''My name is Bob the drag queen and I am twenty-nine years old. My drag is funny, it's irreverent. What you see is what you get. My body suit says it all. You're welcome. I'm hilarious, beautiful, talented and humble.''
''This bitch went on Drag Race and didn't tell me!''
Santana shouted at the television screen as she and Kurt sat in the middle of a darkened loft.
It was a new year and thus a new season of Drag Race was upon them and life in the loft was different now in many ways.
X
It had been a year since Santana decided to stop trying to be something she wasn't and found her own way in the world. She had given it a lot of thought and discussed the matter with Brittany as well as her parents. Brittany was all for her shifting her priorities, it was her parents that were a little more apprehensive about her change in focus.
There were several really intense conversations over the phone with them and when both sides had come to a stand still on the matter her folks decided to fly in for the weekend. They had planned to visit New York within the next few months to check in with her but considering Santana's sudden desire to change her courses they decided they all really needed some face to face time.
On the Lopezes first night in town they had taken Santana and Brittany out to dinner. It had started out fine and lighthearted with everyone making casual conversation but once their food arrived and talk veered to the future it sort of went to poop.
No one was angry, no one was yelling but it was clear Santana and her parents - more specifically her father - weren't seeing eye to eye on the issue. It got to the point where Santana threw her napkin on the table and said she needed to go out to get some air. Her father, troubled with the idea of a troubled Santana, followed after her.
''I'm sorry,'' her father had said as they stood on the slick sidewalk outside of the bustling restaurant. ''If you think I'm being overbearing. I probably am. I just...I don't want you to struggle, Santana.''
Santana exhaled and watched her breath in the air. ''Yeah well, maybe I do.''
''Maybe you do, what?''
''Maybe I want to struggle,'' she said. ''Maybe that's just what I need to do.''
''Listen to me, I know you've got a voice on you,'' her father siaid. ''And if you ask me, it's the most beautiful voice I've ever heard.''
Santana's form softened at his words.
''I've been listening to your voice since you were four years old and singing Little Mermaid songs in the bath,'' he continued to reminisce. ''You're talented, Santana. But it takes more than a good voice to make it in that industry. It takes dumb, blind luck. There's no guarantee.''
''I know that.''
''But if you were to go into law? I have connections, I know people, there's a safety net. You put in your time and in a handful of years with my pull I can land you a position at a firm and-''
''That's just it, dad, I don't want to be handed anything. I want to put in the work, but I want to work towards something I want to do. I don't want your life or mom's life, I want mine and what I want to do with my life is perform.''
Her father shook his head. Saying this brought him no joy but he wanted her to be realistic. ''And what if you fail?''
''Then I fail,'' Santana said simply. There was no going back for her. ''And if that means you and mommy not supporting me financially then...okay.''
''Okay?'' he looked taken aback by the resolution in her voice.
''I'm not saying it's going to be easy for me to lose your help in that way but if you can't get behind me on this or you won't...then I'll find a way. But I have to try, dad. I have to do this. This, singing, performing, maybe it is all a pipe dream but I have to know for sure and the only way to do that is to go after it. And if I have to go after it without you, then I will.''
Her father bowed his head in thought for a long moment before rising and turning to face her. He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her and allowing his chin to rest on the top of her head. It was only then that Santana allowed herself to exhale.
''Are you sure about this?'' he asked, mumbling into her hair.
''I've never been more sure about anything else.''
''If you're sure, if this is really what you need to do for yourself...I can't say I understand it but I respect it.''
''You do?''
''I do. And you don't need to worry about money. I mean, is this what I want? No. But I don't want you to have to worry about making ends meet.''
''Yeah?''
''Of course. Your mother and I will still help. Or if it's a pride thing and you feel like you have to do it by yourself then - ''
And just like that a deep hearty laugh rolled out of Santana as she pushed her hand slightly against her father's chest to put some space between them. ''Hey no, I didn't say I had to do it on my own. I mean if you and mommy still insist on giving a small monthly allowance then I wouldn't scoff at it. I would accept it...for your benefit of course.''
He smiled, that was definitely the Santana he knew and loved.
In the end and with Maribel in agreement, her parents gave her their blessing and support. They loved her and though they wanted the best for her they also knew they couldn't hold her back from chasing after what she wanted. It was better to set her free and see her fail or succeed on her own terms than it was to see her grind and flunder in misery.
If she needed to chase a dream for awhile they would be behind her they said, and if it happened to not pan out and she wanted to go back to school to study a different field, they would be there too. When it came to loving her there were no expectations involved her parents told her point blank. With the knowledge that no matter what, her parents would have her back and accept her choices it was easier to move forward.
She didn't just want to get serious about singing, she also began to take classes on acting and music theory. She was eager to absorb anything and everything about what it meant to be a performer. She stacked her courses and yet, unlike all of the time she put in attempting to go pre-law, none of it left her overwhelmed or dispassionate. And when she wasn't in a class or course she was busting her ass, waiting tables and taking any and every audition she came across, singing anywhere and everywhere. Between all of that she may have gotten physically tired but she was always stimulated by one thing or another. She was singing again, she was dancing again, she was creating again, and really that's all that had ever mattered to her.
While she was finally just starting to get her feet off the ground, Brittany was already out there taking flight and flourishing out in the world on her own.
