Listen To Your Heart - Chapter Fifteen
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"Hey," Monica greeted Chandler the next morning, when he stumbled sleepily into the kitchen, his hair ruffled, a yawn rippling across his face, "How ya feeling?"
He grinned at her, pausing to stretch languidly. "I woke up all alone in a cold, cold bed," he fake pouted.
Monica smiled back, "Sorry. Sacrifices had to be made. If you wanted breakfast, that is."
"I would've rather had you stay and curl up with me," he teased, "Eating could wait. I need someone to hold when I sleep. That's top priority."
Monica laughed, asking pointedly, "This after you rolled an ex-girlfriend out of bed to avoid cuddling?" At Chandler's frown she added, "That's right, Joey's told me stories."
Chandler's frown deepened. "That was a long time ago. Besides, you're different than Janice."
Monica smirked at him, "Anyway, maybe you could wait for breakfast, but your daughter wouldn't. She woke me up half an hour ago demanding food." They both glanced at Michelle who was kneeling on one of the padded chairs at the kitchen table, armpit deep in oven mitts, sloppily stirring a bowl of pancake batter.
Chandler looked at her questioningly, "She woke you up first?"
Monica patted his back consolingly, "She knows I can cook, honey." At his slightly offended expression she announced cheerfully, "We made your favourite, though! Pancakes!"
"We? Looks like Michelle's doing all the work to me!" he teased, taking a seat next to his daughter at the table.
"Daddy! Look! I'm making pancakes!" Michelle told him excitedly, "Monica helped me put the stuffs in. She says we are gonta put blueberries in them to make them more yummy." She rubbed her tummy with the oversized oven mitt and Chandler couldn't help but laugh.
"That sounds really good, sweetie," he agreed.
Michelle turned toward Monica, "I's finished mixing. Can we put the blueberries in now?"
"Sure, sweetie. Just let me wash them, okay?" Monica said, carrying the container to the sink, and rinsing them before dumping them in the large mixing bowl in front of Michelle. Chandler watched them interact, as Monica repeated instructions from her homemade recipe to Michelle, letting her know what she was supposed to do. The smiles on both of their faces were contagious.
"What are you grinning stupidly at?" Monica asked him, with a raised eyebrow, noticing he was staring off into space, a smile on his face. Michelle was too immersed in stirring to care.
He was in such a good mood he didn't even take notice of the joking 'stupid' jab, and replied seriously, "The two most beautiful girls in the world, of course. I'm so lucky."
"Yeah?" Monica wondered, shyly, a little taken aback by his sincere answer to her teasing question.
He nodded. "Yeah. I love you both so much. What more do I need?" he questioned rhetorically, "I can't wait until you're living here with me and Michelle."
"Me either," she admitted. "Have you ever had that feeling where you just know you belong somewhere?" she asked, "I get that feeling, here, with you guys. Call me crazy, but I just know this is forever," she said dreamily, then realizing what she said, quickly amended, "Please don't freak out."
Chandler shrugged, "That's just it. Forever doesn't scare me anymore. Okay, it used to, not even that long ago, because of everything with Angie and how wrong it went, and the fact you can never know if something is ever really permanent. But I'm starting to realize I'm willing to take a chance, again. It's time I put all that behind me. I'm ready. If I can do it with anyone, I can do it with you."
Monica grinned at him broadly. "I know," she agreed reassuringly, kissing the side of his head, "I can't wait either...."
Chandler squeezed her hand, pulling her down so she was sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and informed her matter-of-factly, "You're gonna be the best roommate I ever had."
Monica laughed, and joked, "Even better than Joey?"
Chandler grinned, "You do lots of things Joey didn't. You cook and clean and cuddle. And I get to sleep with you." Monica laughed happily in response.
"Can we put the pancakes on the cooky thing now?" Michelle wondered, slapping the mixed batter with the spatula impatiently, to get their attention, "I's hungry."
"Of course we can, sweetie," Monica told her, disentangling herself from Chandler's arms, striding towards his daughter, lifting her on to her hip with one arm and carrying the bowl of batter in the other. Michelle watched in fascination as Monica stirred the batter to assure she had mixed it thoroughly, before proceeding to pour it into the frying pan. Michelle watched the sizzling batter with wide eyes at it cooked before her eyes.
