazy, and I didn't push him exactly. Just his wrists and only for a few seconds to prove a point. What he did was gross.''
''What he did was a mistake but after thinking about it on my own and after listening to him explain himself I don't think it was that bad.''
''Not that bad?''
''I took care of myself, didn't I? I pulled away eventually and he stopped after awhile.''
''Eventually. After awhile.''
''My point is that night I was upset and maybe a little jealous of Sebastian and Blaine was trying to be playful and I...and he...we both misread things. When I went to your house after I may have been a little emotional-''
''A lot emotional,'' she corrected him.
''What I'm saying is I might've given you the wrong impression or I might've made things sound worse than they were. I appreciate you being there, I really, really do but I'm not some delicate flower, Santana. I didn't need you interfering with Blaine. I was handling it on my own. We've worked it out.''
''Worked it out? As in you haven't ditched his ass yet?''
Kurt stood, having made up his mind on the matter. ''He's my boyfriend.''
''Yeah your boyfriend who acted like a total shit to you.''
''It wasn't like that. He was drunk. It was a stupid fight and so not a big deal.''
''Not a big deal? Would you be saying the same thing if Tina told you someone did that to her? Or Mercedes? Or Berry?''
''It's not the same.''
''Why? Because you're a boy?''
''Why are you making it sound like something it's not?'' Kurt asked defensively.
''I don't know, why are you trying to minimize it?'' Santana stood up, riled by where the conversation was going. She was only trying to be the kind of friend she thought he would want and here he was acting as if she had betrayed him somehow. ''I'm not saying Blaine is some rapey creeper here Kurt, but if he acted like that, drunk or not, I think it's safe to say he's at the very least a disrespectful asshole who doesn't deserve you as his boyfriend.''
Kurt rubbed his face in frustration. ''I need you to back off a little. Blaine...Blaine said you made him uncomfortable and hurt his feelings. I know it's coming from a good place inside of you but I don't need you meddling in my love life.''
''You totally meddled in mine last year,'' she reminded him matter of factly.
''I wasn't meddling, I was trying to bring you and Brittany together not tear you apart.''
''I'm not trying to tear you guys apart, I just don't want to see you get hurt.''
''I'm a big boy Santana. I know how to take care of myself.''
''I'm not saying you don't.''
''Then what are you saying? Because I've made the choice to forgive Blaine and I really need you as my friend to respect that.''
''I can't respect that if I don't respect him and I don't respect him because he obviously doesn't respect you.''
''We both have so much on our plates already, I don't want more drama or stress.''
''Neither do I.''
''I love him.''
''So what, I'm supposed to chill and hang with him after all of that, after what you told me?''
''I don't know. I don't want to lose you...and I don't want to lose him either.''
Santana turned stoney. ''Right. So what now?''
''I just want us to all be friends again.''
''I don't think I can do that. Not with him.''
''I'm not choosing.''
''I'm not asking you to.'' Santana stood up, grabbed her phone and started for the stairs, only to pause and say one last piece. ''I'm not checking out of our friendship here but if this is a mistake you need to make, then make it.''
Kurt didn't look angry but he did look exasperated by this back and forth. ''Giving Blaine another chance isn't a mistake.''
''Yeah we'll see about that. Until then I'll be around. Just don't expect me to go on anymore cutesy double dates with him.''
''Noted.''
Santana held herself together until she got outside and in her car. Stupid bitch tears, she thought as she wiped at her face.
She had only been trying to do the right thing. She had only been trying to be the kind of friend she thought Kurt deserved. The kind of friend that was worthy of love.
X
It took Santana a couple more days before she finally decided to tell Brittany about what had been going on.
Part of her didn't want to burst Brittany's bubble, another part of her knew her girlfriend deserved to know what had went down and why even though Kurt and Santana were still speaking and on good terms, there was definitely a shift that had taken place. It was awkward and silently stifling. There were no more surprise or random visits. Santana made sure that if she was going to be seeing Kurt, Blaine would be nowhere in sight. And if he was she just opted out without a fuss.