Brittany's star had shined at NYADA and she, after all these years, was getting the admiration and the respect she deserved. She had made some wonderful dance friends and even a few important contacts in that world. One of those contacts had even landed her a sweet paid gig on a music video.
Santana had been so proud, of course the only drawback had been that it required her to fly out to LA for several days. Santana had given her a few playful pouts but there was never any question about it. Brittany had to seize every opportunity that came her way, that's what they were all there for. It was a great gig and Brittany had impressed and befriended the choreographer on location in charge, all in all it had been a great learning experience for her and Santana had quite enjoyed the super hot 'welcome back home' sex that came when Brittany arrived back in New York.
She would have never guessed what the one offer would eventually become, even though she should have. Of course Brittany would dazzle everyone, it's what she deserved, and of course she would make such a great grand impression that one gig would turn into two which would turn into three which would then snowball into offer after offer. Dance opportunities existed in New York sure but Brittany's friends and contacts had ties to LA.
Brittany tried to do the back and forth thing for several months. It wasn't horrible exactly, but it was draining having to spend so much time commuting. She would be working in LA for a week, go home for a few days before she got a call from a friend in need of her on some music video or commercial set or a TV show, and then back again she would go for an unspecified amount of time only to repeat the process all over again.
Santana never discouraged her. You have to do what you have to do, Britt, she would say, go wow them. And Brittany would and each time, it was like the jobs got better and bigger which was great for Brittany's bank account, but generally bigger and better jobs required more of her focus which meant her stays in LA became longer and longer as time went on. Then it was as if the only time she spent in New York she would be in hibernation mode, and when she wasn't Santana would usually be otherwise occupied with school or her own performances. The back and forth and back again left Brittany exhausted but she insisted she didn't mind it. Her work might have been heavily based in Los Angeles but her home would always be where ever Santana was.
And New York was where Santana felt like she most belonged.
It was an exciting, challenging time but after six months of Brittany coming and going it was clear something needed to shift. They were both growing but it felt like they were growing in different directions.
Santana had been the first one to bring up the idea of Brittany temporarily making a move to Los Angeles. Brittany shot it down immediately. She didn't need to move she told Santana, because in her eyes she thought they were managing just fine. But Santana could see right through that. The back and forth was getting to Brittany physically but more than that, Santana simply didn't want Brittany to hold herself back for the sake of their relationship. She explained that just as Brittany had encouraged her to chase her dreams she was encouraging Brittany to do the very same thing, even if that meant things had to change in a very big way.
Change was scary and intimidating but sometimes in life that's simply what had to be done.
Brittany fought her hard on it, refusing the very idea but Santana didn't let it go. ''You told me your friend offered you his spare room and pretty much guaranteed you steady work in front of and behind the camera if you moved out there. If you don't want to move to LA because you don't like LA then fine, but don't say no to it just because you don't want to leave me.'' They had gotten into several squabbles over the matter, each time Brittany insisted she wasn't interested in making that kind of move, that she didn't like the speed of Los Angeles, that she hated the place. Each time Santana knew better though. She knew better because in those early months she remembered how Brittany would come bouncing back into the loft with light in her eyes, telling stories about movie stars and the excitement of a real life Hollywood set. Santana remembered all of Brittany's excitement and how she just seemed more vibrant and alive when she spoke of her time in California. She knew Brittany hadn't faked any of that.
After awhile Santana knew what she had to do and so when the time came for Brittany to fly out for another gig she made her point one last time as they said goodbyes.
''I don't want you to come back,'' Santana had said.
Her voice quivered as she ran her hands affectionately over Brittany's hair.
Travellers walked past them, chatting and laughing as they passed them by. This wasn't how Santana had wanted to do it but she didn't see any other way. Brittany wouldn't let herself figuratively fly unless Santana forced her.
Brittany flinched at Santana's words.''What?''
''To New York. I don't want you to come back, at least not right away,''Santana clarified. ''I want you to take some time out there after you finish up this job to think about your future and what you want and where you need to be right now.''
''Santana, we've been over this,'' Brittany had sighed. ''New York is where I belong.''
''Yeah but these jobs you're getting, they're a big deal but any professional momentum you get just falls to the wayside each time you come back to New York. I think...I think if you stayed in LA all of these opportunities could lead to something big, something career 're on the cusp of something.''
''I can find work in New York.''
''Maybe yeah, but you and I both know your chances of breaking out in LA are greater. You need to go there and you need to stay there.''
Brittany sniffed the air and shook her head in disbelief.''Are you breaking up with me?''
''No, no. Hey, this is not a break up,'' Santana said, dismissing the idea. ''I'm still in this together with you. I always will be, Britt, but you need to do what's right for you and right now, I think LA is what's right for you.''
''And how do you know that?''
''I don't but...that's why you have to give it a chance, so you can figure that out for yourself. It's probably gonna suck and we're going to have to do a lot of adjusting but...you walking away from amazing things to be with me...that's not love, that's sacrifice. I'm not gonna let you sacrifice anything for me.''
Brittany's face crinkled up as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
''Listen, if you go and you give California a chance, a real chance, and you still don't think it's for you, you can come back and that will be that. That's your choice, the only thing I'm asking you is to be honest with yourself.''
