Tanshin sat on the floor, her back against the 4th divition district west wall. It seemed that they were the best trained about kidou, so they were going to judge the applicants.

"Ok, people, listen to me. I'm Unohana taicho. If you don't understand something, ask freely. Everybody of you will be scrutinized by one of my seated members. And since this year there are much more aspirants shinigami than last year, there will be also the 5th squad Fuku-taicho Hinamori Momo, expert in Hadou and Bakudou. We will ask you a simple healing kidou, then a hadou and bakudou you can choose freely. We recommend the lowest. And finally, if you have some kind of speciality like shunpo, or a family trick or you're able to conceal reiatsu, then you can show it to your examiners." the woman smiled kindly before leaving. Most people didn't know what was a hadou or bakudou or shunpo... so the 4th division member were soon surrounded by men and women. And in the crowd, Tanshin saw her sisters. Fuck!

Rapidly, she moved toward the door. She was almost out when...

"What? Do you give up? I'm here to watch you fail, certainly not to see you run away." A familiar voice said as the owner of it entered in the room. Suddenly people calmed down, staring at the man who had just got in. Some of them bowed at him.

Tanshin bowed gently, not in respect but in need to hide her face. Why had the man to attract all this attention on him? "Gomen-tessai. You're quite used in seeing my back, Kuchiki-dono. I hope you won't take offence in seeing it just one last time." she murmured quietly, hoping to not draw interest on her.

"It's not like you were playing fair, to begin with. Care to tell me why you're ditching your exam? You don't have magical gloves?"

"That's a long and nice story for another time." she muttered. "Now, I have to leave as soon as possible, before..."

"Is she Tanshin-chan?" a girl asked with a pitched voice.

"Shh!" another replied. "Shut up! Kuchiki-ouji would never talk to someone like that slut. He sure doesn't need her services."

Byakuya eyes didn't leave her face and she started to get uncomfortable, yet, she couldn't bring herself to lower her gaze. Come what may, she wasn't going to show weakness. So what? It was her past. She had needed money. She had done things she's not proud of. But during the last years, she gained some kind of dignity. And she sure wasn't losing it today. Not with him. Not after the things she said him yesterday.

He got closer to her. And then, panic took the best.

"I have to go." she said.

And then, her reiatsu vanished and she began to run out of there, running faster she's ever done. Like she was running for her life. Without turning back. Ever.

Tanshin entered in her messy room in Rukongai. She was dead tired. But she needed a shower first. So, she just threw herself under fountain.

Her thoughts versed toward the recent events, Byakuya-san and Seireitei. She thought about her past and how it would never make her able to fit in that world. Soon, her head started spinning, and before she knew, she was on the floor, unconscious.

"I was waiting for you, baby girl."

Tanshin eyes widened at the voice. She jumped on her feet, looking around. She was in a meadow, a lot similiar to the one of the previous nights. But this place was a lot darker and the grass, damp in the night, was quickly freezing over. "Who are you? Where-" she yelled panicked.

"Calm down, girl." the voice replied. "I'm here for you to yield."

"What are you ranting about? Where are you?" she shouted.

"Look up, girl. Because the ones who are afraid to look up at the sky will perish in the meanders of the dark earth, cold without the sun-rays which touch only who always aim higher."

Tanshin frowned, how could she watch the sky, when the earth was freezing? she wondered. "But if I look up, I won't be able to run away. And then... I'll freeze like everything else."

"Don't be distrustful, young girl. Since I could never lie to you. If I ever sin against you, my existence would be terminated, because my soul is chained to yours." the voice continued.

"How can I trust your words?" she asked. "You won't even show your face to me!"

"You have to learn to trust me with your life and I'll trust you with my strength, or else, you'll never be able to achieve your goals and aim to the sky." Then, without warning, a great force smashed her on the floor.

"Aim to the sky, my ass!" she muttered angrily. "What are you doing to me!"

