For the next few weeks Brittany simply waited and observed in the hopes that she could figure out why her girlfriend was acting so strange and emotionally distant while at the same time becoming increasingly more sexually needy with her.
It was difficult trying to fit all of the puzzle pieces together but Brittany had to admit all the orgasms they had in the meantime weren't exactly a chore to get through.
Their sex fests had gotten more intense and more frequent. It was hard to find a moment to broach the subject when Santana was taking her up against a wall in a steam filled shower or slipping her hand under Brittany's skirt when they were in the audience watching Kurt perform in some school showcase. It was like every time Brittany even thought about bringing up the matter Santana would choose that moment to pounce. And then there were the instances where it was Brittany's turn and well, when Brittany found herself between Santana's legs she had other things on her mind. Delicious, tasty things.
It was hard to say no when Santana looked at her like that, so hungrily, passionately, as if Brittany was the center of her entire universe.
Whatever was going on with Santana would have to wait a little bit longer though she realized when Blaine came to visit the loft and everything sort of went to hell.
It had all started off pleasantly enough with Blaine arriving, all smiles with a dozen roses in hand. He kissed Kurt in greeting like everything was perfectly normal. Despite Santana's very clear dislike of him, she had done a fairly good job of keeping herself in check. She was able to be in the same room with him, of course she still refused to make small talk or act chummy with him but out of respect for Kurt she wasn't openly hassling him. Really it was later on in the evening when they went to that ridiculous Callbacks place when their evening started to fall apart. Blaine had went up to perform a weirdly emotional and super sweaty cover of Teenage Dream.
It was cringey in like the bad way Brittany thought but she had forgotten about it mostly by the end of the night when they had all filtered out and began to stroll around a park. They had ambled a bit with Kurt and Blaine drifting off further ahead of them. Santana seemed simply happy to walk lazily with their arms linked and swinging between them.
''How come you didn't sing tonight?'' Brittany asked.
''I don't know,'' Santana sighed and looked off into the distance in avoidance. ''Callbacks isn't my scene, it's Kurts. I didn't want to step on any toes. And anyway I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere near that mic after Blaine went up there and covered it in his spittle and sweat.''
''It's been so long since I heard you sing. I miss it.''
''I just didn't have the energy.''
''You had the energy to do me on top of the dining table this morning.''
''Yeah well that's different,'' Santana laughed in defense. ''I'm always going to love singing but that was a pipe dream. I had to get serious about my life and school and my future.''
''So you're just never gonna sing?'' Brittany asked teasingly. ''Not even for fun?''
''Of course I'll sing again. At birthday parties and in the shower and midnight dance parties in the loft. I'm just mature enough to realize that not everyone was meant for superstardom. Besides one day I'm going to have all the power and money I can dream of. Once I have those things in my back pocket I'll sing you every song, okay?''
''Promise?''
Santana twirled Brittany out and then back into her arms. ''Promise,'' she said, sealing her vow with a peck on the lips.
''But listen,'' Brittany said as she and Santana began a half hearted slow dance through their path. ''I do have a surprise for you tonight.''
''Oh? What kind?''
''A romantical one. Kurt's been on and on about Blaine's visit and I know how much he's been missing him so, remember my friend Ezra? The dancer from NYADA I invited to the loft? Well he works at this swanky hotel and long story short he did me a solid and called in a couple of favors from his coworkers and scored us a room for the night.''
''A room?'' Santana asked as she dipped Brittany and pulled her back up.
''Well I figured Kurt and Blaine might appreciate having the loft to themselves, you know? Plus I thought you and I could maybe have a nice night just the two of us, alone.''
''Mm, I do love hotel sex.''
''Well obviously there will be plenty of that but…'' Brittany paused their playful dance. ''I thought we could also like talk and stuff too.''
''What the fuck?''
''It's just that things have been a little weird lately and I want to make sure we're on the same page and-''
''No, Brittany, what the fuck?''
Santana halted everything and nodded up ahead at Blaine and Kurt who looked like they were in the middle of a very emotional exchange. Kurt's eyes were all red and Blaine was well, just standing there. Santana's ''what the fucks'' hadn't been directed at Brittany but rather at the couple before them. Within seconds Santana was storming forward and interjecting herself into their conversation.
''What's going on?'' she asked.
Kurt's only response was to crumble his face up in anguish and turn away. Blaine meanwhile just stood frozen looking like a clueless fish with his mouth opening and shutting but with nothing really escaping his lips.
''Kurt?'' she tried again.
Kurt circled back, though not to answer Santana but to direct his furious words at Blaine. ''You don't think that I've been lonely? That I've had temptations? But I never acted on them because I knew what it meant! It meant something horrible and awful!''
''I'm so sorry Kurt, I really am.'' Blaine sounded so very soft and yet also, so very hollow.
''You know what? I don't want to hear it,'' Kurt said with a fragile joyless laugh. ''And you're right, it doesn't matter who it was with. I just hope it was worth it.''
