Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

Bella

It took me a moment to realize exactly what had happened. I was alone in the middle of the New York forest I now lived in, crouching next to the shriveled corpse of what appeared to be a bull moose. How had I gotten there?

I pushed myself to my feet and in doing so realized that I was in quite a state—there was a great deal of dirt on my clothes and my hair, which had been in a braid before, was now loose and hanging around my face. I dusted the dirt off but was too concerned with where I was and why to care much about the state of my clothes.

Where was Emmett? We'd raced, I remembered that, and then we'd talked about werewolves… And Jake… But the pangs I felt as I recalled that painful conversation were forgotten as I remembered what happened next.

My eyes were drawn back to the corpse next to me as I was immersed in a cold wave of horror. That couldn't have been me. There was no way… I was supposed to be safe…

But as much as I wanted to believe that, I could now vividly recall that torturous burning. I couldn't deny that I'd experienced it, every second brought a greater recollection and the certainty that I would never be able to forget the fiery agony it caused, or the terrifying way I had shut down, losing control of myself to an animal inside of me that I hadn't even known was there. It was the undeniable truth: I'd gotten thirsty.

What if there had been someone nearby?

That horrible thought caused me to sink to the ground again, my legs unable to support me. There could have been. Maybe there was… The thought was sickening and I found myself scooting as far away from the dead animal as I could. This couldn't be happening…

My back hit a tree trunk and I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself and think logically. Come on, Isabella, get a grip. This was how it was supposed to work. My disappointment that this had actually happened was a testament to how foolish I was, thinking that I was special. Vampires thirst after blood. My thirst had just taken a while to show up, that's all.

But…something wasn't right about this… When I'd come back to myself, I'd had to recall how it felt to be thirsty. I knew for a fact that that wasn't right. Both Edward and Carlisle had describe the thirst as something they were always dealing with, something that never went away. But now there was no burning, no discomfort; my throat felt just as it always had. There was no doubt that I'd felt thirsty, but it had gone as quickly as it had come…

What was wrong with me?

I heard Emmett coming before I saw him.

"Bella?" he called as he came into view, stopping next to what was left of the first meal I'd had in almost a month. He looked down at it and whistled.

"Emmett…" I said weakly and he turned to me. "I think it's a good thing I didn't go out with Alice."

"I'd say so," Emmett agreed, and for once there was no hint of amusement in his voice. "You tore off like a rocket—there was no way I was going to catch up, not that I didn't try." His gaze moved back to the moose and he shook his head. "That thing is three times as big as you are. All told I'd say you drank your weight in blood several times over, counting the couple of white-tails I found back there," he jerked his thumb behind him and I moaned, hiding my head in my hands. "Hey," he said gently, kneeling next to me, "this is normal, Bella. You know that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you just had to feed yourself."

"But I could have hurt someone!" I protested, my voice dangerously close to a wail. "It came so suddenly, out of nowhere… What if I did attack someone?" I shuddered at the thought.

Emmett was shaking his head, and this time he was smiling. "I can promise you that you didn't, Bella." He pointed to his eyes. "They're as gold as any of ours after a good hunt."

"Really?" Relief swept through me so fast that I felt dizzy with it. "Thank goodness."

"Though you have a point," Emmett frowned. "I couldn't catch you and I probably won't be able to if this happens again. We should probably get back home where there'll at least be plenty of reinforcements." He sighed as he offered me a hand up. "It looks like you won't be able to go to school next fall after all, though. You'll need at least a year, probably much more than that, to learn how to control it. Look at Jazz—he's still working on it, and he's been a vampire centuries longer than most of us."

"Emmett, I think something may be wrong," I said quietly. "I'm…not thirsty anymore."

He stared at me for the briefest moment. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "It's not just that you've hunted so it's bearable now?"

"No. It's definitely gone. I feel just like I did before."

Emmett's gaze was thoughtful more than disbelieving as he digested this information. "Alright," he said finally, "I think we'd better get you to Carlisle. Stay close to me, just in case, okay?"

