Disclaimer: I would never want to deprive the world of the awesomeness of Ryan by keeping him all to myself. Someone like him deserves to be shared!

Ryan Evans

New Years Day 2006

5:42 p.m.

I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if Sharpay was just my sister instead of my twin. Or even what my life would be like if she didn't exist at all. I love her. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want people to look at me, and not just at Sharpay-and-Ryan, the Evans twins.

I play dumb a lot. Most people don't think I'm all that smart, my sister included. It's just easier that way. When I feign ignorance, people are more likely to talk to me, because they think I don't have my sister's vindictive streak.

Oh, I definitely do. But I am willing to nice to my classmates. Sharpay, on the other hand, thinks of them as the "little people." Don't get me wrong, I'm all for self-confidence and all that. But my sister always takes it one step too far.

Playing dumb also allows me to escape blame while executing Sharpay's harebrained schemes. "Sharpay made me do it" is actually an adequate defense when my parents are involved. They'd never actually punish her, but she gets the reproving looks when things go wrong, and I get a pat on the head.

Sharpay definitely knows deep down that I'm just as smart, if not smarter, than she is. But she won't even face the possibility, because it scares her. The second she believes I'm capable of leaving her, she knows I will. Like I said, I love her more than anything. She's my best friend. But unless she allows herself to actually feel things, she's going to go down a very bad road, a road that I don't want for myself.

My sister may think she's the one who knows everything, but I swear there was something between Chad and me last night. He chose to talk to me, out of that big room full of people. And he kept touching my arm as he was making his points (about basketball, of course, but hey, baby steps). It may have been the magic punch doing most of the talking, but I pride myself on the ability to tell when a person is flirting. And he was. I know it. Because what does he do next? He finds the first available girl and gets some action. (Unfortunately, that girl was my sister. But nobody's perfect.) You see, he has no idea that he likes me. It's a denial thing. One of these days it will click in his head, that he can be Mr. Big-Shot Basketball Man and Mr. Ryan's-Boyfriend at the same time. It's possible to walk that line. Just look at Dennis Rodman.

You see, I don't mind waiting around for that. When it happens, it happens. In the meantime, I'm going to go on enjoying my life as best I can. If Sharpay will let me.

"Something on your mind, dear?" Magda murmured as she caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye. She put down the pot she had been scrubbing and looked me over.

Magda can always tell when something's wrong. I don't hang out with her in the kitchen all that often, and when I do, it's usually because I want her advice. She may be the kitchen maid, but she is one wise woman.

I sighed. "Nothing much. Just thinking about my life."

"Ah." She gave me a knowing smile. "You know, you should go out tonight. No use wasting your vacation sitting around here. I'm sure Miss Sharpay will understand."

I sighed again. "But I don't have anybody to out with," I whined.

Magda wiped her brow and continued scrubbing the pot. "How about that cute boy from West?"

"That was nothing. We're over."

"That nice lifeguard at Lava Springs?"

"She went back to Texas at the end of the summer."

Magda was clearly out of suggestions, because she pursed her lips and didn't say anything else.

"See Magda? Sharpay's my only friend." It's really not as pathetic as it sounds. I have friendships. They just don't seem to last very long.

"Come here, dear." Magda wiped her hands on a towel and came over to give me a hug. Sharpay would probably hyperventilate if one of the staff tried to touch her. See what I mean about her and "the little people"? But I don't care. Magda is a great person. It doesn't matter to me what her job is.

She squeezed me until I couldn't breathe and then finally let go. "Now, now. There must be someone. Did you meet anyone at the party last night?"

"Well..." I trailed off, knowing she would take the bait.

"Someone's leaving out important details!" she chided.

"It's not what you think. He's not exactly in a position to be interested in me right now."

Magda's used to these kinds of answers. She thinks I'm always making excuses instead of making things happen. But I'm just not ready to be open with the kids at East. I don't exactly hide it, but I don't confirm any of the rumors, either. I just hold my head up and follow Sharpay, hoping people will leave me alone. Her commanding presence usually does the job for me.

"Ryan!!" Sharpay's voice sounded like it was coming from the dining room. "Where are you?"

"Must be dinnertime," I told Magda.

Just then the butler, Jeffrey, entered our part of the kitchen and announced that it was, in fact, time to eat. He picked up our plates from the chef's part of the kitchen and headed towards the dining room.

"We'll talk more after dinner," I told Magda, and she agreed. I ducked into the other part of the kitchen to tell our chef that it smelled delicious, and followed Jeffrey out to where my sister was waiting.

"What were you doing?" she greeted me accusingly.

I rolled my eyes. "Talking to Magda. Is that a crime?"

Sharpay sniffed and tossed her hair. "I'll never understand your fascination with the help."

"Are you really that stuck-up?" I knew it was a risk to call her on this, but depending on her mood, she'll either take it or come back with a snippy remark.

"I guess Magda is pretty nice," she allowed, and I let out the breath I'd been holding. Apparently she was in a generous mood tonight. After our fight this afternoon I was afraid she'd be grumpy.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked her.

"I was thinking of giving Boi some pink highlights. Want to help?"

That does kind of sound like fun. "Sure."

Looks like I won't be going out tonight after all, even if I could find some friends. I guess I just like my life the way it is for now. I'm not ready for any big changes yet.