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Evening - Two Days After the Phone Call
It can't hurt to listen to one more message… That's what I'd told myself. I couldn't deny that I was curious, even if I'd told Rose otherwise. It had taken everything I'd had to hang up on her, and every second that had passed I'd regretted it more. It didn't matter that it would probably hurt to hear, my family had news about Bella and I wanted to know what it was. So I'd do it. I'd listen to the message. I'd hear what they had to say and then I'd forget it. It would take all of a minute and would save me a lot of grief the next time I went home. It was just a message, it wouldn't hurt that much. It couldn't. Funny how that one message had landed me here, feeling as if someone had stabbed a knife into my heart and twisted it…
Bella – The Night of the Phone Call
Rose, I really don't want to hear…
Those words haunted me for the rest of the night. If ever I needed proof that Edward was busy trying to forget about me, this would be it.
I had pretended not to notice it when someone would quietly set the phone receiver down whenever I entered a room, greeting me with a sympathetic shake of the head. I had pretended not to care that the days had turned rapidly into weeks and that we had still heard nothing from him. And I was determined to pretend that it didn't matter to me that Edward was too busy distracting himself to care, that he was totally and completely uninterested in hearing anything about me whatsoever. It didn't bother me.
What a lie. What a useless lie. The Cullen's weren't fooled, and neither was I.
I was still very much in love with Edward Cullen.
The sound of his voice, coming so unexpectedly out of the phone, could have started my dead heart all over again. It didn't matter that he had sounded irritated, simply hearing him had filled the void inside of me that I'd been steadfastly ignoring. I had even briefly entertained the thought of tearing the phone out of Rosalie's hand, just so that I could hear him better.
I should have. I should have told him what had happened when I'd had the chance. I should have told him to come home and give me, the vampire me, another chance. Now it was too late—he'd answered once, who knew when he'd do it again?—and I was left feeling even more empty than before, hearing the tantalizing ghost of his voice tell Rose, yet again, how utterly uninterested he was in me now.
It was a long night. I sat in my dark room fighting the tidal-wave sized surge of emotion that threatened to engulf me, struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened. The skies were pink with the light of dawn before I was able to come to a tentative truce with myself.
I was going to be alive forever, and I didn't want to spend forever in a state of constant misery. Everyone else in the Cullen family had been doing what they could to help fix my life; it was about time for me to take it into my own hands. I was going to do what it took, whatever it took, to bring my life back into my own control. I wasn't going to spend eternity waiting.
The Cullens wanted Edward back, and so did I. I was going to do what I could to bring him home. Maybe he didn't want me anymore. Maybe I still wouldn't be enough to keep him satisfied. But I was through waiting around hoping that someday he'd come back. If I still wasn't good enough, I was going to give him the chance to decide that for himself and tell me in person.
It was my turn.
Emmett
Trying to tip-toe around Isabella Swan Cullen—she was reluctant to use the honorary "Cullen" probably because of the marital implications, Edward, and some nonsense about not fitting in, but I tack it on anyway because she is more or less a part of the family—is not a good idea. I tried to tell the rest of them that it wouldn't work, but they insisted on treating her like something that was likely to break. Force of habit, I guess, but ridiculous all the same, seeing as she was about as unbreakable as you can get.
After that phone call with Edward, we didn't see or hear her for several hours. She shut herself in her room and didn't make a sound for the rest of the night. None of us were able to read minds, so it was impossible to know exactly what she was thinking, but it wasn't hard to guess. I don't know what we were expecting when we saw her the next morning, but it wasn't the bright, cheerful, loveable little Bella that we got. The family had been prepared to avoid any Edward-related subjects when Bella was around, despite my protests that dancing around the problem wasn't going to make anyone feel better or bring Edward home faster. They weren't expecting Bella to turn up, smiling and seemingly as happy as ever. And they definitely weren't expecting her to bring it up on her own.
"Morning," she grinned as she breezed into the living room where Jasper and I were watching TV.
"Hi, Isabella," I answered as Jasper grunted and waved, seemingly immersed in the television. Bella and I exchanged exasperated smirks.
"Last chance, Bella," Alice warned as she walked into the living room, slinging her purse onto her shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to come? I think it would be good to get out of the house for a while."
"No thanks, Alice," Bella replied, her good humor sounding a little forced. "You go and enjoy yourself. I've got Emmett and Jasper to keep me company, though currently your husband seems to be more interested in the weather forecast."
