Craig looked down at Adam's sleeping form with a smile. It seemed his flatmate hadn't even managed to make it to his bed and had fallen asleep on the sofa.
"Oy wake up," Craig said as he kicked the sofas leg, "John Paul's gonna cook us breakfast… you don't want to miss out."
Adam rubbed his eyes and stared blurrily at Craig. "I thought we had no food in," he mumbled.
"Some of us have already been out to the shops," Craig told him, "Now get up… food will be on the table in 10 minutes."
Adam pulled himself upright as Craig left the room. Why did his head feel so bad and his eyes feel full of sand? They hadn't been drinking last night and yet his body felt as if he was suffering the worst hangover in history.
As he ran his hands through his hair Adam sighed sadly. During the night he had raised himself from the sofa in a desperate need for the bathroom and, as he returned, he had heard voices coming from Craig's room. Without meaning to he had paused by Craig's door and listened long enough to hear declarations of love being exchanged between the two men inside the room.
Adam had rushed back to the sofa with tears running down his face. Why had he stopped to listen? He had already known how those two felt about each other but listening in on such an intimate exchange hammered the fact painfully into his heart. He had buried his face into the cushion and made no attempt to stop the tears as his body shook with silent sobs. He wasn't sure how long he had wept until exhaustion had finally taken hold of him and given him the sweet escape of sleep.
Adam bit his lip at the memory, desperately holding back a fresh flood of tears as he got to his feet. At least it explained why he felt so bad this morning.
"One egg or two?" John Paul asked cheerfully as Adam took his seat at the small table in the centre of the kitchen.
"One's fine," Adam replied not quite able to look John Paul in the eye.
He had thought that he had no appetite but, as John Paul placed the plate of food in front of him, Adam felt his stomach rumble its approval.
"Enjoy," John Paul said squeezing Adam's shoulder lightly as he returned to grab the other two plates.
The three men ate quietly for a while, the only sounds being the scrape of knives and forks against their plates and the occasional appreciative murmur.
"Oh Adam," Craig mumbled around a mouth full of bacon, "Me and John Paul are planning to go out for a few drinks tonight, fancy joining us."
Adam smiled at the invitation. "Great," he thought to himself, "What better way to pass the evening than in the company of the man I can't stop thinking about and his boyfriend… and after that I might just go and stick red hot needles in my eyes… really make a night of it…"
"Sounds like fun," Adam heard his voice saying, "Count me in." He winced inwardly at his own acceptance and wondered why hadn't he simply told Craig that he had already made plans?
---
"Craig!" The dark haired landlady called out enthusiastically as the three men entered the pub, "I take it you've brought my car back in one piece?"
"Of course," Craig reassured her as he dropped the keys into her open hand, "And thanks so much for lending it to me Linda… I really appreciated it."
"Ahhh who am I to stand in the way of true love?" she laughed as she turned her attention to Craig's companions. "And you are obviously John Paul," she said looking at his gently sculptured features, "I'd recognise you anywhere, Craig's shown us all enough photos!"
"Nice to meet you," John Paul said as his cheeks flushed an embarrassed pink.
"And so polite," Linda continued as she walked out from behind the bar. "Welcome back to Ireland," she said placing her hands on John Paul's shoulders and kissing his cheek, "Sorry that I missed you last time you were here but I understand you helped Craig look after the place."
John Paul blush deepened at Linda's words and the memory of just HOW he had helped Craig. But there was something about this woman that he took an instant liking too and, despite his embarrassment, he found himself grinning widely at her.
"Well I did my best," John Paul said with a laugh.
"You're obviously doing something right, love," Linda said patting his cheek, "I've never seen our Craig look so happy… and he was a right misery when he first started working here!"
"Hey I AM stood right here," Craig objected.
"And you know I'm right," Linda said affectionately, "Good job this lad gave you another chance… your face was turning the beer sour!"
Craig took hold of John Paul's hand and squeezed it. "I don't know where I'd be if he hadn't," he said quietly.
Adam shuffled uncomfortably until Linda shooed them away to a table.
"Go on," she said with a smile, "I'll bring your drinks over."
"Now that's service," Craig joked.
"Nothing's too much trouble for my favourite barman and his lovely fella," Linda said, "Oh and you too Adam…"
---
As the drink flowed Adam slowly felt himself begin to relax. He was always happy in Craig's company and the only difference now was another man sat at the table with them.
"Anyone fancy a game of pool?" he asked looking across the room at the empty pool table.
John Paul spluttered into his drink in a vain attempt to hide his laughter.
"John Paul's not much of a pool player," Craig laughed as his eyes flashed mischievously at his boyfriend.
"What Craig MEANS is that I'm too good and he always has to rely on dirty tricks to cheat," John Paul said unable to tear his eyes away from Craig's laughing face.
"So is that an no then?" Adam asked realising that he had stumbled across some private joke that he was not allowed knowledge of.
"Nah come on," John Paul said getting to his feet and holding out his hand to Craig, "Let's see if you can manage a real game for once."
"You're on," Craig agreed taking John Paul's hand and following him across the room, "But don't go crying when I wipe the floor with you!"
Adam sighed as he stood up and watched the two lovers laughing as they began to set up the table. Suddenly he felt very alone and wondered if they would even notice if he didn't join them.
---
Five games in and John Paul placed his cue down on the table in triumph.
"Ready to admit defeat yet?" he asked Craig with a grin.
"Fine… you win…" Craig conceded, "But it's only coz you spend to much time playing while I'm working!"
John Paul kissed Craig softly. "Now don't be a sore loser," he said teasingly.
"What about you Adam, fancy another game of have you had enough too?" John Paul's brow furrowed as he looked over at the green-eyed man.
Adam was swaying slightly on his feet and his eyes had an unfocused look about them. John Paul didn't understand how Adam could be so much more intoxicated when they had all had the same number of drinks. Of course what he didn't know what just how many shots of straight vodka Adam had consumed each time it had been his turn to go to the bar. Swallowing down the neat liquid in an attempt to quench the awful burning in his chest that he felt every time Craig looked at John Paul, his eyes filled with uncompromising love.