''I don't want to.''
''Why?''
''Because. I love LA,'' Brittany admitted with a weep. ''All that stuff about me not liking it...I made it up. I love it there, it's-it's sexy and sunny and there's like palm trees and…I hate it. I hate that I love it there. New York is great but LA is just a different speed. My speed. But I don't care about any of that stuff compared to you. I love you more than any of those things put together.''
''And I know that. I so know that Brittany. But you have to take me out of the equation here and ask yourself, if dancing is what you want to do with your life and you have all of these opportunities popping up in LA, where would you want to be if I wasn't in the picture?''
''But you are in the picture.''
''I know but,'' Santana paused as she pushed down her own tears. It felt like there was something ugly and hard stuck in her throat. ''This can't be about me. This is about you.''
''What if...what if everything changes?''
''Then it changes, and we learn to deal,''Santana answered softly. She used her thumb to wipe at a stray tear that ran down Brittany's cheek. ''Look at me, Brittany, this is just a speed bump. Growing pains. Whatever. We'll be long distance and we'll make it work. I'm not bailing on this relationship. You know you're stuck with me, right, like forever?'' Santana teased and made Brittany laugh through her tears.
''Yeah.''
''Besides, you'll still visit and I'll visit you and we'll call and Skype and text all the time. Plus think of the super awesome phone sex,'' she joked. ''You know my sexts are too hot to erase.''
''It won't be the same.''
''Yeah well, that's what happens when you grow. Right now...right now, Britt, you and I just have to grow in different directions. At least for a little while.''
By the time Brittany was in the air she had already agreed to give LA a chance. The plan was for her to stay out there for a two month trial run. She made arrangements to rent a room from a dance friend and not interrupt her work by going back and forth. She was going to stay put and get a feel for Cali life for an extended period of time. Brittany owed it to herself to test those waters and Santana was going to be supportive no matter the outcome but a tiny-tiny part of her hoped that after a couple month out there Brittany would show up on the loft's doorstep with her suitcase trailing behind her to announce that while it was amazing California wasn't all that it seemed.
That's not how it played out at all though.
Because once Brittany realized she had been holding herself back and needed to give herself over to all of the opportunities rolling in towards her, it became plainly clear that Los Angeles had so much to give her, so much to show her.
Nothing was set in stone but the 'trial period' stretched on for weeks which turned into months and they both came to the conclusion that for the time being this would have to be their new normal.
Brittany would belong to LA and Santana would belong to New York.
The first couple of months weren't too difficult, in fact that early period had been a little exciting. All that distance between them forced them to get creative when they wanted to connect. There was something titillating about sending seductive texts late at night and waking up to them in the morning. As time wore on though it became increasingly frustrating. They had always been one of those couples who communicated through touch. They had once had a healthy and happy sex life but with miles between them they had to learn a new way of being intimate. They still found ways sure but that wasn't to say they were always completely satisfied.
On the nights where it got to be too much for her Santana would usually find herself turning into a zombie on the couch, looking for comfort by mindlessly watching old seasons of Drag Race. Of course when old episodes of Drag Race simply wouldn't do Santana turned to, well, other forms of entertainment. Now there was something about watching actual porn that didn't sit well with her. She certainly didn't think sex or sexuality was something to be ashamed about but there was something about watching other girls getting off that felt a little too close to infidelity to her. So thank god for basic cable when in the wee hours of the night she discovered reruns of the old 90's Baywatch series. The show was pure and utter garbage but those scenes of blond beach bunny lifeguards running in slow motion really were something.
''What are you watching?'' Kurt asked one night when he walked out of his bedroom for a glass of water.
''Nothing, get out of my life!'' Santana said, her eyes still glued to the screen as CJ Parker played saxophone by a body of water.
Still nothing ever came close to actually getting to see and be with Brittany.
When Santana came to visit LA for the first time for a long weekend it was a messy mad stumbly sweaty dance they did to Brittany's bedroom where they fell onto the sheets. They were both so eager to feel skin against skin, starved for each other. Coming back together like that again after so long had felt exciting, like they were relearning each other in a way.
But pulling apart and walking away from each other at the airport after every visit? That never got any easier. Not for either of them.
They had found ways to manage though and one of those ways was realizing they had to build lives outside of each other in order to stay sane. They had to find new friends and new hobbies and new things to immerse themselves in otherwise they would both go nuts missing each other. So that's what they did, they found other ways to fill up their time.
Other than dance and work and her LA friends, Brittany decided to get back into vlogging for fun. She had begun to document her journey as a dancer, showing all of the ups and downs that came with an up and coming career while she balanced a serious long distance relationship. Sitting in front of the computer, editing and creating was a welcome distraction on so many nights when she missed Santana. It also felt great to be behind the camera again producing her own thing and the feedback and support from her subscribers filled up her heart.
Meanwhile when Santana wasn't filling up her free time with class or small gigs of her own she had taken to spending her spare time in her local bar, more specifically the bar she would often find Bob and Monet X Change performing in. She, Kurt and Elliott had become frequent patrons and Santana found that catching a live drag show here and there made for great distraction. She and Bob had even forged a strange but very welcome friendship in which they talked smack to each other any time they crossed paths.