''Kurt!'' Blaine cried.
''No!''
With that Kurt gave Blaine a hurt, pitiful, disgusted expression and started walking ahead again. He left a clueless Blaine standing behind with Santana.
''What the hell happened?'' she asked and then realized she really didn't need an answer. At least not one from Blaine. Kurt's outburst made it all pretty evident something nasty had gone down. ''Better yet, no, never mind, why don't you save your bullshit for someone who's more likely to believe it.''
Blaine curled his upper lip up in annoyance. ''I get it, you don't like me. You've made that crystal clear since senior year but this time around I'm going to say to you what I couldn't say then. Stay out of our goddamn business.''
Santana laughed just as Brittany walked up to join them. ''Yeah, that's not going to happen.''
''What's going on?'' Brittany asked
''What's going on is Blaine here dipped his dick into some other Warbler, that's what's going on,'' Santana said, almost delighting in making Blaine seeth before her. ''To quote the one and only Jasmine Masters 'just as I thought, trash!' ''
The next couple of hours were strange to say the least as they all eventually made their way back to the loft. There was tension once they arrived, especially when it became clear that Blaine was under the impression that he would still be welcome in their space after his confession to Kurt.
It was a weird conversation to have considering that Kurt had opted out of it entirely and locked himself in the bathroom. This of course left Blaine and Santana going back and forth with each other as Brittany tried to referee.
''Yeah hell no, you're not staying here,'' Santana said, taking it upon herself to gather a few items of Blaine's clothing and stuff them into his bag. She zipped it up angrily and even did him a solid of rolling it towards the door for him.
''I'm not leaving, not until Kurt agrees to talk to me,'' Blaine huffed and took the handle of his bag and defiantily rolled it right back into Kurt's bedroom.
''Will you both just stop,'' Brittany hollered.
''No,'' Santana resisted. ''This is our loft, this is Kurt's home and after what he just dropped in Kurt's lap he has no right or business demanding anything from anyone.'' She looked to Blaine with a shake of her head. ''He doesn't want to see you.''
''How do you know that?'' Blaine asked.
''Uhhhhhhh because he just locked himself up in the bathroom to avoid having to see your gross carb face,'' Santana sassed.
''Santana,'' Brittany said in warning.
''What?''
''Go to our bedroom,'' Brittany instructed. ''I get why you're doing what you're doing right now but you're not helping anything.''
''But Britt-''
''Just do it for me, please?'' Brittany's tone was slightly more commanding, which she usually only used during sexy times but.
Santana took a deep breath as she stared hard at Blaine. ''Fine, I'm going to bed. Just to be clear, Anderson, I don't want to see your face in the morning.''
Santana tossed one more stony glare at Blaine before heading back to her and Brittany's bedroom. Brittany waited a few silent moments before she exhaled and looked tiredly at Blaine who seemed relieved that she had gotten Santana to tap out of this argument.
''Thank you,'' he said. ''I appreciate you seeing my side of things. Believe me when I say I'm not here to purposely agitate Santana, I'm here for Kurt.''
''I understand but right now I think it's pretty safe to say that Kurt doesn't want you to be,'' Brittany said, trying her best to sound as neutral as possible.
''He's my boyfriend.''
''That you cheated on.''
Blaine winced at her words. ''It was a mistake, a very stupid and selfish mistake. The only reason I told him was because I want to make it right.''
''And maybe you can but not tonight. If Kurt cheated on you, would you want to share a bed with him right after he told you?'' Brittany asked. Blaine didn't have anything to say. ''That's what I thought. It might be a good idea for you to give him some space tonight and let him be. Forcing a conversation that he clearly doesn't want to continue isn't going to help your cause. I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for your relationship or whatever, but you need to give him time. I'm sure his heart is torn into a million pieces right now. Let him try to piece a few of them together tonight.''
Blaine bit the inside of his lip and nodded in acceptance. ''So what am I supposed to do? I mean where am I supposed to sleep?''
''Maybe if you call your parents they can help you book a hotel?''
''I'd really rather not have to make that phone call,'' Blaine sighed, for the first time that night he actually appeared somewhat ashamed. ''Hey, mom and dad, I cheated on my boyfriend and got kicked out of his loft, can I have some money for a hotel so I don't have to sleep on the streets?''
''I'd never make you sleep on the street but I do think it would be best if you found somewhere else to crash for the night.''
''I don't have anywhere else.''
Brittany inhaled and exhaled. ''As much as I hate what you did to Kurt, I'm going to help you.''
''You're a good friend.''
''Yeah well...just remember I was Kurt's friend first.''
With Kurt in such a vulnerable state it went without saying that Brittany's plans for a romantic night with Santana would have to be postponed, but that in turn did mean there was an empty hotel room in her name. It's not like they had a lot of other options.