Even now, with the alcohol running richly through his veins the terrible ache was still there as sharp as it had been before he had taken his first drink, the numbing effect of the vodka seemed to pass this pain by.
"My round I think," Craig said getting to his feet and squeezing John Paul's hand before he left.
John Paul took his seat and Adam slumped down heavily onto the cushion next to him.
"You OK?" John Paul asked with concern.
"Me?" Adam replied with faked cheerfulness, "Couldn't be better… few beers and good mates, what more could I ask for?"
"So what's really bothering you?"
Adam tried to shrug off the question but at the last second his eyes sought out the figure of Craig at the bar making his wince as if he had been physically struck.
"You're very lucky," Adam slurred turning his eyes to John Paul, "He really loves you…"
"I know," John Paul replied, "I'd be lost without him."
"I've seen the way he looks at you. It's like… it's like sometimes you're the only thing he can see…"
"He's my world," John Paul said looking straight into the pained green of Adam's eyes, "And I'll do anything it takes to protect him… to keep him."
Adam's eyes dropped to the floor, "You know don't you?" he whispered.
"It's been obvious for a while," John Paul said quietly, "It's written all over your face."
"Does he know?" Adam asked looking over to Craig again.
"Oh you know Craig," John Paul told him with a smile, "He doesn't think enough of himself to even imagine that two men could be in love with him… especially not one that he still thinks is straight!"
"Are you gonna tell him?"
"Do I need to? Do you plan on doing anything about it?"
"God no," Adam looked quickly at John Paul the sincerity burning in his eyes, "I know what you two have got… I don't want to… I wouldn't want to… hell I couldn't come between that even if I tried…"
"Because if you ever do try anything…" John Paul left his thought unfinished but they both knew that John Paul was not to be crossed, not when it came to Craig.
"I won't," Adam promised, "And I'm sorry, really I am."
John Paul took Adam's hand in his and squeezed it gently. "You think I don't understand what you're going through?" he asked gently, "Coz I do… I was in love with him for so long before he ever knew… and it was even longer before he could admit he felt the same way."
Adam nodded gratefully, relieved that he had finally been able to confess his hidden feelings and even more relieved that John Paul was the understanding man he had believed him to be.
"Here we are then," Craig happy voice broke the silence that had fallen between his two companions and John Paul let go of Adam's hand as soon as he realised he was still holding it. "What's with the long faces?" Craig asked noticing the expressions on his friends faces, "We're supposed to be having a fun night out."
John Paul laughed as he took hold of his drink. "We were just wondering how long you were gonna be with the drinks," he joked, "Right Adam?"
"Right," Adam agreed smiling his thanks at John Paul, "You'd think this places favourite barman would get preferential service!"
"Ahh well don't like to push in," Craig grinned, "Except for here, come on budge up." With that he pushed his way onto the cushion between Adam and John Paul as both men moved to let him in.
"So what were you talking about?" Craig asked as he took a drink.
"You actually," John Paul told him. Adam felt his breath catch in his throat at John Paul's words and his fingers shook as they held his drink.
"Really?" Craig asked with amusement.
"Yeah," John Paul confirmed, "We were just saying what a rubbish pool player you are!"
----
"Just how DID he get in this state?" Craig asked as he and John Paul half carried, half dragged, Adam through the streets of Dublin, "He's not normally this much of a light weight."
"I dunno," John Paul lied as he held on to the drunken man tightly.
"It's times like this I wish I had a car of my own."
"Yeah but you've been drinking too… so that wouldn't really help would it?"
"Well yeah," Craig conceded, "But still…"
John Paul laughed. "That's your entire argument," he teased, "But still!"
"Well it's late," Craig complained, "And I'm lugging a drunken mate home... Come on Adam, at least help us out a bit here mate."
Adam mumbled incoherently as he attempted to get his footing but quickly stumbled and slumped back into the arms holding him upright.
"It's gonna be a long walk home," Craig sighed adjusting his grip around Adam's waist, "Thank god you're here to help me."
John Paul smiled over the head of the drunken man between them. "I'll always be here when you need me," he said, "You know that."
---
"Thank god," Craig sighed in relief as they finally heaved the semi-conscious Adam onto his bed, "I thought we'd never make it."
"He's gonna feel so rough in the morning," John Paul said sympathetically as he looked at the dishevelled form strewn across the bed.
"Serves him right," Craig replied, "What on earth possessed him to get himself this drunk?"
John Paul chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully, he knew exactly what lay behind Adam's decision to try and drink himself into oblivion but it was a reason he wasn't about to share with Craig.
"You don't think…" John Paul paused as he considered his words carefully so that he didn't give too much away, "You don't think the two of us bothers him do you?"
"He's not homophobic if that's what you mean…"
"Nah I don't mean that… but what with him being single… maybe seeing us so happy is making him feel a bit left out."
"I can't see that," Craig laughed as he pulled Adam's shoes off and dropped them to the floor, "He's had more women than I could count…"
"And how many of them have lasted more than one night?"
Craig considered for a moment. "None that I can really remember," he admitted "D'you think we should undress him?"
John Paul laughed. "I don't think he'd appreciate that… just pull the cover over him and let him sleep."
As Craig pulled the duvet around his drunken friend Adam's eyes fluttered open.
"Craig…" he slurred with a lopsided smile.
"Alright mate?" Craig said gently, "You get some sleep, you've had one too many."
"I love you Craig," Adam said clumsily brushing his hand against Craig's cheek.
"Yeah love you too mate," Craig replied taking the hand and tucking it under the covers.
John Paul felt an irrational surge of jealousy run through his veins. An image came unbidden to his mind, a memory from so long ago, a drunken Craig holding onto the lapels of his rented tuxedo and saying that he loved him. It had been the first time Craig had spoken those words to John Paul and, despite the actions that followed, it was a moment it time that John Paul treasured. Even though he knew that Craig's love for Adam was purely platonic he couldn't help but wonder if it was a love he had spoken of before, if Adam had his own treasured memory of the first time Craig used the word to him.
