Note: the Elliott/Santana songs featured in this chapter are all Adam Lambert songs. Evil In The Night. The Original High. Whaddya Want From Me, not the solo Adam version but the version where Adam sings with Pink which can be found on YouTube. That's what I hear when I envisioned Elliott and Santana singing it. I highly recommend pulling them up to get a feel of Elliott and Santana's ''sound''.
X
Life was carrying on in the New York loft and it was taking both Santana and Kurt to some strange and wonderfully unexpected places.
For Santana, it was different living without Brittany but that didn't mean it was lonely. She had Kurt of course, that went without saying, and she also had Berry too, but what truly surprised Santana in the end is how much she and Elliott would come to eventually mean to each other.
It just sort of happened. Brittany would have called it fate or kismet. Santana however just called it chemistry.
Elliott and Kurt had forged this really amazing friendship but when it came to sitting down and putting heads together to riff and collaborate on music, it was Santana that just fell in sync with Elliott.
They had found this out one night when they had all gone out for karaoke. They had all taken turns on the mic. Kurt and Elliott had started the night off with a rocking rendition of I Believe In A Thing Called Love. Rachel had put them all through the trauma of some kind of Celine Dion medley. Even Sebastian had gotten on the small stage to belt Soft Cell's classic, Tainted Love, which Santana had to admit he kind of turned into a jam.
Somewhere in the night though Santana and Elliott had decided to have a go at a song together. They took their time picking a tune though because Santana wasn't about to get up there and sing just any basic song she told him. She was going to bring the sexy and the swagger and blow all of them out of the water.
''You know this one?'' she asked and pointed at a song title in the booklet.
Elliott grinned. ''Like the back of my hand.''
They took the stage together and grabbed the provided mics and then a very distinguished guitar riff began. From the very first note the crowd began to holler. It was a classic, a staple, it was one of those songs that elicited some exquisite and ethereal emotion out of people. And Santana was about to make this dinky little stage her bitch. With the help of Elliott of course.
''Just like the white winged dove
Sings a song, sounds like she's singing
Ooh, ooh, ooh
And the days go by, like a strand in the wind
In the web that is my own, I begin again
Said to my friend, baby
Nothin' else mattered
In Santana's mind, you couldn't go wrong with Stevie Nicks. She thought The Edge of Seventeen had just enough edge that it would lend well to Elliott's powerful voice too. It was strange though when Santana looked across the small stage into Elliott's eyes. It was like something happened.
She had sung with a number of people in all of her time in the glee club and she had even shared vocals with some of her performing arts classmates at some tiny hole in the wall gigs she had scored. But this? This was different.
Elliott could belt but he could also go low and smooth. He was equal parts rock and glam. He didn't sound like Finn or Puck and certainly not Kurt. He had a style, a sound. When he sang with her it wasn't about overcompensating and overwhelming the other, it was about complimenting each other. He could've dominated the entire song and taken all the best bits but it was as if in the span of a few short moments they had developed this psychic form of communication. He knew when to pull back so she could take the lead and vice versa.
''He was no more than a baby then
Well he seemed broken-hearted
Something within him
But the moment that I first laid
Eyes on him, all alone
On the edge of seventeen''
It didn't feel so much like silly karaoke as it did connection.
By the end of the tune they had both gotten a chance to stretch and show off their vocal abilities, having strutted up and down and around the small stage together, playing off of the other's energy. As the music faded off and they were thanked with applause by the entire club they were left almost winded, breathing heavy as they tried to wrap their heads around what this was.
They exchanged knowing glances.
They had something here.
At the end of the night their group filtered out onto the sidewalk and began to walk down the street. Sebastian was MIA, having taken off with a cute waiter, Rachel and Kurt had started walking ahead dizzily humming Barbra together which left Elliott to lag behind alongside Santana.
''I have a proposition for you. Me and you this Friday night? Date?'' he asked slyly.
Santana smiled yet couldn't help but crack. ''You're not exactly my idea of a dream date, Elliott.''
''I'm talking about you and I getting together and jamming,'' he elaborated. ''You heard what I heard tonight, right?''
''We did sound pretty badass,'' she had to admit. ''But I sound badass all the time.''
''Yeah, you do, which is why I think you and I should put our heads together. I can bring my guitar to the loft and who knows?''
''What, are you talking about songs?''
''Yeah. Let's try it.''
''What about Dani? Your friend. She told me she was a singer. In fact she told me the two of you were trying to get some songs together-''
''I've tried jamming with her and she's great but it just wasn't there. The chemistry thing I mean. Besides she put music on the back burner ever since she got into roller derby. Anyway she told me she has a hard time playing music now - something about someone puking on her favorite guitar. Something about seeing that giving her a creative block.''
Santana coughed. She honestly forgot about that. She quickly composed herself, she definitely didn't want to share that utterly uncool story with Elliott.
''That uh, that sucks,'' she said. ''But what about you and Kurt?''
He shrugged. ''What about us?''
''I don't know. You were his friend first. If you were to try to make music with someone it should be him.''