In the end it was Brittany who helped Blaine gather his things and ride with him in the cab to the hotel. She went inside and talked to the front desk and even went up to the room with Blaine to make sure he got settled him. When he opened the door, he marvelled at the room which was done up with flowers and lit candles. Brittany frowned and went around blowing each of them out.
''You must have really been looking forward to this night with Santana,'' he said as he sat down on the very edge of the bed and picked up a single rose that had been placed there.
''We'll have other nights.''
''I'll pay you back for the room.''
''Yeah, just don't order any crazy room service and we're good.''
Blaine let out a stilted chuckle that turned into a sob. His shoulders bobbed up and down as tears finally poured out of him. Brittany stopped what she was doing and went to sit next to him.
''I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose him,'' Blaine cried. ''I can't, Brittany, I can't lose Kurt.''
''So...why did you do it then?'' she asked carefully.
Blaine sniffled. ''You wouldn't understand.''
''Why do you say that?''
''Because you're here in New York with your girlfriend. You have each other, you get to come home to each other, you don't have all of that distance keeping you apart. I felt so alone in Lima and I was scared. Scared that Kurt would get bored of me. He has this cool sophisticated life here in New York with you guys. I didn't see where I fit into all of that back in Lima. I just wanted to feel something.''
Brittany didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing. They fell into a sad silence together and Brittany began to wonder when it would be an appropriate time to get up and leave. She was totally repulsed by what he had done to Kurt but at the same time she almost felt sorry for Blaine. Here he was with nothing and no one in the middle of the city. Granted it was his own actions that had gotten him there, but she still felt some small obligation to sit and hear him out.
''Could you forgive?'' he asked after a few minutes.
''Forgive you?''
''Santana. I mean...if she ever did what I did...would you ever be able to forgive her for it?''
Brittany digested his question, or tried to anyway. It didn't seem like Blaine was asking her this to be hurtful but rather out of his own genuine curiosity. It was a strange concept for her to consider. In all of the time they had been together, she had never entertained the idea. ''I've never really thought about it. Santana being with someone else. She and I...we're not...it would never...we're so-''
''Different?'' Blaine offered with a sigh.
''Well yeah. We are.''
''I used to think the same thing about Kurt and I. That our love was different. Stronger. Greater. Indestructible. But I guess when you get down to it, we're all just like everyone else.''
''Yeah well I would never have to forgive Santana, because Santana would never cheat on me to begin with.''
Blaine made his brows do a doubtful dance above his eyes. ''How are you so sure?''
''I just am. Maybe it's a cliche for everyone else but we are different and we are special. She would never, ever hurt me like that. If she was unhappy or frustrated or whatever she would tell me.''
''Before all of this I would've said the same thing.''
There was something about Blaine's words that made Brittany's stomach twist.
He had a point, everyone always wanted to believe their love was unlike any other love, but you could never really know for sure when it came down to it.
Brittany didn't have any hidden fears about Santana being unfaithful but the truth was, the truth even Blaine wasn't even aware of, was that there was something there going on with Santana underneath the surface. Something was swallowing all of her girlfriend's passion and joy up. Santana had been denying it of course but Brittany had a sixth sense - a Santana sense - and it had been tingling a lot lately.
Kurt and Blaine's relationship wasn't perfect and as much as it pained her to admit it to herself, neither was her relationship with Santana.
Maybe everyone had things they were hiding. Maybe every relationship had its secrets.
''He's the love of my life,'' Blaine said out of nowhere. ''And I think I just lost him.''
Brittany didn't have any encouragement or words of wisdom to offer, because what he had just said was a very real possibility and Brittany wasn't about to be his cheerleader and convince him otherwise. Instead she stood up. ''Get some rest, Blaine.''
She didn't say goodbye when she left.
X
''Say the word and I'll maim him...or like, shave his head.''
Back at the loft Santana had managed to talk Kurt out of the bathroom. The two of them were in his room. Kurt was still dressed and sprawled out onto his mattress staring dejectedly at the ceiling with glassy eyes as Santana sat nearby trying to think of ways to make him feel better.
''Better yet, I'll hire someone back in Lima to break into his house and shred every damn bow tie he owns,'' she tried again.
''I feel like I'm going to die.''
''Can you please not talk like that,'' she begged and reached out to rub his shoulder in support. ''He did you a favor.''
''A favor?'' Kurt's voice went up almost impossibly higher.
''Yeah a favor.''
Kurt sat up, confused. ''And how is that?''
''He showed you who he was. When someone shows you who they are you should believe them. And who he is, is a piece of trash. I knew it since senior year.''
''You sound awfully pleased with my situation.''
Santana flinched and softened. ''You think seeing you get hurt makes me happy? It doesn't. But at least you found out now instead of ten years down the line.''
''I don't know if I want to cry my eyes out or vomit my guts up. I feel sick.''
''Don't be, he's not worth it. He's never been worth it.''
''Can you not?''
''I'm just saying...it may suck right now but you're better off.''
