Chapter Four – If You Really Knew Me

A/N – Sorry for the delay but the new computer was acting up and I had to get it checked since my daughter can't stop going to limeware. That's over with though. I should have the next chapter up by Saturday or Sunday and the final chapter up next week, just reading through and making corrections.

-xox-

According to the young man at the Reaver's old base Tibet was the next destination of the woman that might or might not be Storm but when Logan got there she'd already left. Again he heard the same similar description of a woman lovely to behold with brown skin, blue eyes and white hair. She'd stayed a week in silent communion before leaving for India . She didn't say where in India she was headed but they had word that she was safe.

It seemed as if Logan was getting closer for now word was spreading like wild fire about a woman roaming alone in search of nirvana some said, others said she sought for self knowledge, other's still said it was peace she desired most. As if they knew her intimately somehow many Logan came upon felt touched by her passing. Logan was beginning to feel something too – a connection.

It didn't help that as he continued his journey wisps of memories continuously churned in his head. It was a burden to remember all that once was and would never be again. Worse than a burden because he couldn't shake the insistent feeling of grief that was beginning to haunt him. All his mistakes, all the things he should've done, said. He should have told her, should have spoken just like Kurt had meant him to, just as Ororo had told him he should have.

"The stupid things you do when you're young," Logan spoke out loud.

He sat down on the side of a dusty road and looked around at the small town he'd come to. It was small, dusty, the people busily going about their daily lives while his life was on hold until he found this woman.

"So, we meet again," a woman from behind him said and there was pleasure in her voice.

Logan turned slowly. At the sound of the familiar voice his heart had beat faster but when he saw the woman his heart was crushed. She was lovely just as everyone had said but she was not Ororo and from the looks of it she couldn't be Ororo's daughter because her hair was a deep rich red and she looked exactly like Jean.

"Who are you?" he asked as he stood.

She couldn't be Jean. All of his senses told him this was not Jean though strangely he barely detected a scent from the woman. What he did catch reminded him of something he couldn't quite put his finger on, something familiar all while being completely foreign.

"If you do not know then I cannot help you."

"You're not Mystique?" he said, questioning his instincts.

The woman laughed. "No, I am not Mystique."

"But you know her."

"Certainly."

"Who are you?" he demanded again.

"A better question is why have you been hunting me?"

"Fair enough. I'm looking for an old friend, wanted to make sure she was safe. Thought she was still alive or her daughter maybe."

"A friend or her daughter?"

"Yeah either of 'em."

"Are you disappointed I am not she?"

"You look like someone I knew a long time ago."

"Someone you loved?"

"Huh?"

"Did you love the woman I resemble?"

Something in her voice and manner compelled him to answer. "At one time I did but we weren't right for each other."

"Pity."

"Look, there's a man looking for the woman I'm looking for – if it's you ya gotta know this, gotta be careful 'cause he's a killer, goes by the name of Sabretooth, a real sleaze ball, real name's . . ."

"Victor Creed. I know . . . that is I know of him though I cannot fathom why he would be after me."

"He's lookin' fer some kind of goddess outta Africa , thinks she's got some kind of secret to livin' forever. You know anything about that?"

She smiled. "If I had that secret I don't think I would tell anyone. I think it would only create chaos."

"Look, you can tell me I'm only tryin' ta help. Truth is I got the secret myself I guess you could say, so it's not like I need it. Victor's not gonna ask nice, he'll kill you to get what he wants if he thinks you have it."

"Victor doesn't need it either does he?"

"You know about him then?"

"Unless another man is masquerading as him otherwise it's not too difficult to surmise he too has the same secret as you."

"You think you know my secret do you?"

"I know you're the Wolverine that fought in World War I and World War II and you're still alive. That's no secret is it?"

"Who are you?"

"I am many things and nothing."

"You got a name?"

"Many and none."

"Quit with the mumble jumble an' answer the question why don't you?"

"You found what you were looking for, Wolverine why don't you leave now?"

"I just might, leave you to fend off that psychopath by yerself lady."

"I hardly think I need your help."

"That right?"

The look on her face was full of quiet confidence as she stared him down.

"Yer a clone aren't ya?"

She chuckled. "No. I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

"Yeah? Well, I'm glad yer not her."

"Her?"

"An old friend, nothing more."

"Nothing more than an old friend? Was she a beloved old friend?"

"It's none of yer business."

"But it is. I would like to know."

"What difference does it make to you?"

"It may mean the world to me."