''Who cares who met who first? Kurt's great and I have fun singing together all the time but...it's different with you. When you and I got on stage tonight? That was another level, Santana. And anyway Kurt's already told me that between school and Vogue and his Drag Race Tumblr account he no longer has the time to experiment. I'm interested in creating something serious here.''
''Like what?''
''Like Hendrix and Joplin and Winehouse. Something epic and timeless. Something that will shake the world.''
''And you need me for that?'' Santana wasn't exactly opposed to his idea but she wanted a better grasp at what he was after here.
''You have a good voice, Santana, but you also have something else. You have that sexy cool severe frontwoman vibe. And with my glam rock sensibilities? Imagine what we could do. Imagine what we could sound like.''
''We did sound amazing.''
''Right? So what do you say?'' He bumped her shoulder as they walked. ''Let's take a shot at it. What do we have to lose?''
X
Later on as the weeks progressed and their sessions became more focused, Santana found Elliott was encouraging of her finding her voice in terms of allowing her to have final say on lyrics. Elliott had a few notebooks of ideas in his back pocket but he told her that since she was going to be the face of them and the primary singer she should have a little more authority about what she was singing about.
You're the voice he told her.
It was exciting to finally be given full creative control of something like this. Because Santana had ideas too. She wanted her music to be soulful and sexy, but also possessing a slight edge. A little bit dangerous. She wanted to make music that made people fan their faces, and so she did.
But along with all of that she also found this new venture allowed her to be vulnerable in a way she had never allowed herself.
She was all about using her words when she was being a bitch, but she had seldom felt comfortable using them to express her true self. But with Elliott and this project she finally felt safe enough to let those things out. Phrases and feelings that had been echoing about in her heart for what felt like ages. She wrote lyrics about love and longing yes, but she also wrote about feeling strange and other and then more than that, she wrote about finally embracing every part of her regardless of what the world saw or expected of her.
There was one song in particular where she felt like she laid herself out bare and brutally. Elliott had read over the lyrics and asked her how she felt about them and how she envisioned the song. He wanted to know what kind of sound she wanted sonically. She surprised herself with the answer. She wanted it to be somewhat angry, defiant. Exposed. She wanted to scream this and its message.
And Elliott? Elliott said he had just the sound for it. They named this song What Do You Want From Me. It was a plea for understanding and patience as one came to terms with who they were: gay. The song was about the world in general but deeper than that, under the surface it was also about Brittany and Kurt and their shared belief in her as a human being, despite the fact that once upon a time Santana didn't think she was worth believing in.
'Just don't give up, I'm working it out,
please don't give in, I won't let you down,
it messed me up, need a second to breathe,
just keep coming around, what do you want from me.'
The thing Elliott really loved about it was that it could be interpreted in so many ways. The lyrics could be speaking to a friend or a partner or family member. It was about asking someone you love to give you time to love yourself and how that in turn is all you need to save your life.
She never really had to explain what it was about to Elliott. There was just this understanding there. Like a secret language. Different than the one she shared with Kurt but just as meaningful.
But the thing about finding this musical chemistry with Elliott was, she found herself wanting to spend all of her free time with him talking out their ideas. They were high with all of the possibilities of this thing they were slowly but surely building together. Every thought and every day they were consumed with it, with ideas for prospective lyrics, with ideas for achieving a certain sound or a certain aesthetic.
They had a weekly jam session at the start but very soon that wasn't enough for them. It became twice a week and then three times a week until pretty soon Elliott was at the loft every other day. He and Santana would usually be on the couch with his guitar and her lyric book in front of them talking animatedly. She and Elliott were becoming more in sync in their collaboration and in a matter of a few short months they managed to hammer out five solidly catchy and intelligent songs they felt really strongly about.
They had made songs they actually believed in and were passionate about.
It was wonderful for Santana, and Elliott by extension.
But it left Kurt feeling like a third wheel most of the time.
They had told him what they were doing straight away at the very beginning of it all and with Santana's insistence had even offered to include him. Kurt however waved that idea away. He was still way too busy with school and Vogue and didn't see himself having the time or energy to devote to another project outside of those things.
Kurt didn't hold anything against them though. Kurt understood their zeal and he actually thought it was pretty wholesome how she and Elliott had bonded independently of him. He wasn't jealous of what they had but he would have been lying if he said he didn't feel left out some of the time.
He had encountered some similar feelings earlier on in his friendship with Santana when she and Brittany had became official during high school. He'd been the third wheel on countless nights while he awkwardly tried to watch Drag Race as his two friends made out on the couch beside him. Playing second fiddle to Brittany on occasion wasn't a terrible thing, but when Brittany had moved across the country Kurt had simply assumed that things would go back to the way it was before, when it was just he and Santana. Now with Elliott buddying up with Santana, well, there was a part of Kurt that felt a little left out. Maybe even that he was being replaced somehow.
There was one night he did get more than a little sore about the matter. Kurt had had a tough day at NYADA. He was finding it increasingly hard to juggle student life at NYADA as well as interning at Vogue.