I swallowed down a surge of apprehension before nodding again. Emmett gave me a reassuring smile and we set off, side by side, in the direction of the house.

The sun shone a lot more in Ithaca than it ever did in Forks, which was the primary reason that the Cullens were now a nocturnal family, in the eyes of the community. It was much easier to get away with it in Ithaca as well, seeing as the total population was also significantly larger and eccentricities were more likely to go unnoticed.

It was for this reason that Carlisle was usually home during the daylight hours, either working in his study or helping Esme with her work around the house. When Emmett and I got back home, we found the two Cullen 'parents' relaxing in the family room, snuggled up together and talking quietly.

Probably discussing the events of the previous night.

They so rarely had the time to sit down and talk that I almost wanted to come back later, but that was quickly quenched by the desire to get things figured out. A lot had happened in a very short amount of time and the pace was starting to wear me out. I wanted to know what was going on with me, and if anyone could help, it would be Carlisle.

I knocked timidly on the doorframe, though I was sure they were already aware of my presence. "Carlisle? Esme?"

My surrogate parents looked up at me, smiling. "What is it, Bella?"

I didn't have to answer. As Carlisle's eyes locked with mine, I knew he saw the glaring difference in my eye color and put the pieces together. He frowned, looking thoughtful. Esme's smile disappeared and I knew she understood as well.

"Oh, honey…" In a flash she was by my side and pulling me into a hug and I was holding on to her like she was my only connection to reality.

I needed that mother's comfort in that moment. Far from thinking that hunting was shameful or wrong—because it obviously wasn't, especially when compared to the alternative—Esme understood me. She knew that I'd been hoping against hope that I'd somehow be free of the thirst that bound all vampires; she knew better than anyone how much I'd wanted to be safe around humans. And she knew that, for me, not having any of those things was worse than the thirst itself.

"What happened?" she asked softly, pulling me to the couch across from the one Carlisle was still seated at and sitting with me. "Were you alone?"

I shook my head. "Emmett and I went for a race in the forest. We were just sitting out there, talking." I took a deep, shaky breath. "I started feeling sick, and then my throat was on fire and I was losing control. Next thing I knew, I was miles away from Emmett and I'd killed two deer and a moose. And…it was gone again. The thirst."
Esme was rubbing my back like Alice sometimes did when I was upset; she said nothing, even though I knew my words startled her, letting Carlisle ask the questions.

"You're sure it's gone?" he asked, echoing Emmett's earlier concerns. When I nodded, he sat back, his eyes far away as he thought.

Esme sighed. "Oh Bella, you must be feeling awful."

"It's not even the fact that I got thirsty," I continued, letting my fears out. "I mean, that is part of it, but I was sort of expecting it all this time anyway—that's how things are supposed to work. I could deal with that, learn control, eventually get to the point where I could go out in public again. But…if the thirst just comes and goes whenever it pleases, I won't be able to do that. Any step out of the house will be a risk, I'll never be safe with people again!"

"I don't necessarily believe that's true," Carlisle contradicted thoughtfully. "We'll have a very good indicator of when to keep you away from people—you're eyes."

I blinked. "You think I'll only get thirsty when I actually need to hunt?"

"I can't be positive, but I think that may be the case." Carlisle smiled encouragingly and I couldn't help hoping that he was right. "You didn't get thirsty until all of your own blood was used up; that leads me to believe that your thirst today was just your body's way of telling you that you needed sustenance. The fact that it disappeared as soon as you were finished hunting only seems to strengthen the hypothesis."

"I was curious about that," Esme commented. "As it became more apparent that you weren't going to get thirsty, I wondered how you were going to sustain yourself. This makes sense."

I looked between the two of them, thinking everything over. "So this might be something I can manage?"

Carlisle nodded. "If I'm right. It'll take some time to get everything organized, of course. We'll need to figure out exactly how long you have in between hunts, or even if it's the same each time. Once we've gotten all of that figured out, you should be as safe around humans as you ever were, as long as we're keeping track of the days. But until then, I think it's better if we keep you here."