Michelle stared into the frying pan. "Are they almost done?" she wondered, peering at them, before turning to Monica inquisitively.
Monica laughed, "We just put them on, Mishi! They're gonna take a minute to cook." Curiously, Michelle reached her hand towards the frying pan. Monica instantly reacted, moving to snatch the little girl's hand away, but was too late.
"Don't touch that, Michelle, it's ho – shit!" she cursed loudly, as Michelle's shriek filled the apartment, pain searing from her burned skin.
The pancakes immediately abandoned, Monica raced Michelle towards the sink, dunking her hand under a stream of cold water, whispering soothing words against her hair, trying to ease her crying.
Panicked, Chandler rose from his spot at the table, his newspaper discarded, and rushed up behind them, asking worriedly, "What happened? Is she okay?"
"She burned her hand," Monica informed, "She barely touched the skillet, so it shouldn't be too bad, but it's going to be painful. I hope it doesn't blister," she stated worriedly, examining Michelle's burned finger, careful to keep it in the stream of cool running water.
Chandler's worry seemed to ease a little, knowing nothing was seriously wrong, and muttered comforting words to his daughter, stroking her hair from her face.
"Daddy! Monica!" Michelle sobbed, "My finger hurts!"
"Shh, I know, sweetie," Monica soothed, kissing her hair, "It hurts now, but it's going to be okay. You can put a Barbie band-aid on it, huh? How does that sound?"
Michelle sniffed, her sobs easing as the cold water relieved the burning sensation in her finger, "Okay. Can I put Skipper?" Monica nodded, relieved she no longer seemed to be in so much pain.
"I'll go get the band-aids, gauze and the burn ointment," Chandler offered, quickly retreating to the bathroom to grab the needed supplies.
By the time he had returned, Monica had removed Michelle's hand from the water, and sat her at the kitchen table, talking to her to keep her distracted from the pain in her hand. Gently, maternally, Monica dressed the burn, careful to avoid causing Michelle any more pain than necessary. After Monica and Chandler had both 'kissed the burn better,' Michelle seemed content that she would be okay, and sat in her father's lap, resting sleepily against his chest.
"You play the part of Mommy really well, you know that?" Chandler asked his girlfriend quickly, careful not to disturb his slumbering daughter. The early morning chaos and her injury had tired her out already.
Monica seemed frustrated with herself, "Hardly! Any good mother wouldn't let their child near a hot element in the first place! You should be upset with me, not praising me! I injured your daughter because I was stupid enough to hold her within reach of a hot element!"
Chandler shrugged, "She's a little kid, Mon, she's going to get hurt. Now she knows not too touch a hot stovetop. You were just trying to help her 'cook' and she knows that. She loves that you include her. She doesn't blame you, and I don't either. The way you reacted when she did get hurt, is what proves you're going to be a good mommy. Trust me."
"I do," Monica said reluctantly, her frown easing slightly, as she added, complimentary, "I suppose a good daddy should know a good mommy when he sees one."
"Hi!" "Good Morning!" two voices exclaimed, as Rachel and Joey sauntered through the front door. "What? Who died?" Rachel wondered, seeing the sobered looks on their faces.
"No one, Michelle just had a little accident, is all," Chandler informed them, glancing down at his daughter, "She burned her hand. She's okay now." The couple nodded, glancing at Michelle as if to check that she actually was okay.
Joey immediately zeroed in on the food and peered at the stove, "What're we having?" he wondered.
"Shit! The pancakes!" Monica shot up from her chair and towards the stove, met with the sight of blackened pancakes. Upset, she flipped them into the trash, and complained, "Nothing is going right today."
"Aww, man," Joey groaned, "You're throwing food out? I'm hungry.
"You sound like the four-year-old," Chandler smirked, "There's more batter. Baby," he addressed Monica, sympathetically, "why don't you take Mishi, and I'll cook the rest of the pancakes. Your nerves are already a little frazzled."
Monica smiled at him gratefully, allowing him to shift his sleeping daughter into her arms, and plopped down in one of the kitchen chairs.
"I told you we should've made breakfast before we came over," Joey told Rachel with a pout.
Rachel smirked at her new husband, amused, "You know me, babe. Do you really want to eat my cooking? You've tasted my coffee."