"If you can't learn trust by yourself, you'll just have to learn it the hard way, little girl." was his only answer.

"Show yourself to me! Tell me your name!" she yelled, trying to stand up and finding it impossible. It was like someone was pulling her down, like she had thousand tons on her back.

"It's your fault you can't see me and even if I was to say my name, you wouldn't be able to get it right."

"Ah." she said, on her hands and knees, "so it's one of that long Japanese names." she said nodding and starting to crawling away. "I suck at remembering those."

"Mmm?" he replied, and she just knew, by the only sound of his voice, he was arching an eyebrow at her antics to run away. "It's useless. You can crawl and grovel all you want. You can't run from this. From you."

"You can run from everyplace. If I could run from the 84th district, I can sure run from here."

"Nobody can run away from their mind, girl."

She gasped. "My mind?"

"We're in your inner world, young girl."

"My... inner world? It's... so dark and cold." she noted, panting because of the force which kept her on the floor.

"Tell me, child, did you expect it be in any other way?"

"No, not really." she replied.

"Your world is freezing over. The ice that got under your skin is gradually freezing your soul. If you don't do something now, your soul will be lost forever."

"So... I just have to watch the sky?" she asked.

"It is usually the first step." he replied. "Look up, aim and take off."

"I don't know what the hell you're ranting about... but... I'm sure I can turn over and watch the sky." she said, between her struggings. Indeed, it wasn't an easy task.

"You would never be able to look up, not with that burden on your back. It will always keep you down."

"Well," she began, "then why don't you take it off??!"

"It's not my duty. You're the only one who can lift it." he replied. "This burden represents your guilt, your remorse, your past. If you can't free yourself by it, you'll end up smashed under the weight of it."

"Ah, you talk easy. You can't erase years of suffering like this. It doesn't work this way!" she yelled. "People got hurt everyday, scars mar them beyond recognition, they change but they can't forget their past. The pain won't go away just because we want it to. They endure it until their last day!"

"Then here it is, you're last day. You've gone past the breaking point. You've reached your limit. Your soul is freezing. It's dieing. If you can't stop it now, then you'll succumb. People can't be so in pain without loosing themselves."

She growled. "Never heard about somebody dieing for emotional pain."

"You're a soul. Souls can die." he stated simply. "Are you going to die? Now, after everything you went through? You survived hell, but you can't deal with your own feelings? How pathetic..."

Her throat emitted another growl. "No way!" she panted angrily. "You'll see, you'll see soon, you big oaf. Ah!" She yelled, as the weight on her should increased and she started to loose her strength. "I am so not going to die in my own mind!"

"Well..." he replied calmly. "it's not like you're doing something about it. I've been here. I've seen your decline. You changed. You weren't able to keep your identity. You allowed yourself to drown in misery. Do you really think you deserve to live? You should have died there. Not that girl. Not the owners of the corpses you found in the street everyday. Not the man who took you away from there. But you. Only you."

"It's not my fault, ok??!" she yelled. "It's not my fault! I would have chosen to die than to endure this! I didn't want this. It was not my choice to stay alive! But what could I have done? I couldn't do a damn thing! And so what? I hid and ran and killed and gave up." tears ran freely on her face. "It's not my fault." she sobbed. "I couldn't have fought them. I only did what I could. It was life. The only life I knew. It's not my fault I ended up there."

"Stay strong, child. I'm here."

"And where were you then, when I needed you the most?" she asked, still on her hands and knees. "Where??!" She yelled, punching the ground.

"You didn't summon me. And... you need me the most now."

"Why?"

"You'll find out at the right time, child. Now dry your tears and stand up." Tanshin nodded, before doing as she was said. "Look up, girl, don't be afraid."

Tanshin opened her mouth in awe. She had never seen something so beautiful and graceful and... wow. "It's... what...?" she started, before closing her mouth.

"What? Never seen a flying dragon?"

She grinned. "Never one so beautiful."