I nodded. It wasn't as if I was doing much at the moment anyway. Come September, though… "Will I still be able to start school again?" I asked. It was silly, but I was still worried about pulling my own weight. I wanted to get started as soon as possible.

Carlisle understood and his smile was kind. "As long as I'm right. We should have plenty of information by then, and it shouldn't be hard to arrange for you to be absent when needed."

"And if you're wrong?" It felt almost blasphemous to suggest, but I couldn't help worrying—lives could be at stake.

"We'll deal with that if we have to," Carlisle assured me. "Alright?"

"Alright." I sat in silence for a minute with the two of them, thinking. Carlisle's calm logic and Esme's comforting arm had alleviated the loudest of my fears, but the one that was the most frightening was still present, the one that had been growing from the moment I'd realized that I wasn't the same as the others.

It was growing louder every minute until it was impossible for me to ignore any longer.

"Do…do you know why I'm…why I'm like this?" I asked, my voice so quiet that I could barely hear it.

"Why you're different from us?" Esme asked gently.

I nodded. "And not just you, the rest of the vampire world," I added. "It seems to be my fate. When I was human, I was always different from everyone around me. I never really fit in in Phoenix, and the only people I got along with in Forks were not actually human. Even then, I was the only one Edward's mind-reading didn't work on. And now, as a vampire, I don't get thirsty in the same way as the rest of you. I…I'm scared that something might be wrong with me. Why else am I so different?"

Esme's arm tightened around me. "Bella, honey, I can answer that," she said, and to my surprise, there wasn't a hint of sadness or uncertainty in her voice. She glanced over at her husband, who nodded for her to continue, smiling. "I may not know why you felt so isolated as a human, but you're different from us because the circumstances of your transformation were very different."

Different? Different how? As far as I could recall, my bite and transformation had been every bit as violent as the rest. But no, that wasn't exactly true. Emmett had been mauled by a bear. Alice had lived her human life in an asylum, subject to electrocution and poor living conditions. Esme had tried to kill herself. Jasper's beginning had been nothing short of a nightmare and Rose's story, though I still didn't know the specifics, had been equally as horrific. In comparison, my gentle bite in the meadow seemed like more of a loving gesture.

I frowned. "But…just because I had it easier than the rest of you shouldn't mean that I deserve to get off easy."

Esme laughed. "You're right, Bella. I wasn't talking about what was going on around you, I was talking about what was happening inside of you."

Inside of me? A lot of fear and heartbreak, that's what had been going on inside of me. "You've lost me."

"Am I correct in my belief that from the moment you realized what Edward was—and how much you loved him—you wanted nothing more than to become one of us?"

The memories of that fateful day in Port Angeles, followed by my first visit to the meadow, were vivid and enough to make my heart constrict. Unable to find words, I nodded.

Esme's smile was radiant. "That's what the difference was, Bella. You would have chosen to become a vampire, even if it meant that you would have to suffer for the rest of eternity and fight to overcome a powerful instinct that you would have refused to indulge, even if it meant leaving others that you loved behind. You were willing to be transformed, not for the immortality or the supernatural powers, but for love. And even though, in the end, that choice was taken from you, what mattered was that you would have chosen it, despite the large sacrifices it demanded, and you would have chosen it for the right reason—your love for Edward."

It was such a beautiful idea, and Esme's words pierced me straight to the heart. If I'd been human, I would have been in tears. "You…you really think that's true?" I asked after a moment of struggling to find my voice.

"I know it is, Bella. Love is a powerful thing."

"If it means anything," Carlisle added, his voice quiet, "I really think that Esme has the right idea." And if he thought that was the answer, then chances were good that it was.

I nodded. "Thank you," I whispered. "Both of you." Esme just hugged me tighter and Carlisle nodded, his golden eyes glowing. "Anytime, Bella."

I managed to get myself out of the family room, but I don't remember much about the trip, as my mind was fully occupied with what I'd just learned.

