'Tis the almighty Chapter 4!

As usual, I don't own Digimon or any of its characters. But...Nyako/Omegavice, OOC attitudes, and any original characters are property of DevilKeys Writing in association with Hell's Gate Films; my writing label and my movie label.(Both are registered trademarks of 8th Circle Productions)

Sorry about not putting the above information on earlier chapters. It was just suggested to me by my friend and Assistant Director of most of my movies.(Why do I keep referring to everything was "mine"? I'm not the only one who owns it)

We don't put our movies on the Internet, so don't ask where you can find them. The reason for this is that we were almost sued by Hot Button Pictures and Dimension Studios for "stealing their ideas".

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"AHHH!!" Takato screamed as he backpeddaled furiously, which ended with him falling over the couch.

"Whee! That was fun, let's do it again!"

"...Calumon...?" Takato asked from his position of the floor.

"That's me!" the small white digimon said happily.

Takato arose from the floor and glared at the creampuff. "Don't EVER do that to me again."

Calumon's ears retracted and his eyes started to tear up. "Are you m-mad at me?" he stuttered slightly, like a child that was about to cry.

Takato's eye started to twitch. 'No...must...resist...the evil!' that's right, Calumon was using his secret weapon: the Uber Puppydog Eyes!(Now with real tears!) Not even Rika could stand up to these.

Yes, Calumon was cute and he knew exactly how to use that to his advantage. You can't just fly around latching yourself to people's faces without having a way out of a possible ass-kicking.

Finally, even Takato had to give in. "Just...don't do that again...it's embarrassing."

'SCORE!!' Calumon started dancing around in his mind, accompanied by a doughnut with legs and a rabbit holding a container full of gasoline and a lighter.

"Silly rabbit..." he said out loud, drawing Takato's attention.

"What?"

Calumon shook his head and stared at Takato. "Why are eskimo kisses embarrassing?" the digimon cocked his head to the side cutely.

"To a guy, they just are...and it's creepy." Takato crossed his arms.

"But so are you." Takato sweatdropped.

Takato could hear Nyako snickering in his head. 'Shut...up.'

'I didn't say a word.'

"And how, pray tell, am I creepy?" he knew he was creepy, but he liked hearing it from other people.

"I don't know, I heard this girl by your school say that you were creepy. I think her friend called her 'Rei'." Calumon said while nibbling on a doughnut that he brought from...somewhere.

Takato narrowed his eyes. "I know where she lives..." he said to himself, drawing a mental map.

"You're hot, too." Calumon said out of nowhere, now finished with his doughnut.

The digimon looked over to Takato, only to find said teen on the other side of the room backed up against the wall, staring at him like had had grown another head.

"What?"

"'What?' You do NOT say that, or anything like it, to another guy! EVER!!" Takato was slowly inching towards the steps, wanting to put as much distance between him and the Rookie as possible.

Takato, once again, heard the girlish giggle from just before Calumon "attacked" him.

"Alright, who else is here besides you?" Takato was suddenly behind Calumon.

"What do you mean? You're here too!" Takato facefaulted.

"Not what a meant...and where do you keep getting those doughnuts?" Takato pointed at the new doughnut that was now being devoured by the pint-sized digimon.

Calumon looked at the doughnut, then at Takato. "The Doughnut Fairy gives them to me!" Takato sweatdropped.

"'Doughnut Fairy?"

"Yeah, the nice Lillymon that gives me doughnuts for telling her how to get into your house!" Takato's eyes widened in horror.

"L-Lillymon?!" Takato started to look around frantically. 'Oh no, not her!'

'What's so bad about a Lillymon?' Nyako asked, not understanding the Tamer's reaction to the digimon's name.

'She's been after me for weeks now!'

'Why?'

'Oh come on, we both know I'm a sexy beast.' Takato pulled out a mirror and started messing with his hair, then he put it back...wherever he got it from.

'...Okay...'

Takato heard another giggle from behind him. He whipped his head around a full 180 degrees like an owl.

"Hoo..." Takato's eyes were unnaturally wide as he scanned the area, but only found Calumon playing around with a lighter and a can of hairspray.(A/N: I am not responsible for any idiot that goes home and tries this and burns his house down...but you can send me pictures of the aftermath at my e-mail)

"Nice owl impression." Calumon commented, the lighter and hairspray disappearing behind his back.

"No, I meant who was that." Takato said, grabbing his head and turning it back around with a sickening crunch, only to stare into a pair of big black eyes.

"TAKATO!!" Lillymon squealed as she glomped the helpless boy.

Lillymon began to nuzzle Takato's chest, breathing in deeply.

Calumon screamed. "Hey, how come she get's to do eskimo kisses and I don't?!"

Takato got a fearful look in his eyes as Lillymon tapped his chin in thought. "Hmm, eskimo kisses huh?" she grinned evilly and looked over to Calumon.

Calumon grinned as well and nodded while extending his ears and hovering. They both turned to a panicking Takato.

"What are you doing?" he asked shakily.