He tried to push the jealousy from his mind as they left Adam's room.
"He MUST be drunk to have said that," Craig said laughing.
"But you still said it back," John Paul replied a little more bitterly than he intended.
"Well what did you want me to say," Craig began before noticing the look in John Paul's eyes, "Oh my god, you're not jealous are you?"
John Paul felt his cheeks flush. "Well he is very good looking," he reasoned.
"Yeah I suppose he is," Craig agreed, "Why else d'you think I picked him to move in here!"
John Paul starred at Craig in astonishment. "You mean you fancy him?"
"Maybe I did when I first met him," Craig said honestly, "I mean I was alone in a strange city… a strange country, the person I loved was far away and I didn't think I'd ever see him again… I needed something to cheer myself up…"
"So what happened?"
"How d'you mean..?"
"When he moved in… did anything come of you fancying him?"
"You really ARE jealous," Craig struggled to hold back his laughter, "Well if you must know the first night he moved in we sat in the living room had a few beers and…"
"And?"
"And I told him all about you… and it's been like that ever since… even when you're not here you're still a presence in this flat. Besides he's straight remember…"
"And what if he wasn't?"
"What is all this John Paul… where's it coming from?"
"Just tell me… what if he wasn't straight… what if he was gay… or, or bi… what then?"
"I don't know… but he isn't so it doesn't matter."
"It matters to me… what if, before us, before Christmas, what if he'd come to you… wanted you…would you have slept with him then?"
"Yeah maybe I don't know… I was lost without you and I made a lot of stupid choices… but Adam wasn't one of them…"
"And now?"
"And now what?"
"What if he came to you now… when I wasn't here… told you that he wanted you… would you sleep with him now?"
"No of course I wouldn't," Craig gripped John Paul arms tightly, his lover's soft blue eyes seemed tormented by something that he couldn't understand and it tore at his heart to see it, "There's only you now… you know that. Tell me where this is all coming from John Paul, I can't bare to see you like this."
John Paul felt his jealousy begin to melt away under the concerned gaze of Craig's deep brown eyes. "It's nothing," he said quietly, "Just the beer talking… just forget it… really…"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah… it's just…"
"Just what?"
"Sometimes I get so scared that I'm gonna lose you again… that you're gonna wake up one morning and realise that you don't really want me… I don't think I could go through that again."
"Oh John Paul," the pain is his lovers voice brought tears to Craig eyes and he pulled John Paul into his arms. "It's never gonna happen," he promised, "You and me… we're for keeps… loving you is the only thing that's keeping me sane… knowing that after Uni there will be nothing left to keep us apart."
"You promise?" John Paul whispered into Craig's neck, breathing in the scent of the man, the sensual fragrance that he knew so well.
Craig released his hold on John Paul and stepped back to look at him. Staring into the pale blue of John Paul's beautiful eyes always took Craig's breath away but to look into them and see this anguish and uncertainty caused him physical pain.
"I love you," he said slowly, emphasising the words and meaning them more than he ever had before, "You're my life John Paul, don't ever doubt that… without you I wouldn't have any reason to carry on."
"I'm sorry Craig I'm just being silly aren't I?"
"I just wish you would tell me where all this is coming from… please John Paul tell me what's made you think like this…"
"It doesn't matter," John Paul said quietly, "Just hold me and let me know everything will be OK."
Craig enveloped John Paul in his open arms and held him tightly, kissing the top of his head gently.
"Everything is fine," he breathed into John Paul soft hair, "We're together and everything is fine."
Craig's eyes stared blankly at the wall behind John Paul's head as he held his boyfriend close. Something had caused John Paul to doubt him and he wasn't going to rest until he found out what it was.
---
It was a decidedly pale Adam that staggered into the kitchen the next afternoon.
He held his head in pain and groaned pitifully.
"I need water and aspirin," he whimpered, "And a new head." He sat down and rested his forehead against the cool wooden table. "Oh scrap that," he moaned, "Just kill me now!"
Craig laughed with little sympathy for his friend. "Feeling a bit rough are we," he asked, "Fancy a fry up?"
Adam groaned a little louder and raised his head to look at his friend, wincing as the bright light pierced his brain.
John Paul filled a tumbler with water and set it on the table in front of Adam. The man took the glass and drank it gratefully. He looked at John Paul with a frown certain that there was something he should remember but couldn't quite put his finger on it. Had he done something? Said something? An uncomfortable uncertainty niggled at the back of his mind.
"Exactly how drunk was I last night?" he asked.
"Well we had to pretty much carry you home," Craig laughed.
"Shit, I didn't make an idiot of myself did I?"
"Not too much," Craig assured him, "Oh apart from telling me that you loved me that is!"
If Adam hadn't already been deathly white the colour would have drained from his face. He turned his eyes to John Paul and the memory of his confession the previous evening came flooding back to him. Had he really gone and admitted his love for Craig… to Craig's boyfriend?
"God I must have really been wasted," Adam replied with a forced laugh.
"Yeah that's what I said," Craig agreed patting his friend on the shoulder, "I'll get you the aspirin."
As Craig left the room Adam looked carefully at John Paul. "I guess I said some pretty stupid things last night," he said quietly.
"Yeah just a few," John Paul agreed as he refilled Adam's glass and then took a seat at the table facing him, "But it doesn't stop them being true."
Adam sank his face into his hands. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I should never have said anything, I'm really sorry..."
"It's OK," John Paul assured him. Taking hold of one of Adam's hands he pulled it from his face and looked into the pained blood-shot green eyes. "I'm glad you told me," John Paul said, "I was starting to think I was being paranoid."
"Have you said anything to him?"
"Of course not... I said I wouldn't didn't I?"
"I don't really remember!"
"I'm not surprised," John Paul laughed softly, "In fact I'm surprised you remember anything at all."
"Did I really tell him I loved him?"