It gave her a lot more free time with Brittany which was sorta beneficial, what with Brittany gearing up for campaigning. They did a lot of brainstorming and grunt work putting everything in order and up. Being there for her girlfriend, being able to support her was definitely the only good distraction she had especially after West Side Story opened and eventually ended.
She had kicked that stage's ass as Anita. In fact she thought everyone involved had done a damn good job. Most everyone anyway. She hadn't even gotten the chance to give Kurt props afterward either. He and Blaine had decided to skip the cast after party and do their own thing.
She would later learn what exactly that meant. Kurt had confided to Brittany who in turn told Santana. Apparently Kurt and Blaine had decided to take their relationship to the next level that night, a physical level.
And Santana, Santana didn't understand it. She couldn't grasp why Kurt was holding onto a relationship with someone who could be so careless like that. For her it was one strike and you're out. But she knew. Maybe not the next day or next week but she knew it would only be a matter of time before Blaine showed his ass again, somehow, someway.
And when it happened she would be there, not to rub it in Kurt's face but to toss Blaine out where he belonged.
''I can tell you miss him you know,'' Brittany said one afternoon after school.
They had finished cheerios practice and went back to Brittany's place to shower and change. Once they were comfortably in tee shirts and shorty shorts they plopped down into bed. Or rather Santana did anyway while Brittany had went to straddle her legs. Santana had sweet talked her way into getting a massage. After the first twenty minutes on her shoulders Brittany had moved her focus to Santana's ass which was in all seriousness almost always sore after an intense workout.
''Hm?'' Santana murmured and yawned, stretched out like a cat beneath her girlfriend.
''Kurt. I can tell you miss him. You've been carrying a lot of tension.''
''In my butt?'' Santana cracked.
Brittany gave her rear a teasing pinch. ''In general I mean. You need to relax and let things go.''
''I'm trying to.''
''Are you?'' Brittany's hands moved back up to Santana's back and began to knead and apply pressure. ''I care about Kurt just as much as you do but his relationship is just that, his. Kurt believes in Blaine and we're his friends so we have to accept that.''
''It just pisses me off how easy Kurt rolled over to forgive him.''
''We have to let it play out though. It's Kurt's choice.''
''It's the wrong choice.''
''So let him make it and be there for him after," Brittany urged. "That's all you can do right now. Sometimes being a friend means letting them fall down face first and being there when they're ready to take your hand."
"I know, I know," Santana sighed, both because she was incredibly relaxed and because she knew Brittany had a point. "I'm sorry if I've been a sucky girlfriend lately."
''You haven't been, I just hate seeing you all wound up like this."
Santana wiggled a bit beneath Brittany and reached behind her to give her hip a pat, signalling her that she was okay to stop what she was doing. Brittany took the queue, crawled into the space at Santana's side and rested on her belly. Santana smiled as she did her girlfriend duty of returning the favor. She sat up and on the back of Brittany's knees as she started to massage her.
''I just don't want to see him get hurt,'' she explained.
''I don't want to see you get hurt,'' Brittany reasoned back.
''How would I get hurt?'' Santana laughed. That was one thing she knew how to do. Take care of herself. Blaine was a pest and a non-challenge in her eyes.
''I don't mean physically. Your heart though.''
''What about my heart?''
''You have a really soft one whether you want to admit it or not. I don't want you worrying or beating yourself up over any of this. Just because Kurt isn't taking your advice doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.''
''Yeah,'' Santana said, monotonously.
''You're a good friend even if that friend can't see it right now.''
''You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend and I'm rubbing your butt.''
''No,'' Brittany laughed, vibrating underneath Santana. ''I'm saying it because it's true. You're a softy and I'm sorry Kurt can't see how much you care about him right now.''
Santana mumbled a noise in appreciation.
''In faaaact,'' Brittany said in a soft, flirty sing songy voice. ''I hate seeing you so down on everything that I want to cheer you up tonight.''
''Hm? Cheer me up huh? I think you're already doing a pretty good job of that.'' Santana continued to massage Brittany's ass with pleasure, sneakily inching her short shorts down just a tad to get at some bare skin.