''I don't feel better off. I mean, it's Blaine. He was...He was supposed to be the one. He was supposed to be it and now…'' Kurt sat up and the tears started up again. ''What if I never find anyone who will love me like that?''
''Love you like what?'' Santana asked. ''Like the time he pulled you into the back of your vehicle and kept grabbing at you even when you said no, or the time he kept being best pals with that Sebastian guy even though all Sebastian ever did was insult you - love you like that?''
Kurt was quiet in response, it was hard to make any kind of defense for that.
''I know you can't see the other side to all of this right now, but you will. Contrary to what you believe I don't hate Blaine...I only hate the way he takes you for granted.''
Santana stood up and made her way over to the window in Kurt's room, she pulled open the curtains to reveal the life, light and movements outside.
''And you know what,'' she started. ''I'm not going to give you some bs about your soul mate being out there or you finding some great once in a lifetime love, because that's not real life. What Britt and I have, that's a rarity and I'm lucky as hell, but not everyone gets that, and that's okay too. Cause there's a world out there filled with friends and art and energy and maybe you'll find someone or maybe you won't, either way, you'll still be a complete person.''
''Yeah?''
''Yeah.'' Santana smiled and turned around and saw Kurt smiling back. Something about him seemed a little lighter. ''Let's be real, Hummel, with your hairline and twink physique you're gonna have pleeeeenty of options okay? But even if none of them work out I'll still be there at the end of the day. I think it goes without saying that Brittany will be too. Even if you're alone...you'll never be alone, you hear me?''
''...I hear you.''
''Good.''
Kurt composed himself and shook his head, finally feeling a little peace with the help of her words. ''By the way I'm sorry if I ruined your evening.''
''You didn't ruin anything.''
''Are you sure about that? Brittany may have confided in me a few days ago about booking a nice hotel room for the two of you for tonight. I know she was looking forward to it.''
''We can do that any time.'' Santana shrugged it off. ''And anyway she and I can still have a nice quiet romantic night here tonight.''
''Nice and romantic sure, I don't know about quiet,'' Kurt teased. ''You both tend to be noisy.''
She rolled her eyes at his friendly jab. ''Shut up.''
''Oh Santana - yes - oh my god - right there! Do it again!'' Kurt panted in an airy way as he imitated Brittany.
''Stop.''
''Of course you sound way worse,'' he snickered. ''Oh Britt-Britt, uh-uh-uh-uh-uhhhhhh-yesssss!"
''You're the pervert who listens in.''
Kurt laugh-scoffed. ''You think I want to hear that? Puh.''
''Well you've practically just recited like an entire NC-17 fanfiction about us.''
''Whatever.''
Together they laughed and there seemed to be a sense of hope in the air.
Even if it all fell apart with Blaine, even if he was alone for awhile as he healed from this heartache, Kurt still had this. Still had her.
That's what squirrel friends were for after all.
X
Later on when Brittany came home she and Santana didn't sneak away together to have one off. It was hard to be in the mood after the events of the evening.
Their friend was hurting and that overrode everything else.
It was a relief to them both when Kurt passed out from exhaustion. They made sure he was tucked in and had a glass of water on his nightstand before they slipped off to their own bedroom.
It was silent as they changed out of their outfits and into their sleep clothes. Brittany didn't really know what to say or how to bring it up, she wasn't sure if she even should. Kurt was devastated and Santana was obviously making his comfort a priority. Brittany wasn't sure it was the right moment to pull her girlfriend aside and ask if she was completely happy with herself and their relationship.
''Did he say anything?''
''Huh?''
''Blaine,'' Santana said as she crawled into their bed and sat up against the headboard as she waited for Brittany. ''Did he say anything to you about why he did what he did?''
''A little, I guess.'' Brittany was brushing her teeth in the doorway and slightly foaming at the mouth. ''The jist of it was he was lonely and sad.''
''More like he was horny and desperate.''
''Is it wrong that I almost feel sorry for him?'' Brittany asked.
''Why would you feel sorry for him? He's the one who screwed up.''
''I know and what he did is totally mega gross, but it's like he had a good thing and he screwed himself over and now he might not ever get that good thing - Kurt - back.''
''As far as I'm concerned he's getting what he deserves. He cheated.''
Brittany disappeared into the bathroom to spit her paste out and returned a few seconds later to crawl up into bed to join Santana. ''He asked me if I could ever forgive you,'' she said after she had turned out the light and snuggled into Santana's arms.
''What?''
''You know, if you cheated.''
Santana squinted in suspicion. ''Was he trying to insinuate something about me?''
''Weirdly enough I don't think he was trying to. I think he was asking me if I could forgive you because...I don't know...if I said yes I could forgive you then maybe he thought there was still hope that Kurt would or could forgive him.''
''What did you say?''
Brittany gave her a sad and lazy smile. ''That I wouldn't have to because you would never cheat on me to begin with.''
''I wouldn't you know...ever,'' Santana assured.
''I know. And I would never cheat on you either.''
''I would never do anything to jeopardize what we are or what we have.''