She was actually really grateful for Kurt and Rachel during this period too. She was miserable being away from Brittany but being able to lean on her two friends for companionship made it just a little bit easier for her to make it through her days. She was also glad to have Elliott, who thanks to Kurt, had seamlessly integrated into their small circle. Elliott had proven himself to be a really fun and loyal friend. In Santana's eyes he was probably the most fashionable person she knew. He had his finger on the pulse of something and always brought Santana, Kurt and Rachel along for the ride. Also he kept his eyebrows perfectly manicured which they could all really respect. She had also found herself falling in with Elliott's mega gay squad who he had introduced her to. They weren't Brittany but it was somewhat comforting having new supportive people in her circle to take her mind off of missing her girlfriend.
Things were changing but she couldn't say her life was horrible exactly. She was taking classes she enjoyed, challenging herself in exciting ways in terms of being creative and living in a big, open city. Life was more or less looking up for everyone.
Maybe Season 8 of Drag Race would bring interesting things too. The fact that Bob had failed to inform her that he was going to be appearing on her favorite television show was one of those things.
When it was all said and done and the premiere episode was over Kurt and Santana were convinced that this new season would be a great one. Aside from Bob there were so many interesting queens. Kim Chi was pretty adorable and made crazy cool artistic looks, Thorgy was a totally entertaining weirdo and Santana was one hundred percent gay but Naomi Smalls made her feel some kinda way with all those legs.
''Okay even though I want to be supportive of Bob because you're a huge Bob stan-''
''Whooaaa there,'' Santana said, later that evening during her nightly phone call with Brittany. They were discussing the first episode of the season. ''I'm not a Bob stan okay? We're actually friends in real life, there's a difference. I'm not some silly fangirl. Bob and I hang out like at least once a week.''
Brittany laughed. ''You mean you go to Bob's shows and try to go backstage every week only for Bob to have security escort you out?''
''That only happened once and Bob only did that because I insulted his church lady outfit, but we really are friends, Britt.''
''Anywayyyys as I was saying I know you're a Bob fan but I'm kind of Team Derrick Barry after episode one. I mean, Derrick's impersonation of Britney? You honestly cannot get any better than that.''
''True, Derrick does an amazing Britney illusion, but like Naomi said in tonight's episode, Derrick has been impersonating Britney for so long, can he do anything else?'' Santana challenged her girlfriend as she smiled up at the ceiling in her bedroom.
''Either way you have to promise me after the season is over, we have to see Derrick live,'' Brittany pleaded. ''I need to see his Britney in person, it's so good.''
''You know what? Deal.''
Brittany let out a long amusing groan. ''Ughhh, I wish I was there with you tonight though. I would have loved to have seen your face when you saw Bob walk into the workroom for the first time. Were you totally gagged?''
''Oh totally, and the next time I see that fool it's on. Can't believe that bish didn't tell me that was happening.''
Brittany hummed. ''Well next week how about we watch the show together - but like over the phone? We can figure out the time zone thing and find a stream?''
''I'd love to but I can't. Next week is Elliott's birthday and his only request is that we go out and watch the show at a viewing party in a bar. But what about this Friday? I'm all free. I don't have any classes and I'm off of work. What do you say we have some sexy FaceTime?''
''Friday?'' Brittany sighed. ''I can't. I want to but my friend is dragging us out to a club and I'd totally ditch it for you but she says it's super important we be social and stuff. There's like some bigwigs casting people who are supposed to be there and she wants us to make an impression. I bailed on her the last three times and I promised I'd finally go.''
''Oh well that's cool.''
''How about next Tuesday? That day is totally dead for me.''
''Can't. Pulling a double at work.''
''Oh.''
This is what sucked about being long distance. Their schedules were all over the place. It was hard to connect when life was pulling them in all these different directions.
''I'll text you while I'm there though,'' Brittany offered. ''When I go out I mean. I hate those kinds of parties so I'll probably be bored out of my mind anyhow.''
''What? No. We've been over this. I don't want to be some anchor weighing you down when you should be out living. When you go out I want you to enjoy yourself, don't worry about me.''
''I'm not worried about you, I miss you,'' Brittany corrected her.
''I miss you too but I'm coming over there next month. We'll have fun and touch base with each other then. It's not a big deal. We're just a little out of sync but it'll calm down.''
''I guess so.'' Brittany let out a long yawn.
''When's your call time for your gig tomorrow?''
''5am...which means I'll have to be up at 4.''
''Baby,'' Santana hummed. ''Why are you still awake? You should've told me. You should be sleeping right now.''
''I know but I didn't want to miss our phone call.''
''Brittany.''
''All this distance is just so stupid, I hate it.''
''Me too but it's the choice we made, babe.''
They listened to each other breath for several sad but loaded moments.
Distance was a painful thing.
''You better go then,'' Santana said after a while. ''You need to rest, okay?''
Brittany let out a sad little groan.
''I'll text you in the morning.''
''I love you.''
''Love you too.''
X
''So as the birthday boy, you will not be buying any of your drinks tonight,'' Santana announced as they strolled into a nightclub.
''Girl, you won't hear me arguing,'' Elliott, the birthday boy, laughed as he was nudged in by Kurt.