''Not that this doesn't feel amazing but I was thinking more along the lines of letting you do whatever you want tonight.''
''Say again?''
Brittany squirmed and twisted herself beneath until Santana adjusted herself to let Brittany turn to lay on her back. ''Whatever you want tonight,'' Brittany repeated herself, stressing the words out slowly and seductively to let her know she was going to let Santana be the boss. For the night anyway.
''What, you mean like anything-anything?'' Santana licked her lips in anticipation.
''I want to make you feel good tonight so yeah. Anything-anything. However many times.''
Now if this were any other time she would've pounced on Brittany but when Santana looked inside of her heart and searched for her most recent, most desperate desire there was only thing she truly wanted.
She grabbed the remote on Brittany's side table, clicked on the TV and fell onto the mattress next to Brittany. ''Can we rewatch last week's episode of Drag Race again?''
Brittany laughed inwardly. ''Drag Race?''
''Kurt and I usually rewatch the latest episode together before the new episode drops and with everything, it's just been weird.''
Brittany wasn't upset. She was tickled though. ''I tell you you can do anything in bed tonight and you want to watch Drag Race?''
''Yeah.''
''Haven't you already rewatched the last one like two times already?''
''Uh yeah,'' Santana scoffed through a chuckle. ''But I need to see it one more time to like emotionally prepare for the new one in a few days.''
Brittany accepted that, having learned that Santana had some very strange but specific Drag Race-related rituals. ''You are too cute, you know that right?''
''Am not.''
''Sure,'' Brittany humored her and hopped up from the bed, giving her a peck on the cheek as she went. ''Tell you what, you get the TV ready and I'll go down to get us some popcorn and sodas and then we'll get our cuddle on while we watch.''
''You're the best.''
''You're my girl,'' Brittany said simply. She just wanted to be there for Santana in which ever way she needed her.
She was out the door and Santana smiled contently once she was alone.
She did miss Kurt. She missed their phone calls and text messages and their sharing spoiler videos and fanning out over queens on social media. It didn't feel the same enjoying the show and the fandom without him but at the same time she realized she couldn't mope around anymore wishing it was like old times.
It wasn't the old times.
She was going to have to sit on her hands and wait this Blaine thing out.
In the meantime she had Drag Race and she had Brittany and she had the rest of senior year to get through. She wasn't going to let some Warbler get to her head and throw her off her game.
''To quote one Bianca Del Rio 'not today satan, not today' '' she said to herself.
X
A/N: so I've been going through a really rough time in my life with a family issue. It was really bad for a few days there and I felt like I was falling apart. So it would mean a lot to me if you enjoyed this story if you dropped me a line in the reviews or on my tumblr. Those make me smile and they make my day a little brighter.
Brittana and Drag Race are my favorite distractions and I'm honestly so glad to have them. I've been in really dark places before and found myself resorting to really unhealthy distractions to try to mask what was going on. But for me Brittana and especially Drag Race are about joy and comfort and love. All said, I'm really glad I started this story because it gives me something to pour myself into that's positive and in it's own way uplifting.
Anyways, sorry for being a downer. Drop me a message though, I would really love that, even if it's not about Squirrel Friends. Distract me because squirrel friends, I could use some good healthy distractions. Plus I NEED to know everyone's feelings on AS4 and this Christmas Special we're supposed to be getting. Also did anyone watch Alyssa Edwards' Dancing Queen on Netflix? Oh and is anyone excited for Super Drags on Netflix? I can't wait to hear Willam, Shangela, Trixie and Ginger on that! Ru and Raja are also supposed to be on The Simpsons the same month. Plus has anyone been listening to Alaska and Willam's podcast Race Chasers? Oh my god that Tyra drama! Speaking of Willam again, his new album dropped and I'm in LOVE with it, the video for Drugs is GORGEOUS! And how does everyone feel about Trixie and Katya's return to Youtube? Like I know RPDR has its problems but I will always love it because the queens are always doing something and giving us so much. We the fans will never thirst for content because there's always something happening.