''Never?''
''Never.''
For the first time in possibly ever, Brittany wasn't so sure Santana was telling her the absolute truth. As they settled in and Santana fell into slumber Brittany stared at the ceiling, still wondering what was wrong, why it was wrong and why Santana was still hiding her discontent.
X
''What are you thinking?''
''I'm thinking...I should've believed you the first time.''
The next morning Kurt had felt a weird but relieving clarity wash over him. Sure his eyes felt swollen and sore from all of the crying the night before but it was almost worth it when he got out of bed with a drive and determination to see Blaine and find a way to move beyond all of the pain.
Blaine had sounded elated and hopeful over the phone. He told Kurt that he would do everything in his power to make it right, to make up for it, to save their love, their relationship and their future together.
Kurt wasn't so certain that was possible.
It was a little shattering when a short while later Blaine showed up to meet Kurt on the front stoop of the loft with coffees and a white paper bag of bagels in hand. He was all smiles, practically chipper even. Kurt wondered what Blaine was expecting. Did he really think a few reassuring words and promises would do the trick? That all would be fine with a smile and a bagel? That it was that easy? That Kurt was so desperate and sad that he'd willingly sweep it all under the rug and pretend everything was roses?
But then he thought, of course.
Of course that's what Blaine was expecting because that's what Kurt had allowed each and every time Blaine had hurt him before. Blaine expected Kurt to simply roll over and accept it because that's what Kurt had always did. After that incident in the backseat, after Blaine's insistence on maintaining communication with Sebastion even though Kurt said it made him uncomfortable. Kurt had allowed Blaine to patch things up with kisses and flowery words. He had, inadvertently, allowed Blaine to believe that's all it would ever take, that it was all he ever had to do, and if it was that easy then of course Blaine would think nothing of crossing lines, especially if Kurt made it so easy to cross back.
That's when Kurt knew that he in part was responsible for this. He's the one who let Blaine think that continually taking him for granted was acceptable.
And it was then that Kurt knew it couldn't be on Blaine to make any of this right. Kurt had to take that upon himself.
''I brought you a little something,'' Blaine said as he presented his treats to Kurt who sat on the front steps of the building.
''You still remember my coffee order?''
''Of course I do.''
Kurt had to laugh then, it was a sad nostalgic one, as he recalled a very similar conversation they had once had shortly after they met.
Blaine took his laughter as an invitation to sit down next to him. He pushed Kurt's coffee into his hands and Kurt took it. ''What's so funny?''
''Do you remember that Valentine's Day? The first one after we met?''
''Vaguely yes. You told me you had feelings for me.''
''I did, and you said - what?''
Blaine squinted and set aside his breakfast on the stoop to dust his hands free. ''That I cared about you.''
''Yeah. You told me that you really, really cared about me...but that you were no good at romance. Now all this time later, all I can think is...I should've believed you when you told me that because now I can see more clearly and I have to agree. You don't know a damn thing about romance.''
Blaine flinched in confusion. This obviously wasn't where he thought this conversation was going to head. He had assumed that it would be easily resolved, or swept under the rug, like his behavior and his actions always had been. ''What?''
''Romance. You were right about yourself, you don't know a thing about romance...or loyalty...or trust...or commitment.''
''Kurt, please don't be like this.''
''Like what? Did you really think this was all it would take? Did you really think this would all be over? That I could just...what...forgive you?''
Blaine inhaled deeply. ''I don't know. I was hoping though, I was hoping we could work this out. Just like we've worked everything else out?''
''When have we ever worked anything out?'' Kurt laughed again, gently placing his coffee down beside him. ''It was always you doing something hurtful and me pretending to be fine with it because I was so desperate to not be alone.''
''That's not how it was.''
''Yeah, yeah it was, Blaine. That's exactly how it was, and you know, you're not even entirely to blame because it was me too. I let you think that it was okay to treat me like that, to take me for granted. I let you think that you could always just come back and I would be there and accept it. But I can't accept this.''
''Kurt. No relationship is perfect but you and I, I know we can work through this. What I did was beyond horrible and I take full responsibility-''
''It didn't sound like you did last night. You told me you did it because you needed me and I wasn't there, you put that on me.''
''Wuh I - that wasn't right,'' Blaine stammered. ''I was just talking in the heat of the moment. That just came out.''
''It just came out because that was your first thought. That's how you really feel.''
''No.''
''I wish I could say I'm sorry but the truth is, I'm not. I'm not sorry, Blaine. What you and I had, I still think there was a lot of good there too. It wasn't all heartache. But coming here…'' he lifted his head up, at the surrounding buildings, the neighborhood, the energy of the streets. ''Coming here made me stronger and better and braver and one of the many things I've learned about myself since coming to the city is that I deserve something out of this world. I'm making a place for myself, I'm demanding a place for myself and I can't go back to where I was or who I was. And who I was? He didn't really expect much out of this world..or out of a boyfriend. I expect a lot more now...and I don't think you can give it to me.''