His one escape and his one comfort during such stressful times was of course Drag Race. It was special and he could always rely on this one hour a week to relax and laugh and be taken away from his real life. He could also always count on Santana being there at his side offering him her snarky commentary. That day he had come home ready to unwind and relax and watch his favorite queens on screen - only to be greeted with total and complete noise. It seemed Santana and Elliott had decided to schedule one of their little rehearsals on the same night as Drag Race. The loft was filled with the sound of singing guitars and heavy electronic beats.
''Sorry,'' Santana said, ''but Elliott borrowed his buddy's laptop. His friend has all of these recording programs and we were going to try to lay down some tracks. Is that okay? I mean I know tonight is Drag Race but like, we can watch it tomorrow.''
Kurt was slightly peeved but he also knew how much it all meant to both Santana and Elliott. He didn't bother them with his petty feelings. Instead he told them to have at it and to call him when they were done, all while plastering a smile on his face.
And so, shut out of his own loft Kurt found himself seeking out a sympathetic shoulder.
Why he thought Sebastian could provide one, he had no idea.
''If I were you I'd tell Elliott to step the hell off,'' the former Warbler offered his advice. ''Santana was your hag first.''
''She's not a hag,'' Kurt admonished his friend with a roll of his eyes.
They were having this conversation at Sebastian's apartment. Kurt had left Santana and Elliott to do their thing in the loft and slunk off to his place. Sebastian had been cut off by his parents for the most part but one of the few things they still funded was his place of residence. It was a far cry from Kurt and Santana's loft. Sebastian's place was sleek and sophisticated. It looked like one of those places Kurt would salivate over in design magazines.
Sebastian had opened his door to him and soon they were on his couch. Sebastian had ordered chinese food and they had eaten there in front of the TV. Drag Race was on but it was muted and long forgotten as Kurt yammered on about Elliott and Santana and this new experience and bond they shared, without him.
''So are you jealous because Elliott is spending most of his time with Santana or are you jealous because you feel like Santana is stealing someone who was supposed to be your friend?''
Kurt lifted a shoulder. It wasn't really either of those. It wasn't about wanting to pull his two friends apart or have them prioritize him exactly. ''I don't know. Neither. I know Santana isn't trying to replace me, obviously, and I'm not upset because Elliott is buddying up with Santana, everyone is allowed to have more than one friend. It's just...I don't know.''
''Well I don't know what to tell you, Hummel,'' Sebastian said.
''I'm actually happy that they're making something that they're both excited about-''
''You just wish you were a part of it is what you're saying?''
''Not exactly.'' Kurt slunk his head and tossed his sesame chicken aside. ''I guess I see them getting so excited about having something of their own and I want that too. I can't remember the last time I felt excited about something.''
''Listen, from an outsider's perspective I can totally see that you've come a long way from Kurt Hummel of Lima Ohio, but since you've come to New York it's been you and Santana stuck at the hip right?''
''More or less. We're not codependent, we do things on our own but it's always been the two of us. Even when Brittany was here it still felt like that a little bit.''
''And now she's building something of her own, independent of you. I say you just need to go out and have something for yourself too, you know? Blow off some steam, step outside of yourself a little.''
''What do you suggest?''
''I'm going to take you out and I'm going to get you laid.''
''I don't-''
''I don't want to hear it.'' Sebastian threw a hand up. ''Look you don't have to do anything you don't want to do but when's the last time you've had fun for fun's sake and flirted with a hot guy? I mean other than me of course.''
''I've never flirted with you.''
''Whatever. Give me one night to walk on the wild side with me here. Even if you don't meet anyone you could stand to get back out there and test the waters.''
Kurt deflated. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to let loose and do his own thing for a night. Maybe it would be just what he needed.
''Fine but you're watching the rest of this week's Drag Race with me,'' he countered.
Sebastian sat back, kicked his feet up and unmuted the screen. ''That's fine, I liked it. Especially that one queen right there. What's her name?''
''Acid Betty...oh my god, you are such an Acid Betty.''
''Is that a compliment or an insult?''
''Both? You're really talented but also a condescending pain in the ass.''
Sebastian smiled. He could live with that.
X
''So what's up with you and Andrew McCarthy?''
''Who?''
''Sebastian?''
It was a few days after that night and Santana was questioning Kurt as they had dinner in the loft together. It was a rare night that Elliott wasn't visiting Santana to talk music and Kurt had cooked for them.
''You've been hanging out with him a lot lately. Like more than you had before,'' she noted.
''I suppose I have.''
''Yeah well, just be careful with that one will you.''
Kurt wrinkled his face up at that comment. ''Why do you say that?''
''I can't really explain it but you know me and my Snix Sense.''
''That's not a thing.''
''Well I'm making it a thing. My Snix Sense is telling me there's something going on with him, something he's not telling us.''
''I'm a big boy, Santana, I can take care of myself.''
''I know you can. I'm just saying: maybe he has turned a new leaf or whatever but who knows what he's done or who he's pissed off since he got to New York. You don't need to be dealing with any of his drama.''
''He's fine,'' Kurt said, feeling slightly defensive over this subject. ''And anyway, it's not like I have a ton of choices for companionship right now.''