It was a week later and Santana and Kurt had just arrived with Elliott and his gay squad to one of his favorite hangouts. They were there for the Drag Race viewing but more importantly to celebrate their new friend turning 21.
They had watched and drank and hooted and hollered through the episode but after the show they had finessed their way into a corner of the club that had a sleek little lounge area. They had pushed Elliott into the center of a long leather couch and surrounded him as they brought out a huge hot pink cake covered in candles.
Kurt and Santana had joined the rest of Elliott's friends in serenading him with Happy Birthday and clapped when he blew the candles out in one go.
''What was your birthday wish?'' Kurt asked.
''For Shangela to come back for an All Stars season, duh,'' Elliott said with sass.
One of Elliott's male friends then went about cutting up the cake and serving their little party on small paper plates. The group devoured the desert but midway through her piece Santana decided they needed more booze to wash everything down. She hadn't seen any club staff for several minutes so she had volunteered to go up to the bar to get them a couple of bottles.
''Need a hand?'' asked another friend of Elliott's who had been invited to his big night out. She was short with dyed blond hair and a cute smile.
''Uhhhh, sure,'' Santana said with a shrug. ''And you were…?'' She had been introduced to the girl earlier in the evening but her name had slipped her mind. ''I'm sorry I forgot.''
''Dani,'' the girl chuckled.
''Right, Dani.'' Santana made to lightly tap her forehead in apology for forgetting.
They started off towards the bar which was cluttered with club goers all trying to wave down the bartender for their order. It looked like they could be here for awhile.
''So,'' Dani said, breaking the ice between them as they waited. ''You have a really pretty voice.''
''Huh?''
Dani smiled and made a gesture towards the corner of the room they had just came from where Kurt, Elliott and the rest of their party were still chilling. ''Back there when everyone was singing Happy Birthday.''
''Oh, thanks. You have a really great voice too.''
''You think?''
''And I know voices, so.''
''Yeah? So what's your deal? Like, what do you do?''
Santana laughed. ''For a living, or for fun?''
''Either, or?''
''To pay the bills I wait tables. I'm kind of doing the struggling artist thing right now.''
''Aren't we all?''
''I mean, there's not too much struggle on my end because my parents still help me a little but, you know. Not to knock on people who wait tables but for me it's not a forever thing. It's just until I figure things out. Until I can get my voice out there. What about you?''
''Well like I said,I wait tables like you, but I'm also trying my hand at the singer-songwriter thing. Although I'm not so great at the songwriting part of it. Honestly I'm a better guitarist than I am a lyricist."
"Wait, you play the guitar?"
"Since I was twelve," Dani said with pride
"That's awesome. I'm on the other end of it, I think I'm a better singer and lyricist than I am a musician. I know a bit of piano but otherwise my voice is my instrument."
"You know Elliott and I have been talking about him and I getting together to see if we can collab and put a few songs together.''
''Yeah?''
''If he and I ever do you should totally join us for a jam session. With your voice in the mix, anything we come up with would sound absolutely killer.''
Santana was never one to turn down an invitation to perform or experiment. ''I would totally be into that.''
''I'm gonna hold you to it.'' Dani gave Santana a playful nudge into her side. ''In fact why don't we exchange numbers, you know so I can give you a call when we do.''
''Sure.'' Santana accepted Dani's phone which was held out to her in offering. She took it and thought nothing of inputting her info into Dani's contacts.
''And if Elliott's not available you and I could still get together and maybe, I don't know, grab a coffee and brainstorm song ideas?'' Dani floated the idea with a hopeful tinge to her voice.
''Okay.'' Santana gave her a polite but noncommittal shrug. Her attention was diverted to a new bartender walking behind the counter to give a hand. ''Oh wait, I'ma wave this guy down…''
A few minutes later Santana and Dani were travelling back. Santana carried the bottles while Dani had made herself useful by grabbing a handful of champagne flutes. Once they were back in Elliott's corner they had allowed him the honors of popping open the first bottle. There was a collective scream from the group when the cork went flying off, sending a waterfall of suds out which the birthday boy slurped up. Elliott took a healthy gulp but was sure to fill everyone's glass up and hand each of them off to his friends.
''Okay now that everyone is settled down, there is one more surprise for you, Elliott,'' one of Elliott's male pals announced as he motioned for everyone to take a seat. ''Now I know you said you didn't want any presents this year but a couple of us here thought this momentous occasion couldn't go by without us giving you a little something...'' Elliott's friend then handed him a thick stack of one dollar bills.
Elliott lifted a brow in confusion. ''You're giving me money?''
''No,'' his friend answered with a grin. ''We're giving you a lapdance.''
The friend then made a whistle and from behind a partition came two scantily clad men in tiny black underwear and bowties. The two men proceeded to back their asses up in front of Elliott as the entire group burst out into laughter. Especially Kurt who was seated next to him which meant he was getting an eyeful too as one of the dancers seemed to direct his ass in Kurt's specific direction.
As cool and sophisticated as Elliott usually came off he looked downright scandalized at what was happening, shaking his head and turning red.
This wasn't something Kurt would usually take part in but in the spirit of the evening he encouraged Elliott, giving him a light shove and nodding down at the bills in his friend's hands. ''Do it!''
''Do what?''
''You know!'' Kurt squeak-laughed as he mimed sticking a bill into an imaginary pair of undies.