''I can try.''
''Probably. But what's that saying again, when someone shows you who they really are, you should believe them the first time? The first time you ever expected me to settle for scraps...that's who you are, Blaine, and I should have believed you then. I didn't but that's okay, because I believe you now.''
Blaine opened his mouth but stopped himself before anything else came out. He didn't have anything, any words or any gesture that could make this better. There was no song that could make any of this right between them.
''I still love you.''
''And I still love you,'' Kurt admitted. ''Maybe we always will on some level but that doesn't mean we should be together anymore. I think you and I have a lot of growing up to do and I don't think either one of us can do that if we're stuck in this never ending cycle of hurt.''
Blaine wiped his eyes and nodded in acceptance. ''Yeah, yeah.''
''Come here.'' Kurt pulled him in for a hug and Blaine seemed to crumble the minute Kurt's arms were around him.
''I'm sorry,'' Blaine whispered after a few moments. ''Not just for this, for everything.''
''I believe you.''
They held each other tightly until Blaine pulled away with a sigh. ''I know I don't deserve it and I have no right to ask anything of you but-''
''What?''
''I'm heading back to Lima later today and I…'' Blaine swallowed thickly, holding back tears. ''Before I go do you think we can just sit here on this stoop for awhile and drink our coffees together? You know, like we used to do all the time at the Lima Bean before we got together...before all of this?''
A smile tugged at Kurt's lips. ''Yeah. I think...I think I'd like that.''
And so they sat for the next hour, mostly in silence, relishing the quiet and this new calm between them. Blaine seemed to accept that he had to let Kurt go and Kurt was just glad they could have this moment together to say their goodbyes and simply remember the better times between them.
It was over. They were over. And the best way to honor what they had was to make peace with what they could never be.
X
''Just a fair warning, Berry, if you say the word 'hunty' at any point during this evening it is within my right to slap you clear across the face, okay?''
''Okkkay,'' Rachel laughed nervously at Santana's odd threat as she entered the loft.
A week later, it was Drag Race night yet again, this time around the three of them had decided to make it a low key affair and just invite Rachel over. Brittany and Santana both thought it best that it would just be the four of them. Kurt's break up with Blaine pretty much happened on his terms but it didn't mean it didn't hurt. They didn't think they needed to invite a ton of people over, it would just overwhelm Kurt who really just needed the comfort of his close friends.
Rachel came over early with wine and since Brittany was out making a run for their vegan pizza dinner it gave Santana the chance to touch base with her.
''Also,'' Santana continued as she filled a couple of bowls of snacks at the kitchen table, ''if you can not mention the B word when Kurt comes out, that would be awesome too.''
Rachel zipped her mouth closed and threw away an imaginary key. ''How's he doing?''
''As well as anyone can be when they got their heart pissed on.''
''Never in a million years would I ever imagine Blaine being capable of doing that to Kurt.''
''Yeah well, it goes to show you, never judge a book by its cover. Blaine might've looked like a sweet innocent puppy but deep down he was just a selfish little rat.''
''I heard what you had Sugar do to Blaine's bow tie collection.''
Santana smirked rather proudly. She was glad that Kurt had been the one to put the final nail in the coffin of his relationship, but she still thought Blaine deserved a little something for all that he had put her friend through. She had made a phone call to their old classmate Sugar Motta and convinced the girl to do her a favor. The favor entailed breaking into the Anderson residence, finding Blaine's bow ties and leaving them in shreds all around his bedroom.
''Yeah well, that's what friends are for,'' Santana laughed.
''Can't say I wouldn't have done the same,'' Rachel added.
They shared a smile as Kurt came strolling in from his bedroom. He looked surprisingly alert and refreshed.
''Ladies,'' he greeted and went in to hug Rachel when she pulled him into a quick embrace.
''You seem chipper,'' Santana noted his breezy demeanor.
Kurt shrugged and picked up Rachel's bottle of wine to inspect the label. ''Well, I figured I could deal with getting my heart pummeled one of two ways. I could curl up in a corner and feel sorry for myself, which would be the more dramatically fulfilling choice because as you all know I cry beautifully. Or, two, I could remind myself that this is the beginning. I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and...I didn't come all this way and work this hard to give up on myself.''
''I'm really proud of you,'' Rachel said, patting his hair affectionately.
Kurt gently pushed her hands away with a chuckle. ''Besides I couldn't cocoon myself up in my room, not tonight. Not when Santana told me that you were going to join us for Drag Race.''
''Well, Brittany is always going on and on about it to me and I thought it was time to see what the hubbub was about,'' Rachel exclaimed. ''Besides I have a great respect for those who live their lives as theatrically as I do mine.''
Santana raised an eyebrow. ''Just remember, Rachel, Drag Race is more than a show to us. You're allowed to make commentary during commercial breaks but when the show is on, that's your quiet time okay?''
