Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer

Bella

As consciousness slowly returned, the first thing I noticed was the lack of pain. I had hurt so much for so long I was surprised that I didn't ache anywhere.

The second thing I noticed was my very obvious lack of a heartbeat.

And I knew exactly what that meant.

I was up in a flash, my body sitting up at a speed that would have left my human self dizzy. I looked down at my chalk white hands in astonishment. How on earth had I become a vampire? Shakily I stood up from the sofa I'd been lying on and walked through an open door into the adjoining bathroom. I hesitated just a moment before flicking the light on, afraid of what I was going to see.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at my reflection.

And gasped.

I was… I was still me, but…I was pretty. Absurdly pretty. As if someone had taken my good qualities and enhanced them, and turned my bad qualities into good ones. My eyes were bright, blood red, but that would fade over time. All in all, I was impressed. I was no match for Rosalie, of course, but…

My chest constricted. Rosalie…

Suddenly I knew where I was. Oh, it was so obvious… I went back into the room I'd just left, my eyes now taking in the sofa's black leather, the stereo system, the wall of C.D.s…

The fault line in my chest was rippling, tearing the hole in me wider… Apparently the conversion from human to vampire didn't heal everything.

Why was I in Edward's old room? Had I been human, I would have been hyperventilating by now. As it was, I settled for trying to hold my dead and broken heart together. I had to get out of this place, away from everything that was him. I didn't know what had brought me here, but I couldn't stay. And yet I didn't want to leave. I growled at myself, jumping when it sounded so realistic. I really was a glutton for punishment. A masochist.

"Bella?"

I whirled around at the voice, but no one was there. I frowned. Had my hallucinations expanded to include other members of the Cullen family?

But then I was being hugged ferociously around the middle by a petite, spiky-haired, elfin girl. One I had missed for far too long.

"Alice?!" I gasped. She felt very solid. If this were a hallucination, then I was definitely in trouble.

"Bella, I have missed you," Alice growled happily, pulling away and smiling angelically at me.

I just gaped at her. "Are…are you really here?" I asked in a whisper. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Think you're dreaming?"

"Actually, yes. I don't know how I got here. I'm a…" I gulped. "Alice, I'm a vampire."

"I can see that, Bella."

"I'm pretty!"

"Are you done stating the obvious?"

"Can you see why I might think I'm dreaming?" I asked, pleading for her help believing.

Alice took my hand and pulled me to the sofa. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I thought hard. "Hiking. Alone." Alice raised her eyebrows. "I know, I know, it was dumb," I conceded.

"Why on earth were you hiking alone, Bella?"

I frowned. "I…I can't remember. I was looking for something, I think. A place." The memories were coming back, bit by bit, but the elusive circumstances surrounding my transformation still hadn't resurfaced. "I'm not really sure what happened, honestly." Alice nodded, understanding.

"I can't tell you who bit you, Bella, but three days ago Sam Uley from La Push called Carlisle to tell him you'd been bitten. They couldn't keep you in Forks themselves, so they called us." Alice's eyes were sparkling. "Carlisle and I got on a plane that same hour and flew from Ithaca to Seattle. Carlisle went to the reservation and brought you back and we've been waiting out your transformation ever since."

My head was spinning. "So this is real?"

"Very," Alice beamed.

"Oh." 'Oh' was an understatement. "Where's Carlisle now?"

"Hunting. He should be back before dark."

Suddenly, something clicked. "Wait. Sam Uley?" Alice nodded and I frowned. I knew him… He was the leader of the La Push gang, the one Jake had been scared of! "How did he know…"

"To call us?" Alice hesitated, her face undecided.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"I'm trying to decide how much you need to know right now."

"How about all of it?" I asked, slightly irritated that I was still being kept out of the loop.

Alice looked at me warily. "You'll think you're dreaming again."

"Try me."

She sighed. "It turns out that Sam Uley is the Alpha wolf in the pack of werewolves that live in La Push."

I blinked. "Werewolves?"

Alice shrugged. "Vampires exist. Why not werewolves too?"

"But still…wow…" It made sense, I guessed, in a freaky, twisted kind of way. "Why didn't you ever mention them before?"

"We didn't know any still lived in the area," Alice explained. "The ones that Carlisle made the treaty with had all died and we thought the quirk in their genetics that caused the mutation died with them. And even if we had known about them, werewolves and vampires don't…get along."

And suddenly, I was remembering my first trip to First Beach after moving to Forks, when Jacob had told me Quileute legends.

Werewolves have enemies? I'd asked.

Just the one.

"Oh. Enemies. Right."

Alice laughed her chime-like laugh. "I really did miss you, Bella," she sighed, squeezing my hand. I noticed suddenly that she no longer felt cold to me.

"I missed you too, Alice. I missed all of you."