Alice rolled her eyes as the announcer promised northern New York a sunny afternoon. "Actually, it's going to rain," she contradicted. "And Buffalo's not going to see the sun for two days, perfect for an overnight shopping trip," she wheedled, looking imploringly up at Bella and sighing in frustration when she shook her head firmly.
"I really don't mind staying here," Bella promised. She walked with Alice to the front door where Rose was waiting, and I turned to Jasper, whom Alice and I had both known had not been focusing on the weather.
"How is she?" I asked while Bella was busy talking to the girls.
He sighed. "Still about how you would expect. Not terrible, but not happy. This is getting ridiculous. She shouldn't have to hurt because of his stubbornness."
"I think it's all this waiting around that's getting to her. I know Esme wants to give him time to come around on his own, but sitting and waiting isn't the answer, not when it's causing more harm than good."
Jasper nodded. "I'm calling Tanya if we haven't heard from him again by the end of the week. It's about time we did something."
"Agreed. We'll have him back by next week." We'd have to do it quietly because Esme was sure to object and we didn't want to risk getting Bella's hopes up, but that didn't matter. Having a plan of action felt good.
The front door shut behind Rose and Alice and so we dropped the subject, pretending yet again to be interested in the television.
"You got off easy you know," I said to Bella as she reentered the room. "You know how Alice is when she thinks she's right about something. I'd have expected her to drag you along whether you wanted to go or not."
"Yeah, well, I had to promise to come along on the next one," Bella grimaced. "And I can't not mean it when I tell her that either, not with Alice."
"Having a sister that can see the future is rough." I patted the seat next to me. "Join us."
She vaulted herself over the couch, landing in the seat easily and swatting at me when I teasingly cringed away, covering my head.
"What, no flailing limbs?" I asked in mock surprise.
Bella grinned. "I have my moments, Emmett."
"Wow, Bellarina, I was expecting to get kneed in the head at the very least." She rolled her eyes at me, whether for the teasing or the nickname, I didn't know. "I'm just saying—no one got hurt. It's impressive, for you."
"Last I checked, I could still beat you at wrestling, so I wouldn't get too comfortable with the teasing if I were you," she shot back. "Let's face it, it doesn't look all that impressive—a big, strong guy like you getting thoroughly whipped by a tiny little thing like me."
I nodded my head in concession as Jasper snorted. "Touché." While not as small as Alice, Bella was still a little squirt. A squirt that was twice as strong as I was at the moment, though that was likely to start wearing off as the last of her blood was used up. Of course, this was Bella we were dealing with, the vampire who wasn't thirsty. We knew already that you couldn't count on anything being 'normal' with her.
We watched the TV in silence for a moment—since there usually weren't any good sports airing at eight in the morning, it was still a local news report that was currently covering a nasty pile-up on I-90 somewhere between Rochester and Buffalo.
"That'll slow Alice down," Bella remarked off-hand.
"Nah," I shook my head, grinning at Jasper's amused smirk. "You think a measly road block can keep Alice from those shopping malls?"
"Good point."
"She'll find a way around it," Jasper agreed.
We listened to the report for a while longer, but I was more interested in Bella's apparent lack of angst than how long it would likely take for the interstate to be cleared. It was obvious that Jasper's thoughts were on her too because he spent more time scrutinizing her face than looking at the screen.
Eventually, Bella let out a long sigh. "Guys, I'm fine. I promise. You can stop staring at me like you're worried I'm about to fall apart. It's driving me crazy."
Yep, that was my Bella. About as sturdy as they come.
"Sorry, Bella," Jasper said quietly. "We can't really help worrying."
Bella looked down at her hands, frowning. "I heard what you two were talking about. When I was with Alice and Rose."
"Bella—"
"I want to help. If you go, I'll come with."
Jasper and I exchanged looks and I shrugged. I was completely at a loss for how to handle this kind of thing. It was better to leave it to the guy who dealt with others' emotions on a daily basis.
"You were right, Emmett," she continued quietly. "I'm tired of waiting and I'm tired of letting you all deal with my problems. If we get a hold of him again, I want to talk to him. And if it comes to tracking him down, then I want to go along. Okay?" She looked between the both of us in silence for a minute. I shrugged again.
"Fine by me," I said. "I agree with you."
Jasper frowned. "Bringing Edward home is as much our problem as it is yours," he pointed out. "You shouldn't think of it as a burden for us. If anything, it's an added bonus that it helps you out too."