Joey grimaced. "On second thought…" Rachel nodded approvingly.
Rachel noticed the unconscious ghost of a smile her bestfriend was wearing, underneath the expression that showed the early morning stress of burned pancakes and an injured child, "It's seven in the morning, Mon, and you've just experienced two minor catastrophes one after another. What are you so smiley about? Seven in the morning is for waking up, snatching a bite to eat and grumbling all the way to work."
Joey grinned sneakily at his wife, quipping, "I bet she got lucky last night." He nudged Chandler, who rolled his eyes and flipped one of the pancakes he was cooking.
Monica flushed, and just barely refrained from snapping defensively, "So I'm happy this morning in spite of calamity. No big deal. Is it a crime to be happy? Haven't you heard of the silver lining?"
"No, it's not a crime,," Rachel admitted, "But something is definitely up, there's no possible silver lining in this. Are you going to spill, or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"
Monica looked at Chandler questioningly, wondering if it was okay, he gestured that she should be the one to tell them. A happy smile broke out across her face, the stress of the morning forgotten as she admitted glowingly, "We've decided to live together."
"Oh you guys!" Rachel burst out, "I'm so happy for you! We're all going to live across the hall from one another! This is so awesome."
Joey nodded in agreement, clapping Chandler on the back in the typical male congratulations. "When did you guys decide? What are you going to do with the apartment?"
"Last night," Monica informed, "We were talking and just instinctively knew. It felt right. I was going to offer up my apartment to Ross and Julie, if they want it. I know they've been considering a big move recently, too. Maybe this is the push they need."
Joey smirked, "We're all such grown-ups, now. Can you imagine? Me married! And to Rachel! Or Chandler living with another woman, after all those commitment crap issues with Angie? It's surreal."
"Gee, thanks," Chandler complained from the skillet, "I appreciate your faith. We are still related, you know. You're supposed to support family!"
"I know," Joey grinned winningly, "Just saying I'm happy for you, pal."
xx
"Michelle!" Chandler told his daughter impatiently, as she contemplated over whether to wear her Mary Janes or her tennis shoes, "Please just pick a pair, or you're going to be late for kindergarten!"
"But what if they don't match my clothes, Daddy?" she asked with wide eyes.
Chandler sighed, "What has Auntie Rachel been telling you, child? Shoes are shoes. Just pick a pair, please?" Chandler sighed as the doorbell buzzed, and told Michelle, "You better be wearing your shoes when I come back!"
He marched toward the door, and wrenched it open, displeased at whoever was going to make him more late than he already was. He fought down a 'grr' of frustration when he registered Angie standing in front of him. He realized with a tiny surge of satisfaction that he no longer cared what she had to say. He loved Monica, and his feelings for her were secure. Maybe the previous night was the closure he needed.
"Angie, I don't have time for this. Whatever you have to say, don't," Chandler suggested, explaining, "Michelle is going to be late and I have to get to work. What could you possibly have to say to me that you think I'm going to want to hear?"
"I'm – I've decided to sue for custody of Michelle," she stated, shakily, clearly unsure of what she was doing. Her voice made it sound as if she was on the verge of tears.
"You can't be serious!" Chandler exclaimed in disbelief, "She doesn't even know you! What do you think being taken away from her home would do to her? She's four, Angie! She knows me and Monica and Joey and we're her only family! Imagine how you'd feel having to go live with some strange woman you don't know, taken away from everyone you love!"
"I'm sorry," was all she muttered, tears pooling in her eyes, her fingers fiddling nervously with a button on her coat.
"You're being selfish!" Chandler fumed, pleading, "Please don't do this to get at me. Michelle didn't do anything to deserve this."
"There's another option," Mary Angela said in a small voice, fighting away the sting of threatening tears. "Just give us a chance to be a family. You've been so distant, lately… but when we kissed I know you felt the connection we once had, too. Don't go back to her," she pleaded.
"Angie… don't do this," Chandler whispered, his voice strained, a tense combination of fearful and pleading. "Using Michelle to make me choose between you and Monica isn't fair. It's not right, using your daughter like that. Don't you love either of us? Enough to let us be happy?"
"It's not about that," she said, evading the question, her eyes similarly avoiding his gaze, "I just want a chance to put everything right, again. I want to see my daughter."
