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Chapter 37:

A week had passed since I'd first woken up in the infirmary. The only ones left here were Krory and I. General Cloud would come to see me, Lenalee did once too. She told me the others had come in, but I'd been asleep. She also told me that Leverrier had come to headquarters and was monitoring Allen because of what happened in the ark. It bothered her, I could see, but I didn't say anything. I just listened. If she wanted to she'd tell me.

I looked around me at the empty infirmary. They'd moved Krory to a private room so that people could sleep better.

"Ah! You're up!" The head nurse said coming over to my side. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better." I answered honestly. She smiled, I'd always been a good patient, comparatively.

"Your wounds have healed." She took the bandages off my leg to show me four thin white scars running from my thigh to my calf. "They've healed nicely too. Not as noticeable as I thought they would be. But you still have a broken arm and leg. Most of your ribs have healed."

"Will I be able to walk around?" I asked. "I really need to get out of bed."

"Yes, you do." She agreed nodding and handed me a crutch and sling. "Use these when you walk around. Be back here by eight though. I still want you in the infirmary." I smiled, took the sling and crutch and got up.

"Will do! Thank you!" And I left the infirmary as fast as I could. It didn't hurt to walk, which I really liked.

It felt wonderful to be up and about, walking around, just to walk around. I felt the blood running through my veins again. You know, the way it does after you get up from days of being sick in bed. When you're just tired of lying in bed and then you get up and your heart starts pounding with happiness, excitement and work out. I loved it. I loved feeling the blood rush through my veins.

I stopped and tried to decide where I should go. My stomach answered for me. It was time for food. I turned left down a corridor and recognized it as the one in which Kanda's room was in. Maybe I should see him? We needed to talk. Then maybe he'd go with me to get food. I walked over to his door, well, crutched over.

"What is it?" I heard Kanda ask and wondered if he'd heard me.

"Nothing." Lenalee was in there? Why? I pressed my ear to the door, listening. It felt wrong, to be listening in on them. But I couldn't bring myself to open the door and enter.

"It's Leverrier, huh. You always seem to run over to Hannah's or my place whenever that guy's around."

"I just hate having everyone worry about me. Ever since we were small I could be with you and Hannah and neither one of you would ask me any questions. It helps me relax."

"Don't you usually go to Hannah?"

"Yes, and I did get to talk to her. But like always, she doesn't ask questions, she waits for me to talk, and I just can't burden her anymore. I just want to relax. I'm just running away, aren't I?" She sounded miserable. "I just can't take it like this! I have to be stronger. But still! But still…" She was struggling for the words. I wanted to go in there and hug her! I wanted-

"Although I think you are a pretty strong person." I froze. I felt my mind go blank. Kanda had just said he thought Lenalee was strong! He'd never said that to anyone! It felt like someone had punched my heart. He'd never said he thought I was strong. On the contrary, he was always saying how I shouldn't fight alone. How I was two steps behind him. He always talked like I was weak in his eyes.

I felt tears stinging my eyes. It hurt to know that. It hurt to know that he thought I was weaker than Lenalee.

"Just shut up and meditate." I heard him growl at Lenalee. I stepped back from the door. He never let anyone meditate with him. I'd asked him a long time ago and he'd said no.

I breathed out quietly. It felt like my heart had been stabbed twice, and I had no clue why. What did it mean? Lavi would probably know. He seemed to know everything. Besides, I just felt like I needed to talk. Well, cry, actually, but I'd try not to do that. I blinked and wiped my eyes to make sure there were no tears on my face.

"Lenalee Lee is to come to Hevaleska's chamber immediately! Order of Secretary Leverrier and the supervisor!" A mechanical voice came through the door. I turned and continued down the corridor as if I'd been doing it all along. I didn't want her to know I'd eaves dropped on her conversation with Kanda. I heard the door open behind me and I forced my facial features to smooth out. I thought of food, I knew that would help.