"Yeah, but it's OK, he just assumed it was the booze talking."
"Thank god."
"Here you go," Craig said brightly placing a bottle on the table, "Aspirin."
"Thanks," Adam replied snatching up the bottle and taking hold of his drink. "If anyone needs me I'll be in my room... dying!"
"Poor sod," Craig said as Adam staggered back to his room, "Just make sure I never get that wasted will you?"
John Paul got to his feet, slipped his arms around Craig's waist and rested his head on his boyfriends shoulder. "Well even if you did I'd be here to look after you," He promised kissing Craig's neck softly.
"Yeah?" Craig asked as he turned in the circle of John Paul's arms to look into the deep blue of his eyes, "Might be worth getting sick just to have you look after me."
John Paul laughed and kissed Craig playfully. "Just don't expect me to wear a nurses' uniform," he joked.
"Shame," Craig complained, "It would have suited you."
Craig smiled as he pulled John Paul close to him. Whatever had been troubling the man the previous evening seemed to have passed but Craig was still determined to find out exactly what had upset him in the first place.
---
Adam opened his eyes a fraction at the sound of his bedroom door. He didn't know how long he had slept but the pain in his head had subsided to a dull throb and the nausea no longer made him feel like rushing for the bathroom.
"How you feeling mate?" Craig asked as he tiptoed into the room.
"Well you can call off the funeral," Adam replied, "But I don't think I'll be up for another drinking session for a day or two!"
"It wasn't supposed to be a drinking session in the first place."
"Yeah, I know… sorry… I hope I didn't ruin your night…"
"You're forgiven… just this once." Craig sat on the edge of Adam's bed and looked at his friend. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what's up?"
Craig looked at his fingers for a moment before answering. "Did something happen last night?"
"Something what?"
"I'm not sure," Craig looked at Adam again and the man could see worry in the deep brown of his eyes. "Did anybody say anything to John Paul when I wasn't there?"
"You're asking ME to remember things that happened last night? What's going on?"
"I'm not sure, it might be nothing… so you don't remember anyone talking to John Paul… about me… not at all?"
Adam felt a growing dread in the pit of his stomach as his nausea began to return.
"Sorry mate, not that I know of… why, has John Paul said something?"
"Not as such," Craig said chewing on his bottom lip, "It's just the way he was acting when we got back last night… like someone had upset him… or… I dunno, said something to make him doubt me… and I just want to know what it was and more importantly who said it!"
Adam swallowed hard to force down the bile he could feel rising in his throat. "No… I… I can't think of anything… you sure it wasn't just the drink?"
"Yeah maybe," Craig said unconvincingly as he got to his feet, "Anyway you get some more sleep… you still look like crap!"
"Thanks," Adam replied as Craig turned to go.
Adam sank his head into his pillow with a sigh and, not for the first time that day, he berated himself for getting so drunk that he felt the need to confess his feelings to John Paul. Maybe John Paul had suspected something but that was hardly a reason to admit things was it? And now it seemed that not only had he been so blatantly stupid but he had also caused problems for the one person he never wanted to hurt.
He wasn't sure if there was even a way to fix things now but, as soon as he felt human again, Adam decided he was going to try his best to do just that… whatever it took.
---
Craig sighed resting his head on John Paul's shoulder as John Paul sat at a slight angle with his legs over Craig's thighs. It was getting late but both men felt too comfortable to move.
Craig sighed again.
"What's wrong?" John Paul asked.
"I was just thinking," Craig replied, "I can't believe you've been here for three weeks already…"
"I know," John Paul agreed, "It feels like I've only just arrived."
"And before long you'll be…"
"Don't," John Paul interrupted, "Don't say it… not yet… I'm not ready to think about that yet."
Craig ran his hand softly over John Paul's leg. "Nor me," he said, "I want to pretend that you're gonna be here forever…"
"One day," John Paul said quietly as he covered Craig's hand with his own and squeezed it gently, "One day…"
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, content to do nothing more than be together, until Craig spoke again.
"D'you think Adam's OK?" He asked with a hint of concern.
"How d'you mean?"
"Well we've not seen much of him recently… and when he is here he seems really quiet."
It was true, Adam had been out of the flat more often that he had been home over the past few weeks and, although John Paul appreciated the effort he was making, it still made him feel sorry for the man when he noticed the haunted look in Adam's eyes.
"I think he's just giving us some time alone," John Paul reasoned, "Or maybe he's met someone!"
"Yeah you're probably right… but not about him meeting someone, he'd have told me… he always does."
"Really? Always?"
"Oh yeah, in detail… sometimes a bit too much detail." Craig laughed, "Besides I can tell when he's got the hots for someone, he's not very good at hiding his feelings!"
John Paul nearly laughed out loud at Craig's comment. Craig thought that he knew his flatmate so well but the one fact that was blindingly obvious to John Paul seemed to have passed Craig by completely.
Craig pushed John Paul's legs from him as he jumped to his feet and held his hand out.
"Come on," he said with a grin.
"What?"
"Let's go out…"
"Craig it's nearly midnight."
"So? You're on holiday…"
"And where exactly are we gonna go at this hour?"
Craig's eyes sparkled richly as his grin widened.
"No Craig we can't," John Paul objected unconvincingly.
"Come on… live a little…" Craig insisted.
"It'll be locked…"
"So?"
"You are a very bad influence you know that don't you," John Paul joked.
"But you wouldn't change me for the world," Craig replied as he pressed a lingering kiss to John Paul's lips.
"No I wouldn't," John Paul answered, "Not for anything."
"See, I told you it would be locked," John Paul said as his hand rested against the cool, rusty wrought iron gates.
"A minor detail," Craig replied as he surveyed the wall, "Come on…"
John Paul followed Craig along the wall until he stopped at an area that had fallen into disrepair, a number of bricks had been pushed from the top of the wall and they made an ideal step for the two men to hoist themselves over it.
"If we get arrested I AM going to tell them this was all your fault," John Paul warned with a smile.