''What's that supposed to mean?''
''Nothing.''
''You're going to the nasally place right now which tells me it's most definitely something.''
''I just mean that you're not as available as you used to be, and neither is Elliott for that matter. You guys have your thing and that's great but the two of you are always busy together. Sebastian on the other hand actually makes a point to spend time with me.''
''Because he's probably desperate.''
''And what, the only reason someone would want to hang out with me now is because they're desperate?''
Santana dropped her utensils and shook her head. ''You know that's not what I meant. I feel like you're upset with me and I-I don't know what I did.''
''You haven't done anything,'' Kurt softened his tone. Perhaps he was more agitated than usual. ''I'm just...I'm just struggling here.''
Santana didn't hesitate to offer help. ''Is it your dad? Is he okay? Or money? If it's money you know I can take care of-''
''It's not. My dad is fine, he's doing well and it's not money either. It's nothing like that. I've just been stretched really thin lately with Vogue and school and I'm in my head, that's all.''
''Are you sure?''
''Positive.''
''You know what I think?'' She asked. ''I think you just need to blow off some steam for a night.''
Those had been Sebastian's words exactly.
''You just need to let loose and relax a little,'' she suggested then as she stood up and began gathering their empty plates and clearing the table. ''And I know how. I have some news but first I need to know if you have plans this coming Friday night?''
''Actually since you mention it I do,'' Kurt laughed and Santana's shoulders sank. ''Sebastian is taking me to his favorite club. Why?''
''Elliott and I were going to make our official public debut.'' She carefully placed their dishes in the sink and turned around to face him. ''He's got a friend who's got a friend who manages a bar. Some local band who had the slot pulled out at the last minute and Elliott talked the manager into giving us a half hour.''
''Oh,'' Kurt said, surprised and a little thrown. He didn't know she and Elliott had progressed with their songs this quickly.
''It's not a big deal though, it's a crappy bar and we're just going to be there as background noise to keep people from being bored out of their mind.''
''What? No. This is going to be your first performance together, I'll be there.''
''You don't have to be. I mean I'd love it if you were but there's gonna be plenty of other shows, hopefully anyway. I only brought it up because I thought a night on the town would do you good. If you and Sebastian have plans that night, do your thing.''
Kurt wasn't sure how to play things. He did want to be there for her but on the other hand it wasn't as if he hadn't been to a bunch of her small solo gigs she had scored at lounges or cafes. He'd sat and supported her countless times before. Was it so bad that he put his own plans and social life before her just once?
''Are you sure?'' he asked, wanting to double check.
''Totally. Plus you'll be there in spirit. I fully expect you to pick out my outfit for the gig. I'll of course reject it but like, still. I know you love to play Barbie Makeover Island on your laptop at night.''
''I do,'' he said fondly. He liked to think that in essence made him a 'gamer' as the kids liked to say.
''Besides it'll give you a chance to use some of that Vogue insight on me.''
''Deal.''
X
A deal was a deal.
Kurt had helped pick her outfit out for her first official performance alongside Elliott. It maintained Santana's signature sultry look but also added a slight edge to match Elliott's rocker aesthetic. He had been quite proud of the finished look and he knew wholeheartedly she and Elliott were going to wow the crowd on every level with their look and sound.
''You are going to make all of the little baby lesbians swoon,'' Kurt hyped her up as they both put the final touches on themselves for their respective nights out. ''Your boobs look fantastic.''
Santana posed in front of the bathroom mirror they were sharing. ''Right, ugh, I'd do me.''
''How's my hair?''
''Fabulous.''
Kurt preened. He wasn't so sure about hooking up with anyone but that didn't mean he didn't want to impress any potential dance partners he might encounter throughout the night. He touched the part in his hair slightly making sure it was just right before turning and looking at her in full.
''Are you sure you don't want me to go?'' he asked, unsure. ''I can always meet up with Sebastian after your show.''
Santana rolled her eyes and downplayed it. ''For the last time, it's not a big deal. Besides Elliott and I will probably sound shaky as hell so you won't be missing anything and Rachel is going to record it from the audience. Brittany insisted on wanting to watch on a live stream. You can watch it after the fact.''
''I know but I want to be there to support you.''
''You don't have to be there for me to know that and anyway I'll have plenty of support. Berry is going to be there and I'm counting her nose as a second person so already that's two people that I'll have there in my corner.''
Kurt shook his head. This was so like Santana to make a joke to deflect and put him at ease to let him know he was doing the right thing.
He reached over and took the labels of her tiny barely there leather jacket and gently pulled her closer. ''Knock 'em dead, Santana.''
''You too, Kurt.''
X
''I wish I was there with you tonight…''
Santana and Elliott were an hour away from their debut and prepping in the backstage of the small bar venue. Everything appeared to be in order, the previous act didn't appear to be going over time but they were still nervous, or rather Santana was. Elliott was excited but didn't seem too worried over whether or not they'd be able to pull it off. Santana however was a little more jittery.