''Only if you do it with me.'' Elliott peeled off several dollars from the stack and handed them over to Kurt.
''No, it's your birthday.''
''Exactly,'' Elliott machine-gun laughed. ''And as a birthday wish I want you to do this with me!''
Flustered Kurt bobbed his head around for a moment before nabbing the bills and proceeding to slip one into the elastic of one of the dancer's undies. Once Kurt took part Elliott seemed more comfortable in partaking and did the same, slipping a bill to the dancer that was in front of him.
''Turn around!'' Someone in the friend group shouted at the two dancers.
After a few moments of ass shaking the two men turned around to show Elliott and Kurt their chests and that's when Kurt recoiled at the sight. His face went blank and he dropped all of the dollar bills into his lap.
The shock. The horror.
''Sebastian!''
''Kurt!''
It was a total record scratch moment.
Sebastian Smythe. The smarmy meerkat was living and breathing and smirking before him, and wearing tear away undergarments no less.
Sebastion's eyes flashed with fear and embarrassment once he saw Kurt and before anyone could ask questions or get a word out, Sebastian was fleeing the scene. There was some confusion and grumbling from the group who was completely unaware of what was going on. Kurt however brushed past all of them as he took off in pursuit of his old high school nemesis.
Santana was feeling her drink too much to follow after. Whatever that story was, she would get it after the night was over. She was having too much fun to care.
''Alright, enough of this champagne, let's do some real damage here, who wants to do body shots?''
X
''Wait! You! Sebastian! What are you doing here?!''
Kurt had followed Sebastian out of a back exit that led out into a pretty disgusting looking alleyway. Sebastian had hobbled out still in his underwear. He had somehow from the moment he saw Kurt to the moment he ran out of the exit managed to retrieve a backpack of his belongings along the way and as Kurt found him he was hopping about on the pavement, trying to dress himself back into his proper clothes in the alley. There were a couple of bright street lights nearby that allowed them to face off.
''What am I doing here? What are you doing here?'' Sebastian asked snottily as he bounced into his jeans and zipped up.
''I live here.''
''Yeah well, I live here too,'' Sebastian huffed.
''You living in New York, that's not such a shocker. But what the hell are you doing stripping-''
Sebastian screwed up his face. ''Whoaaa, excuse you, Hummel, I'm not a stripper. I'm a go-go boy, there's a difference.''
''Stripper, go-go boy, whatever, I'm not shaming you,'' Kurt explained, holding a hand out defensively. ''I'm just confused.''
''Confused about what?''
''Oh I don't know,'' Kurt began sarcastically. ''How you - of all people - turned into an exotic dancer.''
''Go-go boy for the last time,'' Sebastian clarified for his dignity's sake. ''And for the record, not that it's any of your business, but I was forced to.''
''Forced to?''
Sebastian tightened his jaw and for the first time since Kurt had met him looked almost sheepish and admonished. ''My parents cut me off financially after high school okay?''
Kurt wasn't sure why he was so interested but he was. This was Sebastian Smythe, the petty and privileged and disgustinly condescending former Warbler. One of the biggest pains in the ass Kurt had ever known and here he was taking his clothes off for money. ''What happened?''
It looked like it pained Sebastian to admit it. He looked absolutely repulsed to have to explain his situation. ''I had an athletic scholarship to NYU, only when I got the city I did a little too much screwing around...a little too much partying and well...I lost it. I lost everything. Most everything. My parents told me it was time I learned a real lesson so they cut my credit cards up and told me I was going to have to learn what it was to work for a living.''
''So you're on your own?''
Sebastian raised a shoulder. ''They still pay for my apartment, but as far as my food, clothes and schooling go, yeah I'm on my own.''
''And you chose this?'' Kurt made a gesture to Sebastion's body.
''Of course not. I got a job as a barista for a hot second but was fired after I spit in some bitches pumpkin spice latte.''
''Gross.''
''She's lucky I didn't throw it in her face. After that I even brought myself down to the level of working retail. I got a job at Old Navy for a little while, I was that desperate.''
''And?''
''And my manager caught me getting a handy from a customer in the changing room. Also I might have arranged the mannequins in the front of the store into an orgy scene. Really it could've been either one of those incidents.''
Kurt flinched in disgust.
''The point is,'' Sebastian carried on, trying his best to summon up his usual haughty tone but now, he just sounded sorta sad and pathetic. ''I tried working a normal part time job, but to be frank the working class really doesn't understand nor appreciate my wit or sparkling personality.''
''Gee, I wonder why.''
''Right? Anyhow, a friend from one of the clubs I hung out at told me he knew how I could make easy money. Next thing I knew I was buying tear away pants and twerking in front of middle aged women at a retirement party.''
Kurt made a small heaving sound. The idea of Sebastian Smythe twerking was a hideous and disturbing thought.
''It's not like I'm proud of this.'' Sebastian made a wave to the building where music was still thumping from the inside. ''But the hours are easy and it buys my groceries and pays for school. So yes, Hummel, have a laugh at my expense. Sebastian Smythe is a go-go boy.''
''I'm not going to laugh at you, Sebastian.''
Sebastian narrowed his eyes suspiciously. ''You're not?''