"ESKIMO KISSES!!" both digimon shouted in unison as they nuzzled Takato face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Takato shrieked as he bolted from Lillymon's grasp and hid behind the couch, leaving both digimon laughing their asses off.

Takato quickly realized that he stood no real chance of peace with the two digimon in the same room. So, to avoid another double-team, he had to get one of them to leave, and Lillymon wouldn't go unless he did as well.

"Hey Calumon, I'll let you raid the kitchen if you promise not to bother me for the rest of the night." Calumon instantly bolted into the kitchen screaming about creampuffs.

Takato sweatdropped, then realised that he wasn't watching Lillymon and he was alone with her. Just as he thought of it, he was tackled from the side. The air was knocked from his lungs as something landed on his chest and sat there.

"Oh, Takato, you naughty boy." Lillymon said seductively. Takato honestly hadn't known that her voice could get that low, he assumed it was always high pitched. "Making the kids leave the room while Mommy and Daddy play." she began to lean over, her lips getting closer and closer to Takato's.

Suddenly there was the loud bang of metal hitting the floor in the kitchen.

"Owww!!" came the child-like voice of BlackGuilmon.

"AHHHHH!!" came the terrified scream of Calumon.

A shrieking white blur latched itself to the side of Takato's head.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Takato asked the shivering digimon.

"G-G-G-GUILMON ZOMBIE!!" Calumon stuttered/screamed.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that Guilmon's back!" Takato said cheerfully. "Now get off of my face." he deadpanned. Calumon dropped to the floor, still in shock.

BlackGuilmon came into the room rubbing a large bump on his head. "Takatomon, a bread tray hit me on the head while I was sleeping, then Calumon flew away." he whined

Calumon suddenly jumped up and flew at BlackGuilmon. "Guilmon!" he exclaimed happily.

"Calumon!" BlackGuilmon yelled back just as happily. Calumon seemed to forget all about his fear, and BlackGuilmon, his pain.

Lillymon turned to Takato with a puzzled expression. "Wha?"

Takato turned back to her and smiled. "I guess I have some explaining to do."

(An Hour Later)

"And that's when Calumon went Facehugger on me." Takato finished explaining Guilmon's resurrection, to which Calumon paid no real attention to besides Guilmon's new name.

"So, you're a Tamer again?" Lillymon asked.

Takato nodded. "Yep."

"Does that mean that you'll be joining the others again?" Lillymon said with a hint of sadness, she had known of Takato's crush on Rika.

Takato scowled. "Hell no! I wouldn't go back to those pricks if they paid me." Lillymon instantly brightened.

"Really?!" she asked a little too happily for Takato's taste.

Takato just nodded and watched BlackGuilmon and Calumon play, but he noticed something was amiss, or, more accurately, someone.

"Hm, where did Calumon go?" BlackGuilmon shrugged.

"Hey Takato." Calumon's voice came from Takato's right.

"Yeah Calumo-!" Takato froze when he saw the little digimon holding his discarded shotgun.

"What does this do?" Calumon asked, looking directly at the trigger.

Takato began to panic. "Um, it's nothing, it does nothing! It's just a prop, it's fake, so put it down and step away from it." Takato spoke with a slight edge to his voice, while Lillymon just hid behind the couch.

"But I-!" BANG!! Calumon put a little too much pressure on the gun's trigger. The kick on the gun made his fly back multiple feet into a wall.

Takato ducked instantly, saving himself from a lethal haircut. "SON OF A BITCH!!" he yelled.

"I really hope no one heard that." Nyako said.

"You said it." Lillymon replied.

Takato looked at her. "Said what?"

Lillymon looked back. "You didn't say. 'I really hope no one heard that.'?"

Takato shook his head. "That was Nyako." Takato pointed at his wristwatch.

"Hiya!" Nyako greeted.

"Ah. Hello to you too." Lillymon smiled.

BlackGuilmon walke over to the still smoking shotgun on the floor and sniffed it.

Takato saw this and started to worry. "No, BlackGuilmon! Don't mess with it, just give it to me." Takato told his digimon.

"Okay, Takatomon, here you go!" BlackGuilmon picked the gun up and tossed it to Takato, who barely caught it.

"Dammit, boy, don't do that! I tend to like keeping my head on my shoulders." Takato went to pick up his machete and his mask.

"...What's up with the machete?" Lillymon asked sweatdropping.

"What? This is the biggest one I could find." Takato went to his room to put away his "toys".

"Not what I meant..." Lillymon muttered.

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Revised July 20, 2008

As you can see, I've taken out the outtake that was at the end of this chapter. I believe this was the chapter I wrote while drunk, at least that part of it. When i get drunk I tell stories about funny moments in my life, regardless if I'm asked to or not. I realize that, without the outtake, the chapter is much shorter, but I can't really add anything to it, so you'll just have to deal with it!

Again, no big changes, just error removal.

*Edit - 5/17/09: This story blows so much it's not even funny....Okay, it is kinda funny.*

Jason Out!