So while Elliott double checked that they had everything they needed tech wise when they switched out the previous band's gear with his own Santana wandered out into the rear alley to call Brittany. Her girlfriend always knew how to calm her down.
''I don't know if I can do this,'' Santana admitted with a shaky breath.
''Santana what are you talking about?''
''This, tonight, me and Elliott.''
Brittany let out a sad sympathetic sigh. ''What's wrong? Where is this coming from? You've sang in front of audiences before.''
''Yeah I have, I've sang other people's songs in front of audiences. I've never sang my songs in front of people. This is different because they came from me and what if-what if people laugh at them or think they're stupid or-''
''Santana,'' Brittany interjected soothingly. ''Breathe. Breathe and listen to me. No one is going to think that and do you know why I know that?''
''Why?''
''Because I've heard these songs and they're nothing short of amazing. You're amazing and so is Elliott and together you're going to bring the house down. I believe in you and I believe in your songs.''
''Yeah?''
''I do,'' Brittany said. ''More than anything. I'm sorry I couldn't get away from this video shoot to make it out there for your first gig with Elliott.''
''It's okay, you're here in spirit.''
''Still. I'd totally be there in full groupie mode if I could.''
Santana let out a little moan at the idea of Brittany watching her perform and getting riled up. ''Well you can make it up to me some other time.''
''Psst,'' Elliott whispered nearby and waved his hand at Santana. ''We should do some vocal warm ups,'' he said.
Santana grumbled, conflicted. She knew she really should warm up with Elliott but she didn't want to stop talking with Brittany who had just gotten her to relax.
''I think I gotta go, Britt,'' she said.
''Yeah of course. I love you and babe, you're going to be amazing tonight. Call me after?''
''The minute I walk off stage,'' Santana assured her.
X
''So are you a top or a bottom or what?''
''Must you be vulgar?''
''You say vulgar, I say upfront.''
Kurt was at Sebastian's go to club having a drink at the bar as they scoped out the place and the feel of the crowd. The place actually wasn't as sleazy as Kurt thought Sebastian's favorite haunt would be. The music was popping and it was hard not to get swept up in the flashing lights and confetti raining down from above. And the guys? Well, Kurt had to admit the guys on the dance floor were beyond gorgeous.
''I just want a little information here so I know what kinda guys to point you towards,'' Sebastian explained.
Kurt scoffed at the idea. ''That's so reductive. You can't tell what someone likes based on their looks.''
''You're absolutely right, but I'm not talking about stereotypes here, I'm talking vibe.''
''And you know about vibes?''
Sebastian made a face as if to say bitch please. He took a sip of his fruity drink. ''You bet your ass I do. For example - Santana.''
Kurt almost snorted. He couldn't even imagine what Sebastian would have to say about Santana. ''What about her?''
''She's a smart mouthed, no nonsense bitch which okay, respect. But no amount of attitude or intimidating high heels or severe lipstick will ever convince me she's anything but a little needy bottom. She sneers at the world but something tells me when they're alone Santana's the one bending over for Brittany.''
Kurt pulled a face, that was not a mental image he needed at that particular moment.
''Tell me I'm wrong,'' Sebastian said with smugness.
''I mean...you're not,'' Kurt admitted with a chuckle. ''I've walked in on them more times than I can count and I'm pretty sure they're uh versatile but yes, more times than not Santana is the one-''
''Taking it, right?''
''I was going to say on the bottom, but - oh my god, can we please change the subject.''
''My point is I understand people's vibes and I want to set you up with a guy who has a vibe that'll suit yours.''
''Well if you're so good at pegging people's vibes then I shouldn't have to tell you what I am or like, should I?'' Kurt countered. Because he surely wasn't about to tell Sebastian Smythe what kind of thing got him hot under the collar.
''Fine because I feel like I owe you, I won't press you. I'll also sidestep the fact that you just used the word pegging in front of me. Just know I could've made a killer joke out of that but I didn't because I'm being a better me now.''
''Thanks I guess?''
''You ready to get on the dance floor?''
Kurt shifted awkwardly. ''No one's asked me to dance.''
''Yet.'' Sebastian offered his hand to Kurt palm up. ''But after everyone sees you on the dance floor with me you're going to have to beat them off you.''
''Is that so?''
''Trust me.''
Kurt stared at Sebastian's hand for a moment. Trusting Sebastian Smythe was something he never thought possible but here he was.
Sebastian led them out and with a couple of looks he had commandeered the middle of the dance floor. He and Kurt began to move to the music and pretty soon as Sebastian had said, all eyes were on them.
Sebastian wasn't a bad dancer. Kurt still thought he was better but he wasn't Finn level awkward either. Sebastian was grinning the whole time in that smug cocky way of his and Kurt couldn't help but smile back. Sebastian was the center of attention and by extension Kurt was too and he had to admit in that moment that being the subject of fascination in the eyes of dozens, maybe hundreds of beautiful, gorgeous men - not a bad feeling.
''Is it always like this when you're on the dance floor?'' Kurt asked, or rather yelled into Sebastian's ear. The thump-thump-thumping of the bass heavy dance music made whispering hard to do.
