Queen of my Heart – When My World Came Tumbling Down
Cheery music echoed in background of Syaoran's mind.
It was the complete opposite of his mood and only made him feel worse, only adding to the desperate realms of depression that he felt as his mind drifted away to that place where she was still with him.
The ballroom was decorated to a state of perfection. It was covered in light shades of pink and vivid gold and silver. Most people seemed to look happy, but no matter how he tried he just couldn't be happy especially today of all days.
'Its all wrong,' he thought to himself looking around at the beautiful happy scene that played before him. 'Sakura should be here. She should be by my side enjoying this all. She should be part of this, she shouldn't be lost to me forever.'
At least he wasn't the only one who didn't seem to be enjoying him self. Eriol, Madison, Tori, Ruby, Mei Lin, all of them though they hid it better than he, were suffering the same pain he did though not quite to his extreme.
It had been three years now. Three years to the day he had first laid eyes on Sakura Avalon. Very few knew it, but she was the reason for all this extravagance and had been for previous celebrations. Heck, she was the reason he did anything.
The reason he breathed, the reason he woke up each morning, the reason that he cried him self to sleep every night; it was all for her and she'd never know.
This was his effort to celebrate her life and that of his he had spent with her rather than mourning the fact that he had lost the one person that had made his life worth living then and even now almost three years after her disappearance.
He found himself reminded of one of the first things that had crossed his mind the first time he saw her. 'Please be Princess Sakura.' It was strange how this was one of the first clear thoughts he had all evening and how fitting it became later on.
"How are you feeling, Xioa?" his cousin Mei Lin asked as she moved to his side.
"As good as I could possibly considering," Syaoran sighed. "I feel like I'm not going to make it through another year without her, but I know I will, because I always do. I have to, for her."
"She wouldn't want you to be like this," Mei Lin told him. "She wouldn't want you to spend your life crying over her like this."
"What else am I supposed to do?" he asked her. "Am I supposed to just get on with my life? Am I supposed to just go and forget the time we spent together and everything she means to me as if she was never even there to begin with?"
"Perhaps Syaoran," Mei Lin sighed. "Perhaps that's what she wants. Perhaps she just wants you to be happy even though she can't be here to make you happy."
"Perhaps that's not what I want. Perhaps I don't want to forget her or anything else for that matter," he said angrily. "I love Sakura, and I always will. I need her, because I love her and I struggle each day to live without her."
"Then find yourself a distraction," Mei Lin suggested. "It's the best way to mend a broken heart."
"Then let it stay broken. I don't want a distraction I want . . ." he trailed off as he noticed someone across the room. She stood out against the crowd just as she always did and he could see the same shining pale pink aura that he recognised so clearly about her. "Sakura," he whispered cautiously her name on his lips bringing almost a sense of relief to his aching heart.
Syaoran blinked.
Mei Lin looked carefully at her cousin seeing the trace of a smile, something she hadn't seen in such a long time. She'd almost believed that he had lost he ability to smile, let alone even be happy when Sakura died, but then maybe there was still a chance that he could get his old self back.
'It couldn't be,' he thought to himself blinking again to check his eyes weren't deceiving him as he watched her walk back to the kitchen. 'I must be dreaming. It's just another cruel twist of my imagination that I'll put all my hope in to only to find again that it is stolen away at the last possible second. I don't think I could live through that again.'
He held back the tears that he felt threatening to fall. He couldn't cry, especially not now with all these people watching him, looking to him for the strength and courage they needed to get through their daily lives. Tears of any kind would only betray their image of the strong and powerful leader he was always made out to be.
Syaoran struggled to find reason for these tears. Maybe it was the pain, the same pain he had felt every day for the last three years. Maybe it was the fear, fear that he was building his hopes up yet again only to have his heart ripped in two by his own naive need for a girl he had been forced to live without for so long.
Maybe they were tears of happiness, something he hadn't felt in so long that he could barely recall what happiness felt like. Maybe part of him believed more than anything else, that he wasn't dreaming, that it wasn't just another cruel illusion. That he wasn't putting faith in nothing.