''No, I'm not. The misfortune of others isn't funny to me. In fact I find it really sad.''
''That I had to resort to stripping to pay my bills?''
Kurt tilted his head in consideration. ''No. It's sad that you think you actually have an ass to twerk in the first place.''
''Screw you.''
Kurt laughed, though it wasn't an angry or spiteful one. ''No thanks.''
''Whatever,'' Sebastian sighed. ''So what? You found me in New York and see how I'm living and now I bet you're going to hop online and tell all your little friends about my misfortune?''
Kurt was slow to respond. If this were his senior year of high school then yes, that would probably be his response. He would've turned around and wouldn't have given a second thought to completely humiliating Sebastian. But this wasn't high school and it wasn't Lima. This was New York. New York, the city that seemed to eat everyone alive. That included Sebastian Smythe.
''I'm not going to tell anyone,'' Kurt said. ''I can keep your secret if you need me too.''
''Why?'' Sebastian looked confused. He knew he hadn't earned any sort of kindness or patience after all the things he'd said and done to Kurt.
''Because New York is a fresh start for me, and maybe it can be one for you too. There's no shame in what you're doing. You're making an honest living and maybe that's a step towards you becoming a more honest and humble person. Besides, I don't think I'd want to tell anyone. If I did I'd have to explain how I shoved a dollar bill into your underwear and accidentally grazed your junk.''
Gone was the panic and fear in his voice and eyes and Sebastian gave Kurt that familiar smirk of his then. ''Don't act like you haven't dreamt about it.''
''Yeah right. You're not my type.''
Sebastian raised an eyebrow, intrigued. ''I take it your type has changed.''
''Yeah well, I've changed.''
Sebastian took a moment to consider that. Kurt was different. New York had definitely done something to him. He seemed to have a different, more worldly air about him, more mature. He was also looked somehow taller Sebastian inwardly noted.
''I heard about you and Blaine by the way,'' Sebastian said. ''I wasn't in Lima when all that went down but the Warbler grapevine talks.''
Kurt lifted his chin. ''Did you fly back to Lima to pick at my scraps after we broke up?''
Sebastian frowned and shook his head in the negative. ''I was too busy getting my ass handed to me by parents at the time so no. And anyway, I lost interest in chasing that a long time ago after I saw him wear suspenders and high water pants. Out of the Warbler uniform really he's not very fashionable….or interesting.''
Kurt relaxed at this. It almost sounded as if this was Sebastian's strange roundabout way of communicating his condolences over Kurt's relationship ending. It was almost soft. Almost kind.
''So is that your new guy in there?'' Sebastian asked and threw a nod towards the building again.
''Elliot, the guy I was sitting next to? No, he's my friend. A really good friend. It's his birthday tonight actually. You were his, uh, entertainment.''
''Yeah, sorry if I ruined his night by running out like that. I was just surprised to see you.''
''Not as surprised I was to see you.''
''So what now?''
Kurt looked down at his watch and scratched at the back of his head. ''Now, I say you go back in there and give my friend the rest of his lap dance.''
''So that's it? You're not going to give me any pitying lecture or tell anyone my dirty little secret? You're just what - going to be the bigger person? I know you and I have had our differences. All of that's done now?''
''I don't know about any of that to be honest. But I'm not the Kurt I was in high school. The guy standing in front of you is smarter and braver and I don't know if you've noticed but my style sense has also evolved, clearly.'' Kurt then made an elaborate gesture to his form, indicating his perfectly coordinated outfit. Sebastian rolled his eyes and laughed. ''I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not going to hold any grudges against New York Sebastian for the things that Warbler Sebastian said or did to me.''
Sebastian exhaled with what looked like relief. ''Thanks.''
''Of course the minute New York Sebastian comes for me I will hand your bitch ass to you.''
''Noted.''
Kurt made his way back to the building and held the door open. ''Now I think you owe my friend the rest of his birthday lap dance.''
Sebastian nodded and took this invitation back inside. ''Alright, but I expect you to make it rain dollar bills on me, Hummel.''
X
The next morning Santana woke up in a fog.
She felt stiff and sore as she stretched her limbs out. It took her a few seconds to figure out why she felt so horrible. She was splayed out on a cold hardwood floor and it wasn't a familiar one belonging to that of the loft either. She sat up and wiped away the sleep from her eyes as she slowly began to observe her surroundings.
She was in a strange bedroom. It was much smaller than her and Brittany's but warmer in decor. It was filled with books and paintings and guitars?
Santana swallowed hard as she tried to piece together how she ended up in this foreign place but she couldn't quite recall. She remembered going out with Kurt and Elliott, she remembered drinking, she remembered something about Elliott and Kurt getting mondo gross dances from go-go boys and she remembered-
''You're awake!''
Ah hell.
Dani entered the bedroom sporting a smile and flowy sleep shirt. ''You're just in time for breakfast.''
''Oh god.'' Santana let out a noise that was somehow half groan, half sob as she scrambled to stand up. ''Look I don't know what happened between us last night and I don't want to know.''
''Really? I can't believe you don't remember.'' Dani went to sit on the edge of her bed as Santana started to pace around in a circle looking for her shoes and coat. ''We came back to my place to-''
''Listen, Dani, Dani was it, right?''
Dani nodded.