''What can I say?'' Sebastian replied. ''I'm magnetic. It's working right. Every guy in this place is looking at you.''
As if on cue just then a man approached them. He looked to be about their age and wore an impossibly tight tee shirt. Kurt could practically see the guy's six pack through his shirt, not that that was the first thing he noticed. Kurt was thirsty but he wasn't that thirsty. In fact the first thing that actually caught Kurt's eye was the man's smile. It was wide and genuine and it seemed to light up his whole face as he carefully maneuvered himself closer. He gave both Sebastian and Kurt an inquisitive tilt of the head, it was as if he were asking to join them there on the dance floor.
"Have fun," Sebastian said into Kurt's ear as he went to make his exit.
Kurt turned and frowned. ''Where are you going?''
Sebastian smiled at Kurt's new dance mate and pulled Kurt in by his neck to once again talk directly into his ear. ''I'm leaving you to it with this one meanwhile I'm going to scope out the rest of the dance floor for you.''
''You're not ditching me are you?''
Sebastian shook his head. ''Tonight isn't about me, it's about you getting your groove back. My goal tonight is to have you dance with the five hottest guys here. I'm going to go out into the crowds and gently herd them your way. Now go dance with that stud and let me be your guide.''
Once again Sebastian nudged Kurt towards the man on the dance floor who was still moving to the music nearby waiting for Kurt to finish his exchange.
Kurt shook his head at Sebastian and turned his focus back onto-
''You're a good dancer,'' Kurt shouted into the air at the man as they began moving in sync together.
''Thanks,'' the man shouted back. ''So are you. That shoulder-shimmy thing you do is, like, the cutest.''
''Really? I've been told it's distracting.''
''It is but in a good way. I like it. I like it a lot…say after this song, could I buy you a drink?''
Kurt felt his face tick in a funny sort of way. He knew he was smiling but he also new his nervousness and his shock were apparent too. It had been a long time since he'd put himself out here in this way. In fact he didn't think he ever had really. Chatting a super cute guy up.
New York had made him confident in so many ways but this was still very new to him.
''Sure,'' Kurt answered with a grin, mustering up some courage. As scary and foreign as it was to put himself out there it also felt fun and exhilarating. ''I'd love to get a drink with you.''
For the next hour or so Kurt found himself dancing with one cute guy after another. Every so often he would take a break and enjoy a drink and conversation with one of them. Kurt wasn't sensing any major romantic sparks with most of them but they were all cute, charming and friendly. Most of all they made Kurt feel seen.
Seen in a way he had never been in Lima, at McKinley, at Dalton.
He wasn't some baby penguin anymore. These men didn't see him as the uncertain boy he once was, they saw him as the confident, ambitious man he had always wanted to be, because he had finally become him.
''Soooo, how's it going?'' Sebastian saddled up to Kurt's side during one of his breaks from the dance floor. He was downing a water bottle at the bar. People back in Lima could make fun of his trademark shoulder shimmy all they wanted but here Kurt was convinced some of the guys digged it. His move required lots of concentration and hydration. ''Looks like you've been working up a sweat.''
Kurt nodded eagerly. ''I lost count of how many guys tried to dance up on me and I may have gotten a couple of phone numbers.''
''Really now?'' Sebastian grinned, looking pleased and impressed.
''Yeah.''
''Gonna give any of them a call?''
Kurt looked out back on the dance floor at the beautiful mobs of men moving to the rhythm of the song. ''I might. Some of them seemed like really nice guys. Didn't hurt that they were also pretty cute.''
Sebastian squeezed Kurt's shoulder. ''See this is all you needed, a guy's night out on the town.''
''This isn't the part of the night where I learn you paid all of those men to talk to me is it?''
''You think I got money like that?'' Sebastian laughed. ''Like, I like you now but not that much, calm down. I may have ran into some crowds and pointed you out with a compliment or two but no. This was all you. Is it so hard to believe that hot guys might want on your theater nerd dick?''
''And there you go, making it gross again,'' Kurt half laughed, half scoffed.
Sebastian held up his hands. ''Sorry. But I mean it. This was all you. All you had to do was put yourself out there. Maybe you're not going home with anyone tonight and maybe none of those phone numbers will lead to a happily ever after story book ending for you, but sometimes that's not what it's about. Sometimes you just need to feel noticed, you know?''
''Yeah, yeah I do. I know I might've dragged my feet at first but this? It feels good.''
Sebastian's smile turned softer then. ''There's nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed, Kurt. I don't know what this thing is with you and Santana but I don't think it means she's forgotten you. Maybe these songs...maybe this thing she's creating with Elliott...maybe that's her way of saying she wants the world to notice her too.''
Kurt swallowed hard. ''Look at you handing down life lessons. How exactly do you figure that?''
''I told you, I know vibes.''
X
It was only the first thirty or so seconds on stage that Santana thought she might cough up her own heart.
It turned out every moment after that was as organic and easy as breathing.
This was her element. In front of a crowd and under hot lights with a mic in her hand.