"Please, Angie," he pleaded, "If you want to see Michelle, we can work something out! I would never keep you from her."
Mary Angela looked at him wearily, but said nothing.
"If you ever loved me, at all, you wouldn't do this. I can't lose my daughter. But I can't be with you, either! What happened to you, Angie? The woman I used to love would never have tried to pull this kind of shit," he said gently, his tone non-accusatory. He touched her hand, barely grazing her skin, "She was loving and caring and only wanted the best for everyone else."
"I – I'm still the same," she insisted, "I've just come to realize life isn't all strawberries and whipped cream. To do what's best, sometimes you have to break the rules! No one else is going to look out for me."
Chandler stared at her sadly, "When did you get so cynical?"
"Since I've had to live without the love of my life for three years. I screwed up and I know it! Now that I'm trying to right my mistakes, no one will let me! I just want a chance to fix everything. I just want a chance! Just one."
"Angie, it took you the better part of three years to figure this out! How important could it be? Any chance for us was abolished a long time ago. Stop holding on to 'us' because 'we' are safe. You deserve better. You can have what Monica and I have! You don't have to settle for me because we worked once upon a time."
"You don't understand! I'm not settling. I want you. I wanted you then, and I still want you, now. It's all the same. The alternative is unthinkable. I can't imagine you lying in her arms every night. Kissing her. Sleeping with her. Marrying her. That used to me! It hurts me," she tapped her chest, "right here. Like I'm being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. Don't tell me how I feel, just because you no longer feel the same way."
"Angie… please, think about what you're doing…"
"I have," she sniffed, rubbing an eye to sweep away a tear, "Everything else aside, I'm doing this for my daughter. If I don't get to have you, at least I can have her. Mothers usually win court cases involving small children. My lawyer says he thinks I may have a shot."
Chandler looked horrified. "You've already consulted a lawyer?" he asked, terrified.
She nodded, "I'm sorry it's come to this, but I can't sit idly by and let my opportunities pass me by. I did that for three years. This is the end. I'm taking my life back."
Chandler shot her another pleading stare, "But what about me? Why does my life have to be in shambles to fix yours? Angie, you say you love me…"
"I do. And I'm sorry that this is hurting you. You have no idea how much I'm sorry, but I can't sacrifice myself to watch you love another woman. I'm sorry." With that, she turned to leave, an audible sob escaping her as she turned her back to him. She breathed in shakily and rushed down the hallway, not willing to break down in front of him. She wouldn't be weak anymore. Sincerity hadn't worked. Pleading hadn't worked. There were no alternatives left. He was going to see how much it hurt to lose someone he loved. Maybe then he'd see her side. She hoped.
Chandler watched her go, fighting down panic at the ultimatum he had been given. His first instinct was to call Monica. She would know what to do. She would tell him everything would be alright and help him make the right decision.
A sudden terrifying thought shot down his spine… what if she suggested Michelle was expendable? And they could have their own children together? He couldn't imagine Monica casting aside his daughter so carelessly, but then, he had never imagined that Mary Angela would do what she had done, either.
Why was life so complicated?
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Rachel, Joey, and Monica filed into Chandler's apartment, after work, their chatter carefree and excitable, until they noticed their friend strewn forlornly on the couch, his work clothes rumpled carelessly, several empty beer bottles at his feet, and noticeable tear tracks on his face.
Monica was immediately sent into panic mode, and rushed to his side, caressing his forehead maternally, checking for a temperature. What had happened? How could he have gone from gloriously happy to wretchedly miserable all in the course of less than eight hours? When they had disbanded after breakfast, he was upbeat and hopeful about the impending changes to their living arrangements. "Honey, please talk to me! What happened? Where's Michelle?" The realization that Michelle was nowhere to be found immediately made her wonder: what if the little girl had been hospitalized? Or worse?
Chandler looked up at her, his own face registering panic at the last question, his words slurred slightly, whether because he was drunk or his emotional state, Monica wasn't sure. "Shit!" he cursed, "She's at daycare! I forgot my own goddamn daughter! Angie's right, she's going to take her away," he muttered sadly, through a hiccup, "What am I going to do without her?"
Monica looked at him confused, "What are you talking about? Why would Mary Angela take her?"