''Listen Dani,'' Santana started again urgently. ''I have a girlfriend, an amazing and wonderful girlfriend and I know it's hard for others to resist my undeniable sexual magnetism but this?'' She made a circular motion around the space, indicating the room. ''This is never going to happen again. This is a mistake and I'm never going to forgive myself for it. So the memory of whatever happened last night is gonna have to keep you warm at night because I'm a one woman kinda woman, that is if my girlfriend ever forgives me. I'm a horrible disgusting monster of a person but now if you'll excuse me I have to throw myself at her mercy.'' By the end of this little spiel Santana was full on bawling, tears and a single shiny line of snot slinking down on her upper lip.
Dani's eyes widened and she let out a nasally chortle. ''Hold up, Santana, calm down okay. Please stop crying. Nothing happened.''
Santana's weeping ceased instantly at this. ''What?''
''You and me?'' Dani began softly and slowly as if she were explaining this to a giant toddler, which she kind of was. ''Nothing happened between us.''
''You mean we didn't?''
''No. I mean, obviously. You still have all of your clothes on so.'' Dani made a gesture to her body. Santana was still completely dressed.
''Oh,'' Santana said like the idiot she was.
Dani seemed really amused by it. ''You really don't remember?''
Santana shook her head and took a seat at a nearby vanity in the room. ''No.''
''Last night we were all partying at the club and everyone kind of splintered off. Kurt and Elliott and some dude named Sebastian went to a diner afterwards, some other people went to another club and you and I came back to my place.''
Santana flinched. Even though she now knew nothing happened and that she wasn't unfaithful she still didn't like the sound of that.
''I invited you over to come hear me play the guitar,'' Dani carried on. ''We had a drink and we were talking about music and singing and I thought you were interested and...I leaned in and kissed you.''
Santana wanted to throw up. She felt disgusted with herself.
''But only for like a split second before you backed away,'' Dani was quick to add. ''You pulled away and told me you had a girlfriend and that you weren't interested in that with me.''
''I did?'' Santana was relieved and she felt a little less gross.
''You did. You said you were crazy about her and how you would never, ever cheat on her in a million years. You pulled out your phone and even showed me a picture, actually you showed me a bunch of them. You had like a slideshow video on your phone of pictures of the two of you together that was both somehow cute and weird. Listen to me, you were the perfect gentlewoman last night. You didn't do anything, you were quick to shut me down.''
''I was?''
''You were, and seeing as how you don't remember any of this you probably don't remember me apologizing after the split-second kiss so I'll say it again. Sorry for that. I should've asked if you had a girlfriend before inviting you over. I was just eager because you're like a twelve. But yeah. You can calm down and breathe easy, you were a good girlfriend last night. Whoever your girl is, she's really lucky, Santana.''
Santana ran a hand threw her messy hair, still confused. ''Okay I get all of that. Signals got crossed, you kissed me, I stopped it and then, how did I end up on your floor?''
''Well that's easy,'' Dani laughed. ''After you stopped the kiss and told me you were in a relationship, you started crying super hard, I'm talking like snot bubbles and everything. You kept going on and on about how wonderful your girlfriend is and how much you love her and how she's the best thing that's ever been yours and - you were a mess covered in tears and mucus. I guess all the drinks we had throughout the night caught up to you and you passed out on my floor. I didn't have the heart to wake you so I just covered you up and let you sleep it off.''
''Oh.''
''Yeah.''
''Well this is awkward,'' Santana said. The good news was that she didn't do anything stupid that would hurt Brittany, the bad news was she turned into a giant drunk sobbing thumb-sucking baby in front of a complete stranger.
''It's really not. Trust me, if you had been the kind of person who would cheat without a second thought and only told me about your girlfriend after the fact, that would've made me feel like complete garbage. You're a good person and I'm glad you put a stop to things when you did. So, I hope there's no hard feelings on your end, for the kiss I mean.''
''What no,'' Santana shook that off. ''No, it's fine. I guess I sort of have blinders on. I've been with Brittany, my girlfriend, for so long I just don't look at girls or situations in that way and I didn't see the signs you were throwing my way. There's no hard feelings on my end if you don't have any for me because now that I'm thinking about it there is one thing I definitely remember about last night.''
''What's that?''
''I'm pretty sure I turned over in the middle of the night and barfed into that acoustic guitar.'' Santana made a pitiful wave over to the wooden instrument on Dani's floor, which indeed did have some rather unsavory looking chunks of something on it.
Dani shuttered in repulsion. She looked like she wanted to shed a tear. ''I think you should go now.''
''Right, I'll see myself out.''
Santana gathered up her shoes and jacket and fled the scene.
Her mind was being pulled in a million different directions. What happened the night before was a giant misunderstanding and Dani seemed to be completely understanding and accommodating about everything and did the right thing by backing off immediately once Santana held up the stop sign but, it still didn't feel good or sit right with Santana.
Nothing happened. She didn't cheat. She didn't even touch the other girl. But something about it all still felt like betrayal to Santana and so she knew she had to do the right thing. She had to tell Brittany. It didn't seem like the kind of thing she could drop on her over the phone though. Whatever she said and however she did it, she knew she needed to be looking into Brittany's eyes when she said it.
Santana needed to go to LA.