Rachel waved off Santana's instruction. ''Yes, yes, yes. Don't worry, I'm here as your guest and I will be perfectly respectful of your novella.''
''Stop calling it a novella, and who taught you that word?'' Santana asked.
''Pizza's here!'' Brittany sang, walking in with a couple of boxes in hand. ''Where's my wine?''
And just like that, their evening began for the four of them. They stuffed their faces with (vegan) pizza and guzzled it all down with wine, and when that ran out Brittany had the bright idea to move on to mixed drinks. It made the viewing experience more dramatic, especially for Rachel who was gasping and whimpering during every tension filled moment. Rachel was on the edge of her seat during final critiques and of course because she was Rachel she couldn't help but open her huge mouth when it came to the lip sync.
On screen while Katya and Kennedy Davenport strutted and danced across the stage Rachel would not shut up about how she would go about selling the song to the judges. Eventually Santana had to give her shoulder a light warning swat when it became obvious that Katya was going home. This in turn was a bit of an emotional moment for Brittany who had deemed Katya as her queen.
''I'm really gonna miss that weirdo,'' Santana said mournfully as she cuddled Brittany into her side.
''Me too,'' Brittany sighed. ''I'm gonna miss her the most.''
Kurt stood up and marched himself into the kitchen only to march right back out with a bottle and some glasses. ''You know what, Brittany, no sad faces okay? Katya made it to the Top 5. She was a fan favorite. She's made her mark and we're gonna toast that tonight. Now everybody stand up.'' He handed out the glasses and gave them each a splash of alcohol. ''To Katya!''
''Our favorite Russian bisexual hooker!'' Santana said, raising her glass in honor.
''To Katya!'' they all repeated and then downed their shots.
They all wiggled and shook as they let it slide down their throats. Together they laughed, the slight burn of it reminded them that they were young and alive and that anything was possible.
For the next several hours it was a blur of shots and dancing and games and dares and selfie sessions. It was a night where they revelled in the ridiculous with each other. They cried tears of laughter as they watched Santana do her best RuPaul impression, complete with weird robotic speech and jerky head movements (''Rachel Berry, in the Broadway challenge you channeled Glinda but on the runway you weren't defying gravity, girl. I'm sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination'') they cackled together when Brittany and Rachel bet each other that they would excel at a design challenge on the show and then proceeded to doctor outfits that were made entirely out of toilet paper (''toilet paper eleganzaaaa!'' Kurt hollered at them as they modelled their creations).
After more drinks and after more goofing around they settled down a bit and Rachel confided in them that she had been seeing someone new, someone she had met at NYADA in her acting class. She described him as being a dark and dashing latin man (she and Brittany later had a very long and semi explicit conversation together in which they agreed that latin lovers were truly the best kind). It was exciting, she said, but she also felt waves of guilt on occasion about moving on from Finn. Kurt told her she had every right to put herself out there and explore the dating world. She couldn't hold herself back because Finn made the best choice possible when he set both of them free.
''What happened between Blaine and I aside, I still wholeheartedly believe in the notion of 'meant to be','' Kurt confessed as he and Rachel sat on the floor and ate bits of cold pizza over the coffee table. ''If you and Finn were meant to work out then you will, until then there's nothing wrong with meeting new people and having a life.''
''I agree,'' Brittany said. She and Santana were nearby cuddling on the couch.
''Yes well that's easy for you to say,'' Rachel tossed a breadstick at Brittany. It limply fell into her lap. Santana picked it up and bite into it with gusto. ''You and Santana don't have to wonder or worry about that great 'what if' because you have each other right now and something tells me you're always going to have each other.''
Santana laid a sloppy kiss on Brittany. ''Santana,'' Brittany whined. ''You have breadstick breath!''
''Don't act like you don't like it!''
Santana went back in for a smooch which only made Brittany playfully squeak out. Kurt and Rachel rolled their eyes at the cutesy, coupley display.
''Are they always this nauseating?'' Rachel asked him.
''Pretty much.''
At the end of this seemingly never ending evening Brittany had went to bed to crash which left Kurt and Santana to entertain a very drowsy, very drunk Rachel who had been going on and on about how her new boyfriend was teaching her Spanish and how by the end of the year she was going to be fluent and how they should all take a vacation to Mexico and get matching tattoos. It was a lot but Kurt and Santana let her go on because they found her slurring about it all semi adorable. Eventually after taking several more tangents Rachel passed out on the floor.
''You know,'' Santana said quietly as she smiled at Rachel's soft snoring. ''Now that she's apparently getting some decent orgasms, Rachel is a lot easier to be around.''
''Thanks for this,'' Kurt said.
Santana waved him off. She didn't think tonight was anything he needed to thank her for.
''Tonight was a very welcome distraction,'' he added. ''It helps to not be alone right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Blaine and I closed that door but it still hurts. Being around friends is the best medicine.''
''Yeah well.''