"Yer full of riddles, make no sense. Don't know why I'm tellin' you anything but she was loved," Logan spat out angrily.

"Did she know?"

Logan glared at the woman who looked too much like Jean. "If she knew do you think I'd be here lookin' for her?"

"Then you were a fool and should have told her."

He laughed. "Ya got that right, darlin' I was the king of fools."

"It was good to see you," she said dismissively.

"I'll go darlin' but do you really think Victor's not gonna find ya if I did?"

"I do not think you actually found me, it was I who found you."

"You said I was huntin' you. Were you in Australia or Tibet ?"

"Where I was is none of your business."

"It is if yer a shape shifter."

She laughed.

"So Vic's not gonna just give up. He'll find you. Guy's got rocks fer brains but he's greedy, persistent an' likes a challenge."

"I think if he tries anything he will be very sorry."

"You're a mutant like us then."

"I am."

"Mind tellin' me why you were goin' around posin' as Jean an' Storm?"

"Posing as Storm?" she laughed.

Logan was fast becoming annoyed.

"Yer gonna get yerself killed if you keep it up lady."

She shook her head the look on her face sad.

"Well, if you ain't worried about Vic then I'm outta here. Good luck 'cause yer gonna need it lady."

"Good luck and may the gods be with you, Logan old friend."

He meant to leave but he stopped after taking a few paces and turned around. Something caught at his memory – what had she just said? But she was already gone. He sighed heavily. He didn't know what powers she had but Victor wasn't an easy man to fend off. She thought she could though so maybe she'd be all right. He didn't care. There was something wrong about her, her scent especially. He couldn't get past the feeling that he knew her but she wasn't Jean, couldn't be Ororo. She was a stranger to him. It wasn't logical to stay. There was no pull, no yearning within him to be with this woman who looked too much like Jean.

That she looked like Jean was partly why he wanted to get away from her. That part of his life was over. You couldn't bring back the past which was why there was no use in dwelling upon it. And more importantly the woman wasn't really Jean not even the Phoenix . He was positive of that and sure her true appearance was masked. Had she somehow masked her scent?

The sudden thought brought to mind a very similar scent on Mystique which didn't make sense. If this was actually Mystique playing games what was her purpose? She'd sent him on a wild goose chase for what and why face Victor all by herself? It didn't make any sense at all especially after the way he'd left Mystique and Victor. If they'd gotten into another argument this wasn't any way to get back at him and there was no way she would win. Well it wasn't any of his business. He'd found what he wanted to know. She wasn't Ororo or a daughter of Ororo's. She was probably Mystique playing around and though he was not entirely convinced he turned back around and walk away from the village.

When he was past the horizon and long gone the woman sighed wistfully from her hidden spot. If Sabretooth was after her then she would be ready. She wished she had thanked Logan for the warning though she did not need it. She wished he had known her. She had heard that the fierce Wolverine had lost his edge, even mellowed in old age but he didn't appear to have changed very much. He should have known her. But he was still angry, still lost in the past. Life was about change, without it you were stagnant and there was no hope. Still, the sight of Logan had touched something inside her that she had thought long dead, something she hadn't expected possible. He didn't know her and yet she had sensed that somehow he did that he just couldn't figure it out. That amused her. She hadn't thought her magic could fool him so well. She was disappointed that he hadn't recognized her because it had almost seemed as if he still cared for her. But there could be no answers without revealing her true self and that she refused to do until she knew her own heart.

-xox-

True to Logan 's word Victor came for her that night in the little cinder block house she'd rented in the village. In the dim light of the fire she'd made to ward off the chill she saw Victor Creed's large body looming over her like a dark shadow of doom. He was grinning and she grinned right back.

"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?" she mused pleasantly as she laid on her bed, hands resting lightly on her stomach.

"Who are you?" he asked, thrown by her causal question.

"I am whom you seek but there is no secret Sabretooth. I have already told Logan ."

"You ain't who I expected. Pretty though. Look just like Storm, any relation?"

The woman sat up smacking his hands away from her.

"Ya got a lot of spirit too. Bet yer a lot of fun."

"I could indeed be a lot of fun if I let my baser self take you on."

"Hah!" he laughed, "ya think a little ol' frail like you can handle me? That's funny."

"Ripping your heart out might be more amusing I think."

"Well, come on then! I'll even keep my hands behind my back, come on!"

"I assume it will grow back?"

"Hell if I know. No one's ever ripped it out before but since you think you got the balls go for it. I'll give you five whole seconds ta try before I . . ."