Love… Love had saved me from the vampire thirst. Somehow, the love that I felt for Edward, even after he'd left me, had been strong enough to carry me through the three-day transformation and land me here, thirst free. And if love was strong enough to do that…

…Then maybe it could bring Edward back to me too…

Feeling incredibly hopeful, I headed down to the living room where the telephone was waiting.

Alice—The Next Morning

I should have brought Bella along.

It wasn't that Rose wasn't good company—she and I had always enjoyed taking these little "getaway" trips—but more that I still felt incredibly guilty about leaving Bella behind when she so obviously needed a distraction.

Rose and I had spent the previous afternoon in a flurry of mall hopping and designer shopping that had managed to distract me for a while, and we'd given a few of our purchases a test run by checking out the local nightlife, but now that the novelty was wearing off, I was better able to concentrate on my guilt.

"She didn't want to come, Alice," Rose sighed for the thousandth time as she saw my troubled expression. We were browsing through an upscale department store, designer names and quality merchandise was at our beck and call. This should have been heaven, but I couldn't focus on the shopping. "Stop beating yourself up about it."

"She was trying to be strong," I contradicted. "She didn't want to be a bother. She was being pig-headed. What if she goes and does something stupid because we left her behind with practically nothing to distract her from Edward's absence?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "You can see the future, Alice, why don't you just prove to yourself that she's going to be fine so that you can relax and we can get back to our shopping trip?"

She had a point.

"Oh, that's nice," Rose added, spotting a classy pink top a few feet away. She picked it up and added it to the pile she was already carrying. "I think that's enough for now, I'm going to go try these on. Be back in the real world by the time I'm done, okay?"

She was gone a second later, weaving her way through the displays before I'd had a chance to say a word. Which was perfectly fine because I hadn't felt the need to dignify her with a response. Sighing, I let the real world fade out and concentrated solely on finding Bella's immediate future. We were planning on being home by ten, meaning that if trouble was coming Bella's way, it would have to come before then.

I watched a few harmless episodes play out—Bella helping Esme out around the house as usual, challenging Emmett to an arm wrestling match and losing, which was definitely a first, chatting with Jasper about his classes—but found nothing to imply that Bella was going to be put in harm's way.

I pulled out of the vision a little unwillingly. Rose had been right and Bella was fine, but I still couldn't help feeling a little wrong without her here. After all, she was my sister now, wasn't she? Shouldn't we be doing these kinds of things together?

I shook my head and decided to enjoy what was left of my trip. I found several delicious articles of clothing and even a few that would look absolutely wonderful on Bella, which I decided to get as a gift—I laughed at the idea, then went ahead and purchased them anyway. Bella hated gifts, but gifts were how I showed my love, so she was going to deal with it.

I was perusing through some absolutely adorable skirts when I was overcome by another vision. Maybe it was because I was already so attuned to her from my earlier visions, but this one was about Bella as well. She was outside the house and quite obviously talking to someone I couldn't see. She seemed to be rummaging in the flowers that were planted along the front of our porch, looking for something. As I watched, her hands stilled and her eyes narrowed. She sat like that for a moment, as if listening as carefully as she could.

Then, with lightning speed, Bella was up and spinning around. She'd heard something coming up behind her, perhaps? I watched with interest as her suspicion fell away, replaced by shock. Shock that quickly turned to fear. I felt my own mouth drop in alarm as what she was looking at came into sharp relief.

That… Tonight? No…no, it couldn't be, it was impossible…

It's the future, Alice, get a move on! I snapped at myself.

The vision ended and I almost dropped my bags in my haste. Rose, where was Rose? The changing room still?

"Rose," I called, though my voice was as conversational as if she were standing right next to me. I knew she would hear, and soon enough, I heard her reply.

"What, Alice? Find something good?"

I didn't need to force the urgency in my voice. "We need to hit the road, Rose, we've got to get home before eight."

Bella

I had called Edward's phone twice, leaving a message the second time because the first time I'd realized I had no idea what to say and chickened out. I'd then spent the rest of the day with the remaining members of my family, taking the time to sit back and enjoy myself for a while.