Alice heard what I couldn't say. "How have you been, Bella? Really?" I looked down and shrugged. "You were so thin, so…vampire-like when Carlisle brought you here." Alice's voice was soft, pained. "I told him our leaving wouldn't do you any good, but he…" I shrugged again, fighting not to feel the hurt.

"It's not as if you left for my benefit, Alice." The words were hard to say and laced with bitterness. I was so distracted by the battle I was fighting for control of my emotions that I almost missed Alice's reply.

"But we did."

"Pardon?"

Alice was looking at me shrewdly, confusedly. "Bella, we left so you could have a chance at a normal life. We left to protect you."

I blinked. "P-protect me..." I breathed. Was that what he'd told his family? That they left, not because of me, but for me? If that was the case, I was surprised. Why would he have bothered lying? Because he knew they still cared about me? Perhaps…

Alice's eyes narrowed. "You don't believe that, do you?" Numbly, I shook my head. "You lose your faith in Edward so easily?" she asked, her quiet bell-like voice sharp.

"I didn't lose it, Alice. He took it with him."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella," she pleaded, "Edward's leaving you doesn't mean he stopped loving you. It's proof, the strongest proof, that he does!" I shook my head again. What she was saying didn't tally with what he'd told me himself. "Edward thought we were endangering you, risking your life, him most of all. He thought we were drawing you away from the human life you deserved. So he left, thinking you would honestly be better off! When Jasper—"

Childishly I covered my ears with my hands, my face screwed up in pain. The last thing I needed was a reminder of that horrible night. "Better off," I repeated weakly. I was suddenly, inexplicably angry. I was beyond rational thought. "Does it look like I was better off without you, Alice?" I demanded, my voice slightly hysterical. I gestured at myself harshly. "Would I be here, now, like this?"

"No," Alice's voice was so soft I could barely hear her.

"I died, Alice. You left and everything I was, everything I dreamed of being, went with you. And I was never going to get it back." My arms encircled my chest, trying in vain to hold myself together.

Alice was shaking her head slowly. " I told him…" she sighed. She squeezed my hand softly. "Bella, I am so sorry. I know that can never, never, make up for everything, but…"

And suddenly I was ashamed of myself. "Oh, Alice, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I've just been…"

Alice smiled at me. "I understand. We made a terrible mistake and you suffered for it. Oh, the next time I see Edward…" her voice trailed off threateningly, her anger seemingly too much for words. "Bella, you had better let him know exactly what you've been going through. He needs a good dose of—what?" For at the idea of my ever seeing, ever speaking to Edward again, I had frozen.

"I'm…going to see him?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Honestly, Bella. You're part of our family. You were before and you especially are now. And you're a new vampire. We're not going to abandon you! You're coming back to Ithaca with us as soon as Carlisle returns. Yes you're going to see Edward. Not right away, of course, he isn't there, but we've got all of eternity to get him home."

"But…I…can't…" it was a huge effort to get each word out.

Alice's gaze refocused on me sharply. "Why?"

Oh, she was going to make me say it. "Alice, I can't…be around him. I…I don't want to be." What a lie that was.

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Bella, do you still love my brother?" My throat closed over the answer and I looked away from her. "Bella, please answer me."

"Yes." My whisper was hoarse. "I do."

"Well then, what is the problem?"

"Just because I still love him doesn't mean he…feels the same."

Alice let out a growl of frustration that would have caused my human self to jump. "I already told you, Bella! He does still love you!" I hadn't seen Alice this riled in…ever. I refused to let her words take root in my heart.

"That's not what he told me," I said softly, quickly, trying to suppress the memory.

"What?"

"When he left, that's not what he told me," I repeated.

"…What did he tell you?" Alice asked warily, though I could tell she was curious. My jaws clamped shut involuntarily in a last ditch attempt to save my sanity. "Bella…" Alice urged gently.

"He said he didn't want me." Had I just said that? My voice sounded so foreign, so far away. "And let's face it, I should have seen it coming. I knew it didn't make sense. Edward…and me…" It hurt. It hurt a lot. I looked up at Alice, expecting sympathy or surprise, but certainly not the rage I was seeing.

"I'll murder him," she seethed, her voice low. "How could he ever have done that—this—to you?"

"It obviously wasn't that hard."

"He deserves every single moment of misery and agony. He brought it upon himself."

"Alice," I begged. "Please. Don't."

And she fell silent. In the brief respite between, I managed to pull myself together, to gain some control. Alice must have been doing so as well, because when she spoke again, all the anger was gone.

"Esme is going to be so happy to see you! And Emmett and Jasper… I think Rosalie may even lay off a bit now that you're no longer human. This is so exciting!"

"You're not going to let me argue, are you?" I asked hopelessly. "About coming with you?"