"Hannah!" Lenalee cried, the corridor seemed to echo with the sound of her voice. Why didn't they put tapestries up to catch some of the sound?! "What are you doing here?" I turned smiling.

"Lenalee!" I said with convincing happiness. "Head nurse said that I could walk around now, so I'm going to get some food. Want to come?"

"I can't." Lenalee said, shoulders falling as the black cloud came over her head again.

"Wow, there's one black cloud." I said feigning surprise.

"Sorry, it's nothing. Where are you going after you eat?"

"I need to find Lavi, I have to talk to him."

"I see. It's great to see you up!" She then caught sight of my leg. "I can't believe you got scars."

"The nurse said they look better than what she thought they would." I looked down at my leg. "I guess I must heal pretty well." I smiled. "Either that or I'm just lucky."

"No. I think you're just good."

"Thanks. Nice to know someone thinks that about you."

"It's the truth." I grimaced.

"Maybe." I said my thoughts turning to Kanda's words.

"Lenalee Lee- Now!" The golem by her side said.

"Sorry I have to go."

"You'll do fine." I assured her and hugged her. "You are strong after all."

"Thank you." She smiled at me and left. I stood in the corridor and starred after her. Kanda was right, she was strong. It wasn't right of me to feel the way I did. Maybe she was stronger than me.

Kanda's door banged open, he stopped storming out as he spotted me. I stared at him and he stared at me. He was mad.

"Kanda?" I asked confused, wasn't he meditating? His eyes narrowed as he saw what I was wearing.

"You're going to see the perverted bookman wearing that?" He spat at me. I looked down and realized that I was wearing very short shorts and a tight grey shirt. It looked like Cloud had chosen the outfit, it showed and complimented every curve in my body. Definitely her style. It felt weird to know someone else had dressed you.

"I see what you mean. I'll change after lunch." I said turning back to continue walking to the dinning hall. "You gonna come, or have you already eaten?"

"Che." He fell into stride next to me, and for once the silence between us wasn't comfortable. "You know your room's right there, you can change now."

"I want to eat first." He growled at my answer. "Why does it bother you so much?!" I stopped and turned at him. A few finders past by, their eyes widened as they saw me but they hurried away when they saw Kanda next to me.

"That's why."

"that's none of your business. I can take care of myself." His conversation with Lenalee echoed in my mind. "Oh no, wait, I'm sorry, you're right, I'm far too weak to deal with anything on my own!" I snapped sarcastically at him. "I need someone next to me at all times to make sure I don't get hurt!" I turned and walked in the opposite direction of my room.

"Where are you going? The cafeteria is that way."

"I'm going to talk to Lavi first!" I knew I hit nerve.

"You will not go see that perverted bookman dressed like that!" Kanda yelled stepping in front of me.

"I don't think you have the right to tell me what to do." I snapped at him. "I can let whoever I want see me however I want! Besides Lavi won't do anything! He knows I can take care of myself! Unlike some people!" I was yelling now and I could feel tears in my eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Kanda yelled back.

"It means that I've had enough of you treating me like a helpless child all the time! I've had enough of your condescending words!" I yelled, tears spilling over the rims of my eyes and down my cheeks. "You're my best friend, Kanda." I whispered. "My best friend. Do you know how much it hurts to know I can never be your best friend?"

"How did you get to that?" He snapped, clearly uncomfortable with my crying.

"How can I be your best friend when you find me weak?" I laughed bitterly. "Best friend means you see the person as an equal in everyway." I wiped my tears and shook my head. "I finally see that you don't think of me as an equal, or even close to being equal. Why else would you always be so condescending and over protective?" I looked at him in the eyes, I couldn't read him, but that didn't stop me. "Best friends means that you trust the other person. You obviously don't trust me." I turned once again. "I'm sorry for burdening you all these years with things you never really cared about. I won't do it again." And I left, walking straight to my room, locking the door.