Maybe, part of him had so much faith in the new apprehension of the girl of his dreams that it drowned out all the other cries that told him to stop, to just look the other way and give up before he even began to try, to run before he got hurt.
"Punch me," he said suddenly turning to his cousin who had spent the last few minutes trying to get him out of his trance.
"Why?" she asked confused by his strange request.
"Just do it," Syaoran replied imperatively.
Mei Lin shrugged her shoulders and did as she was told choosing not to question Syaoran's instructions.
"That hurt," he said a small smile, something he had lacked for so long, forming on his once forlorn face.
"No duh," Mei Lin replied. "That's what usually happens when you ask somebody to punch you who has been trained in martial arts almost as long as you have."
"Excuse me, I have to go check something," Syaoran said as he headed towards the kitchen where he'd seen the girl disappear into only moments earlier.
"Never mind me cuz," he heard her call after him angrily.
Syaoran politely pushed his way through the crowd ignoring most cries for his attention, as he struggled towards the kitchen. He couldn't stop now, not when she was so close that he could already feel his own aura pulling him towards her as he had felt it do in the beginning.
'what's a few seconds on three years?' he thought to himself as he was held up for a second. This didn't ease his mind, all he wanted to do was find her and hold her in his arms like he had longed for what seemed like forever.
"Excuse me?" Syaoran said directing his question at the head chef who was preparing a six-course dinner to his own specifications. "Have you . . ." he started.
"I'm sorry sir," Garcon, the head chef, replied impatiently in a thick French accent, "but I do not have time for silly . . ." Garcon trailed off as he looked up at the confident figure he had said nothing more to in his life that "as you wish sire" to. "Your majesty," he gasped praying the young king would be lenient. "How may I serve you?"
Syaoran could see the man was nervous and he had good reason to. Normally the sort of behaviour that had been displayed required instant exile and often worse, but then Syaoran had more important things on his mind to worry about right now.
"I'm looking for a girl, she was in there serving just before," Syaoran explained anxiously picturing her in his head as he often did. "She has auburn hair and green eyes and pale skin an . . ."
"Oh yes sire, I know who you are speaking of," Garcon replied. "She is outside in the garden."
"Thank you," Syaoran smiled knowing he was one step closer to having his dream come true. "You shall be rewarded for this."
Garcon blinked several times trying to make sense of the situation as Syaoran ran past him to the garden hoping he wasn't going to loose her ever again.
Lilly stood silently in the garden just thinking as she looked up at the cherry trees. She wasn't even sure about what anymore. Maybe it was the past, the future or somewhere in between where she was standing right now.
She turned around as she heard a noise behind her.
She recognise the boy straight away, or was it the man that boy had become. She couldn't help but recognise him, she could never forget. It was obvious either way as her eyes brightened to the brilliant and vibrant emerald colour they had previously lacked.
He was from her dreams, the one with the castle and the towering library and the perfect sunset. He was like the dream she'd formed in her head yet so much more perfect in real life. She found herself becoming entranced by his amber eyes though hidden slightly by honey brown locks reflecting her just as they always had in her dreams.
She pinched herself as she stared in awe hoping he wasn't just another dream. She searched her mind for that name that had always seemed so familiar on her lips, the name that granted her strength and courage when she needed it the most, the name that sent her heart into an accelerated frenzy. The name she longed to speak for as long as she could remember.
(A/N: doesn't have quite the same impact when you remember that she had amnesia and can only remember less than 3 years of her life anyway)
And now she could.
"Syaoran," she whispered nervously.
Syaoran felt the walls he had put around his heart that he had put up so he would never again feel a loss like her again cave in around him. He felt his world crumble away and all that was left was her . . . his one true love . . .
"Sakura."
~ *©*~
A cliffhanger, aren't I cruel? I made you wait so long just to get here and then I cut it off before it got interesting.
I'll put this up at about twenty or so reviews depending on whether I remember to check them or not so please review and I hope to have the next chapter up soon.