"Maybe, but that's my point," Bella insisted. "Up until now you have been doing all the work. I want to take my turn to help you out." Jasper nodded slowly, his face a mask. "And I don't want to be treated like I'm fragile either," she added bluntly. "You don't need to go out of your way to make sure I'm not going to get my feelings hurt. Please. I don't think I could stand it." She looked between me and Jasper beseechingly and I reached over to ruffle her hair.
"No coddling. Got it," I agreed, causing Bella to smile even as she pushed my arm away. "I knew you were made of tougher stuff."
"Thanks, Emmett." Bella turned apprehensively to Jasper who was still frowning. "What do you say?"
"I can't tell you 'no', not about this," Jasper sighed finally. "And I promise not to treat you differently, but I'm not sure it's a good idea."
"Maybe it's not," Bella agreed, her voice soft, "but I have to do something. I can't wait anymore."
Jasper nodded. "Okay." Bella beamed up at him.
"Thanks." Jasper ruffled her hair as well, smirking when she squirmed out of his reach.
We sat in a companionable silence for a moment longer, though now the TV was showing a reel of food commercials. About as uninteresting as TV can get. "I think I'm going to go see what Esme's up to," Jasper said, standing. "We still up for tonight, then?" he added to me, referring to our plan to go hunting that evening.
I nodded, grinning. "Those bears won't know what hit 'em." I held out my fist and Jasper hit it with his own as he passed. "See ya, Jazz."
He grimaced at me in reaction to the unwanted nickname. Bella was laughing so he took the opportunity to hiss "get her out of the house" as quietly as he could before bidding her goodbye and leaving. Unfortunately, the stealth tactic had already failed once this morning. Chances were good that Bella heard him, but if she had she didn't let on.
"Obviously high school has done loads for you," Bella laughed, holding up her fist in clarification. "Who cares how bored you are if you can pick up a few of the latest trends?"
"Exactly," I agreed, though my thoughts were back with Jasper's hissed instructions. The only reason Jasper would want Bella out was so she wouldn't be able to overhear whatever it was he went to Esme to talk about. Was she really in that bad of shape? I picked up the remote and switched off the TV. "It may be raining in Buffalo, but the sun's still shining here. Wanna go for a run?"
Bella beamed up at me. "Sure."
"Wanna race?"
"Where to?"
I thought for a moment. "Top of the furthest hill?"
"West?"
I nodded.
Bella's answering grin was almost feral. "You're on."
I stood and helped her up and together we walked as slowly as we could through the house to the front door—we'd started a few races from inside the house and gotten our ears scolded off by Esme—where we gave up all pretenses of civility and took off into the wilderness that was central New York.
I was quite pleased with myself. I'd managed to get Bella out of the house without arousing her suspicions, and to top it off, she was doing something she actually enjoyed. Of all the things in her new life Bella had been growing accustomed to, her ability to take off at inhuman speeds had been the hardest. Honestly, we'd all been worried about her hurtling through the trees at breakneck speeds due to her ability to trip over air, but she'd taken it slow and was now able to race with the best of us without our having to worry about her actually breaking her neck. She loved it, being able to run like us. She was fast too, probably fast enough to give Edward a run for his money.
I think the running made her feel closer to Edward—he'd taken her running plenty of times back in Forks. But whatever the reason, Bella liked running and I liked my 'baby' sister happy.
I managed to keep up with her over the first two hills, but by the third she was leaving me in the dust, as usual. I couldn't help grinning fondly as I ran, watching her tear through the trees ahead of me. Isabella Swan Cullen really was a force to be reckoned with. Edward was going to have his hands full with her.
When I reached the top of the designated hill—not actually the furthest from our home, but the last one visible from it—Bella was lying on her back, staring up at the sky through the trees.
"What took you?" she grinned, not looking at me.
"Ran into a grizzly," I shrugged, causing Bella to laugh. I flopped down on the grass next to her. "Seriously, woman, you're a speed demon. Now if only we could somehow transfer that to your driving."
"Sorry. Lost the keys again. Whoops." Bella's usual excuse fell on unmerciful ears.
"No problem. We'll take my jeep." Bella groaned and I chuckled, knowing how much she hated that vehicle. "Wouldn't be a problem if you could just hold onto those keys of yours." She groaned again and sat up, glaring at me as if I'd betrayed her in the most horrible way possible. "What?" I teased. "It's the truth—you wouldn't have to deal with our driving if you'd just swallow your pride and accept the car."
She sulked for a few seconds, pulling some grass out of the ground. "Okay, I admit it: being able to drive myself is a million times better than letting you maniacs chauffer me around. Don't tell Alice I said that though, she'd never let me live it down."