"She came by today. Mary Angela, I mean. She's suing me for custody of Michelle," he explained, miserably, "And now, she's going to win, because I'm a terrible father and forgot my own kid!"
"Shh, you are not a terrible father," Monica comforted, looking to her friends to support her, they nodded along eagerly. "I don't know what that woman said to you, but you are an excellent father." She looked to Rachel, and explained, "Rachel's going to go get Michelle and everything is going to be okay. She's fine, probably having fun at daycare, not even noticing. Okay? You trust me?" Rachel took the hint, and with a hasty reassurance, rushed out the door to retrieve her niece.
Once Rachel had gone, Joey moved closer to his best friend, settling on the coffee table across from the couch Chandler was sprawled on, his girlfriend sitting next to him, stroking his hair, trying to calm him down from his frenzied state. Monica had never heard Joey's voice sound so angry, "What exactly did my sister say to you, man?"
Chandler scratched his head wearily, scuffing the toe of his tennis shoe against the arm of the couch, focusing on that in a futile attempt to distract himself from the inevitable rush of emotions the question flooded his system with, "She wants me to choose," he answered distractedly.
Joey and Monica looked at one another, still confused.
"Choose what?" Monica asked, softly.
"Between you and Michelle," he clarified, burying his face in the couch cushion, " She said if I break up with you and come back to her, she won't sue for Michelle anymore. How am I supposed to pick? I love you both so much" he implored. "Tell me what to do. I can't pick between my daughter and the love of my life." Monica smiled inwardly at the admission she was the love of his life, but outwardly remained serious.
"Honey, You're not going to lose either Michelle or me. I love you and Michelle loves you. We're both here for good." Chandler stared into her eyes, a hint of relief shining through his panic. He couldn't help but feeling a little guilty for even entertaining the thought that Monica might suggest he relinquish Michelle to her mother and 'pick' her instead. The way she was responding to the crisis, a welcome combination of level-headed and protective, was the most comforting thing Chandler could imagine. Her feelings on the matter were pushed into the background for his sake. That kind of dedication and selflessness was priceless, and he knew it. If she were anyone else, Chandler wasn't sure he'd have made it through the last couple of weeks.
Michelle doesn't even know Mary Angela! She's been an absentee mother for three years! The courts are going to side with you, if it comes down to a custody battle. If it comes to that. Trust me, honey. This is just some sick twisted game Mary Angela is playing to hurt you and we are not going to let her have that satisfaction."
"She's not bluffing! She's already got a lawyer!" Chandler cried, "He told her that she has a good shot at winning. He said the courts don't like to take young children away from their biological mothers! I'm just her father," she stated forlornly.
Joey was uncharacteristically logical. "No you're not, dude. You're not 'just' anything. You are the only parent Michelle has ever known and a damn good one," he said fiercely.
"But what about what her lawyer said?" Chandler whimpered.
"We won't go down without a fight," Monica promised, "We love that little girl, as much as you do. She belongs with you, and we'll make sure that happens. Any judge worth his salt is going to be able to see that. Right, Joey?" Monica asked, looking at Joey pleading for him to offer additional reassurance. He nodded stiffly, boiling anger still apparent underneath his calm expression.
"Dude, there's just no way Michelle is going to be taken away from you." He stood up and paced in front of the coffee table, angrily. "I love my sister, but she's fucking deluded if she thinks she's taking Michelle from you." He stopped his pacing suddenly, and announced, "I have to go. I'm not letting her get away with this. Enough is enough. I'm sick of her pulling this shit and dragging your feelings through the mud. Pulling Michelle into this twisted game is despicable. She's gone too fucking far this time. Ma and Pa will know where she is." He marched to the door, wrenching it open, and stalked out, slamming it behind him. Monica and Chandler watched him go, apprehensive.
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It's been a while!
Are you guys as happy as I am that this is finally posted? It seemed to take forever a few times over to get the motivation to write this. The after-holiday blahs were getting to me, I think. I hope I'm back on track now, though. And it's not all bad! I've managed to stick with my New Year's Resolution so far! Hope you're all fairing as well.
If you didn't guess from the content of this chapter, following the poll following the last chapter, by a rather resounding majority, you, my lovely readers, voted to see the remaining few chapters out. I hope they're what you all were expecting :P Two more and an epilogue to follow. We're getting close!
Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review! :)