Alice's voice was steel. "No." She let out an irritated sigh at my obvious discomfort. "I told you, Bella, he's not there now. He's somewhere in South America. He checks in every now and then and rarely answers his phone. You can come to Ithaca with Carlisle and I and visit the rest of the family without his even knowing you were there."

"Oh."

Alice bounced slightly on the sofa, her face calculating. "Think of it this way. Whatever he tricked you into believing about why he left is no longer an issue. Edward has no reason to stay away from you now."

Huh.

I was prepared to block her words, to have to struggle not to hope, but…

She was right.

Beauty, strength… I was a vampire. Edward was a vampire. He wouldn't have to pretend with me anymore…

"Huh…" I said out loud. Alice beamed. She knew she had me. "South America?" I asked in a small voice. She waved a dainty hand, shrugging.

"Who knows what he's up to. Wallowing probably."

Or being distracted, I thought to myself. But the words didn't hurt as much as they would have just moments before. I had hope…

I looked down at my pale skin again, marveling at how things had turned out. I was a vampire, at long last. I was going to go live with my vampire family, a dream I thought I'd lost.

But thinking of family led my thoughts back to the one I'd had first.

"Alice?" I asked. "How's Charlie?"

She turned a face of heart-breaking sorrow on me. "He was frantic the first two days you were gone. They searched the woods for you until yesterday when they found some hiking supplies and a sweater belonging to you abandoned in a meadow. Now they're about ready to pronounce you dead at the hands of the 'bear'." Alice put air quotes around the word. "Now he's just…hopeless. He called your mother and she came up to be with him until after your funeral."

I nodded slowly. Had I been able to cry I would have, but as it was…

Alice started rubbing my back gently, massaging my cold muscles soothingly. "I'm sorry," she added softly.

I bowed my head. "They'll be okay," I said when I was able to speak again. "Renee has Phil and Charlie, well… Charlie's strong. He'll pull through. He'll pull through." I knew I sounded like I was trying to convince myself because I was. But I couldn't do anything else. I had to believe that Charlie could manage on his own again.

"You're right," Alice agreed. "He's strong enough. He'll hurt for a long time, probably for the rest of his life, but he'll heal." I smiled at her gratefully.

We heard Carlisle entering the house at the same moment. Alice shot me a grin and pulled me to my feet. "Ready to go?"

I nodded, feeling slightly nervous.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice came from the doorway where he was now standing. I frowned at the alarm in it.

"Carlisle," I answered in a small voice. He stared at me for a long moment, his face more confused now than anything else. "It's amazingly wonderful to see you," I offered with a smile. He started as if my voice had woken him from a trance and smiled warmly, though he still looked slightly confused.

"Bella," he said again, crossing the room and hugging me in one lightning-fast move. "You are a sight for sore eyes, my dear. Though…how long have you been awake?"

I shrugged. "Fifteen minutes?"

"Twenty tops," Alice agreed.

"And you don't feel…any discomfort at all?"

I frowned at him. "No. Should I?"

"No burning in your throat?"

It clicked then. He wanted to know if I felt thirsty. I wanted to hit myself for not remembering sooner—newborn vampires were insanely hard to control thanks to their bloodlust. And I'd been sitting here with Alice chatting away without a care in the world. I searched for that burning feeling that Carlisle had described but I couldn't find anything. "Not that I can tell. Does it sneak up on you?"

Alice shook her head, her eyes wide. "You'd know. It's not something you can ignore. I can't believe I forgot, Bella! I'm just so used to you being human—"

Carlisle was staring at me in awe. "Bella, I…I don't know what to say. I've seen my share of newborn vampires and not one of them has reacted this way. For all vampires, the thirst is always there, at the back of your throat. All we do when we hunt is quench it for a while. You…are you sure you feel nothing?"

I nodded. My throat felt no different than it ever had.

"That is…absolutely phenomenal," Carlisle murmured. "I wonder if

we've discovered your talent. We'll have to experiment, of course, find out what your limits are… It may be that your thirst stays dormant until you actually smell human blood…"

Alice smiled fondly at Carlisle. "You'll make her feel like an experiment," she teased and Carlisle nodded, smiling in apology.

"Forgive me, Bella. I've just never seen a case like this before."

I frowned. It wasn't that I wanted to thirst after human blood for all eternity, not at all. But the idea of being so different, yet again, from the race I belonged to wasn't appealing either. Was I going to end up a freak among vampires, just as I had been an anomaly among humans?

Alice gave me a quick hug. "We don't care how different you are," she murmured happily. "You're always going to be our Bella."

"I'm afraid youare stuck with the Cullens," Carlisle agreed kindly, his eyes twinkling. "Speaking of which, the rest of the Cullens are waiting impatiently for our return, and Esme will never forgive me if I take my time bringing you back," he added, winking. "Think you're ready to start your new life?"

I couldn't help beaming at them for their words of comfort and love. "I think I am."