"My lips are sealed." We sat, looking up at the sky, ignoring the way our skin sparkled in leaf-dappled patterns as the sun shone through the branches overhead.
"Hey, Emmett?" Bella asked eventually.
"Hmm?"
"I've been thinking…and I've got a question."
"Go ahead."
There was silence as she watched the clouds move overhead. "I was told once that vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies."
"Yes, and?" I asked, not sure where she was going.
"Well…I just don't understand. Alice said that the reason she and Carlisle knew to come for me was that the werewolves called them."
"That's right."
"But…if werewolves hate vampires so much, why would they go to the trouble? Wouldn't they have just killed me and left it at that?"
I stretched out, resting the back of my head on my hands, thinking. "Well, yes, actually. That was one of the reasons Jasper was so anxious about going out there—he thought it was a trap."
"But it wasn't."
"No. For some reason, they wanted to let you live. Well, one of them did, anyway. Carlisle said that there was a member of the pack that had been dead set against killing you, even though you were becoming his greatest enemy. Maybe he was just soft. Or maybe he knew you. I couldn't tell you the real reason."
Bella was silent for a while and I could tell what I'd told her disturbed her. "Did Carlisle give you a name?" she asked finally, her voice infinitely soft.
"Yes, but I honestly can't remember," I apologized. "You could ask him when we get back."
Bella nodded. "Thanks." Her eyes moved back to the sky above her.
"No problem."
Bella
The wheels in my head were turning and I wasn't liking the direction they were taking me. Pieces of an ugly puzzle were falling into place in my head. One of the werewolves had been insistent that I should be allowed to live. The pack leader had been Sam Uley. Sam, conveniently, had been the head of a gang that Jacob had been scared of, a gang that I was starting to suspect was actually the pack. Jacob had disappeared for weeks, leaving me lost and alone once more. And then, as I'd discovered the day I'd woken from my transformation, Charlie had actually seen Jake hanging out with Sam's gang, the same day that Laurent had bitten me in the meadow.
I tried to think logically about the situation, but gave up when I realized I was dealing with werewolves. I wanted to find another solution, but suddenly all of it was starting to make sense. The way Jacob had harshly severed ties, the unconvincing lies Billy told me, the illness, even the way he'd suddenly flip-flopped from hating Sam and his gang to following them around like…well, like a part of the pack.
Jacob, my friend Jacob, was a werewolf.
Well, no wonder I'd always gotten along with him so well.
I hadn't thought about Jacob in a long time, and I found myself suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. He'd been going through something that I couldn't possibly have understood. He'd probably forced us apart in order to keep me safe. Jake had been my best friend, my sun, and I hadn't been able to help him when he needed it the most. And then I'd been changed and rushed away, alive because of him. He'd arranged for the Cullens to be notified, and watched them take me away and I hadn't even had the time to give him a second thought in the weeks I'd been in Ithaca.
An even worse thought struck me and I sat up abruptly, upset. If I was right, and I was going to ask Carlisle the next chance I got, Jake was a werewolf. And I was a vampire.
We were now enemies.
"Bellarina, your eyes are getting pretty dark," Emmett commented; strangely his voice seemed to be coming at me from very far away. "Hey…are you alrigh—"
I heard no more as my head fell into my hands, my ears suddenly ringing. A wave of severe nausea washed over me and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the spinning world.
My throat was starting to itch. I coughed twice in an attempt to satisfy it, but that only seemed to make it worse, growing from an itch to a dull ache to an intense burning in mere seconds. It was horrible, like swallowing a hedgehog and getting it lodged in your throat, only about a hundred times worse. I gasped, clutching at my throat, noticing that the place where Laurent had bit me was stinging nastily. I needed some water…
…No, not water…I needed blood…
My eyes widened in horror as I realized the truth: I was thirsty.
"Em—Emmett—" I choked out, needing to convey to him what was wrong before I lost control, but in that instant a sweet scent reached my nose, one that promised relief from this awful burning.
My last shred of humanity disappeared as the animal in me took over. My instincts knew exactly what to do and I took off in the direction of my prey, leaving Emmett far behind.
A/N: First of all, a very, very big thank you to one day i'll escape this life for coming up with the name "Bellarina"! Thanks!
I'm back! Apologies for the wait, it's been a long haul—finals, packing, moving, and then having the wisdom teeth out (that was fun…) but summer break has officially started so I'm back in business.
As per my recent habit, this was only the first half of everything I meant to write. Good news is I have the next chapter planned out and it'll be out very VERY soon!
Thanks so SOO much to all the reviewers and readers!