We'd played a lot of games, some as old as the sixties and some as recent as the Nintendo Wii Emmett had purchased a few weeks back. It had been, by far, the most fun I'd had in years. I couldn't remember a time when I'd been more at ease with myself and who I was with, nor when I'd had such a great time while losing so spectacularly at Monopoly and Mexican Train. I had quite a glorious comeback, however, when I pulled off a fantastic win over Emmett in an all-or-nothing grudge match of Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Emmett was nursing his wounds for hours.

Eventually things wound down as Carlisle had needed to go to Cornell that evening and Emmett and Jasper set out on their all-night hunting trip along the northern border. I spent the night talking with Esme about everything—what I wanted to do with eternity, what college I wanted to attend first and what I wanted to study, places I wanted to see. I loved having someone to confide in, and it struck me as we talked that things were really starting to fall into place. My questions were being answered and my plans were being laid; everything was set and ready to go.

The only thing wrong was that Edward still wasn't home.

Esme understood. She listened as I talked and managed to hear what I couldn't say. And somehow she always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

The next day, day two of Alice's shopping trip, passed in a bit of a blur. I did all the usual stuff around the house and then went out to sit in the bright sunlight. It still mesmerized me, the way my skin could glitter and sparkle in such a beautiful way. And the feel of the sun on my skin was a whole new experience, now that I was a vampire and significantly cooler in temperature. It was very pleasant, letting it slowly warm my skin, and I think I got about as close to sleep as a vampire can get as I sat soaking in the rays of warmth and light.

By the time I got up, the sun was setting and I was feeling deliciously refreshed. I'd remembered, somewhere over the course of my sun-soaking, that I'd buried my car keys in the front garden earlier that week. In my defense, it had been in an effort to keep them away from Emmett who had taken to stealing them from me only to return them at the most awkward moments possible, usually in front of Carlisle or Esme. At the time, I'd thought I was doing myself and the family a favor, but now I felt a little guilty. I was feeling especially warm towards my parents after our talk the day before, and I thought that maybe it was about time for me to start showing my gratitude for everything that they'd done for me. And if that meant accepting a car as a gift—okay, loan, I still couldn't quite condone just taking it—then I would do it. And I would use it, too.

I walked around to the front of the house and knelt down in its shadow next to the porch steps, where I started digging around in the dirt.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard Emmett call from the house. "Are you finished lying around?"

"More or less," I replied, hoping against hope that he wouldn't come looking for me while I was doing what I was doing—he'd never let me live it down. "What do you want?"

"The forecast says it might storm tonight and we were thinking of playing some baseball when the girls get back. You game?"

I hadn't yet experienced the great American pastime as vampires played it, mostly due to the lack of thunderstorms. I remembered the last game I'd watched—and the events that occurred shortly thereafter—quite well, and while the memories made me shiver, there was no denying that I was eager to try my hand. "Sure," I answered. "But make sure you check that weather with Alice before we leave."

"Will do."

I was having a little trouble locating the keys in the loose, soft dirt. Frowning, I shoved more of it around. I groaned. "Hey, Esme?" I called, wondering if she had been gardening out here lately. I knew I was digging in the right place, I had made sure I wouldn't forget where I buried them, but try as I might, I couldn't seem to…

The key ring slid over my thumb, but I barely noticed because something else had caught my attention. A tiny movement, just behind me, nothing a human would ever notice, but certainly loud enough for a vampire to hear. I paused, waiting to see if a greeting was offered or more sounds were made, but there was nothing but silence. Silence and a long, slow intake of breath.

It wasn't Alice or Rose, that was a fact.

Abruptly, I stood and whirled around, determined to catch whoever it was, expecting Emmett, maybe, or even a complete stranger. I was totally unprepared for what I found.

I seized up, unable to move, unable to breathe, the keys falling unnoticed from my hand as my chest constricted so painfully that I thought my dead heart was going into arrest.

It was impossible.

It wasn't real. It couldn't be.

It was.

It was Edward.