"They'll have to catch me first," Craig called as he raced off into the darkness of the empty park.
"Craig wait…" John Paul called as Craig disappeared into the night's shadows before setting off after him.
John Paul didn't need to see where Craig was as he already knew exactly where he was headed and, as he reached their tree, he saw Craig leaning against it. His eyes glistened in the moonlight as he watched John Paul approach.
The laughter between them faded as John Paul got closer. The air felt heavy and rich with the fragrances of the night and the moonlight reflecting in John Paul's eyes gave them a mystical quality.
John Paul's hands reached for Craig's face, touching it gently, exploring its soft curves and worshiping its beauty.
The park was wrapped in a blanket of silence that John Paul felt loathe to break as he whispered softly so that Craig could only just hear him.
"Sometimes, when we're apart I want nothing more than to touch you like this… and when I close my eyes I can see you as clearly as I can right now."
Craig turned his face into John Paul's hand, kissing the palm softly. It could have been the moonlight making his eyes shine so brightly or the unshed tears that caused them to shimmer in the dark.
"John Paul… if I didn't know that one day we'd be together…" Craig voice cracked as he spoke.
"We're together now," John Paul said taking a step forward and pulling Craig against him.
Craig's mouth sought John Paul's with urgency, with a need to connect with the man holding him and to savour every second of him while he had the chance.
Craig's cheeks felt damp with tears as John Paul pulled back from the kiss and he brushed them away with a smile.
"So we seem to be underneath a tree again," John Paul said with a grin.
"We certainly do," Craig agreed, John Paul's smile reflected in his own, "And I'm sure there was a reason for that…"
Craig took hold of John Paul shoulders and spun him around until his back came to rest against the tree trunk.
"Now I remember," Craig laughed as he leaned in to press his mouth hard against John Paul lips, kissing him with a passion he had only ever known for this gorgeous man.
The feel of Craig's lips against his sent John Paul's senses reeling as he pulled at Craig's light summer shirt and slipped his hands underneath to touch the softness of his skin.
Craig pressed his body hard against John Paul's, pushing the man up firmly against the tree in his desperation to be as close to his lover as was physically possible.
John Paul could feel his cock straining against the tough fabric of his jeans as the heat of Craig pushed against it. Craig's hands poured down his sides, moving over him in a single fluid motion and awakening each inch of John Paul's body that they passed over until his whole being tingled with excitement.
Craig quickly unfastened John Paul's jeans making the man gasp as his hand, cooled by the early morning air, made contact with his responsive flesh. John Paul's fingers gripped onto Craig to steady himself as Craig touched him with a skill and certainty that only time and care could have mastered.
Within a matter of minutes John Paul felt certain that he knees would buckle, such was the intense pleasure that Craig was managing to arouse as he gripped and stroked John Paul's cock.
Craig paused to look into the deepness of John Paul's blue eyes and saw in them a love and desire that made him feel more blessed than he believed he deserved.
He smiled at John Paul before slowly sinking to his knees before him. The grass was soft and damp beneath him but Craig paid no attention to such matters as John Paul's proud cock stood to attention in front of him.
Running his hand lightly over its length again Craig teased his lover with the tip of his tongue. Tasting lightly at the sensitive head of John Paul's cock Craig ran his tongue along its shaft to the increased sounds of John Paul's breaths.
John Paul gripped onto Craig's shoulders as his mouth continued to pass over him, the heat from it making John Paul ache but at the same time not wanting to end this exquisite torment.
Craig's lips parted as he leant forward against John Paul's cock and slowly eased the member into his mouth. John Paul couldn't tear his eyes from the sight of Craig knelt before him taking his cock deep into the intense heat of his mouth. Craig's cheeks hollowed as he sucked gently on its firmness whilst continuing to caress it with his tongue and lips.
John Paul ran his hands through the softness of Craig's hair with affection as the man pleasured him with intensity until he could hardly bear how good it felt.
Holding firmly onto the base of John Paul's cock Craig sucked hard against him, making love to him with his mouth, until John Paul broke the stillness of the night by crying out Craig's name loudly.
John Paul's legs shook as he came, spilling hotly into Craig's willing mouth that continued in its attentions until John Paul had been drained of every last drop of his lust.
John Paul panted heavily as he rested back against the tree, appreciating the solid support it gave him which stopped him from falling to his knees.
"That was amazing," he breathed as Craig rose to his feet and ran his tongue seductively over his lips.
John Paul cupped Craig's face in his hands and pulled the man towards him, kissing deeply those beautiful lips that could give so much pleasure, tasting the wonderful blend of Craig and himself inside Craig's mouth.
As they kissed Craig eased John Paul's jeans from his hips, pushing them downwards until they lay crumpled at his ankles. Craig ran his hands over the warm soft flesh of John Paul's buttocks as his tongue pushed deeply into John Paul's mouth, their soft moans mingling in the night air.
"Do you know how often I've dreamed about making love to you against this tree?" Craig whispered into John Paul's ear.
John Paul laughed softly. "Then I think it's time your dreams became a reality," he suggested as he turned away from Craig until he was facing the dark gnarled wood of the trees bark.
Craig stroked over the gentle curve of John Paul's buttocks as his cock throbbing with urgency inside his trousers. He moistened his fingers with saliva before sliding them into the enticing valley between those softly curved hills.
John Paul gasped quietly as Craig eased one fingertip inside him. His eyes were closed as his forehead rested against the roughness of the tree truck but all he could feel was Craig as his finger moved deeper inside him making him want more.
Craig desire was building inside him with such intensity that he fumbled one handed with his belt in his urgency to free his cock to the cool midnight air.
He ran his hand over the length of his own cock as he pushed a second and then third finger into the body of John Paul as it opened up to him until he could wait no longer to fulfil his fantasy.
John Paul mourned the absence of Craig's fingers inside him for a second until he felt the head of Craig's cock pushing against his tight opening, easing inside, stretching and filling him more than his fingers ever could.