They started the night off with a few songs Elliott had penned. He supplied vocals, guitar and the occasional keyboard part but Santana was by and large taking the lead on vocals, even on songs Elliott had written. His songs were sleek and sexy and he knew he sounded damn good singing them but early on they had found that in Santana's hands everything about them was elevated. She had some kind of magic lead singer swagger and Elliott insisted they lean into that.
Evil In The Night was their opener. The lyrics were a little dark and cryptic but the vibe was pure lust and Santana knew how to bring a certain edgy, sultry factor to the stage.
It started off with a haunting piano part accompanying her voice, highlighting it.
''My life flashed before my eyes
Razor-blade lips and daggers up in your eyes
Baby, your love is a crime
Danger by day, but you're evil in the night
My life flashed before my eyes
Bombs over Broadway, fire in the sky
Baby, your love is a crime
Danger by day, but you're evil in the night''
But then a drum loop dropped in along with a strange yet intriguing electronic segue to let the audience know this was going to be anything but a downer. It was dark, it was sexy and if you were in the audience it was going to make you want to move your body, preferably with someone else's.
The song allowed Santana's voice to go to that low and smooth place at times before the song pushed forward, edging towards something climactic that had both she and Elliott belting like their lives were on the line.
And maybe it was. If this thing here together was going to take them to where they wanted to be.
''I can tell your heart's cold
Like a fallen angel walking in your sleep
I guess you're just a lost soul
But when the moon comes out, you turn into a beast
Keep me on a leash tonight
There's nowhere for me to hide
See you on the other side
My life flashed before my eyes
Razor-blade lips and daggers up in your eyes
Baby, your love is a crime
Danger by day, but you're evil in the night
Danger by day, but you're evil in the night...''
By the end of Evil In The Night they had made the sleepy and slightly buzzed patrons stand up straight and alert. It was a face-fanning kind of performance with the way Santana looked down and made eye contact with those nearest the stage, drawing them in like some kind of siren.
It was her voice, it was their sound, it was everything. They had nailed it.
Sweaty and gasping for air Elliott turned to Santana, grinning from ear to ear. This.
She gave him a confident nod. This.
Elliott took just a few seconds then to change his instrument out for the next song which Santana had supplied the lyrics to. The Original High like their opener it too had a certain sex appeal but it was a little more dancy and light. The lyrics could be interpreted a couple of ways but it was very clearly about the high and euphoria you feel between the sheets with another person. Wanting it, craving it, chasing it only to find nothing else compared.
Brittany was clearly the inspiration for that one.
The Original High lulled the crowd into a dancy little buzz, right into the palm of Santana's hand and that's where the people stayed as she and Elliott made their way through a couple more songs on their setlist.
Mid way through however they changed gears a bit with something a little heavier and soulful. What Do You Want From Me wasn't exactly a quiet flowery ballad, in fact it was their loudest, rockiest song and yet the lyrics were somehow the most vulnerable thing either of them had written. Because it came from the deepest part of Santana.
It was for Brittany and Kurt and her parents and anyone who had ever wanted her love and her trying desperately to understand what they saw in her and why they even bothered.
It was about asking someone you love to give you time to love yourself.
''Hey, slow it down
What do you want from me
What do you want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
What do you want from me
What do you want from me
There might have been a time when I would give myself away
Oh, once upon a time I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are
So what do you want from me
What do you want from me
Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me''
Santana felt her heart aching as she sang, but it wasn't entirely painful. Here she was letting it out, setting these words free into the world after years of holding them down, burying them inside of her.
The middle of the song had a breakdown where everything went quiet and she took the opportunity to make eye contact again with the people in the audience. They looked captivated and that in turn captivated her. As she scanned the crowd and the faces she had to do a double take when she saw a very familiar one...
''Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down''
Kurt was here. Standing about with the audience. He looked just as taken and enthralled as the rest of the crowd. There was also something else. He looked proud.
''I won't let you down,'' Santana sang one more time before the song exploded with noise again and Elliott joined her on vocals.
She tried to mask her grin as she proceeded on to the last two songs. She and Elliott navigated through them with ease. When they finished and said their goodnight to the crowd they walked off the stage sweaty and surging.
The bar was a pretty chill place and it wasn't as if there was a huge barrier keeping them from the masses. They wiped themselves down with some towels and downed some water and were soon surrounded by a small gaggle of people. People were asking Elliott for their names and socials.
''That first song was hot.''
''Yeah and your voice was even hotter,'' one girl commented with a smile aimed at Santana.
''What's your Insta handle?''
Elliott faltered. ''Uhhh we don't have one.''
''You two should have one.''
''Well, we don't even have a name yet.''
And then someone moved, breaking through the small crowd of admirers. Kurt emerged to stand before them. He made a beeline for Santana as Elliott fielded questions from the rest.
''That was amazing,'' he gushed.
Santana nodded. ''Thanks. What happened to you and your guys night out with Sebastian?''
Kurt lifted a shoulder, playing it down. ''It's still going on. We just thought we could use a change of scenery.'' He turned back and motioned over to the far side of the bar where Sebastian was watching them. He lifted his drink at Santana.
''And how'd it go?''