''You know the night it happened, when he told me he cheated...I was pretty sure I would never laugh again. Like. For those first few hours where all I did was cry I was almost certain the grief was going to swallow me up. In your own way I know you're doing your best to pull me out of that.''
''You would do the same for me. I mean, you have done the same for me.''
''And I'd do it again if needed.''
Santana smiled at that and shifted a bit in her seat. She wasn't always great with sincerity or praise like this. What she was great at was being a hardcore friend however.
''Welllll,'' she sang. ''If laughter is what you need I have a brilliant idea.''
''What?''
''You know how you're always watching Ru girl makeup tutorials on YouTube?''
''Yes.''
''Well what do you say you take a little of that knowledge and apply it to our friend here.'' Santana dipped her head down, indicating Rachel's snoozing form.
''You think?'' Kurt covered his mouth with his hand, intrigued.
''If she's going to take part in our Drag Race nights, I think she should be initiated in as a proper squirrel friend.''
''What exactly do you have in mind?''
Santana shrugged. ''Well what was the last tutorial you watched?''
''Trixie Mattel's.''
At this Santana's eyes widened. ''Perfect. Oh my god.''
''Are we really doing this?''
''Grab my makeup bag and I'll grab a laptop. We are SO doing this.''
''You don't think she'll wake up?''
Rachel snored loudly with an open mouth in front of them.
''This bish is out like a light,'' Santana whispered. ''This is happening.''
Forty-five minutes later they were quietly admiring their work of art.
They had turned Rachel Berry into Trixie Mattel.
Santana was insistent that they be serious about this and actually try to do a good job. They were both very careful with the details and once it was queued up on Kurt's laptop, followed Trixie's tutorial step by agonizingly slow step.
And in the end it was beautiful. In a horrifying sort of way.
''You think she'll be mad?'' Kurt asked once they were done and had taken well over two dozen pictures of Rachel in her sleep, all dolled up in Trixie's face.
''I have no idea, either way, we did a really good job. Like with our gay powers combined, it came out fantastic.''
X
''Brittany...Brittany...hey…''
Brittany groaned as she felt someone gently patting her shoulder. They were obviously trying to rouse her from her sleep. She squinted, slowly letting her eyes adjust to daylight until eventually her vision focused.
''JESUS WHAT THE HELL!'' Brittany shouted, jumping up and scrambling backwards until she was pressed against the headboard of her and Santana's bed.
''Do you have any soy based products I can make breafast with?''
Brittany was still alarmed by what she saw. ''What happened to your face?!''
''What do you mean?''
Moments later Brittany was marching Rachel into the loft bathroom, flicking on the light and guiding her to the mirror above the sink
''I'm going to kill Kurt and Santana,'' Rachel said in a dry and deadpan manner.
Brittany burst out into laughter. ''I meaaaaaan, they did a really good job.''
''I look like a demented life sized Barbie.''
''Well yeah, but that's sort of the point.'' Brittany disappeared for a few seconds and returned, this time with her phone in hand. She pulled up a picture of Trixie Mattel for Rachel to observe. ''She's one of Kurt's favorite queens, this is her signature look.'' She cracked up as Rachel continued to study her mug. ''They must've done this after you fell asleep.''
''...you know, these cheeks aren't bad.'' Rachel noted almost appreciatively. ''The eye work is a little much but I love the drama of it.''
By the time Santana and Kurt woke up Brittany had encouraged Rachel to sit down and watch a YouTube playlist of Trixie videos. Rachel was enthralled by the character. Kurt and Santana weren't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, all they knew is that by the time they all sat down for a vegan friendly breakfast at their dining table, Rachel was feeling herself, admiring her reflection in silverware.
''Oh honey, oh honey, oh hoooooooooney,'' Rachel drawled in that Trixie Mattel lilt. ''That sounds like my Friday night honey!''
''We've created a monster,'' Santana sighed.
''Truly,'' Kurt added between laughs.
''Winner, winner, chicken...dinner.''
''Rachel shut up!''
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A/N: an interesting thing about this chapter is I originally planned for it to revolve around Santana and Brittany and their relationship issues but I kept getting sidetracked and eventually I realized I had to put that on the back burner because it was time for me to focus a little bit on Kurt. He needed to close the door on that chapter of his life with Blaine.
I'm not a Blaine fan or a Klaine fan, however I didn't want to portray my Blaine as a straight up Villian, you know? My hope was to portray him as someone young and immature and selfish at times. It doesn't make him a monster, but it does make him flawed, it's something I wish the show had acknowledged more, his flaws. I think if the show had done that and held him accountable for certain things I could've enjoyed his character more. I guess my point is, I didn't want to be petty and I hope it came off evenly and somewhat fair.
I also really loved writing Rachel into this. I hope I did her justice, I always find her so difficult to write because she's soooo specific. I say that if Kurt is a Jinkx, Santana is a Willam and Brittany is a Katya, Rachel is a Valentina. Especially AS4 Valentina, oh my god. But if you have any other suggestions let me hear them :)