Craig never tired of the feel of John Paul so hot and tight around his cock, gripping him in a way that no woman's body had ever managed. No matter how many times in the past he had tried to deny being gay he had eventually had to admit, at least to himself, that nothing had ever felt as good as being inside John Paul and that making love had never felt truly satisfying until it was with this man.
"Oh god John Paul," Craig whimpered as John Paul's body seemed to devour his cock until his body was pressed hard against John Paul's back and his cock was completely consumed within.
John Paul turned his head in search of Craig's mouth, kissing him softly as Craig began to move inside him. A slow rocking motion eased Craig's cock along the enticing passage of John Paul's flesh and each inwards stoke caused tremors to run delightfully through his body.
Craig couldn't maintain his slow strokes for long as his desire built, the realisation that he was at last making love to this man against the tree that had featured in so many of his dreams since their first visit to the park aroused him with more intensity that he could ever have expected.
He held tightly onto John Paul's hips as he began to move with harder and faster thrusts, driving himself deeper into the body that welcomed him so completely.
John Paul pushed back against Craig's forward stoked, urging him deeper, relishing the feeling of his lover buried so deep inside him, wanting him and needing him in a way he had never felt with another living soul.
Craig's chest heaved as his breathing became laboured and the pressure inside his cock built rapidly with each thrust into John Paul.
The blackness of the midnight sky was illuminated by the brightness of the moon, which shone down its light on the two lovers in the silence of the deserted park, a silence which was one again shattered by a cry of pleasure as Craig's climax burst from him.
He continued to thrust into the heat of John Paul as his cock pulsed out its worship of the flesh around it until he was completely spent and he let his body fall heavily against John Paul's back with a satisfied smile.
As their breathing began to slow John Paul spoke again. "So did the reality live up to the fantasy then?"
Craig laughed. "Oh no," he said, "The reality was so much better!"
Craig reluctantly stepped back as his exhausted cock slipped from the hold of John Paul's flesh and he adjusted his clothing.
John Paul turned slowly as he pulled his jeans back to his hips and closed them around himself.
Craig stared at him silently. Taking in every inch of his features, the intense blue of his eyes and the soft pink of his lips that were flushed and full from their kisses.
Craig stepped forward needing to taste those lips again. He kissed his lover softly, savouring the feel of his plump mouth and running his tongue over those enticing lips.
"How come you always taste so good?" Craig asked with a smile.
"Do I?" John Paul asked.
Craig nodded. "You're just so…" He paused lost for words. What words could he find to describe this man that he loved so much? Beautiful, gorgeous, enthralling, exciting… or any one of a hundred others but not one of them did justice to how he felt, to what John Paul meant to him.
"You're my life," Craig whispered as he lost himself in the unfathomable depths of John Paul's eyes.
"And you're all I'll ever need Craig," John Paul replied kissing him once again.
They held each other in the quiet of the park for some time as their hearts beat together in a perfect rhythm.
Finally John Paul released his grip on Craig, letting his hand run along Craig arm until he curled his fingers around Craig's.
"Come on," he said with a smile, "We should get out of here before we really do get busted."
The two lovers walked hand in hand through the lessening darkness of the park, each of them trying desperately not to think of how few weeks they had left to be together.
---
Despite his initial resistance John Paul soon found himself laughing along with Craig at the bizarre DVD Craig had picked. Craig's taste in films had always been a source of amusement for John Paul but, as he continued to watch, his arms resting lightly across Craig's chest as the man leant against him, he stopped trying to find any great meaning in the script and instead just allowed himself to enjoy the terrible acting and unbelievable plot lines.
"I knew you'd enjoy it if you just gave it a chance," Craig teased.
"I wouldn't go that far," John Paul insisted, "It's just about tolerable…"
"Ahh you love it," Craig laughed.
John Paul kissed the top of Craig's head. "YOU I love," he replied, "The film… I can cope with!"
"I can live with that," Craig said snuggling further into the warmth of John Paul's arms.
In John Paul's embrace Craig felt complete. Nothing in the world could touch them as long as they were together. He would sometimes catch himself staring at the blue-eyed man with wonder, how had he let himself come so close to losing him and why had he been so afraid to admit how he truly felt?
John Paul kissed the top of Craig's head again, breathing in the gentle scent of him and relishing the feel of Craig's body in his arms. There was a time when John Paul feared that all Craig felt for him was a physical attraction, a feeling that would all too quickly fade and leave him without the man he cared for. Now he knew that nothing could be further from the truth. In each other they had discovered the meaning of love and the knowledge that just being together could be enough.
The credits of the film had started to roll when there was a scraping of keys against the front door followed by swearing as the keys hit the ground.
Craig laughed. "Sounds like someone's had one too many again tonight," he said.
"Will he never learn?" John Paul asked gently.
Over the past few weeks Adam had spent more and more nights away from the flat, often not returning home until he had drunk himself into oblivion. Adam's bright green eyes had become dulled and wore the permanent dark circles of too much alcohol and not enough sleep. John Paul's heart went out to the man every time he saw that haunted look in those eyes. Sometimes a glance would pass between the men and John Paul would try his best to convey his understanding. He knew the pain Adam felt and he also knew there was nothing at all he could do to ease it for him. He knew only too well the hurt of loving Craig Dean and not having it returned.
Adam crashed into the living room with a drunken stumble.
"Oh you're still up," he slurred as he noticed the men on the sofa.
"Been drinking have we?" Craig joked.
"I might have had the odd one…" Adam replied with a drunken giggle.
"Are you letting me in or what?" Adam turned at the voice behind him and stepped into the room to allow the stranger inside.
John Paul nearly choked as he looked at Adam's companion. The soft olive skin, thick dark hair and deep chocolate brown eyes. The similarity was uncanny. If he hadn't known better he could have sworn Adam had just brought Craig's brother home with him.
Craig raised his eyebrows in question of the new person in his flat.