"I don't need five seconds."

Still in mid speech, standing with his mouth hanging open, Victor felt his flesh tear as her hand thrust into his chest and then his heart was caught fast within her grip. She squeezed, yanked and pulled it free. Victor screamed.

"Would you like it back?" she asked.

Victor looked at his heart clutched in her hand, dark red blood running down her arm. He sunk to his knees then fell face down onto the floor

"I've heard if you eat the heart of your enemy their strength becomes yours. A little barbaric but I'm sure you've tried that before haven't you, Victor?"

Victor's body shook slightly. She got up from the bed and knelt beside him then as if unseen hands were maneuvering him he was lifted off the ground and slowly turned over onto his back then placed gently back onto the floor. Victor looked frightened though nearly lifeless. She sighed before placing his heart back into the cavity of his chest wondering what it was he saw as death came for him.

"You have not changed either, Victor and those who cannot nor will not change will never find happiness or contentment."

She stood, wiped her bloody hands and in that swift movement all trace of blood was gone.

"A-are . . . who are you?" wheezed Victor.

"I am more than meets the eye and less," she told him and vanished from sight.

"I'm gonna kill Raven," Victor groaned before he passed out.

One drop of Logan 's blood on the Crystal of Ultimate Vision had revived Logan from death. Ororo remembered that night though she hadn't witnessed Logan 's death and rebirth. She had been given her deepest wish – freedom. Freedom from the consequences of her emotions, to be free to laugh, wail and rage whenever she felt like it never having to worry if a storm might brew or worse. Her dear friend Yukio had shown her it was possible. But ultimately she had known that could never be her fate and so she gave up freedom with her dear friend Yukio and returned to fight beside Wolverine but he had pushed her back, back into bliss. She had not been strong enough to refuse that which was offered to her again. She never asked him why he'd done that. Had it been because he cared? Had he feared for her life? Had it been his ego that he had to believe he was the stronger of the two that he would succeed where she would fail? She needed to know.

"That was a sight to see," Logan said. "Thought I was gonna have to step in and make you give the man his heart back. Had that happen to me – it ain't fun."

The woman turned and stared at him. She had appeared outside the house just as easily as she'd left it.

"You're not Mystique or Jean an' yer not the Phoenix ," Logan said and she wasn't. She had given up the form he'd first seen her use and before him now was the splitting image of Ororo.

"I am not."

"Who are you?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"You look like you could be the daughter of a friend."

"I am not."

"But you look just like her. I know you," he insisted.

"You do and you do not."

"All right already with the flaming, mumble jumble mind games just tell me who you really are!"

"If you do not know then I cannot tell you and to tell you would not enlighten you."

"How do you know that? Huh? How do you know what I'd do?"

"Because you have not changed one iota, Wolverine and without change . . ."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time – I'm not ever gonna be happy but you don't know me lady, you don't know what I've gone through. I ain't nothin' like Creed."

"No you are not and in many ways you have been, perhaps may yet be though you deny it. Your legendary temper does not seem to have changed."

"I got that under control now. Things change, people change, I've changed."

"Once you let a woman you cared for marry a man she did not love, oh it was her mistake but you let her go without a fight. Would you still let her go so easily?"

"Yes."

"You spoke without hesitation but true love couldn't bear such a thing and so there is nothing more to discuss for you truly have not changed."

"What do you want me to do – lie to you? I loved a woman, she looked exactly like you looked before with the red hair but she wasn't meant for me and I always knew it. I let her marry Scott 'cause they were right together. I'd do the same today. I got nothin' ta regret."

She watched him but didn't speak. He glared back at her. She was waiting for something more from him and it angered him. He started to go but he didn't or couldn't. Almost involuntarily he opened his mouth to speak but then resolutely closed it refusing to tell her what was in his heart, his deepest regret. It was a hard struggle because he felt compelled – mind tricks? And if she was playing with his mind then she was most definitely not Mystique. But who then? He knew this woman. She looked like Ororo but couldn't be. She didn't smell like Ororo and Ororo would never do what he'd just seen her do, pulling Victor's heart out as she'd done. He ran his tongue over his lips, a nervous gesture she observed curiously, and then words streamed forth as if an imaginary dam had burst and Logan felt relief wash over him as he spoke.

