I do not own D. Gray- Man!

Chapter 23:

I had spoken to Lenalee. I couldn't convince her that it wasn't her fault. I did convince her to take a shower. That always helped, I knew. So while she was taking a shower I went to see how Lavi was doing. He was up on deck, leaning against the railing, holding an ace of spades, looking at it while facing the moon. The picture looked so sad and melancholy.

I walked up to him silently and stood behind him. He was talking.

"I'm not their comrade." His voice was low, unrecognizable, it almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself of the truth of words he was saying. "For the purpose of keeping records. I'm just traveling with them." I placed a hand on his back and stood next to him.

"Even if you can't see us as comrades, you'll always be one for us." I said softly, looking at him. "We love you both for the person and the bookman you are. Me, Kanda and everyone." Lavi folded his arms and sank down into them in complete misery.

"For a bookman attachments are a liability." It hurt to hear those words come from his mouth. Something like that could be expected from Kanda (Though it would also hurt to hear him). But Kanda made those kinds of statements all the time with his body language and cold attitude, daily actually. But Lavi, after he started being real, just didn't seem like the kind of person to say something like that. I knew it was because he was a bookman. But it still hurt.

"I know." Was all I could say, it came out softly and sadly, even to my ears. I didn't mean for it to come out sounding like that. I tried to make it sound like I was okay with it, but it just got twisted. I turned Lavi to me and hugged him, trying to make him see that I was okay with what he said. "I know." I tried saying it again, but it still came out in the soft voice.

That's when I saw the Akuma behind him. A deep burgundy color. I activated my innocence and pushed Lavi out of my way before the Akuma could punch him. I caught the hard punch in my hands.

"Title: Who are you?" The Akuma asked me, cocking his head to the side.

"The one who's gonna destroy you." I said kicking him in the stomach. His armor cracked but stayed on him. He was going to be tough.

"Title: How can you hurt Eshi?"

"By using innocence. I assume you've heard of it?"

"Title: You will sink into the ocean."

"I don't think so."

We came at each other, he gave me a blow and I gave him one. We were evenly matched. I threw a kick at his head, he stopped it with his hand. Then he punched me in the stomach.

I thought he was going for my head so I got hit heavily. It knocked all the wind out of me and sent me flying through the side of the ship and out to sea. I saw Lavi's hammer hitting the Akuma and then the Akuma blowing him down to the deck. Then the ship got even more out of sight until I hit the water.

It stung like a thousand needles.

I skid across the surface a few times before I fell in. It was in times like this that I wished that I had Lenalee's ability of walking on water and air.

I floundered in the water for a while trying to get my breath back. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I mistake a punch to the stomach as a punch to the head?! It was going to cost me. I wasn't a great swimmer and I think I broke a few of my ribs.

But I had to get to the ship. I was the strongest exorcist there, and if I was on par with the Akuma, the others didn't have much of a chance.

Unless they did something stupid.

I started swimming back in the direction of the ship.

Akuma bullets were raining down on it, which meant the Title guy brought some friends along with him… Lovely…

I saw Lenalee and the Akuma fighting farther and farther away from the ship. Did she even listen to a little bit of what I said- other than the shower thing? Why? Why would she do this? Why did she fall to pieces the moment something bad happened. I mean, yeah, I love her, but she really needed to get her act together. At certain times- and this was one of them. I mean, you can fall to pieces, but not during a mission!

To be honest, I was sick of the whole thing. Of the war, of the death, of seeing friends suffer. All I wanted was for this war to end so that I could go back to America, find a quiet place in the Ozarks and live there peacefully for the rest of my life. Without interruption and without trouble. A simple life. That was all I asked for.

Just then I felt a surge in my body that pulled me under the water. I fought and brought my head above water, but it felt like there were shackles pulling me down. I saw the boat being pulled down too. I looked at myself, or tried to, while I was being pulled down.

There were rings of dark matter where I was hit by the Akuma. They were like weights. I ignored them and kept swimming as best I could. Which was not very good to begin with, so now... well, I did the best I could, trying to keep my head above water and get closer to the ship. I had been dog paddling as it was (So I don't know how to swim- I never thought I'd need to! I fight on land people!), and now, I wasn't going anywhere, I didn't think so anyway. My head was above water and my broken rib- or ribs, I didn't know anymore- felt like they were on fire. Or maybe it was my lungs that had filled with salt water? I don't know, all I knew was that I was getting more and more tired as time went on. Swimming was hard enough and shackles and a broken rib or whatever didn't help!

I looked over at the ship and saw that there were no more bullets raining down on it. The sky was clear and I could see the moon. I looked at it to help me keep my head above water. Every now and then my mouth would fill with salt water. I couldn't cough it up, even if I tried. It burned my throat. The shackles weighed me down even more- if that was even possible. I kept trying to swim to the ship. A blinding light came from behind it, reminding me of Lenalee's fight with the Akuma. She needed my help! I fought harder and the shackles only seemed to get heavier.

Suddenly, the shackles seemed to break from around me. Meaning that Lenalee had defeated the Akuma, and that I landed on my face as I surged forward from the power of my struggle with shackles, that no longer existed. I floundered a while longer in the water trying to regain my balance. Once that was done I tried to swim back to the ship, but it was so far away and I was so tired from keeping my head above water. Hey! It's hard work to keep your head above water and try to swim when you don't know how! So I decided to take a well deserved rest. I flipped over onto my back and floated. This was way easier than swimming!

I looked up at the moon and the stars. I recognized them. It was like I was in the Ozarks and had snuck out of the house and to the small bald spot on the mountain where I would lay for hours in the silence of the night, watching the stars and the moon.

This was just like then.

Only there were no singing crickets, no rustling of trees, no owls hooting, no wind blowing across my face.

No.

Instead of the quiet peace that was home. Here there was a tired peace. A peace that came from the burning in my lungs and side, from the aching in my muscles, from the smell of the salty air that told me that I was at sea, from the silence of the ocean.

This was nothing like home.

But maybe it was just as good. Who was to say that this couldn't be home? Sure I wanted to live. Quietly, peacefully, maybe married with three kids, live in a house on that bald spot. A house with a porch, and a rocking chair on the porch and in front of the fire place. A few quilts that my mother made and that I made would keep the family warm during winter.

Maybe, just maybe, to have that.

Was it so much to ask for? Or maybe I should lie here for the rest of my life in this silent, scary, dark peace?

At least it was peace no? I thought as I closed my eyes and sank into the darkness.