"Oh yeah," Adam stammered resting his hand on the man's shoulder, "John Paul, Craig… this is…" Adam paused as he looked carefully at his new friend. Turning back to his flatmates with a laugh Adam shrugged his shoulders. "I can't remember his name," he laughed. "But you've got to admit he's very cute… now if you'll excuse us we've got better things to do than stand around talking to you."
Adam took hold of the stranger's hand and, after kissing him briefly on the lips, turned and led him in the direction of his bedroom.
John Paul held his breath in anticipation of Craig's reaction. He must have noticed how much this man had looked like him, but more importantly Craig had just witnessed his "straight" friend taking a man to his bedroom.
"Well there's a turn up!" Craig said after a while, a touch of amusement in his voice.
"You aren't shocked?" John Paul asked.
"Should I be?" Craig said adjusting his position so that he could look at his boyfriend, "I mean he IS bi."
"You know?"
"I KNOW… I didn't realise YOU did."
"He kind of… told me… a few weeks back… but he assumed that you didn't know."
"Well we've never discussed it, but Trinity isn't that big… and I talk to people who talk to people… things get around… how come you never mentioned it?"
"I didn't think it was my secret to share," John Paul explained suddenly feeling very uncomfortable under Craig's unfaltering stare, if he knew this then just how many other secrets of Adam's did he know?
"Fair enough," Craig nodded. He couldn't really argue that point, after all he had left the matter unmentioned for much the same reason. "I guess he's gonna realise that we both know when he sobers up tomorrow!"
John Paul chewed thoughtfully on his lip for a moment. "Did that guy remind you of anyone?" he asked carefully.
"What Adam's bloke?" Craig considered what he had seen of the man, "No one I can think of… why?"
John Paul felt a great sense of relief in the knowledge that Craig had not been able to see his own face reflected in that stranger. "Oh no reason," John Paul said dismissively, "I just thought he looked familiar… must have one of those faces…"
"So," Craig said as he nestled back into John Paul's arms, "Are you ready for the next film?"
John Paul let out a mock groan as Craig picked up the remote control. "You are so gonna owe me for this you know," he said jokingly.
"I'm sure I can think of some way to repay you," Craig replied as he hit play.
John Paul rested his chin on Craig's head as he looked at the screen but all he could see was the sadness in two deep green eyes. Adam might have fooled Craig and the strange man that he had just taken to his bed but John Paul knew the truth. Finding a substitute for the man you loved wasn't that easy and it could only end in hurt, for everyone.
---
Adam lay quietly in the darkness of his room. He could hear the soft breathing of the man next to him but he felt no comfort in the other person's presence. Adam wasn't as drunk as he had acted and his decision to bring this man home with him had been a stupid one made for all the wrong reasons.
He had known the second he felt the man's mouth on him that this had been a mistake. The desire he had felt for the dark haired stranger earlier in the pub had been quenched when confronted with the features of the man he really wanted.
Adam had nearly sent the man away there and then but something had stopped him. Maybe it was the need for some physical intimacy even if it was with the wrong man, or perhaps it was just some misguided attempt to finally let Craig know who he really was.
As he shed his clothes Adam had felt awkward and exposed as every fibre of his being screamed at him to stop. But he hadn't listened. He had taken the man into his bed and shared with him the one thing he had dreamed so long of sharing with Craig.
He had closed his eyes tight and tried to pretend so hard that it was Craig's hands touching him, that it was Craig moving inside him, but the truth was all to raw in his heart and he had felt an enormous sense of relief once the man had collapsed beside him on the bed completely spent.
Adam's cheeks were damp with tears as he lay in the silence. His body felt alien to him, somehow wrong and dirty. He had allowed himself to be used when all he really wanted was to be loved.
"You still awake?" the voice next to him asked, "Coz if you're up for it …"
"I think you should go." Adam flicked the switch of his bedside lamp and blinked for a second in the sudden brightness.
"Go? But we've only just started having fun…"
"Please," Adam took a deep breath as he held back the tears that threatened to fall, "I want you to go…"
The man peeled himself out of the bed and collected his clothes from the floor.
Adam looked over the muscular form before him. His toned body should have excited Adam, he should have wanted to pull him into his bed, not chase him out of it. But he didn't. The thought of allowing that man, or maybe any man, to get that close to him again made Adam's body shudder in disgust. He didn't know when or why it had happened but at some point the thought of making love to any man that wasn't Craig had become abhorrent and Adam didn't know what he was going to do about it.
As the front door clicked shut Adam sank his face into his pillow and wept. The loneliness inside him felt all consuming and no amount of alcohol or casual sex could take it away.
He didn't hear his bedroom door open as he sobbed heavily, his shoulders shaking violently with each trembling breath.
The suddenness of strong arms around him surprised Adam as they pulled him into a comforting embrace.
Adam pressed his face into the soft warm skin as he accepted the solace that was offered to him. No words were spoken as he cried until his strength was drained from him, the arms just continued to hold him close for as long as he needed.
Eventually, as Adam's tears subsided, the hold around him was loosened and he turned his bloodshot, tearstained eyes to the face that looked down on him with sympathy.
"I don't know what to do," Adam said quietly, his voice filled with sadness.
"You've got to let it go, before it tears you apart, before it tears us all apart."
"I don't know that I can…"
"You have to… please."
The hand felt soft against Adam's cheek and he leant his face into it, accepting its caress and savouring its warmth.
The kiss against his lips was gentle and felt more right than any he had shared with the man he had taken to his bed. He wanted it to last forever but it was all too fleeting and quickly taken away from him.
"I love you Craig," he whispered, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders as he spoke the words.
The deep brown eyes looked at him in understanding. "I know," Craig told him, "But I love John Paul and nothing is ever going to change that."
"You knew all the time?"
Craig nodded. "I suspected, for a while… I'm sorry."
Adam laughed, the first real laugh he had felt in the longest time. "Why should you be sorry?"
"Because I can't be what you want… and I can see how much you're hurting."
"John Paul's very lucky."
"I'm the lucky one," Craig insisted, "He means the world to me and I'd do anything to make him happy."
