Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I have a bunch of other stories I am working on and the holidays are consuming my time. Firefly is too important to just throw something out there. I will do my best to make the wait worth while. Thanks for reading.

Part III

Zoe comes to in her bunk. Since she knows she was no where near her bunk last she remembered, Jayne must have carried her home again. She hates having Jayne watch dogging her but she appreciates that it is the Captain's way of showing her he cares. She knows better but it just hurts so much now that he is not here. 'How dare he die and leave her alone!!!' she shouts to herself. She wishes she could hate him for leaving. It would make things so much easier but she just can't. He made her life complete and now a piece will always be missing. She struggles out of her bunk as washes up noting more than a few new bruises. 'So fighting and drinking. Walsh would never approve. Great going, Zoe' she thinks.

When she drags herself to the kitchen she is surprised to see Jayne sitting there. It is not that fact he is eating since outside of his guns seemed to be his favorite pastime. It is the fact he is eating a real steak.

He looks up at her and points to the frig. "Don't worry I didn't touch your plate. River promised she would take my hand if I did." he says between mouthfuls.

She opens the frig and sees a plate piled high with steak, potatoes, and brocili. A note in River's handwriting says "For Zoe." Touched she takes and reheats the food. Even reheated it is better than anything she has tasted in a long time. 'Walsh would have loved this.' floats into her mind. Annoyed she gets up and digs thru the cabenets till she finds a bottle. She does care what it is. She just starts drinking it.

Jayne looks up from his meal. He hates to see her this way. She is plum useless this way. Trying to be helpful he says "You won't be able to taste nothing with that fire water burning out your taste buds."

"We both know you don't care" she snaps back.

"Of course I don't. I was just bringing it up because it seems a waste of good food is all." Jayne retorts with a smile.

Smiling in spite of herself she replies "You want my dinner?"

"River said she and her friend would do things to me if I did. Besides you need to eat sooner or later. Maybe just eat before you drink is all." Jayne comments.

'Oh crap. That is right. She forgot all about River's friend.' she thinks. "How is he working out?" she asks.

"Well after beating the tar out of the captain, just fine." Jayne says with his trademark smirk.

"Where is the captain now?" Zoe asks. Her concern forcing other thoughts from her head.

"Doc was tending him" Jayne replies.

Zoe rushes down to the sickbay. She runs in and sees Simon bandaging Mal's ribs but what stops her in her tracks is the sight of Inara holding Mal's hand. Happiness and jealousy flood her. Finally, they deserve to be happy wars with how dare they now. Overwhelmed she staggers before shaking her head clear.

Thinking it is her usual reason for stumbling, Simon remarks "My drugs are for accidents not self inflicted stupidity."

Stung by Simon's comment, she also notices how far she has let her self go for him to be cold to her. Drawing in a deep breath, she replies "Just tripped over my eyeballs. I must have tied one on harder than I thought to be seeing what I am seeing."

Mal pulls his hand from Inara's and Inara shoots Zoe a thanks bitch look. Kicking herself for hurting those close to her, she tries to recover "I just didn't think the Captain would let a passenger kick his butt on his own ship."

Mal clearly brissles and Zoe realize she said exactly the wrong thing. Trying again she goes starts to go with something clever but changes her mind and goes with honest "It ain't no secret I am a mess. I am sorry for letting you all down. I am sorry for hurting you. I know Walsh would be glad to see you together. I want to be happy for you but I just hurt all the time. I don't know what I am going to do without him. I wish to god I knew." Tears pour from her and she drops to her knees. She didn't realize till now that she hadn't let herself cry. Now that she has started she can't stop.

Inara wraps her arms around Zoe and holds her while she cries. Simon finishes with Mal and heads to his room. He knows this is something his medicine can't help with. When Simon leaves, Mal does another brave thing. He moves to Inara and Zoe and joins their embrace. He is incredibly uncomfortable till Inara smiles at him. Her smile makes it ok. Her smile also clues him into how badly tore up Zoe must be. He knew she was hurting but till today didn't really get it.

When Zoe is done crying, she is surprised to find Inara and Mal holding her. Mal looks at her and says "Walsh was a good man. One of the best I have ever known. It is bound to take a gal a long while to get over him. All you can do is keep fly'n in the meantime."

Zoe is touched by Mal's words. She knows how hard it is for him to say them. For the first time, she believes she might be able to survive this.