"You aren't talking about Jean are you?" he said. "I don't know how you know but you're right. I let someone else go but she . . . she didn't want me. She was you but not, I mean you look like her but you know that don't you? You know me, my past, who I loved. I don't know how you do or why I'm even telling you this. Maybe because you look like her an' she was everything a woman should be – intelligent, beautiful, regal, sexy, sweet, kind, everything a man could want but she wanted someone else. One day right out of the blue she told me she was gonna marry some other guy an' I didn't say a word, didn't even question it. And as much as I'd like to say I wouldn't still do what I did I can't." He looked at the woman as if he needed her to understand.

"I did what I thought she wanted. I thought she'd be happier with him, maybe have a chance at a real life, have a real family maybe some kids and no worries, not having to fight the weekly villain never knowin' if you'd make it home alive again. If you think I should've made another decision, if that's change to you then no, I can't change. She meant too much to me to try an' keep her from bein' happy. There's no honor in being selfish."

"That was a kind but utterly stupid decision you made. It's always honor with you," she said and for the first time her voice held a trace of raw emotion. She was angry he saw but so was he.

"Who are you to judge me?"

"I will admit that you are right in that and I am in the wrong. I've no business judging you or anyone. I came here to make some kind of sense of my life, to make peace with my mistakes but here I am after all this time and I cannot forgive you. It would appear it is I who need to let go of the past, Wolverine. Perhaps you have changed and it is I who haven't and therefore cannot find the happiness I so desperately seek"

"Why can't you forgive me? What did I ever do to you?"

"It seems you would never be able to guess, not in a million years my friend but it no longer matters now. I can see our destinies are not aligned but I am not sorry we met again. Because of you I think my journey is finished and I have the answers I sought. I was wrong to accuse you for I am doing exactly what I accused you and Victor of. I have been too lost in the past to move forward. I have not been able to let go. If I cannot move forward and forgive how can I find peace? At least now I know."

"My advice to you is ta never think about the past it's just a waste of time."

"You never think about those you once loved?"

Logan was thoughtful. He was beginning to think he knew who this woman was with her untraceable and yet unforgettable scent. He didn't know what game she was playing but he meant to get to the bottom of it.

"You do not think of even your first love?" she asked.

The question involuntarily brought thoughts of Rose as vividly as if she was standing there before him so that he only had to reach out to feel her alive and whole. And she had been before him or almost in this woman who had looked so much like Jean who was a reflection of his first love. He remembered Jean, a good woman who did not love him any more than Rose had. He swallowed hard, feeling utterly stupid just as she'd called him. He had confessed his inner most feelings about Jean and Ororo to this woman and now there was nothing left for him but to face the truth whether he cared to admit it or not – he had loved foolishly.

"What are you?" Logan demanded.

She sighed. "I am all that you see even though I am more and less. Is that so hard to understand?"

"You talk in riddles like you expect me to understand. You don't act like Mystique, don't smell like her but she smelled like you an' talked in riddles too."

"Ah, the vaunted hyper senses seem to be failing though ultimately I suppose you will never change, never age, never . . ."

"You can't be Storm."

"I am no longer Storm," was her answer and faster than a blink of an eye she was once again Jean, red hair blowing in the gentle wind.

"I don't like playin' games, you got no answers fer me then this is over."

"Neither do I enjoy games but sometimes, sometimes my friend they serve a purpose."

"So, what's the purpose?"

"Fear I think."

Logan looked into her eyes, deep green in the dark of the early morning and badly wanted to believe this woman was the Phoenix . He simply couldn't believe it was Storm who could only be dead and he couldn't stand it if it were Mystique with new powers that he'd just bared his soul to.

"What're ya gonna do now?" he asked.

"I do not know. Are you looking for a traveling companion perhaps?"

"No."

The answer was prompt and sure.

"Then I am disappointed."

"Don't see why ya would be."

"No, you don't see anything at all," she replied.

There was a noise inside the house as if Victor had fallen again.

"Victor's going to try to kill you, you know that right?"

She laughed and said, "He may try to his heart's content but he won't – excuse the pun for it was not intended."

At the sound of her soft vaguely, niggling familiar laughter Logan 's anger ebbed but he wasn't ready to let it go entirely. "You never did care about anything," he said.

"That's rather cruel of you to say," she replied.

"It's true enough."

"I think this conversation's over," she said.

"I say it's not," he said reaching for her. He caught her arms and held on so she couldn't disappear.

They both let out a gasp at the contact. The touch of his hands against her skin sent a shiver down his spine and he thought he saw something in her eyes, something that showed she was just as affected but it lasted only seconds. Her arms dissipated in his hands and like before she vanished.