''Let's just say Kurt Hummel got his groove back-''
''Gross.''
He rolled his eyes. ''You know what I mean. It felt good to put myself out there again and I'm glad I did it. But as fun as the neon lights were, I decided couldn't miss out on your big night. I only caught the second half of your show but from what I saw it looks like you killed it.''
''You think?'' she asked.
''That girl over there looks like she's about to spontaneously combust just from your voice, so yeah I think you made an impression.''
''I'm glad you're here.''
''I never heard your songs before,'' Kurt admitted. As often as Santana and Elliott had worked on their music in the loft Kurt had never quite managed to hear all of the pieces get connected in full. ''I liked them. That one, that What Do You Want From Me one, who-'' Kurt let the question hang in the air.
''That one's mine.''
''It was a good one. I mean they were all good but that one...I felt it.''
''I wrote most of that in high school. All of that, all of those feelings...they were about Brittany and my parents and you.''
''Me?'' Kurt laughed, taken back.
''I guess seventeen year old me spent a lot of time trying to figure out why you or Brittany or anyone wanted me in their life. Why you even bothered. I hope it didn't come out angry because it wasn't meant to be-''
''No, I didn't hear it that way at all.''
They stared at each other in understanding. It was about the journey.
Don't give up on me, I won't let you down.
Kurt felt his eyes begin to water and blinked rapidly trying to push them down. No one had ever written a song for him or about him and now with this knowledge he felt moved beyond words.
''I think tonight drinks are on me,'' Kurt said, pulling her close and into his side. He gave Elliott a grin. ''I'm going to steal her for a minute, you mind?''
Elliott took a few seconds to shake his head no as he happily chatted with people around him eager for his attention.
Kurt dipped his head in thanks to Elliott for diverting attention to himself so Santana could make her getaway with him. Kurt guided them towards the bar where Sebastian was already waiting with drinks in hand for them.
''What the hell is this?'' Santana asked staring at the pink concoction Sebastian pushed her way.
''Pink Squirrels,'' Sebastian answered and slurped. ''Kurt turned me onto them.''
''You're disgusting, both of you are disgusting,'' she laughed but out of politeness took a sip anyway.
''You were alright up there,'' Sebastian said.
''She was more than alright,'' Kurt said. ''She was on fire.''
Santana took a seat on a tall stool between the two men. ''Enough about me. How did your night go? Get any numbers? Hit on anyone famous?''
''Mayhaps,'' Kurt said coyly.
''Kurt wouldn't tell me if he's a top or a bottom,'' Sebastian said. ''Which really hindered me in finding him his perfect match.''
''Not this again,'' Kurt groaned in amusement.
''You're a bottom right Santana?''
Santana raised an eyebrow. ''I'm this close to throwing this Pink Squirrel in your gay little face, Smythe.''
''There's nothing insulting about being a bottom, FYI,'' Sebastian hollered. ''The world needs bottoms, they make the world go round, you're important in that way Santana. You have a role in our gay ecosystem.''
''But just for the record I'm not a bottom,'' she insisted.
''Ladies,'' Kurt shouted, hushing his two friends up. ''We're all bottoms.''
Santana placed her Pink Squirrel down and rolled her eyes at them and their conversation. She had something to do. She pulled out her phone and called her other half.
''You were magical,'' Brittany said in greeting. ''I just finished watching the video. I'm so proud of you, Santana. You were just wow, just wow, babe.''
''I miss you so much and it means a lot to hear you say that.''
''The next time I see you I'm going to kiss your face off and never let you go.''
Santana then let out a series of soft little cooing sounds in response to Brittany's words. Like she was some giant relaxed baby. Kurt and Sebastian exchanged a glance and Sebastian mouthed ''total bottom'' at him.
Later as the night wore on, Elliott managed to extract himself from his new fans to join there in their celebratory drink. Rachel even popped over to hug and congratulate both Elliott and Santana on a masterful performance she called it. There was laughing and shouting and storytelling and warmth between them all there lined up at the bar.
I won't let you down, I won't let you down, Santana had sang in her song earlier.
And she hadn't Kurt realized then in a flash. In all of this time, in all of these years, Santana had spent the majority of their friendship trying to feel worthy of it because it was that valuable and that precious to her.
He had momentarily allowed his slight insecurity to take hold when in reality there was nothing in the world that could make her throw away their friendship, or replace him or take it for granted. Not when she had worked so hard to feel worthy of it. To understand it. Embrace it.
It didn't matter then how much time he spent with Sebastian or how much she and Elliott clicked musically, those friendships were wonderful and valid yes but they would never diminish what he and Santana had or what they had built.
Something beautiful and something forever.
''It's going to happen soon you know,'' Kurt said later on when he and Santana had a moment at the bar alone together.
''What?''
''You and Elliott and this,'' he pointed to the now vacant stage. ''Any minute now I'm going to be able to tell everyone that my best friend is that superstar they see on the billboards and the charts.''
''I wish.''
''Don't forget me on your way to the top.''
''Never,'' she said.
And Kurt knew in that moment her word was a promise.