"Well you should get back to him, he might be missing you."
Craig smiled one more time at his friend before leaving his room and closing the door softly behind him.
Adam fell back against his mattress with a sigh. For the first time in weeks he felt alive again and something told him that from now on the days would become much brighter.
---
There was a lightness in Adam's step as he entered the kitchen the next morning and the dark circles under his eyes had faded thanks to a restful nights sleep.
John Paul was surprised at Adam's refreshed appearance and couldn't help but wonder what had brought about this sudden change.
As he took his seat at the breakfast table Adam shared a smile with Craig. His bright green eyes sparkled with an appreciation and love that made John Paul's insides lurch as icy fingers touched his heart. The silent communication between the two men spoke volumes and made John Paul fear the one thing that had always preyed at the back of his mind since he first realised how Adam felt.
John Paul had woken in the early hours of the morning to find Craig gone from the bed, the coolness of the mattress announced that he had been missing for a while. At the time John Paul had assumed his boyfriend was in the bathroom and had drifted back to a contented sleep long before Craig returned, but now he wasn't so sure that Craig's absence was for such an innocent reason.
As Adam's eyes lingered on Craig for longer than was necessary the ice around John Paul's heart increased and he felt frozen to the spot, unable to move.
Adam helped himself to a cup of tea and sipped slowly at the hot beverage.
"So what's the plan for today then guys?" he asked lightly.
Craig's deep brown eyes smiled intensely at John Paul. "We haven't thought that far ahead," he said not taking his gaze from the face of his lover, "Maybe we'll just do absolutely nothing."
"Lucky you," Adam grinned as he looked at his watch, "I, on the other hand, have a shift at the pub and I'd better get going… you two be good!"
Adam rose from his seat and rested his hand affectionately on Craig's shoulder for a few seconds before releasing it and leaving the room.
John Paul turned his eyes to the dark wooden tabletop. His head felt heavy with the words and images that were racing around it, making no sense but just serving to confuse him further.
He trusted Craig, he was certain of the fact, almost certain. But the look on Adam's face, the change in his mood and the unfaltering tenderness in his eyes as he looked at Craig had to mean something, something that Craig hadn't told him and there was only one reason that John Paul could think of why his lover would be keeping secrets.
Craig's hand was soft and warm as it covered John Paul's. "So what d'you say to the idea of just doing nothing all day?" he asked squeezing the hand in his grip.
"Yeah, maybe," John Paul replied flatly not raising his gaze.
"Hey, John Paul, is something wrong?" There was concern in Craig's voice at John Paul's apparently sudden change of mood.
"I don't know," John Paul said turning his soft blue eyes to Craig, "Is there?"
Craig frowned with confusion. There was obviously something troubling John Paul as his eyes were filled with worry and his voice sounded cold and emotionless as he spoke.
"What is it? What's happened?"
"I was hoping you'd tell me that…"
Craig shook his head. "I don't know what you're getting at."
"No? Nothing to tell me… nothing I should know about…"
"Like what?"
"Oh I don't know," John Paul pulled his hand back from Craig's touch as he looked at the dark haired man before him. The last thing he wanted to believe was that Craig had… that Craig could… he swallowed hard not even letting the words form fully in his mind. "Where did you go last night?"
"I was with you," Craig replied with a half-laugh.
"I woke up and you'd gone…"
"Oh…"
"Yeah… oh… so what d'you go for a walk… fancy a late night snack…"
"No of course not I…"
"Or did you maybe go and see Adam?"
Craig's eyes answered long before his voice could manage to find the words. "I should have told you."
"Yes you should," John Paul licked his lips nervously, "Just tell me one thing… please just tell me you didn't…"
"Didn't what?" Craig's eyes opened wide as he realised what John Paul had been thinking, "Oh god no… no never…"
Craig rose to his feet and moved quickly to John Paul's side, sinking to his knees on the cool of the kitchen floor before him and taking both of John Paul's hands in his grasp.
"You've got to believe I would never do that," Craig said looking up earnestly into John Paul's confused face, "Not with him… not with anyone… I swear to you…"
"So what happened? Why the secrets? Why didn't you just tell me?"
Craig shrugged. "I should have," he admitted, "I just… he was so upset… I didn't think it was my place to say anything…"
"Upset? What's happened?"
Craig sighed as he realised he should have confided in John Paul to begin with, there had been enough secrets and he couldn't risk anything coming between them again.
"I got up to go to the bathroom and on my way back, passing Adam's room, I heard him crying… he sounded so pitiful I had to see if he was OK…"
"That guy didn't…" John Paul's brow creased with concern as he remembered Adam's strange companion of the previous evening who had not materialised at breakfast.
"No nothing like that," Craig reassured him, "He'd already gone, I think Adam had thrown him out."
"So what was wrong?"
"I didn't ask, not really but he was crying so hard I couldn't leave him…"
"No of course not."
"So I went in and I just held him until he stopped… and for a while I wasn't sure he was going to. It broke my heart to hear… I've never seen him like that before…"
"And did he tell you what it was about?"
Craig chewed on his lip thoughtfully, he was certain that John Paul wouldn't be happy to know the reason behind Adam's tears.
"He said he was in love with me…" Craig's voice was nearly a whisper as he looked deeply into the pale blue of John Paul's eyes praying that he would understand.
"I see…" John Paul paused for a moment, "And what did you say…?"
Craig grip on John Paul's hand tightened. "That I love YOU of course," he said softly, "There's only you… there only ever can be… you've gotta believe in me John Paul, you're all I want… all I'll ever want."
John Paul touched his hands to the softness of Craig's face. Relief and guilt replaced the worry he had felt. Craig was right, he should have trusted him and maybe, just maybe, he should have told him how Adam felt when he first found out.
"I'm sorry," John Paul said as he leant forward and kissed Craig's lips lightly, "I guess I'm just worried that one day some gorgeous hunk is gonna come and steal you from me."
Craig laughed. "Never gonna happen," he promised, "I've found the hunk I want and I'm never letting him get away."